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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel fed up of being poor.

540 replies

laptopba · 01/03/2022 18:38

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

OP posts:
Katya213 · 01/03/2022 21:08

@Maverickess

Saving 50 quid might not be good advice, but what’s your solution? Just to say “yeah it’s shit isn’t it, lots of people have no money”

Why can't we just do that sometimes? Why can't we take a break from constantly trying to find a 'solution' and talk about how crap it is?
Because 95% of the time I'm trying to find a solution, I'm accepting extra shifts that knacker me out and see me working 14.5 hours for 4/5 days a week and 8 hours on the other 3/4, I'm always looking to shave a few quid off here and there with everything I need to spend on, I'm always looking for a solution and you know what? On top of a more than ft job and running a house and a dependent on my own, a conversation about how crap it is gives me the chance to offload and feel worth something because someone is listening or reading and replying, which gives me the strength to keep trying.
So shoot me.

I’m with you Maverickess!
Dibbydoos · 01/03/2022 21:08

I was brought up on a council estate. I don't remember going without anything, but you could feel poverty in the air.

I broke out of it via education and a mantra that noone is better than me, we are all equal. And I've done well from that mantra. But i know we are all only a few weeks away from poverty even the very rich.

I know from my childhood, poverty meant no toilet paper, no money for electric or gas - candles and matches were close at hand. and dripping otr tomato ketchup butties. There were no food banks and people did low paid odd jobs cash in hand to get by. Theft was rife. People in and out of prison for petty crimes.

I don't know what poverty means today. We have centrally heated homes, but maybe finding money for utilities is just as hard and getting harder as utility companies continue to make billions in profits for their shareholders.

The whole system keeps people poor. What's needed is a full reform.

Can you create a co-op with others in a similar situ to you and provide shared childcare so each of those in the co op can work longer hours? Are you arty/creative? Can you sell any of your work? Have you looked at being an advocate/leader for weight watchers/ Slimming World etc? Can you offer classes - yoga / pilates etc?

I'm sure others have good ideas too.

As my son tells me, if we focus on the negative, that's all we see and experience. If we think about the positives, soon it's all we know. IE change has to come from you OP. I know that's easy to say and your motivation is probably low, so take a deep breath and have a good think about what you want, what you need, how you get to where you want and qgat you'll do when you get there. Then go build the plan abd just do it. :)

Big hugs and good luck.Smile

Ionlydomassiveones · 01/03/2022 21:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Gonnagetgoing · 01/03/2022 21:12

I’m fairly lucky as was poor as a child but got better as I got older and always had a job when I left school.

It’s harder now as there’s only me on a single wage and in the past I’ve rented out a room to a lodger and may well have to do that now.

For people who are really on the breadline I honestly don’t know what they’ll do. I can imagine some will turn to loan sharks or illegal activities. Years ago my best friend who’d had 2 kids and her first at 18 told me she’d had to make a choice between feeding herself or the kids. Eventually she got into debt and I think did benefit fraud (never actually knew what) but her mum helped her out and she was rehoused miles away near her mum and eventually bought a house through right to buy. The benefit fraud she accused me and another best friend though and it ruined all our friendships…

JeremyBeadlesTinyHand · 01/03/2022 21:12

I completely understand OP. I was poor for years and the constant struggle wore me down.

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned it but are you entitled to a help to save account? The government gives you a bonus for any money you can save. It is a significant amount as well.

I managed to build up a store cupboard of food through offers and bulk buying and found it comforting. At least I knew if the kids were off sick and I couldnt work that I had tins and dry food in to feed us.

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/03/2022 21:14

@EveningOverRooftops - agree re poverty being really time consuming.

Gonnagetgoing · 01/03/2022 21:14

@Ionlydomassiveones

Oh the old chestnut that we don’t work hard enough or didn’t do well enough in school. Clearly all our own fault we haven’t had the benefit of inherited money or a private education. Hmm
@lonlydomassiveones - see the thing about my friend in my post - she met someone recently who encouraged her to go to uni and she did and got a degree. They have a business together. She’s done better than me in that sense! You can do it but need support and grit.
OhWhyNot · 01/03/2022 21:15

I think many seem to lack the understanding that some people will never have the confidence to have a successful career. For others there is too much stacked against them (maybe the have physical or mental health issues or supporting family that’s do. Combine that with having little or no money makes life so much harder

It’s so soul destroying to be so broke all the time that you have to constantly make excuses to others why you can’t do things

worriedatthemoment · 01/03/2022 21:18

@5329871e you realise not all are academic , many good jobs people are still struggling on due to high rents /.high house prices

LetHimHaveIt · 01/03/2022 21:18

'Genuine question to everyone on this thread who feels poor. What are you doing with your kids to make sure they’re not in the same position? Are you teaching them to work hard, doing homework with them, making sure they’re top of the class and aspiring to a good career?'

Well, I'm sure as shit not peddling the myth that wealthy people are wealthy simply because they work harder than poor people: I am careful, though, to tell them that apparent high-fliers can fall to the ground like everyone else. I point out that the bloke at my school who did the least work, and left at 16, now makes a fabulous living as a carpenter - so they shouldn't consider University the be-all and end-all. That mummy, who has two degrees, isn't sure she should have bothered.

And mine do their own damn homework.

San141 · 01/03/2022 21:19

MN at it's best!!!

£50 savings ?? Wow!
Then if your poor your kids aren't educated!!
I work as much as I can, but I'm poor!
I live from month to month, my eldest is a respiratory nurse that saw all the worst covid patients, My next is a qualified trade person, next is a straight a* predicted gcse student and the youngest is a year ahead of his class with reading and writing so how can poor people not help their children?

CayrolBaaaskin · 01/03/2022 21:20

@Ionlydomassiveones - we have an excellent free education in this country. Please don’t tell your kids the only way to get ahead is something they don’t have access to. It’s not true.

liveforsummer · 01/03/2022 21:20

@Bringsexyback

When i was a single mum on benefits i smoked, £12.50 is doable to save for most people
I suspect things have changed since you were on benefits. Tbh I was better off on benefits too. Would I be now? Not sure but it's not an option and I certainly couldn't afford to smoke
Maverickess · 01/03/2022 21:21

Thanks to @Riseholme and @ICouldBeAnyone for the info/links on recipro, what an amazing idea and so good they have online too.
Many Thanks 💐

liveforsummer · 01/03/2022 21:23

[quote CayrolBaaaskin]@Ionlydomassiveones - we have an excellent free education in this country. Please don’t tell your kids the only way to get ahead is something they don’t have access to. It’s not true.[/quote]
I work in a school in one of the most deprived areas of the country. The attainment gap is staggering between rich and poor. The free education is not enough however hard we try. Poverty is cyclical

DoorWasAJar · 01/03/2022 21:24

@Katyrosebug

I used to live in a different country and it was a completely different life. We had to go and buy gas canisters and that basically made sure yoi could use your cooker and also heat your water. Sometimes the gas would run out and I couldn't replace it, I'd alrasdy been having cold showers for a few days before, but when that happens you have to have spare money for food that doesn't involve being cooked in a oven or on a hob, I was too poor to afford a microwave as well, sometimes I had €20 for shopping a week and I'd have to buy a big 1k bag of cornflakes and eat that until I got paid again to buy a bottle of gas
It happens in this country too, when you’re on prepay meter and run out of money. People die in this country in the tens if thousands every year due to cold damp housing.
Cottagepieandpeas · 01/03/2022 21:26

@Yants

I think what annoys me about money and finance is I never seem to get the little (or often not so little) lucky breaks and windfalls that many other people seem to get from time to time... literally every penny I've got and every penny I've ever had has been entirely through earnings.
I really relate to this. I don’t begrudge others having these extras, but I have never really had a penny that I didn’t earn (apart from being on benefits for a time). I earn a reasonable salary now and life is ok, but only month to month and there is little to fall back on. I really hope things will not be like this for my daughter. She is 30 and will inherit my mum’s house when that time comes so that may give her something. (Please don’t tell me I’m being callous. I have little contact with my mum and we don’t have a good relationship, I’m not hoping she dies, but she will because we all do).
Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 01/03/2022 21:27

So sorry you're in this situation. Have you checked that you're receiving all the benefits you're entitled to?
www.gov.uk/benefits-calculators

EvilPea · 01/03/2022 21:27

[quote lollipoprainbow]@cookiemon666 same we have rented for 9 years had a brilliant landlord who never put the rent up now he is selling up. I haven't been served a section 21 yet but I know it's coming, feel constantly like a weight on my shoulders with it all. Rental properties round here are like gold dust I'm so so worried but I try to take a day at a time. [/quote]
I’m so sorry.
It’s so shit renting with kids and trying to shield them from the uncertainty.

Rent rises round me are making me so twitching for our renewal.

liveforsummer · 01/03/2022 21:30

@Mummy3788 yeh I'm the same. Ended up with £13 for my weeks shop on Monday and I only got paid my monthly salary on Thursday. Tbf id budgeted expecting to get the measly £100 pm for 2dc from ex at the weekend but with no notice he's stopped paying indefinitely. I'd have paid £100 less to the over due electric bill if he'd let me know. It's little things like that that make it all so fragile and there's always something.

BoredZelda · 01/03/2022 21:30

People die in this country in the tens if thousands every year due to cold damp housing.

I'd be interested in a source for this.

PiddleOfPuppies · 01/03/2022 21:32

Totally agree with you, OP. There is a relentless cold fear that follows you around when you're poor - 10 years ago, I always could tell you to within 5p how much money I had in my account (or how far into my overdraft I was), how much each bill was that week and how much every ingredient in a meal cost. Any extra expense would throw me into a panic - a school mufti day (3 children, so 3 costumes, 3 tombola prizes, 3 £1 coins...). It never really leaves you, even when circumstances improve.

BoredZelda · 01/03/2022 21:33

Why can't we just do that sometimes? Why can't we take a break from constantly trying to find a 'solution' and talk about how crap it is?

I'm sure it's fine to do that from time to time.

Not sure that's what OP is looking for, but they might come back and clarify. I'd have thought most people posting on here are looking for advice.

BoredZelda · 01/03/2022 21:34

The advice given is always so bloody patronising.

If people start from that premise, nothing will ever change.

Tdcp · 01/03/2022 21:35

Me too. Things aren't as bad as when I was a kid (no food / clothes etc) so I'm thankful for that but with everything rising so much I'm really worried as I can barely get by now. I'm extremely frugal and I don't drink or smoke etc but I still struggle. I worry for those that have it worse than I do.