To feel fed up of being poor.

[laptopba]

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

@BlueSummerBaby

I find it an interesting look into the mindset of some that their immediate reaction to this topic is to immediately judge, patronise and give unsuitable and unsolicited advice to people instead of empathy and compassion.

That's how it looks to you. It's your perception. Its not necessarily how people feel. I'm a "fixer" always have been, I'm proactive if I or a friend have a problem. The compassion and empathy is along the lines of thinking OMG this situation is awful, how can this be fixed, what possible solutions are there and trying to give help and advice (not knowing the person on the internet at all you don't know if they've heard of the basic stuff, so you include that). Putting your thinking cap on and giving up some time to try to offer someone hope. Some ideas might seem unrealistic because the advisor doesn't understand the situation but most people are just trying to help, not judge. It's really not always obvious when people only want to vent.

How else are you supposed to perceive comments like 'Being poor is a mindset' or attitudes like 'If poor people didn't spend all their time moaning about it and were more proactive, and put their energy into improving their situation....'????

That's not thinking omg this situation is awful, I want to help. That's judgement made on preconceived ideas and stereotypes about why people are poor, and then the people who challenge it get called aggressive, ungrateful and over emotional and the judgement is then touted as 'advice'.

You're reacting to the judgement being made of you because you feel it's unfair, well the same applies the other way around.

I personally think some of the responses to some of the advice has been harsh, but, no harsher than some of the comments and 'advice' given by those claiming to want to 'help'. But the most patronising thing is poor people are supposed to be grateful for any 'advice' (thinly disguised judgement in some cases) that they didn't ask for and are in the wrong again if they say the advice won't work, making excuses etc etc.

And as I said in pp, from the thread title onwards, it was obvious that people were venting, but it's been shut down by judgement and now the reaction to that judgement. That's not my perception, that's what has happened.
On a thread that asked was the OP being unreasonable to be fed up with being poor we've had advice that ranges from stop moaning and do something to pointers for places to get or give help and when some of us have pointed out that the thread didn't ask for any advice and have challenged the patronising and judgemental posts, it's all "We're just trying to help" and "Over emotional responses" to justify it. Well it doesn't, and many can see right through it

It's no wonder the OP hasn't been back, they probably feel even worse than when they started the thread.

Like I have already said, poor people don't have to meet a set of conditions, set by self appointed gurus, to feel fed up about it and talk about that and be listened to. If you don't want to listen, then don't.

Who knew that you could be poor the wrong way? Apparently a few of us here are though.

@Maverickess here here

The sheer arrogance of advice givers never ceases to amaze me. You have solved poverty, yay! Go you! Shame that us poor people dont all fit into the template you used to solve poverty isnt it?

@BlueSummerBaby I understand where you are coming from. I'm a problem solver too. I don't like seeing people suffer so I try to help.
I've found most people do want to have moan.
I've offered some of these people mentoring and training in what I do and guess how many took me up on it? Zero.
Maybe I should learn to stay out of it and either listen to them vent or don't listen.
All the suggestions offered in this thread, I'm doubtful one person will try any of it.

@Katya213. You can usually get a food bank voucher through schools, children's centres, the job centre, maybe your doctors and definitely your local vicar. Ours also has a home bank. So cutlery, pans, bedding etc

I had children young, so we started off being poor as we hadn’t made any headway into a career first. I come from a poor background so no family help with finances. Later on I became a single parent so it restricted my working life when they were young. I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my life financially but still don’t earn enough to cover my monthly outgoings income my full time wage alone, I need tax credits still to make up the shortfall. My youngest children are reaching the end point of education and it won’t be long before the tax credits stop and although I’ve been preparing by doing extra training to improve my potential earnings I’m still worried I will be in difficulty once the tax credits stop, especially if the children still need a bit of support as young adults starting out. It is horrible to have to keep worrying about being poor and the less money the less wriggle room to take chances that could improve things.

I wasn't expecting so many replies! And haven't read through everything yet but I
I am grateful for everyone who has posted links and given advice. The thread has created some really interesting points.

I just wanted a bit of a moan really and others to come along and say you know what, I understand, I've been there, its bloody crap. Its not something I talk about to people in real life and I sometimes feel like I'm the only one when I know I'm not. Noone wants to listen to people moaning about money!

Being poor sucks. Will I ever be wealthy and have a well paid job - probably not. But that doesn't mean that I don't work hard or that I haven't done things to change my situation.

I work as much as I physically can, I also have a zero hours job for the weekend when shifts become available. I budget to an inch of my life. I have zero debt - which I have always tried to avoid no matter how little money I've had. My finances are watertight. Every income and expenditure is recorded. Its exhausting being so military with my money but needs must.

Covid resulted in my DH losing his job. I was on a contract which ended as I wasn't needed anymore. Its been the 4th redundancy he's had in 12 years. Another set back yet again We are so used to it now and plough through but it's worn us down mentally and physically. Its relentless. It sucks the joy out of life.

We have both found jobs now and I know things are/ will get better. In 2020, we had zero income bar benefits and the tiny buffer which we save for times like these.

We are richer than then, but in this world, that "rich" still means poor.

to everyone struggling..

I can relate to the constant monitoring being exhausting. I think people are imagining we're all moping about all the time moaning. It's not the case. Usually I'm out having (cheap or free) fun with my girls and enjoying life but it hits you every now and again. For me it's often when I'm walking token the supermarket getting supplies for the weekend with something like £3.84 in the bank, carefully calculating everything then getting to the check out dreading that you've added something wrong or that the ticket price on something isn't right.

@5329871e

Genuine question to everyone on this thread who feels poor. What are you doing with your kids to make sure they’re not in the same position? Are you teaching them to work hard, doing homework with them, making sure they’re top of the class and aspiring to a good career?

You may be trapped in poverty. But in the UK there’s nothing preventing your kids from earning six figures if they make the right choices from an early age and have you to guide them.

My parents were exactly where you are now. And I’m not.

🙄

[quote RantyAunty]@BlueSummerBaby I understand where you are coming from. I'm a problem solver too. I don't like seeing people suffer so I try to help.
I've found most people do want to have moan.
I've offered some of these people mentoring and training in what I do and guess how many took me up on it? Zero.
Maybe I should learn to stay out of it and either listen to them vent or don't listen.
All the suggestions offered in this thread, I'm doubtful one person will try any of it.[/quote]
Your last sentence sums up the attitude of some posters towards poor people, not because you are doubtful one person will try it, but because you've totally discounted that some people are already trying, maybe not advancing very fast, or negotiating through obstacles that have presented themselves, but still trying, every day.

That's what's so patronising.

Well, that and even though you believe that to be true, so would think that no one will try it, you feel the need to say it anyway - to what end? So that you can feel doubly sure that people are only poor because they're not trying hard enough?

I can relate to that, but things do get better, Laptopba. My children are grown up now but I do remember the scraping by every month. It seemed endless. Then we divorced and I struggled for years on my own - never quite making enough to last a month and getting deeper and deeper into debt. However 2 redundancies in 10 years enabled me to clear the debts and get a better paid job each time. I felt the redundancies were disasters at the time but they were like a godsend. Being made to actively search for a better job helped me. I’ve remarried since and we have a 2 income household so I now can afford to save money each month. I know very well that for many people there is no money left over to save.

Aw OP you’ve had some bloody awful bad luck ❤️ I hope things start looking up for you and your DP soon.

I'm sick of it too, OP.

I worked in banking and was due a move to the City which would have meant 10k more per year. Everything was finally going OK. Then split with my partner, then the friend I moved in with ended up being my absolute guardian angel because overnight I went from working full time to being unable to walk /move around. I don't mean weakness in my legs, I mean completely unable to stand, wash myself and go to the bathroom. Was later diagnosed with MS, then a couple months later got told they were wrong and it's a functional neurological disorder.

I had a daughter a few years later, which was great but I'm in constant pain, overweight (hashimotos means it's almost impossible to loose now) and relying on disability benefits to me keep me afloat.

I'm sick of sitting in the house every day, I'm sick of being in pain 24 hours a day. I'm sick of not being able to afford anything, or even get more than an hours sleep.

I'm so sick of it all

@PyongyangKipperbang

The sheer arrogance of advice givers never ceases to amaze me. You have solved poverty, yay! Go you! Shame that us poor people dont all fit into the template you used to solve poverty isnt it?

Imo noone here is shaming anyone poor, what I see are many positive posts. The advice isn't judging but offering options.

As I said before if all you want to do is mean about being poor, feel free. Noones saying thats unreasonable, but at done stage you either accept it or do something. I'd suggest you re read the posts and see if any give you ideas.

I don’t see the responses on here as judgy or patronising. They’re either asking for clarification or offering possible suggestions. People can choose to ignore those suggestions if they don’t need them or don’t agree.

If all the OP wanted was confirmation they’re not BU all it needed was one person to respond with ‘no’ and thread over. Kind of pointless however.

generally most people will always want to offer some semblance of hope and support. Maybe there’s just a difference of opinion over what that means, to some it’s being practical to others it’s sympathizing. Neither are wrong.