To feel fed up of being poor.

[laptopba]

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

@alltheapples

Leave her alone
She wasn’t suggesting £50 a month
She made a suggestion involving 2.50
Yes 2.50 may be too much for some
But it won’t be for all

Someone on bones of their arse may have a 15 year old daughter with an imminent birthday and that link may have really helped

[quote Katya213]@nanbread

I was told I need to go through social services to use a food bank, I’ve never had any involvement with them and wouldn’t want to start. To think I was on £50,000 a year and holidaying in Barbados etc three times a year. It’s a long story but people, never take anything for granted.[/quote]
That's not true, at least at the FB I volunteer at. Yes, we like you to have a referral form from school, GP, SS or wherever, but just walk in and ask and nobody will turn you away, we have discretion and can give you a decent couple of carrier bags full of food, toiletries etc., also there is a school uniform bank there, and lots of advice and help. Remember, the food is donated, the people are volunteers, nobody is going to turn you away. We have had several recent walk ins from exhausted women who work 50+ hours per week and can't make ends meet, you are not alone

@Landedonfeet

Someone on bones of their arse may have a 15 year old daughter with an imminent birthday and that link may have really helped

Thank you.

It's not just teenager clothes either. People have posted about needing clothes for work interview. What's wrong with grey poloneck jumper, peach blazer, beige long skirt with a bow at the waist, black loafers? Interview outfit for £10 plus postage.

I needed a new winter coat last month, paid full price £5.00, when it arrived the label said $165.00 Very happy!

Can go the other way though, I've had things that fall apart from two washes. But there's photos, item reviews and details of fabric to help you decide.

There may be more home owners but only because time has gone (decades) by and they have paid off their homes.

"they will get a fab pension at the end from their full time for life job, oh and no uni debt, or probably car debt, or any type of debt that is now sadly common. "

Pensions have changed, final salary pensions are no longer an option, public sector pension terms have changed. I think it is people over 70 who may have benefited more but only some of them. Many women of that generation paid the married womens stamp and ended up with reduced state pension or were not allowed to work after marriage.

They won't have uni debt as only 5% ever got to uni...

They won't have much debt as it was something to be avoided at all costs by older people and yes there was less to spend on.

I don't need to examine why I do it. I already know. It's a desire to help people. Nothing wrong with that. If people find a desire to help patronising that's on them, I'm not responsible for their warped IMO emotional response.

We have someone like at work and it drives us all batty they they are always coming up with solutions when all we want is a little moan about something. I don't think it's warped at all, it can be so annoying having some Constantly trying to fix things. One my colleagues ended up walking out of the staff room today as they were in pain and the constant (unhelpful) suggestions were infuriating

@LiveintheNow I am in my fifties and like that. Debt frightens me and I avoid it at all costs.

@liveforsummer

I don't need to examine why I do it. I already know. It's a desire to help people. Nothing wrong with that. If people find a desire to help patronising that's on them, I'm not responsible for their warped IMO emotional response.

We have someone like at work and it drives us all batty they they are always coming up with solutions when all we want is a little moan about something. I don't think it's warped at all, it can be so annoying having some Constantly trying to fix things. One my colleagues ended up walking out of the staff room today as they were in pain and the constant (unhelpful) suggestions were infuriating

So just tell people you want to have a moan then. Nobody is psychic. If I know people want to just vent I'll leave them alone. Plenty of people happy to provide a listening ear who aren't fixers. People don't have to be perfect and not everyone needs to be the same. If you don't want solutions and you know someone is a fixer, choose someone else to vent to or if it's a group situation point out you're just venting.

@BlueSummerBaby what do you do when someone's problems cant be fixed?

@BlueSummerBaby the thing is it's generally obvious, like to all of the rest of us in the staff rooM at the the time and as with this thread. Just some people lack the perception to lock up on that.

[quote alltheapples]@BlueSummerBaby what do you do when someone's problems cant be fixed?[/quote]
Like mine, you mean?

If they're a mate I'll give them a hug if they're down and listen, because that's what friends are for. But my friends do know if they come to me they'll get solutions unless they tell me they're only venting or they're crying and obviously not mentally in a place to hear anything. And plenty are glad of my advice/opinions, deliberately choosing to come to me, whether they take the advice or not. Sometimes a fresh perspective is helpful.

If I don't know them well I'll say something sympathetic, offer a solution or two (because when you barely know someone you don't know if their problems are totally unfixable) and if they don't seem interested then I'll move the conversation on. I can't see the point of me listening to someone's tale of woe who I'm not close to, so don't "owe" them my time out of a sense of duty to the friendship and my strengths are in finding solutions. There's others who are better at tea and sympathy.

I have enough problems of my own without wasting my time listening to someone else moan. It's certainly not what I go to work for.

[quote liveforsummer]@BlueSummerBaby the thing is it's generally obvious, like to all of the rest of us in the staff rooM at the the time and as with this thread. Just some people lack the perception to lock up on that. [/quote]
Well if they lack the perception they're not going to suddenly develop it just because you wanted them to! So best to point out to your oblivious colleague that you only want a wee moan.

It's not obvious with this thread because the OP hasn't been back to respond to anyone, I don't think? It's obvious some posters just wanted to vent because they're vilifying anyone who offers an opinion or potential solution that isn't along the lines of "there there, never mind, kiss it better" like a child with a grazed knee.

But just because there's a bit of a bitch fight going on that doesn't mean nobody reading (and perhaps not posting, which includes the OP) doesn't want to hear about things that might help.

@LiveintheNow I am in my fifties and like that. Debt frightens me and I avoid it at all costs.

Same here but unfortunately my ex-H ran up almost £50k debts between when we separated and divorced, then because he was unemployed but I was working, I got saddled with his debts because at the time he accrued the debts we were still 'legally married'.

When I later became unable to work I approached the creditors to attempt to get the debts moved back to him but was told that as soon as is made one payment they became my debts.

I've been paying his debts for the past 25yrs and still owe over £10k. I've never run up a debt myself and am terrified of being in this position well into my dotage or even leaving my DC to pay them after I'm dead.

It's obvious because the clue was in the title. She asked if she was I reasonable to be fed up. She did not at any time ask for advice. Generally (a tip for the future perhaps) people will do so if they wish it.

@liveforsummer

It's obvious because the clue was in the title. She asked if she was I reasonable to be fed up. She did not at any time ask for advice. Generally (a tip for the future perhaps) people will do so if they wish it.

That's your perception of it. My perception of someone being pissed off with their situation is to see if I can help them. Although as the OP hasn't been back, my post was really aimed at anyone in this situation who might be reading and have found it helpful. I can't be arsed to argue with you any more. It's ok for me to be me and it's ok for you to not like that. There's really nothing more to say.

Ok but just know that for many people they find it patronising. The OP knows her situation better than anyone and from what she's said it's been a series of things over a very long time that have contributed her financial situation. Anyone with the slightest bit of savvy will know to use eBay, a sale site, free food apps where possible. It's basic stuff and insulting to think most haven't thought about it. It saves a few £ though it's not going to drag anyone out of years of hardship or debt or help when fuel, electric and rent has basically doubled while their wage stays much the same year after year. Trust me we already know all the small things.

@CayrolBaaaskin

I think is what is so sad about these threads (or one of the things) is the insults to those trying genuinely to help. Some can be patronizing but not all.

The poster didn't ask for help. She asked to be seen and heard, as she feels crap because she’s poor. Pollyanna-ing about how she needs to change isn’t helpful, without at the very least acknowledging her feelings. Going straight to fixing is very infuriating and invalidating for people. My mother does it all the time, and it drives me insane.

The patronising part is assuming one is able to make helpful suggestions without bothering to find out anything about her situation, or having any particular expertise or experience of poverty in general, or her situation in particular. I know people mean well, but its a very fundamental communication problem. And it assumes the poster is quite stupid, as the advice is often very simple, and people in poverty know it already (yes, really, they do!), but there are very real, complex reasons why they cant ‘just’ do it. And even if they could, 100 percent of the population can’t be high earners. Especially when its clear in some cases that the trying to help is coming from a place of privilege when people have no real idea of what people in poverty can be facing. It’s like mansplaining. People aren’t insulting those who are trying to help, they are trying to explain why the very basic advice won’t work for them.

For example, I got widowed, Royally fucked over a financial institution and then covid hit. I’m poor because my husband died (and he made some poor decisions), they made a mistake and wouldn’t put it right, and there was a pandemic. It’s nothing to do with my mindset, education, attitude to budgeting or morals. It wasn’t my fault, and every single day I get up and throw myself at the problem with an amazing amount of fortitude and good attitude. And I’m still poor and it’s still shit. You can simultaneously be positive, proactive, creative, intelligent, hard-working, good at managing money and still be poor. Because even if you do all the right things, only a small percentage of people can be high earners.

Bloody good post @Hellorhighwater and I'm sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss @Hellorhighwater Exactly this.

I’ve been very poor and the only way to get more more money was to get a car and drive to find more work. So I got a cheap credit card and bought a car (£400). But it cost £400 every year in MOT bills, plus £200 in tyres and bits , plus running costs. Plus the added costs of working including childcare and clothes etc. And that debt wasn’t repaid when I needed to buy a new car. I bought a newer better car which was £1,500 but it needed MOT and running costs. So my “ savings” are in effect paying back for debt in times when I was poorer.
If you are properly skint it’s very hard to become better off unless you become a couple and costs go down or you get another radical change in circumstances,

@LiveintheNow

There may be more home owners but only because time has gone (decades) by and they have paid off their homes.

"they will get a fab pension at the end from their full time for life job, oh and no uni debt, or probably car debt, or any type of debt that is now sadly common. "

Pensions have changed, final salary pensions are no longer an option, public sector pension terms have changed. I think it is people over 70 who may have benefited more but only some of them. Many women of that generation paid the married womens stamp and ended up with reduced state pension or were not allowed to work after marriage.

They won't have uni debt as only 5% ever got to uni...

They won't have much debt as it was something to be avoided at all costs by older people and yes there was less to spend on.

You are right. I am over state pension age, and have a reduced state pension as a) there were no NI credits for the years I was looking after children, and b) I paid reduced rate when I was temping on really low wages. My generation also needed more qualifying years for a full state pension. I eventually joined a good pension scheme in the public sector for a few years, but it was far too short a time to build a gold plated income.

DH was self employed, until serious ill health intervened in his 40s. He only managed part time, min wage after that. He worked until his late 60s. He just has a state pension. By my investing in a very modest occupational pension, I have effectively made us ineligible for pension credit and associated benefits. The lump sum I took with my pension has almost gone. Maintenance on the roof was £1k last year.

We downsized before retirement, after we knew DH’s earnings were never going to get better. Contrary to the belief that all baby boomers have it all, our DC, and many of their cousins and friends who are Gen X are far better off than their parents.

You can simultaneously be positive, proactive, creative, intelligent, hard-working, good at managing money and still be poor. Because even if you do all the right things, only a small percentage of people can be high earners.

I totally agree with this, extremely well put.

Thank you for your clarity @Hellorhighwater

You can simultaneously be positive, proactive, creative, intelligent, hard-working, good at managing money and still be poor. Because even if you do all the right things, only a small percentage of people can be high earners

Absolutely agree

MN has never really represented the population

And the cost of living is increasing my wage isn’t and neither are many other peoples wages

Mn definitely doesn't represent the population.

Very good comment. There are families living in the UK presently who are relying on torchlight because they can't afford to turn the lights on! They are cold and hungry because they can't afford to live. This is NOW. Who could have foreseen this situation? I certainly didn't! I am poor and at 67 can't change my life around. I have had it. Quite frankly I'm glad. We're a shit species and have destroyed the planet. Now we have another war, with threats it could go nuclear. This is beyond belief. I can't see it getting better, and we in the UK with all our patter are watching people already starve. The Tories have destroyed any assistance or benefits.... well done Daily Mail! I am sick, sick, sick of it. People fed the same lies and believing them again and again. Hopeless

I'm over seventy and have had plenty of debt in my time :-). I always paid full NI at work so have a reasonable pension, life got easier as I aged. It's terribly hard for so many now and the Benefits system is crap. That is so wrong, we pay for it with our taxes so that those less fortunate can have a reasonable standard of living, yet there are some who are messed about and desperate.

From the relatively short time I have been on Mumsnet, I think there is a fair cross section of society here.