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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel fed up of being poor.

540 replies

laptopba · 01/03/2022 18:38

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

OP posts:
Davros · 02/03/2022 21:10

I don't know if this has been mentioned:
www.libraryofthings.co.uk
It's shit, I feel bad for people unable to see a way out

alltheapples · 02/03/2022 21:14

@Rosebell75

I don’t agree it’s the main reason at all but I can see how these threads might feed into that belief.

Any potential idea or suggestion is promptly thrown back at posters. Any positive example of how people have managed to change their situation is shut down. Anyone who has achieved anything at all in life has only done so by having it handed to them on a plate or born with a silver spoon.

For the vast majority of people that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I come from a very poor background. Life is better for me now but I know how hard it is to get out of that when there is no one who can help you with basic things like interview clothes or travel to interviews. I got out partly due to a loan from my trade union for a course fee. My mum read to me every night and cared about my homework, but you do need some hard cash as well.
tyoy · 02/03/2022 21:18

People really underestimate the benefits of family support & a stable background.

Yes people can do well despite their circumstances but for most hard work etc only gets you so far. Im selling my London flat, it's the 3rd one to sell this past yr. All 3 have been bought by parents for their twenty something dc. We are talking 700k plus properties, a good job can't really make up that ground for you.

tyoy · 02/03/2022 21:19

For the vast majority of people that couldn’t be further from the truth

But all the evidence say social mobility is declining so why do you think it isnt?

Sassoon · 02/03/2022 21:21

Jesus there are some grim responses here - work harder, save more, well I have problems too - ignore them OP. Some people just don't think that by the grace of God they could be in the same position.

tyoy · 02/03/2022 21:22

Like other posters the housing market is responsible for so many ills. It's not a good thing to have so much money tied up in housing but can't see it improving.

disneylover367 · 02/03/2022 21:23

@DoorWasAJar Anyone over 23 should get the living wage im sure?

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/03/2022 21:24

@CarolinaStabril

I find your suggestion that a mindset can overcome severe lifelong disabilities highly offensive.

Maverickess · 02/03/2022 21:25

@CarolinaStabril

But you’re not looking at the bigger picture are you? Your boss pays you nmw because that’s wage of the job you’re doing. Surety you made that decision to get that job?
Yes, as work experience for nursing.

For a degree I couldn't actually do because I had to step out halfway through the access course due to ill health and racked up some debt with said illness. Couldn't justify going back to college and onto university with bailiffs at the door.
I had to, what's the phrase? Ah yes work hard to dig myself out.
I chose to do vocational qualifications whilst earning/paying debts off (for things like utilities and council tax, not fags, booze and catalogues btw) I have stumbled a few times through not having funding, and through covid the training stopped all together.
I have a plan, it doesn't involve nursing any more.

And that's before you think about how it can be acceptable for someone to take thousands in fees and tax payers money every week, and use it to make themselves rich rather than spend it on the thing that they are being paid for.

Society relies on my job, we don't need to be telling people to get out, we need to be encouraging people in.

Plzstopthisstupidity · 02/03/2022 21:28

I’m in the same position as you with my sweet little ones but hearing it from someone else just made me want to cry.

Life is unfair.

tyoy · 02/03/2022 21:29

@CarolinaStabril Have you seen what has happened to wages over the last few decades?

I'm not sure how practical it is for everyone to earn 6 figures.

Lambkin689 · 02/03/2022 21:36

I do think there is a serious problem in this country with people studying subjects that don't lead to well-paid jobs. There's a reason so many of our software engineers are from Eastern Europe.

WombatChocolate · 02/03/2022 21:39

There is never a quick fix if you’re in poverty.

There are hard slog things you can do to improve your chances of creeping out, but they take hard work, often years of sacrifice and usually set-backs along the way. Most people cannot face this ir can’t face it over a long period, so remain in poverty.

One of the things that strikes me, is how when you’re poor and you get just a bit of good luck, like a gift from a family member of money, or some kind of help from elsewhere, because if the grinding day-to-day nature of poverty, people want to treat themselves. It’s totally understandable. And the money is gone. The harder approach which actually boosts the chances of creeping out of poverty is to save that money. Bloody hard if you’ve been scrimping for months on end and have that sense that surely you deserve a treat.

The difficulty is to build up that but if a buffer that’s big enough to be able to take a hit due to need for new schools uniforms, or new washing machine ir whatever, without being back to zero again. Most peop,e on low incomes lives hand to mouth and massively struggle to build that buffer and to keep it. It’s what makes the difference.

Some people are bloody determined though. Despite hideous circumstances they take on another 20 hours work and save every penny. They genuinely never have a takeaway, or any leisure spending. Many think their lives are totally miserable and not worth living, but they are determined and can see their bank balance creeping up by tiny amounts. Sometimes there are set backs and a crisis happens a no the savings mostly vanish, but they don’t become hopeless and keep going.

It’s almost impossible if someone has mental health issues, physical disability, addiction or other issues which make working or budgeting effectively difficult. Some people live lives that are subject to huge crises too….relationship breakdowns, job losses on a frequent basis, many dependents who are unreliable or a big drain for whatever reason, family members who are financial nightmares and run up debt. These things prevent stability and make getting out of debt very very difficult.

The grinding nature of it is exhausting and I understand why people living like this, spend any money that comes their way to have a chance to feel they are able to enjoy the ‘normal’ things of life and to have some pleasure.

tyoy · 02/03/2022 21:42

I agree

BuddhaForMary · 02/03/2022 21:44

@CarolinaStabril

But you’re not looking at the bigger picture are you? Your boss pays you nmw because that’s wage of the job you’re doing. Surety you made that decision to get that job?
Or because they lost their better paid job and had to take what was on offer? Which is what the DWP are expecting of new claimants now.

Or because that was the only job available and they needed to pay the bills and feed their family, only to find the wages barely cover either of those things.

Your comments are bordering on offensive.

fetchacloth · 02/03/2022 21:53

[quote EatSleepReplete]@OneRingToRuleThemAll I can't even think of a response for that.[/quote]
Nor me. Words fail Confused

Lineofconcepcion · 02/03/2022 21:57

Please don't vote Tory again, it really was better under Labour . . .

alltheapples · 02/03/2022 21:57

Yeah stupid me not choosing to do a job with six-figure salary.

Libraryghost · 02/03/2022 22:03

This might just be me but the wealthiest people I know didn’t go to university. I know some bricklayers and plumbers etc that are living a more affluent lifestyle than say a teacher or a nurse. I know plenty of graduates that are struggling especially those who have got the ten a penny degrees like business studies. Having a good education is a must for so many reasons but please don’t think it guarantees you a great salary, far from it.

venusmay · 02/03/2022 22:04

I know a lot of people that have so called 'good jobs' who are struggling at the moment so it's not a guarantee for financial stability. We just about manage, no savings but just making ends meet.

Many people are worried about the hike in costs, many more will probably lose jobs on homes because no one factored in the 50% rise in energy bills and sky rocketing petrol costs. Food is sure to go up. It's hard but you're not alone op.

cuno · 02/03/2022 22:08

@Libraryghost

This might just be me but the wealthiest people I know didn’t go to university. I know some bricklayers and plumbers etc that are living a more affluent lifestyle than say a teacher or a nurse. I know plenty of graduates that are struggling especially those who have got the ten a penny degrees like business studies. Having a good education is a must for so many reasons but please don’t think it guarantees you a great salary, far from it.
Yeah, same here. Of course I know successful people with degrees, and people struggling without them. But university isn't everything, and now we have far too many people with university education and not enough jobs for people with degrees. I have friends working for minimum wage with degrees.
EveningOverRooftops · 02/03/2022 22:17

@CarolinaStabril

Obviously people are allowed to disagree and have different opinions, but this is my opinion based on my own experience and those around me 😊
So anecdotal and not worth much opinion wise especially against the countless studies that show poverty is caused more often by external factors - low wages, high rents, high energy costs, disability and mental health issues - than someone’s choice or ‘mindset’

Good job Hmm

Scaredofburnout · 02/03/2022 22:18

@HonestwithHope1

Oh do shove a sock in it

You would be the first to fecking moan if i didn't work in the area I work in!!!!!! If i didn't work in my area. We would be like the purge.

OH and another f thing.

I have an NHS degree. Turns out. No one wants to hire band 5s AHP SPECIFICALLY BAND 5S! 2 years of unemployment and now my registration has lapsed. My uni tutor, every interview I attended with clinical lead. They all said similar

Tough competition
You were in the top 2/3
If it were up to me I'd hire all ten of you that applied
I've been doing this job 25 years, I've never had as many applicants as this post

And my classic fav from my old tutor who gave me a reference for current job.

I'm not surprised, we can't even get students on placement, it's become that difficult in trusts.

So kindly. Go run and jump.

If you work. You should be able to afford a good lifestyle (everything I previously said). Hell even on benefits you should be able to afford the basics of life.

If nearly 2 generations (my grandparents and aunties/uncles) could definitely achieve a good high quality of living, up north, unskilled as well!. Then why the ever loving hell can't the vast majority of under 50s... And 99% of under 30s.

People like you really piss me off. No i don't give a s... about going into IT or finance or whatever other bollocks you think are deserving of being paid actual money.

That's very unusual, NHS trusts are crying out for staff. Which specialty of AHP are you in if you don't mind me asking?
TmFid · 02/03/2022 22:33

@BatmanCat

Welcome to 1984. Where everyone has nothing.

What I don't understand is why people aren't kicking off and protesting about this to the government? Scotland, wales and Northern Ireland have helped their citizens with fuel costs £200 that doesn't need to be repaid and more for those in poverty.

Us in England get jack shit. It's time for things to change.

Exactly this!
SquirrelG · 02/03/2022 22:37

But you’re not looking at the bigger picture are you? Your boss pays you nmw because that’s wage of the job you’re doing. Surety you made that decision to get that job?

What planet are you living on? Some people have no choice in what job they take, it simply comes down to them having to have a job, any job. I am constantly applying for jobs, but get nowhere (I'm 62) - I would take on any job offered to me just to be earning. Also, as I have already mentioned on this thread, SOMEONE has to do the low paid jobs or people like you would be complaining if they weren't done. As long as it's not you, eh?