To feel fed up of being poor.

[laptopba]

Just that really. Feeling rubbish about how my life has turned out in relation to finances. Its bloody shit.

I grew up in what was known as one of the poorest boroughs in London in the 80s. However, due to my dad's hard graft and intelligence, we had money. My dad was an orphan who worked from the age of 12 (washing dishes in restaurants), saved and worked his way up until he started his own little business. This grew and grew, he got very lucky. His businesses were doing well and he bought properties (that are now providing my parents an income without having to do much) which meant we grew up not wanting for anything. Most of our school friends didn't have the same luck and we did stand out as a result. I did feel very lucky as a child as I could see how our lives could have been.

I met my husband at the age of 16 in college. My husband wasn't as lucky; they grew up struggling as his dad had poor health and was unable to work and his mum was a SAHM to seven children. She also took care of her MIL and FIL who lived with them. They all lived in a small 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. We lived in a large 6 bedroom, three bathroom home (I have 4 sisters).

When we were young, I think my husband was in awe of the comforts my father's money had bought us. He used to tell me how different his life and upbringing was to mine and how lucky I was. He took me to McDonald's on our early dates but I could tell even then sometimes he'd struggle to pay. I made jokes and found excuses to pay whenever I could. He got a part time job when we started uni (mobile phone shop, commission based) and he started saving hard. He was very nervous about how my family would view him and his. Before our families started to communicate for our marriage (we're British born Asians), my husband and his family worked hard to improve the way their house looked as they were embarrassed for my family to see it. I felt awful for him and them and no matter what I said about not worrying about that, they carried on. Even taking out a loan for a new kitchen in their council property. After marriage my dad offered us money for a deposit to buy a house instead of renting our flat. My husband refused.

Anyway, my husband has always been determined to work hard to give me a similar lifestyle to the one I grew up with and for him to experience it himself. He got a degree but struggled to find work relating to it. Eventually, he applied to companies offering to work for free and ended up in a top construction company where they hired him within a week.

I watched my husband push himself and push himself. After having our first child and coming to a stumbling block in terms of progression, he decided to complete the ACCA qualification. He took evening classes and stayed up all night revising before each exam. It took 3 years but he did it and it allowed him to take on higher paying roles, buy us a nice home, nice cars, have more children, etc. I had been working PT since having our first child so he shouldered most of the financial responsibilities throughout our marriage.

18 years later, he is still with the same company and earning a six figure salary. I am so proud of how accomplished and happy he is and how far he has come. We enjoy a comfortable lifestyle and don't have to worry about money. All because of his hard work and determination.

Don't give up. I was shocked after leaving my parents home on how hard (and expensive) life is and many times, struggled with my husband to make ends meet. It was depressing. Education, hard work and determination was what took my husband out of it. You can do it too.xx

@CarolinaStabril

But some people just don’t want to better themselves either

Main reason for being poor is mindset not circumstance.

I must tell my daughter, who was left permanently disabled and living on benefits in her early 20's that it's just her mindset and her inability to better herself that keeps her so far below the poverty line, not this government's fucking obscene treatment of people who genuinely need support.

If only she hadn't been remiss enough to have her life and body destroyed in an horrific accident, she too could be living the kind of life you appear to be enjoying.

I would love you to spend a month living with her disability and pain and see how your mindset about bettering yourself is then 🙄

@5329871e

I 100% agree with parents in poverty trying to push their kids out of poverty but this isn’t the thread for it.

OP is obviously struggling and fed up. Being poor is bloody shit. Living in the cold, paying a premium for using the corner shop as you can’t afford to run a car to Aldi/Lidl because it’s an hour walk from the nearest bus stop (not quite sure what Ops situation is but I’m sure she’s just needing a rant from holding up appearances to her kids/friends/society).

There is a race to the bottom in this country, as a kid saying ‘you can call my mum if you want to but she says that history is pointless’. — I’ve worked in education and it’s a fighting against the tide—.

I grew up in absolute poverty, my parents married young, mum stayed at home and after the divorce she was left with a huge mortgage that she couldn’t afford to move. She had zero qualifications (left school at 15), had no work experience and no transferable skills. Living on tinned microwaved food as the oven was too expensive, sleeping with our clothes in our bed to get changed under the duvet as the house was always cold and Xmas presents were essentials/things for extra curricular activities.

If we ever wanted anything we’d be told ‘when you’re older and get a good job you can buy/do…’ from the age of 5 I knew I was going to uni. We weren’t allowed to talk in our ‘local’ accent. My mum saw on the tele that reciting poetry down the stairs helped elocution/public speaking skills/memory. We were forced to watch countdown after school. At 16 each of us was given the yellow pages to call businesses for work experience.

It gave my mum strength that we’d never be in the same situation and all of us have fairly good jobs, the fridge is full, heating on and our kids have the world on their plate. But none of us will forget poverty and we should thank our mum for always driving us.

Very rarely do people get themselves ‘out of poverty’, JK Rowling was a single mum but she had a privileged upbringing, people being down on their luck isn’t the same as being in permanent poverty. And it’s bloody shit, horrible and very rarely does someone send down a ladder that leads to a route to a 40k position.

Being poor is so terribly expensive.
My kids are just beginning to understand we are poor. It hurts.
They’ve never had a birthday party, it’s all they want. Was served a section 21 from landlord and had to move before xmas, so cannot afford a birthday party 😔
Feel like such a failure for them, if only their birthdays had been a bit later, I’d have another pay packet to fund it.
Damn landlord.

TheartJKRowling

Don’t take things so personally, I’m just adding my opinion based on my own experience. Clearly that’s not the case for you and your family which is why yo7 seem quite defensive and angry.

[quote HonestwithHope1]@RantyAunty

Sure thing you foul NIMBY. Go cry when there's mass quitting of every profession you look down on, cause we won't be there to save your health or prevent any crime happening to you. But hey! We will all be rich financd workers right.[/quote]
Interesting that the only one looking down on anyone is you.
I haven't said an unkind word about anyone doing it hard.

You know zero about where I came from or the challenges I've faced to get where I am. None.

@Bambooshampoo dd2 has never had a birthday party either. Dd1 has but had to chose between a party or a present. I could afford that when on benefits Not had that options with dd2 because a party would be more than was available to spend now I'm working. They did have decent Xmas this year because a I got a covid isolation grant plus a winter fuel payment just in time when I thought they had nothing. I know I should have saved it but I treated them instead and don't regret it.

@Maverickess best wishes for your DDs interviews. What career is she looking at to get into?

@NazMedusa I appreciate your inspiring story about your father and your husband.

@Dibbydoos

So having caught back up on this post 8 pages since I first dipped in, it seems everyone who is poor just really wants to moan. So moan away.

As I said originally, the system is designed to keep people poor.

Opportunity if you're not from a privileged background or born into money is so much harder to find. But at some stage, you either accept you're poor or do something about it. It's not about working harder; it's about boxing clever. Everyone who has posted on here explaining how they got out, boxed clever. Qualifications can help to open more doors, but so can good ideas. The reality is, unless you have privilege or money, it is down to you to open doors.

Managerially, one of my preferred roles is a Belbin Shaper. I've used this many times to move people up organisations, i recently helped a member of my team move from an average salary to almost double that salary through promotion. It was a real fight but she got there cos she us amazing and tenatious.
Find a Shaper you know who can help you build your self esteemed and help you see your talents so you can build on them.

Please carry on moaning as much as you like. As I said at some stage you either accept your situ or you break out of it. It's your choice.

And for anyone who says there are loads who bust their guts all their lives and never break out of poverty. I agree there are. But it's not because those advising different approaches are wrong, it's cos they didn't get opportunity at the right time. IMO, that is the missing ingredient. Don't be like them, use your determination to find the right opportunity for you when you are ready.

Good luck to you all

Seriously, you should be ashamed of yourself. From everyone posting on here facing daily financial worries, just Fuck Off

Please download the app Olio.

Local 'food waste heroes' sign up with supermarkets etc and have different weekly slots. They collect their best before food that hasn't sold and list it on the app, usually from around 9.30pm. You then request items, making sure that you give a time you can go and collect. Around here it's mainly Tesco. The amount of food that would be thrown in the bin is absolutely shocking.

There is nothing wrong with best before food and almost everything is freezable. I know it sounds a small thing but it could make a difference; I've not had to buy bread for over three weeks and have lots in the freezer too as I've been given extra by some FWH's where they've had some left. Bread/pastries/bakery are the main items available (SO much bread) but I've also collected stew packs, cauliflowers, cabbages, noodles, salads etc. I've also been able to collect for a family member who is incapacitated at the moment so unable to get out and it's been a massive help to them.

It does depend what's in your area and where the FWH's are. We have 2 within a 10 min walk, a couple within a 5 min drive and a few slightly further but worth going for a good haul.

There is also a non food section where people can list things for collection. I've donated things like body moisturiser, new colouring books, new make up brushes etc. People also list furniture. Someone near me today was giving away 2 sofas that were in really good condition!

@CarolinaStabril

Obviously people are allowed to disagree and have different opinions, but this is my opinion based on my own experience and those around me 😊

They will, because it is utterly wrong, and shows very limited understanding of poverty as an individual experience or a societal problem.

Over the last ten years I have been comfortable, poor, virtually destitute, on a low income, comfortable again, wealthy and now poor again. It won’t last, but it’s HARD.

And I’m exactly the same person, with the same degrees, experience, side hustles, mindset and drive. It was just circumstances changing. I didn’t even start out poor, and have been able bodied throughout, and I didn’t manage my money badly.

Poverty requires more creativity, drive, energy and grit, and is harder work that being wealthy ever was, and I’m speaking from direct experience of both. You can work really hard and not make it out of poverty. Only fifty percent of people can be better off than average, even if 100 percent of people work hard and have the right mindset etc etc - its basic maths.

In any sphere, there is a finite amount of money to go around. If you have more than average, someone else has less. Wealth is only possible if there is poverty, therefore it is literally not possible for everyone to work their way out of poverty, even if is theoretically equally possible for all individuals to do so (it isn’t, but if it were, the argument still stands). It is in the interests of the wealthy to present the poor as undeserving, because otherwise wealth is morally indefensible. I am not judging anyone with wealth, but it should be acknowledged that wealth is not automatically a result of hard work and mindset, it is mostly luck. Plenty of people work hard and remain poor. A comparative few work hard and get wealthy (And very few don’t work hard and get wealthy. Almost as few don’t work and stay poor). Correlation does not equal causation. Hard work and education do not automatically equal wealth, and poverty does not equal laziness or lack of motivation. No one wants to be poor, and to imply that it is a moral failing is patronising and naive.

And I'm aware Olio won't pay the mortgage. But when someone only has £10 left to buy food until payday, it can make a massive difference.

And no OP, You are not being unreasonable. Being poor is shit. Really shit. Even if it’s not for ever.

And maybe you can Polly-Anna-positive-attitude-and-hard-graft your way your out of it, and maybe you can’t. Either way, you are allowed to moan about it being shit. You can do both simultaneously, you know. I’m down about it, and I am most definitely busting my ass to get out of my rut.

If you are wealthy, you can pay if forward and not judge. People are deserving of food and warmth and some small unnecessary luxuries even if they ARE lazy, unwashed, undeserving twats. Most people aren’t, of course, but even if they are. They wealthy need to let go of the idea that only perfect poor people are deserving of charity. It’s unfair for society to shaft someone and them complain they aren’t whiter than white. Accept that you have have more than your share, and give some away to someone who has less. Not all your wealth, but some. And do it because they need it, not because it meets your conditions of feeling good about it. If your charity has conditions attached, it’s not charity. It’s not for the benefit of others, but for yourself. If you require the recipient to earn your donation through your approval criteria, it’s not charity, it’s employment.

Well said Jewel52 - Dibbydoos box clever and piss off! I think there would be more comments on that post if it weren't for the ignorant musings of CarolinaStabril. Carolina, Mrs Thatcher would be proud! You are the latter day champion for her poverty is a personality defect POV. Maybe also consider boxing clever and pissing off!

I think I read that first direct are doing their £150 cash for opening an account again. Might help someone out. I don’t think you have to switch, either, but you do have to pass a basic credit check and deposit £1000 in the first three months (you can take it straight out again. Not sure if it needs to be all in one go, though. Check out MSE)

@Hellorhighwater

I think I read that first direct are doing their £150 cash for opening an account again. Might help someone out. I don’t think you have to switch, either, but you do have to pass a basic credit check and deposit £1000 in the first three months (you can take it straight out again. Not sure if it needs to be all in one go, though. Check out MSE)

Thank you so much, I just looked into this now. It does require a switch but me and my partner are going to switch a current account each that we don't really use and that's £300 in the family pot.

It’s hard to understand being poor if you’ve not experienced it. I’ve been there, and didn’t like it. Living on the dole, in crap rented housing, with two small children, hundreds of miles from any family support was hard. Almost half a century on I can still remember washing out my small daughter’s only dress in the hope it would dry by morning. Scraping together coins for the laundrette to wash bedding.

We were fortunate, we were healthy, as were our children, so we could work, and eventually things got better. We’ve never been well off, but we hung on to our home during the 80s when mortgage rates were through the roof. We saw other hardworking families lose theirs.

Housing, as others have said, has become seriously unaffordable in so many places, it’s probably the biggest barrier to digging oneself out. The other big change over the years is the constant growth in single person and single parent households. Unless one is capable of earning a good salary, it’s almost impossible nowadays to support a family on one income. Its time some serious action was taken against NR parents whose refusal to support the children they created often means poverty.

It does depend what's in your area and where the FWH's are. We have 2 within a 10 min walk, a couple within a 5 min drive and a few slightly further but worth going for a good haul.

Yes very much area dependant. For me despite being in a city I'm not going to get dc out of bed for an hour round trip (or 20 minutes in the for those that have one but I'd question it being worth the petrol at current prices ) for a loaf of bread and couple of bags of wilted salad, or some pre packed sandwiches that all need eaten ASAP

For me despite being in a city I'm not going to get dc out of bed for an hour round trip (or 20 minutes in the for those that have one but I'd question it being worth the petrol at current prices ) for a loaf of bread and couple of bags of wilted salad, or some pre packed sandwiches that all need eaten ASAP
Yes, I deleted the app because it was only coming up with things like bread and salad and not very local either. I don't think those are worth the petrol tbh. I only like raw salad fresh, I will cook with rocket, mustard, nasturtiums from my garden to use it up but it's not worth driving for salad for that.

I never really know what to say to poor people, as I have always done alright, I was brought up in a council home, my family did nothing, absolutely nothing, my father altho he worked in whitehall with a good civil service salary was a tight arse who raided skips for furniture, there was no holidays, I have never been to a hair dressers etc and wasnt sent to school.

on the plus side he has getting on for 200k in savings at the age of 84.

I have signed on most of my life, only had one job but I only felt poor when I was with my ex, he wasnt poor he got 28k a year he was a tight arsed controlling bastard who gave me £26 a week to feed and clothe me and my son, while he pissed the rest of it away treating himself to maccy Ds every day and expensive clothing from M&S etc.

I am on benefits again now single mum and I am doing alright, but again I dont do anything and having been raised not doing anything I dont miss anything really, I cut my sons hair myself, he's never been on a holiday, we dont eat out except a bag of chips on fridays.

But I dont expect to ever do anything, as stated I never went to school and doing car mechanics and PC engineering at college did diddly squat for getting a job, couldnt even get a job stacking shelves in sainsbury's, I find all this work hard crap others are saying very odd, how can you work hard if no one will give you a job, sneers at volunteer work on your CV saying its not a real job and doesnt give a crap about what college courses you've done, because theres always someone round the corner with job experience willing to work any hours 24/7 with no restrictions etc.

@VelvetChairGirl

I never really know what to say to poor people, as I have always done alright, I was brought up in a council home, my family did nothing, absolutely nothing, my father altho he worked in whitehall with a good civil service salary was a tight arse who raided skips for furniture, there was no holidays, I have never been to a hair dressers etc and wasnt sent to school.

on the plus side he has getting on for 200k in savings at the age of 84.

I have signed on most of my life, only had one job but I only felt poor when I was with my ex, he wasnt poor he got 28k a year he was a tight arsed controlling bastard who gave me £26 a week to feed and clothe me and my son, while he pissed the rest of it away treating himself to maccy Ds every day and expensive clothing from M&S etc.

I am on benefits again now single mum and I am doing alright, but again I dont do anything and having been raised not doing anything I dont miss anything really, I cut my sons hair myself, he's never been on a holiday, we dont eat out except a bag of chips on fridays.

But I dont expect to ever do anything, as stated I never went to school and doing car mechanics and PC engineering at college did diddly squat for getting a job, couldnt even get a job stacking shelves in sainsbury's, I find all this work hard crap others are saying very odd, how can you work hard if no one will give you a job, sneers at volunteer work on your CV saying its not a real job and doesnt give a crap about what college courses you've done, because theres always someone round the corner with job experience willing to work any hours 24/7 with no restrictions etc.

I really felt for you reading this and I just wanted to ask if you'd thought about alternative ways of making money like going self employed?

If you're ok with dogs there's an app called rover where you can literally sign up tomorrow and look after other people's pets for cash. My sister in law is doing it right now and she's getting £600 to watch someone's two bulldogs whilst they go on holiday.

With Amazon it's so easy to sign up and become a driver now too.

These are all things I'd do tomorrow if I found myself desperately in need of a job plus it'll be great for your confidence and your own earning power.

Life is about to get really hard for everyone, make sure you can keep food on the table and the lights on x

@dottydodah

It makes me laugh as so many times we get why didnt so and so work harder in School? Well guess what a lot of people did! Nurses and Teachers are both needing a degree now .However pay, esp in big cities is not excessive and many teachers still struggle .The Guardian article "Homeless Teachers" highlights their plight . The right wing media seems intent on pushing "The American /English "dream on us .The reality is many people can hit hard times or be a JAM ,the cost of living gets hiked up month after month and suddenly are in difficult circumstances .I have been trying to save 50 pounds per month but often dip into it !

I seriously hate this conservative ideology too, society needs teachers, nurses, cleaners, drivers, etc otherwise it can't function and they all deserve to be able to live on what they're paid too.

Nurses and teachers particularly, it's criminal how much they are underpaid. Especially seeing how crucial these jobs are to us and how highly skilled they are.

I get paid well for what I do and honestly I don't deserve to be paid more than a nurses or teacher, my job only serves to make rich people richer.

It's a very sad country we live in now, a full revolution is needed

@5329871e

Genuine question to everyone on this thread who feels poor. What are you doing with your kids to make sure they’re not in the same position? Are you teaching them to work hard, doing homework with them, making sure they’re top of the class and aspiring to a good career?

You may be trapped in poverty. But in the UK there’s nothing preventing your kids from earning six figures if they make the right choices from an early age and have you to guide them.

My parents were exactly where you are now. And I’m not.

Bully for you! I’d argue there are multiple barriers in the UK preventing those born in poverty from escaping it e.g. bad schools in poor areas, need to work at a young age to contribute to household incomes impacting schoolwork, lack of family role models etc. For every person like you, there’s probably 1000 who didn’t get out. No offence but you are sounding horribly smug.

I am very financially comfortable
I am under no illusions whatsoever.
It’s because

My father was very successful and wealthy
I had a superb private education
Got a well paid professional job
Married a very successful man
Divorced him
Now have a well paid part time job and receive a very large monthly maintenance

It’s not down to me being particularly hard working
It’s down to being born with a silver spoon in my mouth
Leveraging that fact
And marrying a wealthy man