Children told about war in Russia in school

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd is a sensitive soul in year 3 and today their class was told that people in Ukraine are having to leave their country with their pets for fear of being shot by Russians (this is the gist of what dd says). We haven't spoken about this at home.

AIBU to think the school shouldn't be talking to such young children about this?

Of course schools should discuss it. That way their questions are answered in an age appropriate way.

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

Better the teachers speak to her about it than she's left to the mercy of playground gossip. Better yet would be that you'd spoken to her.

Yes! Other children will be talking about it so they need a safe space where find out the truth and can ask questions rather than misinformation

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

Often much better than adults. Hiding things from children doesn’t help them grow into well adjusted adults.

I'm not normally one of those who goes on about how much worse other people have it but... To be in the position of worrying about your child hearing about a war should make you stop and think about what a privileged position we are in. It certainly has me.

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

You don’t have a choice to keep her completely in the dark though. Children are talking about this. That’s why school are stepping in - because you haven’t done it. We can’t shy away from these conversations. At least school tackling it means she’s hearing something from a source she probably trusts. Not just playground talk of red buttons and the end of the world! You either trust the school to do what you haven’t - and not complain that they’re doing your job for you - or you step up and have a very personalised conversation with your daughter. Surely you do the latter?

Yabu

You should have spoken to your child already about this. It’s poor parenting not to, I think. Keep it simple and factual.

I think it is fine if done in an age appropriate way but I wish school would inform us beforehand so we can reassure and be on the lookout for signs of anxiety or distress. My 5 year old came home today and said her ears hurt. I asked her a few questions and whether she had a good day at school. She said not really, the teacher was telling them about a war and it made her ears hurt. We had already mentioned that there was fighting going on in a country far away from ours as she had seen a bit on the news.

how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

They ask the adults they trust questions as your DD has done with you.

If they're not told about it in a managed way by their teachers and parents, you can bet they'll find out about it in an unmanaged way in the playground, and that's a hell of a lot more frightening.

Source: learned about the Chernobyl disaster at age 9 through playground gossip and was terrified of nuclear disaster for years.

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

How do you feel a child grows up to be an adult if they are prevented from learning about the world? I am not trying to be snippy - I am genuinely interested to know how you intend her to grow up if you prevent her learning about things whilst she is growing up.

Have you a fixed age in minds when you woudl allow her to discuss 'war'?

No one can make sense of a lot of what happens in the world but for adults who were lied to as children it is very troubling to find out the reality at a later stage.

You may need to have a long think about whether you are tryingt o protect your daughter from upset about war, or protect yourself from upset at not being able to protect your daughter form the reality of life.

You may need to have a long think about whether you are trying to protect your daughter from upset about war, or protect yourself from upset at not being able to protect your daughter from the reality of life.

Well put.

YABU

My dd is a “sensitive soul” and I 100% talk about the wars around the world.

If I don’t, she’ll get nonsense from the playground and has done already!

Better to help your child deal with the world in an age appropriate way than pretend it doesn’t exist.

Of course the should!!! Your kid is on school to get and education and to become a well rounded, empathetic human being. As sound as it wasn't ' you should all be very scared as you're all gunna get bombed by an angry man' then it's completely normal and to be expected.

You should have explained it, it’s pretty obvious that the children will be discussing it, and that’s probably why they’ve talked about it as there’ll be all sorts of stories going round. There may well be pupils from Eastern Europe at school too.

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

All the more reason for her to hear about this from you at home, explaining that the situation is serious but very unlikely to endanger her or her family. Newsround is doing an absolutely exceptional job of explaining the situation to children in an age-appropriate way that is honest but not alarmist. I strongly recommend that you watch it with your child and then answer any questions that you may have.

Can I ask what age you think we should start talking about this kind of thing with our children? My twins have just turned 5 and in reception. I haven't told them anything at all yet, and my husband has vaguely mentioned a war in another country after they saw something on his phone.

After reading some of the comments I'm wondering if I should be telling them a bit.... but I wouldn't know where to start with making it age appropriate

Even in year 1 children were talking about it today, first thing in the morning, because of what they’d heard from home. We can’t just decide not to talk about it because there’s no way it can be hidden.

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?

That's why the school is trying to help children understand. If they pretend it isn't happening, all sorts of rumours and scare stories will run rife throughout the playground.

Year 3 - so age 8 ? Many children that age are being evacuated or hiding in shelters. Is this the first your child has heard of this ?

You may need to have a long think about whether you are tryingt o protect your daughter from upset about war, or protect yourself from upset at not being able to protect your daughter form the reality of life.

Yes yes yes.

They absolutely should be addressing it at school. One major reason being, some children will know about the war from what they hear at school and some won’t. It will be talked about and sometimes, facts can get mixed up or forgotten entirely. Better your child learns about it from watching Newsround or similar in class, and not from another child who’s got some of the facts wrong and possibly scares other children even more talking about it on the playground.