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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children told about war in Russia in school

278 replies

ShepherdMoons · 28/02/2022 17:49

Dd is a sensitive soul in year 3 and today their class was told that people in Ukraine are having to leave their country with their pets for fear of being shot by Russians (this is the gist of what dd says). We haven't spoken about this at home.

AIBU to think the school shouldn't be talking to such young children about this?

OP posts:
Tillymintpolo · 28/02/2022 19:23

@MyDcAreMarvel

Absolutely not, 7 and 8 year olds should not be exposed to adult worries. If they are personally living through it then they sadly will be but to tell young children is abusive .
I’ve read it all now 🙄
Jj2431 · 28/02/2022 19:23

I will not vote either way.

I personally told yr 3 child because it seemed unavoidable and me and my husband keep talking about it and I knew he would never ask but would probably wonder and get anxious as since the pandemic he has been prone to anxiety. I spoke in what I believed to be age appropriate language, answered questions and told him it isn't all Russian people doing this and if he had any more questions or felt any type of emotion then he could come to me to talk about it. I told him not to worry as it isn't near us and hopefully won't be, however, it's every parents right to decide what they do and don't tell their kids but don't be shocked when they hear it from kids or teachers at school. It's not bad they are being informed properly. It would have been done in a sensitive and age appropriate way. I'd rather get in there myself first as my kids trust me most as I am mummy of course.

WonderfulYou · 28/02/2022 19:23

Absolutely not, 7 and 8 year olds should not be exposed to adult worries. If they are personally living through it then they sadly will be but to tell young children is abusive

If it was possible to shelter them and keep them from knowing these bad things then I’d absolutely agree but it’s not possible and they end up hearing things and worrying about them.
So telling them things (a watered down version) can actually put their mind at ease as they’ll be hearing all sorts.

AlexaShutUp · 28/02/2022 19:24

@ShepherdMoons

I will speak to her tonight and try to explain in an age appropriate way but . . . why does my 8 year old need me to have the news on at home? (thinking of what another poster said)

Sorry, someone else mentioned going to school in the 70s and 80s and knowing about current affairs. I suppose I was 'sheltered' from it and none of my friends knew anything either. We had great childhoods and as adults we are well educated and not pig ignorant as some posters have suggested!!

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and most certainly knew about current affairs. You and your friends must have been unusually ignorant.

It's good that the school is helping the kids understand what's going on, as there are obviously parents like you who are choosing not to talk about it at home. The kids need someone to give them the facts in an age appropriate way, otherwise they will be left to pick up what they can via playground gossip which is much more likely to induce anxiety.

WonderfulYou · 28/02/2022 19:25

I don’t want the news in front of my child (or school aged pupils) as I think it can be very depressing and has information and images they don’t need to know - so something like new around is excellent for putting it in a child friendly way.

Some kids will be watching the proper news though so can still share what they’ve seen.

TimeToMakeACupofTea · 28/02/2022 19:25

I think it’s appropriate to discuss it with children of that age - definitely better to get it from a trusted adult like a teacher. I very much doubt they used the phrase shot by the Russians.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/02/2022 19:26

@ShepherdMoons

I’m With you on this one, don’t think they need to know this at their age. My son is 5 and there’s no way I would mention this to him or expect anyone else to.

They are only young and innocently minded for a few years, let those that can enjoy this.

Woollystockings · 28/02/2022 19:27

^why does my 8 year old need me to have the news on at home?*

Because she is 8. She not a young child.

ThanksItHasPockets · 28/02/2022 19:28

@ShepherdMoons

I will speak to her tonight and try to explain in an age appropriate way but . . . why does my 8 year old need me to have the news on at home? (thinking of what another poster said)

Sorry, someone else mentioned going to school in the 70s and 80s and knowing about current affairs. I suppose I was 'sheltered' from it and none of my friends knew anything either. We had great childhoods and as adults we are well educated and not pig ignorant as some posters have suggested!!

Timmy Mallett visited east Berlin and gave away pieces of the Berlin Wall as prizes on Wacaday. You must have been under a rock.
MaebeaorNot · 28/02/2022 19:30

They probably had questions. My older two have been asking lots (age just 14 &11) their sister in year 3 has heard our discussions.

Children that age are being displaced from their homes in Europe. How can we not talk about it?

HermioneAndRoger · 28/02/2022 19:31

I mean, there's an apparently irrational brutal dictator who is issuing veiled threats to use nuclear weapons. Or at the very least thermobaric weapons that rupture people's lungs. I think I'm going to have a disruptive level of anxiety about that, call me a wet willy all you like

I’m not saying it isn’t a deathly serious and deeply worrying situation. I’m saying that if you are so anxious that you cannot leave the house, or work, or parent, or focus on other daily tasks, then I am very sorry for you and I hope that you have access to RL support.

TicTacHoh · 28/02/2022 19:31

I’m With you on this one, don’t think they need to know this at their age. My son is 5 and there’s no way I would mention this to him or expect anyone else to.

5 and 8 are very different. 8 year olds can read, hear and process things from their peers and the world around them, in a way which 5 year olds do not.

AIBU? Yanbu to decide not to show this to your child if that's what you decide to do; it's your prerogative, as with all parenting. Yabu to expect school to do the same.

Nillynally · 28/02/2022 19:32

@MyDcAreMarvel

Absolutely not, 7 and 8 year olds should not be exposed to adult worries. If they are personally living through it then they sadly will be but to tell young children is abusive .
To use the term 'abusive' is actually offensive. Get over yourself.
ethelredonagoodday · 28/02/2022 19:32

Our school (in England) wrote to us today saying they would be covering it in school for exactly the reasons outlined above. They also said DfE had provided guidance on how to approach the subject.

alfagirl73 · 28/02/2022 19:32

There was news on in my house (70's/80's) - as I said - I didn't really watch it - it was "boring grown-up TV" - but I was still aware of stuff going on. There was lots of talk about the IRA, lots of talk about Russia/USA, the Falklands etc... oh and there was the day they decided to test the air raid sirens without warning anyone - that was fun!

Plus there was a lot in popular culture - groups/bands had lots of songs out with political reference, lots of talk about apartheid and Nelson Mandela etc... so we picked stuff up whether we watched the actual news or not. Although I prob picked up more from John Craven during those days.

My class in primary school (can't remember what year) also did a project on WWII - I remember seeing my grandmother's ration card and my Dad telling me stuff about it - we heard a lot about it although there wasn't much care taken in relation to how kids processed the information. These days it would not be deemed age-appropriate!

Thing is you can't control what is on in other people's houses so kids who DO watch the news - or at least are picking up bits and pieces about it - will talk about it at school and that's the concern. They likely won't explain things properly and will come out with comments that are both incorrect and terrifying for other kids. What you CAN do is manage it at your end - explain things and provide reassurances and make sure that your child feels that they can ask questions if they are worried.

LightBulbous · 28/02/2022 19:34

@ShepherdMoons

We are currently going through the process of getting dd diagnosed for autism so I'm not sure if this makes her more sensitive to hearing things. I also just don't feel she has the maturity to understand, aren't we just ripping away the innocence from our children? I get that adults need to help but how does a child of that age make sense of such a horrendous situation?
Rather than thinking that she doesn’t have the maturity the understand, use it as a chance to teach resilience, to see that sometimes the world is scary but that we stand strong, to give her credit that perhaps she will surprise you and grasp it. Too often we protect them from the work but ultimately it does then no favours. Building resilience in age appropriate terms is much better than avoiding any subject.
Tee20x · 28/02/2022 19:34

"Sensitive soul" - this will do her no favours in life.

LightBulbous · 28/02/2022 19:34

Protect them from the *world that should say

Isitsixoclockalready · 28/02/2022 19:34

I have two sons 6 and 8. I haven't been too explicit about it in front of them but I haven't hidden it. I think that it washes over both of them to the extent that they don't have any real sense of the repercussions. I'm sure that the older one talks about it in the playground. It's a balance between wrapping them up in cotton wool and giving them enough information so that they don't worry about 'whispered conversations'. It's so difficult to hide stuff from children these days with so much information out there.

Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 28/02/2022 19:35

@ThanksItHasPockets yes we were pig ignorant in my class obviously!!! All we cared about was our my little ponies and garbage pail swap cards and that was a lot better than knowing about the Berlin Wall.

As an adult I enjoy current affairs, have a postgrad degree and am pretty well informed but clearly I was very ignorant as a child. I wouldn't have had a clue how to make sense of what was going on in the world back then though.

OP posts:
m1shap3 · 28/02/2022 19:36

My Y3 DS has just been helping me to package things that we are donating "for the Ukrainians who have had to flee their homes due to the war". I think it's important he knows what's going on

oncemoreunto · 28/02/2022 19:37

I'm in my mid 40's and remember newsround.
People have been explaining current affairs to kids for decades now.
Other dc will be having those conversations and will be talking about it amongst themselves.

Original poster
ShepherdMoons · 28/02/2022 19:39

actually I do remember newsround and I thought it was very boring as a child. nothing went in!

OP posts:
LightBulbous · 28/02/2022 19:39

@MyDcAreMarvel

Absolutely not, 7 and 8 year olds should not be exposed to adult worries. If they are personally living through it then they sadly will be but to tell young children is abusive .
I actually think that it’s abusive not to teach children about the world and help them build strength and resilience to cope. We are doing them no favours by hiding the world from them and ultimately raising children who will never cope as adults. It’s about going it age appropriately. Not hiding from it or shielding them.
Avocadobacardi · 28/02/2022 19:41

@MyDcAreMarvel

Absolutely not, 7 and 8 year olds should not be exposed to adult worries. If they are personally living through it then they sadly will be but to tell young children is abusive .

I have literally heard it all now.