Husband has dropped a massive bombshell

[Robinred81]

Posting in AIBU for traffic.
I’ve been with my husband for almost 6 years and we got married 7 months ago (both in our mid 30s with no kids).

On Saturday morning he woke up in a bad mood which is very unlike him so I asked him what was wrong. He then just blurted out “I think I just love you as a friend”.
This was completely out the blue as we have been very loved up and there has not even been the slightest hint that there was any issues in our relationship. He hasn’t been acting differently on the lead up to Saturday and we seemed very happy.
I was obviously completely shell shocked and after demanding more information he admitted he has never had sexual attraction towards me and he thinks I’m overweight.
I’m 5ft 7 and a size 14 so I’m a bit overweight but as I’m fairly tall and only carry weight on my lower half I don’t look really “fat”, just pear shaped and a bit chunky. We have been having sex 2-3 times every week for years and he’s never hinted that he doesn’t enjoy it. Quite the opposite in fact and he’s all over me and seems to love every second of it. I should also add that I’ve always been the same size since he met me so it’s not as if I was really slim and then gained weight throughout our relationship.

I did wonder if he’s maybe met someone else or having an affair but he 100% denies this and my best friend is a receptionist where he works and has said he always works his set hours and doesn’t ever leave early or stay late etc. When he’s not at work he’s always at home (his friends all live about 500 miles away so he rarely ever sees them) and he’s not secretive with his phone or computer either. Leaves them both unlocked around me all the time.

He’s told me we can potentially save our marriage if I lose 2 stone as he’ll then be physically attracted to me.
I feel humiliated and so shocked as it’s all completely out the blue.
I don’t want to throw our marriage away after just 7 months when before Saturday I felt like we were really happy together. But equally I feel like it’s going to be difficult to come back from this. It’s a lot of pressure for me to quickly lose weight to see if he can fancy me properly or not.

We don’t have kids (we don’t want any) and we live in his house (although as we’re married he can’t just turf me out immediately and he has said if we do split up I wouldn’t have to leave until I’d found somewhere else I was happy with).

Any advice would be very welcome as I don’t feel able to speak about this to anyone in my real life yet. Do you think I should make a big effort to lose weight over the next few months and see what happens with him, or would you want to end the relationship over it?

Funny how many of these men treat their so-called best friends like complete shit.

I also think he wasn't turned on by your distress, because going off his comment that the regular sex was him wanting you to be happy, it seems he uses sex to manipulate you & shut you up

I agree.

It seemed like him trying to make things all right again, after he had an unexpected reaction to his "honesty" and op was v upset, angry, and possibly thinking about leaving him.

He thought he'd gone too far/fucked up and was trying to get op back on side.

The underlying issue with him, whatever the fk that truly is, is still there however.

Tbh...i know a couple where he said the same thing. It destroyed her self esteem. If you leave now it will hurt but nothing as bad as staying, i promise

He suddenly thinks he's too good for you, either he has someone new lined up or he's planning to. Either way you need to get your ducks in a row before he really turns nasty. No begging OP, you don't deserve this, get angry!

Sometimes I read threads and hope they're fake because the behaviour described is just so nasty.

Hold your head up high, OP. Go to your mum, tell her everything. Get a solicitor and don't be fobbed off with 1000 quid and an offer to buy some furniture.

After the way he's acted, he doesn't deserve you as a wife or friend.

OK...there are a few things I want to say, and am trying to sort them out properly.

First, he knew your size when he married you. He was a jerk. He was playing a role, apparently.

Second, I find it VASTLY disturbing that he was so sexually turned on by your sobbing hysterics. This is a not-so-subtle display of some real sadism. I'm almost wondering if he was hoping for another breakdown when he told you he'd never see you as anything other than a friend. GOOD FOR YOU for not giving him one!

Third, I have been overweight all of my life. Your size 14 would be a size 10 in America, and is considered quite acceptable. I've been a US size 18 (Brit size 22) all of my adult life, and I assure you that there are many, many men who would happily dive in and reciprocate oral favors.

Fourth, the comment by his dad about the daughter-in-law tells me that this rotten apple in ripe peach clothing didn't fall far from the tree.

Fifth, you will find happiness again. You are strong, you are able. You may not be quite so starry-eyed next time, but that isn't a bad thing. Go forward, be happy, and be thankful that you don't have to deal with his childish, shallow attitudes anymore.

I’m so sorry OP to read the update. It does sound like the end of the road.
Go and see the solicitor asap and talk to them about having your beneficial interest noted on the deeds with land registry. This prevents him selling or remortgaging the house without your consent which would erode the asset before all sorted.

Does he think he's the best thing since sliced bread?
He's mouldy and vile, seriously OP, if you stay with him he will chip away at your self esteem, your confidence everything that makes you beautiful and unique.

I have to add I think he's sneaky, truth will out.

It may be time for you to go into stealth mode, something like this does not come straight out of the blue for no reason. His phone may be open, I'm thinking that's a bluff, he may have another SIM card hidden or another phone someplace.

You deserve better do not forget that. Do you have a close friend who you can confide in?

Don’t leave the house in a divorce you get half of everything!!!

Don’t get angry get even.

@wearingtheT

I was a tiny size 8 when I met my husband, four years and two children later I was a size ten. my DH saw me eating cake and almost screamed "you need to loose weight"

Comments followed whenever I bought a size 10 item of clothing "you should be buying an 8!"

Then a few years later he commented to his friends girlfriend (ten years younger than me, no children) that she was so fabulously slim.

A few years later he stated that "you don't flatter my ego enough" I was still a size 10!

I divorced him, got 80% of everything and a very generous maintenance payment.😂😂

My advise, do not move out...I'd string him along for a while, as you attempt to loose weight. (it will help with the divorce) then take the fucker for all you can get.

You are in my bold and brazen opinion a PERFECT 10

He said to me yesterday that he does want to give our marriage a try as I’m his best friend and he doesn’t know what he’d do without me around and he would consider hanging himself

Jesus- he's got you coming and going with that, doesn't he?

What an absolute twat of a man.

Seriously, where do these men come from? They're vile. Men in general tbh.

Sorry OP. I hope you leave this situation ad soon as possible.

You deserve, and will do better on your own.

But you've got to leave the situation.

Also him talking about "hinging himself" without you in his life is manipulation and control tactics.

GET OUT PLEASE.

You deserve so much better than this awful, abusive man.

Hanging himself that meant to say

So sorry, though at least now you have clarity. Time to move on, rely on family and friends and begin to build a new life. One day you'll look back and be glad you found out sooner rather than later.

I'm so sorry OP but, based on a friend's similar experience, do you think he might be gay?

@whenwilliwillibefamous

It's not about the weight though, is it, OP. He's now shown you that he can't be relied on, and it sounds that quite rightly this has very much put you off him as a partner for life. I can't help contrasting his behaviour with the sadness of a widowed friend whose wife was almost entirely spherical. Years on, he still misses her. That's surely the sort of relationship to aim for.

Entirely spherical? The shock that such a woman could have her widower missing her!

@Ticksallboxes

I'm so sorry OP but, based on a friend's similar experience, do you think he might be gay?

He could be (which wouldn't surprise me as a lot of men are closeted tbh and in rships with women), he might not be.

Either way it's irrelevant, won't make much of a difference to OP (apart from needing counselling in future either way), and she needs to leave.

@Robinred81 Are you ok?

Why can't I filter by OP's posts anymore?!

OP
He friendzoned you.
My husband is my best friend as most of us are probably...but he loves me. It has nothing to do with sex.
I would never recover from the words he spoke to you. I'm sorry. RUN...No STAY... He can RUN.

'He’s told me we can potentially save our marriage if I lose 2 stone as he’ll then be physically attracted to me. '

Omg what an arse... so shallow