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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

204 replies

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:36

I know it really isn't the most important thing in life. But still, it would be great to look in the mirror and not scrutinise myself.
Today my partner and I talked to one of his friend's new girlfriends, she was exceptionally beautiful, far more attractive than me and I'm sure 99% of people would say so. I know my partner loves the way I look and is with me, but I'd be a fool if I said he wouldn't have also found her very beautiful.

Sometimes I'm just tempted to get cosmetic enhancements. I've already had nose filler, but only surgery would truly solve it.

I don't think I am unattractive, but I'm just not beautiful. I get told I look 'cute' a lot, and I saw my partner's male friend smiling sweetly at me as if I were a puppy.

I make the best of myself and try to focus on other achievements/things I like about myself.

I sometimes just wish I could be beautiful.

OP posts:

Original poster

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:37

My partner also has 1 or 2 female colleagues that are exceptionally beautiful. Again I know he loves me, I just feel down sometimes that they're evidently much more attractive than me and I wish I looked better

OP posts:

FennecShandDoesEverything · 26/02/2022 22:39

Get therapy.

Seriously.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What you need to change is inside your head.

HariboMaroon · 26/02/2022 22:42

I wouldn’t worry about it.
Really beautiful women can struggle when they start losing their looks (we all lose them to some extent) it’s more of a shock to them than us plain beauties 😁.

I say this as the ugly sister (my sister was a model)

She seems way more bothered than me about the ageing process. I gathered I accepted my fate long before her.

Ohmnomnom · 26/02/2022 22:42

Turn yourself into a force to be reckoned with. My beauty is long gone unfortunately, but I'm learning how to be confident, articulate, intimidating and powerful. Much more fun than just being 'pretty'.

Fairislefandango · 26/02/2022 22:42

Tbh I don't at all wish I were beautiful. Like you, I consider myself to be not unattractive. I scrub up fine. I'm not sure that being beautiful is always an advantage in life. I wouldn't want the attention it would bring, and I'm not keen on the idea of looks being the main thing people would notice me for.

LubaLuca · 26/02/2022 22:42

Agreed ^. You need to change your feelings, not your face.

DiddyHeck · 26/02/2022 22:43

I know my partner loves the way I look and is with me, but I'd be a fool if I said he wouldn't have also found her very beautiful.

What's wrong with finding beautiful people beautiful though?

Even if you could take a pill tonight and wake up 'beautiful' in the morning, there'd still be far more beautiful people in the world because we all have different ideas of beauty.

DiddyHeck · 26/02/2022 22:44

@Ohmnomnom

Why would you want to intimidate people?

Xmasbaby11 · 26/02/2022 22:44

I'm average looking on a good day. Didn't even get described as pretty or cute when younger. Would I like to be beautiful? Of course! But no point in wasting head space on it. I do meet beautiful women but I'm far more likely to be envious of someone who's achieved something, a great career, happy family, good at sports. Looks are not enough on their own.

Crabbyboot · 26/02/2022 22:44

Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else, comparison is the killer of joy. You can be exceptionally beautiful but still unhappy it isn't the key to happiness. You are in a happy and loving relationship that means a lot.

Chestofdraws · 26/02/2022 22:44

Beauty is subjective and in the eye of the beholder. Do you really mean beautiful? Or do you mean conventionally attractive.

Original poster

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:45

Thanks for the replies. It's not that I want other people to notice me for my looks as such, but I just want to look in the mirror and think that I am beautiful rather than disliking certain features.

I don't believe in the idea that women really lose their looks, people can be older and beautiful.
I just want to be totally happy with how I look, maybe therapy would help me

OP posts:

youkiddingme · 26/02/2022 22:45

Stop trying to live up to standards set by cosmetics industries that have a vested interest in making money from your insecurities.
Look at some art throughout the ages and recognise that beauty is both subjective and seen through an ever-changing societal lens.
Define beauty in your own terms and know that you are beautiful.
It really all is in the eye of the beholder.

Chestofdraws · 26/02/2022 22:46

@Ohmnomnom

How can you teach yourself to be powerful,and why would you wish to be intimidating?

Original poster

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:47

Nothing at all wrong with it but I couldn't help having that feeling of if he and her were both single, he'd probably ask her out or something.

True that looks aren't enough. I do have other achievements that I'm proud of and I need to just keep working on myself.

OP posts:

RobertaFirmino · 26/02/2022 22:47

I think lots of people are beautiful. Doesn't mean I want to shag them, it just means they are good looking. It also has absolutely no bearing on what they are like as a person.

UniversalTruth · 26/02/2022 22:47

Definitely put your money into therapy rather than cosmetic procedures. It's the only way you'll actually learn to be happy with what you see in the mirror.

Original poster

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:48

I have tried so hard to learn to be happy with my nose, but I think it just ruins my face.

OP posts:

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 26/02/2022 22:48

Your body is just flesh and bone, its not compassion and kindness, its not love or resilience, its not the ideas you have or the words you speak. A body and face is not you.

That's how I deal with it.

There's a hundred ways to be beautiful, even what is considered by society to be physically beautiful changes over time. Being a good person is much more important maybe try to focus more on what makes you a beautiful person in ways other than looks.

DiscordandRhyme · 26/02/2022 22:48

So so many others.

But remember, someone may be beautiful but struggling deep inside, have a traumatic life or have health conditions.

Beauty doesn't equal satisfaction.

guinnessguzzler · 26/02/2022 22:48

@FennecShandDoesEverything

Get therapy.

Seriously.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What you need to change is inside your head.

Nailed it. Also, try yoga. Why be beautiful when you could be strong?

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 26/02/2022 22:50

@Fairislefandango

This.

I used to think like you but there are lots of disadvantages to being beautiful.

enjoyingscience · 26/02/2022 22:51

Your face grew how it grew. It means nothing. Once you accept that, you’ll do ok.

I’m a million miles from model attractive, but I can’t do a single thing about it, and most importantly, it doesn’t say a single thing about me. Does mean I don’t look after myself, care for myself, or value myself.

I agree with concentrating on how you present in the world - you can find confidence and power outside of beauty.

TheGonnagle · 26/02/2022 22:51

No one is ever totally happy with how they look, that’s an unachievable goal. I have some very beautiful friends and they’re just as insecure as the rest of us.
I am forever telling my dd that she should be as kind and complimentary to herself as she is her friends, I’m also trying to take my own advice!
I’m going to tell you the same because comparison is the thief of joy.

Didyousaynutella · 26/02/2022 22:51

When we are old lady’s we will pretty much all look the same. And it will be the ones with the most interesting character that people will notice.

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