Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

204 replies

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:36

I know it really isn't the most important thing in life. But still, it would be great to look in the mirror and not scrutinise myself.
Today my partner and I talked to one of his friend's new girlfriends, she was exceptionally beautiful, far more attractive than me and I'm sure 99% of people would say so. I know my partner loves the way I look and is with me, but I'd be a fool if I said he wouldn't have also found her very beautiful.

Sometimes I'm just tempted to get cosmetic enhancements. I've already had nose filler, but only surgery would truly solve it.

I don't think I am unattractive, but I'm just not beautiful. I get told I look 'cute' a lot, and I saw my partner's male friend smiling sweetly at me as if I were a puppy.

I make the best of myself and try to focus on other achievements/things I like about myself.

I sometimes just wish I could be beautiful.

OP posts:
SparkleSky · 26/02/2022 22:51

Being good looking isn't the only thing that makes you attractive or interesting or happy though. If there was a group of guys it wouldn't necessarily be the model looking one that you found the most attractive or funny or entertaining or kind. There's so much more to a person. Exceptionally beautiful people have insecurities; people cheat on them etc too. What do you think might be different in your life if you looked more like what you would consider beautiful? I get it, I just think at some point you've got to start being alright about who you are and see what's good about yourself. You've got to look in the mirror every day you might as well be friends with your reflection and find the beauty- like how your best friend is beautiful because you love them. Your partner knew there were other beautiful people in the world when he chose you. If one of your friends found a very handsome partner and that upset him as it made him feel he didn't look good in comparison you'd be worried that he didn't see his own worth.

Chestofdraws · 26/02/2022 22:51

but I couldn't help having that feeling of if he and her were both single, he'd probably ask her out or something

Ah ok, so it’s jealous and insecurity at the root of this? You were jealous of her looks and felt insecure he would compare you both and fancy her?

cheeseisthebest · 26/02/2022 22:51

I totally get this, struggled with it all my life. I am hilarious though!

HotPenguin · 26/02/2022 22:52

Do you think your partner is only interested in your looks? It's a bit insulting to assume he would fancy this other woman or prefer to go out with her. When I see a handsome man I don't wish I was with him instead of my husband. The problem is in your head!

DiscordandRhyme · 26/02/2022 22:52

@RobertaFirmino

I think lots of people are beautiful. Doesn't mean I want to shag them, it just means they are good looking. It also has absolutely no bearing on what they are like as a person.
This too.

Most the 'attractive' men I know I wouldn't ever date if I were single.

Because they often know it and act as such and that's incredibly unattractive.

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 26/02/2022 22:52

I am very unattractive so I get it. Big nose, thin lips, flat chested, horrible lank hair etc. Not sure what to say but I understand where you are coming from. Sure you're not unattractive but I understand feeling that way.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 26/02/2022 22:53

The vast majority of people aren’t beautiful, as you said yourself. You can still be sexy, smart, kind, funny: a huge amount of things that make you appealing.

MRS54321 · 26/02/2022 22:53

Does your partner not make you feel gorgeous? I hate it when DH says I look “nice” after hours of getting ready. I tell him “nice “ is for his grandma, not his wife.
I have a beautiful family member who’s similar in age. Was constantly reminded of my plainness ,never to her, by family from when I was tiny.
She never had to work at anything : she would just turn up, be beautiful and things would happen
She currently lives in a huge house her DH bought her ( she no longer needs to work, of course )
She’s never saved or sacrificed for her current life.
But she is fairly miserable. I think she feels about should’ve had MORE than she already does ?

Weirdly, my DH is much more attractive so …. Wink

planetme · 26/02/2022 22:54

Op are you quite young?

I've found this shit matters wayyy less as I get older (I'm in my 40s)

Scianel · 26/02/2022 22:57

OP there's always someone more beautiful out there, it's the insecurity torturing you really.

And trust me looks do fade, even from the most beautiful faces.

spotcheck · 26/02/2022 22:57
  1. Most people are not beautiful
  2. When I like someone ( in any way) I am literally blind to their actual looks- I only see their inner loveliness . I think most people do this.
Lyonic · 26/02/2022 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2022 22:58

@FennecShandDoesEverything

Get therapy.

Seriously.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What you need to change is inside your head.

Yes. Get some help to work on what’s going on inside your head.

All the cosmetics enhancements in the world won’t make a difference. This is about your self worth. And if you don’t nip this now, the more you get obsessed with this the duller you will be and the less interested in you people will be. I know that is harsh - but no one is loved or liked for their looks. (Lusted after and admired yes, but that is icing not cake, and anyway you’ve already said you are nice looking, so plenty of people will find you attractive).

At present you are projecting your feelings onto other people (I can tell you right now your boyfriend’s mate was not smiling at you as if you were a puppy. He was emailing at you in a friendly way - what’s he meant to do, be overcome by your beauty and stick his tongue in your ear?)

Original poster
000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:58

I'm 30. Great to know I'm past it .

OP posts:
watchingthedetectives · 26/02/2022 23:01

Yep, bet @Lyonic is drop dead gorgeous though Confused

godmum56 · 26/02/2022 23:01

@FennecShandDoesEverything

Get therapy.

Seriously.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What you need to change is inside your head.

this.
HariboMaroon · 26/02/2022 23:02

@000oooh

You’re not past it at age 30 irrespective of what the bloke with the small penis said.

Summerfun54321 · 26/02/2022 23:04

Why is it important to be beautiful?

planetme · 26/02/2022 23:04

[quote HariboMaroon]@000oooh

You’re not past it at age 30 irrespective of what the bloke with the small penis said.[/quote]
This ^^

okthx · 26/02/2022 23:05

My face is reasonably attractive but my body could never compete with modern standards. I was always plump/overweight, unless I’m on a diet, so I’m “thinner” for a year or two. I’ve got this apple shaped body that doesn’t carry weight well. Only now in my mid 30s I started to realise that it’s actually nice to give up this fight for people’s approval. I don’t want to compete anymore for this shallow attention. I want to be healthy and content now. If someone doesn’t like the way I look, it’s ok. I’m not attracted to every single person either.

Secnarf · 26/02/2022 23:05

I have always been of below average looks. As I age, I am positively ugly. This might therefore influence my thinking. However, I think there are many more important things to value yourself (and others) for than beauty - loyalty, integrity, kindness, generosity, compassion, bravery, resilience, intelligence, erudition, wit, practicality, a cool head in a crisis, an interest in others and the world around you, to name a few off the top of my head.

All these attributes are engaging and can enhance one’s charisma regardless of physical looks.

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/02/2022 23:05

@Lyonic

‘As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling.’

😂 As a woman, I just wasted 20% of a perfectly good negroni spitting it at my screen. No, most men don’t think this. Making yourself feel big by trying to make the OP feel bad isn’t hard, it’s a bit.. soft.

Don’t take any notice OP. Lyonic is unhappy and looking for attention. Off to therapy with you Lyonic!

HardbackWriter · 26/02/2022 23:07

The same way as I accept that I'm not a gifted scientist, that I'm not a competition-level tennis player, that I can't draw beautifully (or at all) - shrug it off, think about things I do have going for me.

It's a weird thing that people seem much more reluctant to settle for 'good enough' when it comes to their appearance than they are for other, objectively more important things. Very few people are devastated that they're not as clever as a Nobel prize winner and decide that they must therefore be incredibly hideous. But people seem to genuinely consider it a failure that they don't look like a Hollywood actress and think that they must therefore be hideous.

Lurking9to5 · 26/02/2022 23:07

I think you have a core believe that you need to ''earn'' your boyfriend's love/fidelity through being beautiful.

Is he incredibly handsome? Probably not. But he found your love?

Is he the right guy for you? if you feel your bond can be broken by a prettier girl strolling past, is this the relationship for you? Can you relax in to this uncertainty?

I'd rather be single tbh.

I'm not beautiful, average looking. But i refuse to feel apologetic about that. As somebody who wrote a book once said, I don't owe the world ''pretty''.

GayParis · 26/02/2022 23:08

I'm an ugly brute but I make everyone laugh & I'm pretty intelligent if I do say so myself.

We can't have it all, unfortunately.

Swipe left for the next trending thread