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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

204 replies

000oooh · 26/02/2022 22:36

I know it really isn't the most important thing in life. But still, it would be great to look in the mirror and not scrutinise myself.
Today my partner and I talked to one of his friend's new girlfriends, she was exceptionally beautiful, far more attractive than me and I'm sure 99% of people would say so. I know my partner loves the way I look and is with me, but I'd be a fool if I said he wouldn't have also found her very beautiful.

Sometimes I'm just tempted to get cosmetic enhancements. I've already had nose filler, but only surgery would truly solve it.

I don't think I am unattractive, but I'm just not beautiful. I get told I look 'cute' a lot, and I saw my partner's male friend smiling sweetly at me as if I were a puppy.

I make the best of myself and try to focus on other achievements/things I like about myself.

I sometimes just wish I could be beautiful.

OP posts:
Cherryblossoms85 · 26/02/2022 23:08

You need to read the old Craigslist thread. www.snopes.com/fact-check/fools-gold-digger/

DiddyHeck · 26/02/2022 23:08

@000oooh

Nothing at all wrong with it but I couldn't help having that feeling of if he and her were both single, he'd probably ask her out or something.

True that looks aren't enough. I do have other achievements that I'm proud of and I need to just keep working on myself.

Nothing at all wrong with it but I couldn't help having that feeling of if he and her were both single, he'd probably ask her out or something.

Yes he probably would if they were both single. But again, what's wrong with that?

I'm sure there are far better looking men around than your husband but I'm going to guess he doesn't let that get him down.

UniversalTruth · 26/02/2022 23:09

"settling"??

What does that even mean. Ignore OP, you're not alone in potentially benefiting from therapy it seems.

WhateverHappenedToFayWray · 26/02/2022 23:09

@Lyonic Do you feel the same thing about men or are you just being a goady fucker?

alibongo5 · 26/02/2022 23:10

I'm so glad I'm not young now. I have never given any thought to not being beautiful. I don't think I have ever even been described as pretty or cute (not that that was used when I was young).

Neither would I describe any of my friends as beautiful though they all have wonderful qualities.
I would say that beauty is by definition only most exceptional so why should I expect to be exceptional, I am pretty average but I am happy to be average.

watchingthedetectives · 26/02/2022 23:10

Look at what has happened to poor Linda Evangelista - once one of the most beautiful women in the world - now just ordinary, but so distraught that she has been in hiding for years.

That's no way to lead your life

Sparklesocks · 26/02/2022 23:11

I’m not sure how exactly, it’s just not something I worry about anymore. I definitely did when I was younger. I’m mid 30s now, by no means beautiful but reasonably attractive-ish when I make an effort. Sometimes if I meet a very gorgeous woman I feel a slight pang of envy but it’s only fleeting.

I have a DP who loves me and have people in my life who care about me. I am reasonably comfortable financially and try to find joy in the simple things. Appearances don’t feel as important as they once did. We all get old, looks fade for everyone. It doesn’t feel as important in the big scheme of everything. I hope you find some peace with it and no longer feel intimidated by others.

ClariceQuiff · 26/02/2022 23:14
  1. However beautiful you are, there will always be someone more beautiful even if only in the eye of certain beholders.
  2. Beauty fades. People who have it have to live with losing their looks and coming to terms with no longer turning heads or having people give them special treatment.

I'm spectacularly ugly and it matters a lot less now I am middle-aged and just as invisible as an attractive middle-aged woman.

Cookiecrumblepie · 26/02/2022 23:15

OP I can empathise. But I would encourage you to think that looks are only the start. For example, you meet a guy and think he’s handsome, but you talk to him, realise he’s an arsehole and the awe falls away. Beauty is something that is noticeable initially, but it’s shallow and superficial.

Lyonic · 26/02/2022 23:16

[quote Luredbyapomegranate]@Lyonic

‘As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling.’

😂 As a woman, I just wasted 20% of a perfectly good negroni spitting it at my screen. No, most men don’t think this. Making yourself feel big by trying to make the OP feel bad isn’t hard, it’s a bit.. soft.

Don’t take any notice OP. Lyonic is unhappy and looking for attention. Off to therapy with you Lyonic![/quote]
I think its thenold ladies trying to convince themselves they stand a chance vs some 20 year old who need the help xD

How can you say to any man that based solely on looks its any different?

OP needs to stop focusing on looks as its a losers game in the end anyway. Conmect with your other half and take solace that what you bring to the table is more than looks.. Geez!

Original poster
000oooh · 26/02/2022 23:16

So JLo at 52 or Elizabeth Hurley at 55 have lost their looks now? I really don't think their beauty has faded. Christie Brinkley in her mid 60s. Yes they look older, but still beautiful

OP posts:
Scianel · 26/02/2022 23:18

They've had work done.
Seriously stop obsessing about this stuff.

RobertaFirmino · 26/02/2022 23:18

What about Jane Goodall, 87. She's still beautiful.

TokyoTen · 26/02/2022 23:23

I can honestly say I never worry about the fact I am not beautiful. Hard to explain why though. I'm just happy within myself, I know DH loves me, and I have other qualities which I am confident about.

Coffeeonmytoffee · 26/02/2022 23:24

I thought the Ukraine situation was tragic but this has topped that.
Get help and get a grip.

Namenic · 26/02/2022 23:24

Is your partner better looking than movie stars and models? I’d venture no. would you rather be with a movie star/model/attractive person than your partner? I doubt it- so your partner probably feels the same about you - beauty is in the eye of the beholder - and loving someone is about so much more than beauty.

Crabbyboot · 26/02/2022 23:24

@Lyonic "As a man, just saying, but pretty much all women over 30 are past it from a physical stand point.

Don't think for a second that anyone who says otherwise isnt settling."

As a woman of 35 I'm sure I look great because I've looked after myself like most women do and I don't need men to tell me so. I've been out tonight and seen many women over the age of thirty that look fantastic. The same can't be said for most of the blokes who seem to have let themselves go and have no sense of style and beer guts...who said that men age well? Certainly I've not seen it often in my experience...

How does it feel trolling women asking for advice on a website? Does it make you feel confident? Are you sitting in your mum's basement? Feel free to share Grin

ChocolateMassacre · 26/02/2022 23:26

I'm glad I'm not beautiful (and instead 'average' looking) for very selfish reasons. I've never enjoyed being the centre of attention and I would dislike the attention being beautiful would attract. One of my work friends when I was younger was very, very beautiful (think blonde, tall, leggy, very pretty face). She was also really quite shy and self-effacing in her personality. I remember asking her one day and being absolutely shocked at the amount of unwanted attention she had to put up with. Men trying to talk to her and chat her up the whole time, who just wouldn't take no for an answer, who could get quite aggressive in demanding her attention. It all sounded awful and very wearing. It made me very happy to be largely 'invisible' to those sorts of people.

I've also managed to have most things that make me happy in life - my family, DH, DS, a job I enjoy, lots of fun holidays - without needing to be beautiful so I can't really complain Grin.

Scianel · 26/02/2022 23:26

they stand a chance vs some 20 year old who need the help

Stand a chance of what exactly? Grin
More like dodged a bullet.

Original poster
000oooh · 26/02/2022 23:30

@Coffeeonmytoffee

I thought the Ukraine situation was tragic but this has topped that. Get help and get a grip.
That's very rude and unnecessary telling someone to get a grip
OP posts:
Original poster
000oooh · 26/02/2022 23:32

Sadly I feel like some people are visual, and even if a man is with you and loves you, if someone they deem better looking comes along and whose personality they also like then some will think "Well she seems like a better option."
I feel like looks do matter to some extent

OP posts:
Thewindwhispers · 26/02/2022 23:33

Same way I accept not being a billionaire, not having five children, not having any power or fame, and dying one day.

You sound like you’re struggling with comparing yourself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy…

dontblamemee · 26/02/2022 23:38

I've done a lot of things to improve the way I look.

I've had a lot of Botox and fillers, I've had a nose job and breast enhancement.

I've spent a lot of money and most days I think I preferred the way I looked before.

It's what's inside that matters 100%

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 26/02/2022 23:41

I’m sure this will be a wildly unpopular opinion on here but if you feel your nose ruins the rest of your face have you considered a nose job? If it really bothers you that much why not just change it permanently so you don’t spend the rest of your life agonising over it. It would be cheaper that getting fillers for the rest of your life too.

JaninaDuszejko · 26/02/2022 23:43

Those women all spend a lot of money to cling on to their youth, it's no way to live. Fair enough to eat healthily and do regular exercise but we all know celebrities whose cosmetic surgery has gone wrong.

OP are you sad you aren't super intelligent? Or that you don't have an incredible singing voice? Or that you aren't an amazing chef? Or you haven't written prize-winning books? Or you aren't a fantastic actor? Or you can't play an instrument at a high level? Or you can't play top level sport? Or you aren't an incredible photographer?

No-one is at the top of every field. You are a mixture of characteristics, some of which will be better than the majority of people, and some won't. The people who love you will always find you beautiful because they love you.