How do you accept that you aren't beautiful?

[000oooh]

I know it really isn't the most important thing in life. But still, it would be great to look in the mirror and not scrutinise myself.
Today my partner and I talked to one of his friend's new girlfriends, she was exceptionally beautiful, far more attractive than me and I'm sure 99% of people would say so. I know my partner loves the way I look and is with me, but I'd be a fool if I said he wouldn't have also found her very beautiful.

Sometimes I'm just tempted to get cosmetic enhancements. I've already had nose filler, but only surgery would truly solve it.

I don't think I am unattractive, but I'm just not beautiful. I get told I look 'cute' a lot, and I saw my partner's male friend smiling sweetly at me as if I were a puppy.

I make the best of myself and try to focus on other achievements/things I like about myself.

I sometimes just wish I could be beautiful.

And some people dont realise they are beautiful and ask questions like this. Beauty is what you make it, what some people find beautiful others think are hideous, a list celebs or music stars for example. Even the most beautiful get cheated on. And nobody ever is happy with their looks, the beautiful ones pay a fortune to keep their looks until there is nothing left but plastic. Even our freshfaced teens and twenty somethings are putting needles full of shit into their faces. Youre just feeling a bit down, maybe get to know her, and become her friend, youll find she probably has a million things she doesnt like about heself.

How old are you? I feel this is very pertinent because through my 20s and mid 30s I could've written this myself. I hated looking in the mirror.

From mid 30s until now, at the age of 41, I realise that I am, and have always been aesthetically pleasing, but what is more important is, I've always been an extremely beautiful, kind and caring person.

I think about my daughter tbh, and when I talk about (or think about, to myself) my looks/body I think about the message I want to instill in her. My thighs are therefore never fat, they are strong and good for long walks, which I love doing. My eyes have lots of wrinkles now, but I have great eyelashes and I'd like to think somewhat of a spark in them. My skin is pock-marked and sometimes still blemished, but it's a million times better than when I was in my teens.

I don't think I'm ugly, I think I can pass for pretty when I try. But I'd like to think that's the least interesting thing about me, just like my daughters looks (which, incidentally, she is incredibly beautiful) is the least interesting thing about her as a person.

@Ohmnomnom

Turn yourself into a force to be reckoned with. My beauty is long gone unfortunately, but I'm learning how to be confident, articulate, intimidating and powerful. Much more fun than just being 'pretty'.

I couldn't agree more!

Are they beautiful or just groomed to adhere to current fashion?

I was told I was ugly throughout my childhood and early teens. Not by family, but other kids. It was something of a revelation in my late teens to realise that I was ok looking.

I had 20 or so years of feeling grateful for not being as ugly as I thought I was. Now I'm middle aged and vaguely rough. But that's OK, because I know a lot of stuff and I can be funny.

I'm actually pretty hideous with serious resting bitch face and considering a facelift at 39 I try my best with makeup and Botox but that only goes so far, which as it happens is a drop on the ocean 😂. Not even my DH likes my looks since he fucked off a few weeks ago.....However, I'm quite funny, pretty ballsy and sarcastic, I'd help anyone out and I'm fairly approachable.

If my looks are the only thing people judge me on then I don't really want to know them.

@000oooh

Thanks for the replies. It's not that I want other people to notice me for my looks as such, but I just want to look in the mirror and think that I am beautiful rather than disliking certain features.

I don't believe in the idea that women really lose their looks, people can be older and beautiful.
I just want to be totally happy with how I look, maybe therapy would help me

Believe me, it becomes less and less important. I'm 47 and have realized that ultimately, personality trumps everything. The most popular person I know is late 50's, overweight, and candidly says that she's lost her looks (she was pretty when younger but hasn't aged well if I'm honest). She has tons of friends, male and female, because she's such an interesting and charming person. People just want to be around her.

When you look in the mirror, try to see who you are, not your perceived flaws. My nose will never be what I'd like it to be (without surgery), but it doesn't prevent me from having a happy life.

Iam

Going to get flamed for this but it's really easy to look 'beautiful' for the majority of women, who have decent skin.
Good grooming (hair, well-fitting clothes). Good foundation and lipstick. That's all.

Obviously some aren't just beautiful, but 'stunning'. For the majority however looking beautiful isn't hard.

Sending love and compassion OP. I could have written this post myself a couple of years ago.

I don't really know how you can accept something that is so ambiguous, you seem to think that you not being beautiful is a fact, however I can 100% guarantee you that there's someone out there thinking this exact scenario about you (yes I know you just completely brushed that off as not true) because of course YOU know that you are not beautiful and this other woman IS beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, a flower and a rainbow look completely different but I find them both beautiful.

I remember a woman who I thought was incredibly beautiful, I didn't know her personally but she was local and I saw her quite a bit. One day my friend mentioned her as she was a beautician and my friend had received a treatment from her, i gushed oh isn't she so pretty! My friend looked at me like I had two heads genuinely shocked and said do you think? I said don't you? She said no not really, she's just average never really thought of her like that. I was so shocked I assumed that EVERYONE would think she's incredibly beautiful because I did.

Similar things have happened about people on tv I've not found remotely attractive and my friends have thought were stunning.

I'm not saying this woman you're referring to isn't beautiful, but it's not black and white. Beautiful/ not beautiful. It's a spectrum and it's often a preference or taste.

You said you don't want other people to think you're beautiful but to be able to see it yourself (I'm paraphrasing) you're assuming that woman you think is beautiful sees herself as beautiful. I'd put money on it she doesn't. I've known and know many beautiful people male and female and not a single one of them thought that they were.

Beautiful people still suffer from insecurity, jealousy, still get cheated on, still have self esteem issues. It's not a golden ticket.

I understand your frustration and sadness, I've been there myself, what helped was putting less importance on it.

The sad thing is you will look back when you're 80 abs realise you were beautiful all along and wish you hadn't wasted any precious minutes of your life worrying otherwise.

I hope you find a way to feel better, therapy definitely helps.

I'm not conventionally beautiful, but I'm comfortable in my own skin. I have wisdom, good conversation, a husband who adores me, and a wonderful group of friends who value my company and kindness.

I like my food too much to have an enviable figure and I have a big, wonky nose. I could probably make myself more attractive by restricting my diet and having surgery, but I doubt I'd be any happier. The older I get, the less my self-esteem is linked to how I look.

Decades of practice

Seriously, there is nothing like being really, really plain to get a clear eye view of life, men and sadly, many women. But them's the breaks, as they say.
I have brains, which given the choice I would far rather have as they usually last longer.

I would describe myself as ugly, maybe 4/10 on a good day. It doesn't actually particularly bother me though, more it's just one of my adjectives same as clever, funny and short. (Easier because being attractive wouldn't really have benefitted me for the last 8 years, I have a lovely family, lots of great friends and a job I enjoy) (13-19 year old me did not share that sentiment though!)
I like to think about Roald Dahl's point in the Twits:

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. That's what I aspire to.

I don't really think about my appearance at all. I don't know if that is strange. Like I'll get ready in the morning but even then its robotic, I don't think about how I look if that makes sense. My head is full of other things that I deem more important(not that there is anything wrong with thinking how you look is important) so I don't know it just doesn't really ever come up?

The real question is how you accept that women do not need to be beautiful, and that their value is not connected to their looks.

Once you've got your head around that, the rest falls into place.

but I couldn't help having that feeling of if he and her were both single, he'd probably ask her out or something

You do a disservice to your partner in that you imagine him to be superficial enough to go for someone based on looks alone. These are your thoughts - not his.

You need therapy. Its so shallow to base beauty solely on looks.

I have never seen an ugly woman. There is always something attractive. Just stop rating and assessing women on their physical features. We are far more than the sum total of how we look fgs🙄

OP, if it is just your nose that bothers you, why not look into a nose job. It could make a big difference to how you perceive yourself when you look in the mirror.

I am sure others will disagree but you are young and will get a lot of mileage out of that procedure, if that is what you want.

If your nose bothers you I'd do some thorough research and get a nose job withp a reputable surgeon. I don't really like my aquiline nose but not enough to do anything about it. It clearly bothers you a lot though so I'd do something about it in your case.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, current industry standards that are forced down your throat with the likes of reality shows are some people's idea of beautiful, I know lots of people that can't stand the enhanced look & where they all look pretty much the same. I think my closest friend is beautiful, I know lots of people that don't think the same. It really is down to personal preference.

I love a previous posters comment that you need therapy because it is shallow to base beauty solely on looks! I'm sorry but thats what beauty is. You can have many wonderful qualities and accomplishments while being plain or average in terms of looks. It doesn't mean you won't attract people with those qualities but it doesnt make you beautiful.

While good-looking people are nice to look at, success with your partner is not down to looks. How you feel about your looks also not down to looks. You might get a nose job and be satisfied with that but you'll still negatively compare yourself to other women until you teach yourself to be happy with your lot.

Regards your partner. He chose you. He's with you. You chose him too. Perfect! Enjoy the relationship and enjoy him. You cannot help what the future brings so be enthusiastic about what you've got instead of souring it with insecurity.

I would also recommend therapy - changing yourself from within is far more effective than getting a nose job.

I sort of agree with other posters, it sounds like you have a huge hang-up about your nose, and if it bothers you that much then maybe you should look into rhinoplasty. I don't think anyone needs plastic surgery, but it can make a difference for some people if there is a specific part of their body that they want to change.

Barring that, you just need to accept that very few people are actually beautiful, and the rest of us do the best with what we've got, so it's hardly worth worrying about.

I don't believe in the idea that women really lose their looks, people can be older and beautiful.

We all lose our looks I'm afraid, to some extent. I'm 42 and when I look in the mirror I can quite clearly see that my best days are behind me. The examples that you cite are celebrities who still put a ton of effort into their appearance and have teams to help them do it (and a lot of Botox, fillers etc- Christie Brinkley has had some very odd work done that has completely changed her face, if you see very recent photos). They cannot be compared to an average woman, nor are any of them realistically as beautiful as they once were. It's not a bad thing... it's just biological reality.

Goodness me, you need to change your mindset. do you wan't to be more attractive, and think that it will make you a better person, and how do you measure your looks against another womans looks., what do they have that you don't have... as if it matters anyway.

Blimey, you know lots of exceptionally beautiful people??? I have never met anyone who is beautiful. A few averagely pretty people I suppose. But never known a Charlize Theron or an Angelina Jolie. Stop worrying about what you and other people look like! Stop staring at the mirror and taking selfies; give yourself a break!

@FennecShandDoesEverything

Get therapy.

Seriously.

There's nothing wrong with your face. What you need to change is inside your head.

100 PERCENT Don't read any more comments here. Take this advice!