AIBU to know diets don’t work but also need to lose 3-4 stone

[MoirasWigStand]

I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. 5’6” and weigh 14st 11. There is a reason, I had health issues last year which meant no exercise (even walking) for almost a year, as well as a period of time on steroids (which made me pile on weight).

I really, really, need to lose it now. I can exercise (although my efforts are pretty pathetic so far!). I started calorie counting and lost 6lbs in January, but it’s gone back on after a few stress do l weeks.

And I found it so hard. 1500 calories is so little food 😂. I clearly have issues with stress eating and bingeing. Also when ‘bored’ at home when wfh.

I need a massive kick up the arse. I know diets don’t work, I’ve read those books. But I really need to lose some weight, I’m disgusted in myself.

I like all of those. I don’t use lentils much because I find them a faff to cook and make taste nice. I like them other people cook them!

I can’t increase my water intake too quickly. The medication I am on means I have to keep my water intake similar and not drastically change. So I am increasing slowly.

Slimming world, a lot of people dislike it but it works and it’s a healthy diet without being overly restrictive. You just have to exercise portion control.

Sorry just read more of your posts and seen you don’t like SW - ignore me!

Get a couple of sessions with a personal trainer. Get them to show you weights exercises. Alternate top half to bottom half of body, so you can do it at higher intensity. 3 times a week, 45 mins. You will lose weight, tone up. Eat sensible food for your hunger.

That's easy to say- doing it is the tricky part.

I don’t use lentils much because I find them a faff to cook and make taste nice. I like them other people cook them!

I love these from aldi, Chuck some veg in, or some protein and it’s a substantial lunch groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-good-grains-delicious-lentils-250g/4088600043388

@MoirasWigStand

I like all of those. I don’t use lentils much because I find them a faff to cook and make taste nice. I like them other people cook them!

I can’t increase my water intake too quickly. The medication I am on means I have to keep my water intake similar and not drastically change. So I am increasing slowly.

You can get pre-cooked lentils in sachets now which are tasty & a v v quick meal. Merchant Gourmet Is the original, but many supermarkets do their own version- I saw some at Lidl at the weekend at 65p for a sachet that is good for 2 meals. Id serve as is, or pimp up by frying in some of your own veg (onion, peppers, leek, mushrooms, spinach… whatever you like really)

I think finding 3-4 quick & easy options for each of breakfast/lunch/dinner would make it a lot easier for you, focusing on protein & veg, instead of carbs as the foundation of the meal

Some ideas to get you started:

Breakfast
-Porridge with chopped banana or grated apple with berries on top

• same but with Greek yogurt
• any kind of eggs (no toast but beans, a sausage)
• mushroom/tomato etc on toast or PB on toast (not every day)
• 2-3 pieces of fruit & a few nuts if a real rush

Lunch
I have a small side salad with lunch to bulk it out/give me time to realise I am eating: I think some raw veg every day is healthy. If you don’t like salad maybe crudités would work

• any kind of bean based dish (lentils, pimped up baked beans) esp a stew with veg (1 can of beans makes 3 lunches for me typically, if you had a whole half of a can of beans it might be 50 more calories so not a lot). I normally make 1 a week, have 2 servings & freeze 1 to ring the changes
• scrambled egg or omelette/frittata with veg
• eggs in a pita or GF wrap
• low fat meat options in pita or wrap
• small baked spud or (preferably) sweet potato with a filling like baked beans/cottage cheese or a bean chilli
• some veggie sausages are low fat/high protein & super filling (not all the time as v processed & loads of salt). But 2 with veg/a small wrap or Pita etc ok now & again
• thin bagel or sandwich thin or small pita or wrap if you want a sandwich (not all the time as other lunches will help weight loss more)

With lunch bulk it out by having the salad and/or apple or similar too

Dinner

• tofu stir fry as you had this week
• mushroom omelette & broccoli
• beans
• a prepared veggie burger/grill whatever (they are often 200 cals or so) with loads of veg
• meatballs on sauce on courgetti (I use veggie ones)
• homemade wedges (ie cut up potato & a small serving- so half a tennis ball max)
• I find rice & quinoa super filling too & these are also available pre-cooked (I have seen single serve cans of cooked quinoa at Asda so probably other supermarkets do too)

Snack

• mini banana & a few nuts (eg 6/8 almonds)
• any fruit & some nuts (not just fruit as no protein/fat)
• 100/150g of plain skyr/kvarg/greek yogurt- with berries, & 1 tbsp oats/muesli/few nuts etc if you are really hungry
• any shop ‘protein yogurt’
• cottage cheese & an apple
• ryvita with low fat Philly & peppers or tomatoes
• if you need something sweet - ryvita with a scrape of PB& jam

As you will see from the suggestions, I’m a vegetarian so don’t know much about what would work meat wise but meat/fish & veg is also a fine ‘meal template’ - what I’m suggesting is having a limited variety of simple options. NONE of these take long to make at all -typically I spend 10 mins hands on preparing a meal (my stews take slightly more perhaps but I normally can make those in advance so it’s not a rush & eat over next few days, & can start them while in kitchen doing other things)

These are just ideas - and I’m sure others will have different ones

Diets work. Your will power is the issue

^ what I meant to finish by saying was, I have a big appetite but if you choose your foods with care you really DON’T have to be miserably hungry, & I think being TOO hungry all the time is counterproductive (some hunger before you eat is normal & healthy, but you need to feel like you’ve had a satisfying meal to stick at it)

I hear you about the 40’s thing! I’m 44 and boy do I find it more difficult to control my weight since I hit 40! I miss my carefree food and wine days of my 20’s and 30’s!

I did Weight Watchers and lost 2.5 stone on it and one thing it taught me to do was to eat smarter, not less (I liked the fact it didn’t focus on calorie counting as I become obsessed with that and would end up starving myself!).

Now I’m not saying you should join WW, it helped me but it may not help others. Everyone is different.

But there’s a few key basic things I did to change my diet that are what helped the most:

• Ate more protein and lean meats (Chicken, Turkey, Fish etc)
• Included more vegetables and salads with my meals
• Started cooking more egg based meals - they really fill you up (Eggs Royale was a firm fave for lunch! Poached egg, whole meal muffin and smoked salmon and I used WW Hollandaise sauce to drizzle on top). And there’s a big variety of Omelettes also you could do. Quick, easy and healthy.

Found a few replacements for regular foods that were lower fat/salt/sugar. Hovis do a low calorie whole meal bread too. 51 Cals per slice (small loaf).

Protein and fibre high foods are very filling. So you can keep your portion sizes smaller, but still have a meal that fills you up.

I did do exercise as well purely to tone up and help me increase my calorie deficit. I was doing Strength training (BodyPump) & Cardio (Dance and BodyCombat), but ANY exercise will do. Good walk with uneven paths rather than flat paths burns more calories than you think! I also did a charity walk during my WW stint and completed half of my steps just walking round my living room (lockdowns for you!)

When I got to the last stubborn 8lbs that wouldn’t shift, I tried a bit of intermittent fasting. 16:8 - Which was just that I kept my meal times to within a set 8 hours of the day. (This stopped me from eating too late as well).

And daft as it may sound, I’d brush my teeth after my last meal, so that I wouldn’t be tempted to eat any more that evening and pig out on snacks! (Crisps and wine are my main vices )

Not sure if any of this helps and I may be completely stating the obvious with what I’ve suggested, but thought I’d share in case you find any of it useful

@MoirasWigStand

Right, I’ll start again tomorrow. Not sure whether to calorie count or IF though.

I know booze is bad, but not sure I want to give up wine forever. There has to be some joy in life?

You don’t have to give up wine. I didn’t.

It’s just having it in moderation.

So I’d keep the wine for my treat at the end of the working week and have a glass or two on a Friday/weekend.
(When the first lockdowns hit I was having some every day! So I just took it down to weekends as a nice treat. And it tasted much better when I’d not had any for a few days! )

Agree with DespairingHomeowner all those foods feature heavily in my diet - you are better spending your cals on something filling.
Red lentils don’t need soaking I make this soup for lunch a lot no chopping, normal cherry tomatoes work.

Dried Soup or broth mix is good to add to homemade veg soup. Tinned beans and lentils are also easy to add.
If you prefer warm drink hot sugar free vimto or ribena is nice.

@Findingthelight1

Hands up, I had more than 2 (4). But not as many as I might usually have had

Jeez OP - how many might you usually have had?! Genuinely no idea how you could eat four pancakes (and no I'm not one of those competitive undereating "massive salad" types).
Is your frying pan very small?!

But more seriously, if you're serious about losing weight, this is the sort of stuff you need to look at. This thread has been full of excuse after excuse (you don't like drinking water in winter?!) and at some point the excuses and minimalising need to stop.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But to eat four pancakes a few hours after saying you'd stop at two suggests you're not committed in any way to making the lifestyle changes you say you want to make.

I speak as a formerly very overweight person, in case that's relevant.

4 pancakes is really not that much if they were instead of dinner and were crepe style pancakes. The recipe I use comes in at under 400 cals for 4 pancakes. I have 4 every Sunday morning and easily fit it into my calorie allowance for the day.

Also @MoirasWigStand there’s a recipe book called Pinch of Nom that you can look for healthy recipes in.

pinchofnom.com/

@TriceratopsRocks

I'm late to this thread I know, but I was similar height/weight to OP. Trying to do it on my own by eating (what I thought was) sensibly, and exercising more, I lost 10lb in a year. This year, I've lost 4.5 stone with WW. And to be honest, I have found it straightforward. The biggest issue was realising I was emotional eating when stressed, so tried to find something to replace that. But the 'diet' itself was easy. I believe it's sustainable because WW encourages a lifesyle change - you are rewarded for eating healthy foods like vegetables, drinking water and doing activity, and discouraged from eating lots of junk, but you can absolutely still enjoy the junk - hence it being sustainable long term.

My problem foods were bread, cheese, crisps and chocolate and I still eat all of these regularly (chocolate and crisps almost daily!) but in much smaller amounts. And rather than binging them, I plan and savour them . You can fill up on 'free' foods whenever you are hungry, and I always do. It does help being at home, because for lunch I can make a quick stir fry, or omlette, or baked sweet potato, or home made soup. I batch cook so I always have soup/casseroles etc in the freezer for a quick and easy meal. And I always have 0 point snacks easily available, like yoghurt and fruit, or baked oats. I stopped using the app after New Year, and am still hovering around my target weight without really thinking about it. Because the year on the programme instilled a lifestyle change that I am happy with.

The thing WW really gave me was accountability and information. By tracking absolutely everything I ate, I didn't forget about it, and could adjust accordingly. Also, the app allows you to scan products to see their nutritional content and WW points value. The massive difference between some foods that I would have thought were identical was shocking at times. Eg passata - some has loads of added sugar, and if you don't know it's easy to miss.

I really wish you well OP. You can do it. I never thought I'd even be able to lose even 1 stone, let alone 5. But by doing it slowly, in tiny little steps, you will gradually get there.

Same for me. WW really got me to think about the foods that I ‘thought’ were healthy and look at the whole nutritional value. It was pretty eye opening!

I loved being able to scan products in the supermarket, because I could make an alternative choice there and then.

Chatting with others on the app who were my age and being able to share food ideas and having that little support network to tap into was a great added bonus.

@MoirasWigStand

How do I manage my stress? Serious question. My job has been very full on and stressful recently. Plus loads of stuff going wrong in my house and my voluntary role which I have now given up. I don’t know how to manage stress that doesn’t involve treat eating/drinking wine.

I don’t really eat takeaways or junk food. All meals are home cooked, but just not diet friendly. As to dc. Well one is autistic so you’d be surprised by what little she does eat. Macaroni cheese, pizza, one specific chicken curry, stir fry. That’s it. Other dc hates stir fry, and is veggie. I’m literally always making at least two meals. So to add a third one which is mostly vegetables sometimes feels too much.

Have you spoken to your GP about managing stress?

I suffer with stress and anxiety. My GP referred me to Mind and they went through CBT with me and helped me with some coping techniques. (I am also on anxiety tablets now to help my body deal with the physical symptoms of my anxiety as I was having heart palpitations with my anxiety levels at times!).

But Cognitive Behavioural Therapy may be a good option to give you some coping techniques?

You don’t need to stick to plain water but improving hydration has been shown to help with weight loss.

Not drinking tea and coffee is a myth, it’s fine for most people, just be wary of the caffeine later in the day. You need to sleep well too.

www.nhs.uk/live-well/eat-well/water-drinks-nutrition/

Red lentils can be used straight from the packet. One of my favourite lazy dinners in winter is potatoes, lentils, tinned tomatoes and curry paste. Proper filling comfort food but low fat.

You can also buy green lentils and black beans in tins. Black beans are a good substitute or mince. I also like the pouch grains - merchant gourmet do some nice ones - in salad.

Have a good day today.

The more you post, the more I feel you aren’t in the right headspace for this right now. Maybe work on that first. There is a lot of resistance to ideas on here and you seem to focus on food/ drink giving you joy in life.
Several of these things sound like non issues. The free works lunches in a lot of places are not that great so many people would just take their own food along instead, which would be much tastier. And now you say you don’t want to quit wine for good because there has to be some joy in life! Firstly, no one said that you have to give it up, but secondly you should have plenty of joy in your life without wine. If you don’t, then this is what you need to change right now. I haven’t drunk anything for a couple of years due to health reasons/ weight loss and don’t miss it. I can assure you there is plenty of joy in my life without alcohol or binge eating. I only relied on these things for happiness when my life was miserable/ hard. I am the happiest I’ve ever been, even without wine. So many people on here, including myself have given lots of helpful advice and support. I know from experience how hard it is, but you seem invested in making excuses rather than changes. I really think that is because you need to work on yourself before you will be ready to tackle the weight loss seriously.

I agree diets often don't work. There's some interesting Paul McKenna things about intuitive eating. (Hypnotic gastric band?) all about learning the signs of when you are full.

Up your lean protein for sure. I can't eat porridge for breakfast as I always end up starving an hour later. An egg in the morning always does me better although actually these days I often skip breakfast but have an early lunch. Snack on fruit and crudités if I get really peckish but I find if I have breakfast I want morning snacks more.

I'd say the bread/ wrap at lunch is a waste calories too tbh, but if it's in your plan fair enough. Can't be arsed with calories counting myself. As you know deprivation and reward cycles are why diets fail.

Remember if you're hungry to drink water then if still hungry have a healthy snack.

Also different things work for different people, we are not all the same.

Being strict on not eating after 7.30 also really helps me. Mainly because it's never health food I'm reaching for at that time.

And you don't have to justify why your weight has spiralled- it happens easily which without your medical reasons.

Diets don’t work. Lifestyle changes do.
After I started the menopause I gained weight mainly around the belly as belly fat which is the worse place to store fat. Gradually the weight piled on and in 4 years I was 3 stone overweight and then to my horror last October I was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic and went on metformin I started to look at low carb diets as eventually I want to control my diabetes without medication and stop the progression of the diesese. I went low carb in November. I don’t count calories I count carbs and since then I have dropped over 2 stone and am still losing. My blood sugar numbers are better, I have more energy, my skin is better and I am no longer suffer eing from the other effects of high blood sugar. It is a lifestyle change not a diet. If you are serious about losing weight look at a low carb. You don’t have to go as far a Keto as that is pretty drastic and I found it nearly impossible so now I still to around 50g of carb a day.

Keto! Hard to start, but once you stop bouncing off your blood sugar you will be amazed!

@Stripey3000

Switching to a plant based diet (even for a % of the week) and cutting out alcohol are quite easy wins. Good luck. You've got this! X

Yep. Whole food plant based diet all the way. I maintain a size 8 eating things like chickpeas, tofu, tempeh, hummus, beans, loads of fruit and veg, nuts and seeds. I don't really count calories. I do eat sweets and biscuits too but avoid starchy foods and eating big meals late in the day. Agree with cutting out alcohol too.

OP if you don't want to give up alcohol completely, and if you're in this for the long haul I can understand why you would be reluctant, could you swap to something like vodka, lime & soda, which has fewer calories than wine?

There are also lighter wines (low alcohol ones have come a long way), and some whites have 8-10 % alcohol vs up to 15% for some reds

Champagne also has fewer as its dry & served in smaller glasses

BUT: it’s empty calories that create weight gain & refusing to cut them out/right down (even for a period of a few weeks) is in essence choosing to not reach weight loss goals. That’s sugar, fatty junk foods (like crisps, biscuits etc), but alcohol is probably the biggest hitter as it dissolves good intentions AND there is evidence that there is more weight gain from food consumed with alcohol as it provides such fast energy

Cutting the booze out even for a few weeks is choosing to drop the pounds

I already have a diagnosed mental illness for which I am on medication. I have had psychotherapy in the past and some CBT. A lot of my stress is having too much to do and not enough time. But I have cut out the voluntary role which was causing lots of stress.

When I was with my ex husband I wasn’t allowed to drink. If I had more than one glass of wine I was considered an alcoholic. So I suppose I associate it slightly with that. After we split I suppose I went a little the other way.

I’m a a relatively (10 months) relationship and on a couple of nights a week we like to share a bottle of wine. I did dry January so I can go without, but my partner enjoys a drink and good food. Of course he wouldn’t stop me drinking, but it’s nice to share a drink together, that’s all. I know alcohol has contributed to my weight gain and I’ve already cut back. He’s absolutely lovely and would support any decision, like if I didn’t want to drink. It’s hard for me to express what I mean over this.

Anyway, I hate the free lunch but had no snacks, fairly low calorie tea and not going to eat anymore tonight. The context is that the food has been ordered (in individual lunch boxes because of covid) so it will be wasteful to leave. And even if no one said anything, they probably would think it odd. No one brought their own lunch (there’s only 7 on the training).