AIBU to know diets don’t work but also need to lose 3-4 stone

[MoirasWigStand]

I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. 5’6” and weigh 14st 11. There is a reason, I had health issues last year which meant no exercise (even walking) for almost a year, as well as a period of time on steroids (which made me pile on weight).

I really, really, need to lose it now. I can exercise (although my efforts are pretty pathetic so far!). I started calorie counting and lost 6lbs in January, but it’s gone back on after a few stress do l weeks.

And I found it so hard. 1500 calories is so little food 😂. I clearly have issues with stress eating and bingeing. Also when ‘bored’ at home when wfh.

I need a massive kick up the arse. I know diets don’t work, I’ve read those books. But I really need to lose some weight, I’m disgusted in myself.

I do shop at charity shops. What I’ve noticed is that there isn’t much choice of size 18 plus clothes.

I know it takes time and effort, I just can’t seem to find it. I’ve done very well in the past.

My freezer isn’t very big and not much space for batch cooked stuff. Full of frozen veg and veggie stuff for dc who is vegetarian. But I do squeeze stuff in when I can.

I do shop online when I can. I work full time and until this week undertook a voluntary role that took up a lot of time too. I hate meal planning as one dc is autistic and limited in what will eat. Other is veggie and normal child fussiness. So it’s constantly planning for three different meals. It’s a exhausting.

Have you read Just Eat It? It's very good for helping to understand why the diet industry fucks us up and why 'diets' don't work and you end up yo-yoing.

Intuitive eating is the way forward BUT it's really hard. The first part is actually making peace with your body and accepting it. Doesn't mean you have to love it but body neutrality is good. It's taken me a long time but I have very slowly lost 10kgs since last Sept. I'm not restricting, I accept that some days I will just want to eat a lot and others I might not - I did do a year or so of just eating everything and yes, I put weight on but I have learned that this is a marathon not a sprint. Exercise to feel good as well rather than just for the calories. I have found that the change in my attitude has really helped the binge/guilt/restrict cycle.
As I say, it's not a quick fix and I know I will never be skinny (never really have been) but doing things like accepting my dress size (16 now form 12/14) and buying clothes that fit and feel good also makes a difference.

If you love running, then you have a massive advantage! I know you said you feel downhearted about not being able to run the distances that you once did, but start from the beginning and work up to those distances. If you do the C25K you'll be running 5K in half an hour, easily. And that half an hour will be burning around 320 calories - repeat that run 3 or 4 times a week and it will really help you.

(I've tried running - have completed C25K 3 times, and also did a sponsored 'run 60 miles in September' challenge, but all that's told me is that I hate running and I'm never going to do it again!)

Diets do work, I’ve lost 24lbs recently. What you can’t do is switch straight back to eating as you were before. For me 1500 is a lot as I’m short so only get 1200

@LimeSegment

Science suggests extreme weight cycling is worse for your health than being a bit chubby tbh.

Science doesn't suggest that though. It's just old fashioned diet wisdom, along the lines of "you must eat breakfast" and the healthy food pyramid with bread/grains at the bottom (ie eat the most).

👆🏻This!

I really sympathise, as I've lost weight and gained some again. My tips are-

Eat healthily and sensibly

It does no harm to calorie count at first so that you know what energy you are taking in

Increase vegetable intake dramatically-include roast veg, frozen and tinned and salads or side salad (10 a day ). It is healthy and should become a long term aim

Healthy carbs are absolutely fine. Eg. wholemeal sourdough and porridge etc. I don't avoid them

Base meals around vegetables with a small amount of protein instead of the other way round

Include some vegetarian meals. Eg soy burgers, pulse based dinners, vegetable curry, nut based meals

Give up alcohol, or drink very little. Sadly alcohol really is a diet killer

Have the odd treat. Not every week but sometimes

Kids will mostly eat soy burgers or chicken quorn meals, veg bolognese or lasagne and stuff like that

Perhaps start to slowly reduce any unhealthy foods the kids eat, and eat meals they like minus the tons of mash, or replace eg fishmongers for your meal with frozen fish etc.

Absolutely do cook large portions of healthy food and freeze individually-not just soup, for days you can't be arsed but kids are having stuff you wouldn't choose.

I freeze jam jars of home made tomato sauce, either for pasta based dishes for the whole family if I'm having something they hate or for quick pasta dishes or sauces for me if vice versa.

Take your own packed lunches when travelling or even meeting friends

Try to include exercise in your daily life by walking places etc.

Try to avoid eating in the evening.

If you are over 30 bmi, high cholesterol and previous heart attack you should be able to access a weightloss programme or support via GP.

I have signed to 10 day free trial of Slimpod - it's not a diet and a lot of the trust pilot reviews mention the complete freedom from calorie counting, weighing, thinking about food at all. Very positive and supportive and may be good for you?

I think one of the problems with diets ( or giving up anything) is that it then becomes all you think about. And since you need to eat it becomes quite difficult and stressful.

What I liked about the 800 cal diet is it just said : stop eating.
You could have enough to keep you healthy and well but that was it.

It was a revelation to just not think eating. Not about how much of this or that I could off set calories with . Or much I fancied a bit of whatever . It made me stop thinking of food as “being there” for me. I didn’t need a treat or a pick me up or anything else that was based on food.
I know lots of people will say that’s terrible advice but really if you’ve been picking and snacking for years you need to rethink it all.

@LimeSegment some inconclusive evidence perhaps even if science doesn't think the issue is settled. Haven't looked at the studies mentioned though.

www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/expert-answers/yo-yo-dieting/faq-20348589

@MoirasWigStand

I do shop at charity shops. What I’ve noticed is that there isn’t much choice of size 18 plus clothes.

I know it takes time and effort, I just can’t seem to find it. I’ve done very well in the past.

My freezer isn’t very big and not much space for batch cooked stuff. Full of frozen veg and veggie stuff for dc who is vegetarian. But I do squeeze stuff in when I can.

I do shop online when I can. I work full time and until this week undertook a voluntary role that took up a lot of time too. I hate meal planning as one dc is autistic and limited in what will eat. Other is veggie and normal child fussiness. So it’s constantly planning for three different meals. It’s a exhausting.

Re meal planning, I got this idea from a mumsnet poster: I spent a couple of hours one afternoon writing a four week rolling menu, for me and DC, printed the recipes and saved the ingredients in my online ordering app so it saves time each week. I don't have to always try to think of healthy meals and as it's over four weeks, there is variety...some days never change though eg if it's a club night we have the same meal every week as it's quick and easy. It's helped me a lot!

Again reread your replies on this thread and look for solutions instead? I just bought a second hand extra freezer ( the cost of running it will pay for itself as more organisation means less takeaways and junk food expense)
You could prep meals for kids also and focus on yourself. At weekend I prep a weeks worth of lunches and breakfasts to give me time for a little exercise after work.
I think to be really successful you have to really plan, then if you have a slip up draw a line and carry on. Even if it very slow.
It is hard, even more so over 40, but like you have health problems and medications, but have also accepted it will take time.
Get your hair done nice if you can, nice shoes and focus on looking the best you can despite your weight right now.
Focus on what you can do, not what is out of reach.
Manage your stress and practice mindful eating. If you feel a binge coming on, ask yourself if you are tired, lonely, stressed and dont medicate with food. Be creative with your solutions.

Diets can work, I promise you.

@SmellyWellyWoo

I have deep seated issues with food and need therapy to address them but nothing is available on the NHS (I have a healthy BMI so don't qualify) and I can't afford private therapy.

Is this something you could look into OP? It's your mind that needs to change.

Have you heard about Intuitive Eating? It sounds amazing and I would love to follow it but just can't manage it by myself- i need a therapist but it might work for you.

Sadly the only thing that keeps me on track long term in the absence of therapy is calorie counting and weekly weigh ins at SW for accountability. It is very rigid but stops me piling on weight. It obviously doesn't address my underlying issues.

Have you thought of trying your local branch of Overeaters Anonymous. Even if you're not an overeater/binger, it is really helpful for addressing issues with food and talking to others who understand and have issues themselves. It's a similar model to AA, and something worth considering if you can't afford a private therapist.

Thanks @DeckardK will check those out now!

Have a look for the podcasts 'Losing 100lbs with Corinne' and 'Half Size Me' - different approaches but one might suit you. Corinne is running a free 'take control of food' challenge this week on her No BS site and you might find that helpful. www.phit-n-phat.com/

How do I manage my stress? Serious question. My job has been very full on and stressful recently. Plus loads of stuff going wrong in my house and my voluntary role which I have now given up. I don’t know how to manage stress that doesn’t involve treat eating/drinking wine.

I don’t really eat takeaways or junk food. All meals are home cooked, but just not diet friendly. As to dc. Well one is autistic so you’d be surprised by what little she does eat. Macaroni cheese, pizza, one specific chicken curry, stir fry. That’s it. Other dc hates stir fry, and is veggie. I’m literally always making at least two meals. So to add a third one which is mostly vegetables sometimes feels too much.

So tonight we had macaroni cheese (one that they both eat). Then tomorrow one dc will have that reheated while I have stir fry with other one. Then next day other dc has it reheated and I make enchiladas with other one. I’m tired even working it out!

As pp mentioned, a 4 week rolling rota would really help you. And you don’t have to cook a third meal - that’s just making things more difficult for yourself. Stir fry: add loads of extra veggies for you to bulk your meal out, macaroni cheese: small portion for you with plenty of veg/ salad on the side, chicken curry: add lots of veg to it or serve on side if autistic child won’t eat the veg, pizza: small portion with big side salad. You can buy frozen/ preprepped veg and bags of salad to make things easier. Try to eat same meals as the veggie on some days a week and make sure it is a healthier option, not just loads of cheese or veggie burgers etc. it’s difficult making two meals a day but you definitely don’t need to go to the hassle of making a third meal for yourself

How old are dc? Can they do some cooking. Stirfry is great so if one eats that have it a few times a week.
Go through veggie recipes and agree on a few low calorie meals then you can eat that with veggie child and other have pizza etc.
If you can get a freezer it really helps we have a chest freezer in shed. Then batch cook. I did 2 slow cooker recipes this weekend will have microwaved this week and made a crustless quiche - bit of prep at weekend means I’m sorted first half of week.

I don’t know how to manage stress that doesn’t involve treat eating/drinking wine.

It's a personal thing of course but I deal with stress by doing pilates, Yoga, reading, my skincare routine, bath, watching crappy TV, writing, chatting to family, listen to audio books, meditations, sleep stories.

I have a chronic pain condition so I can't drink alcohol as it affects me badly and I don't want to gain wait so don't do it via food.

How do I manage my stress? Serious question. My job has been very full on and stressful recently. Plus loads of stuff going wrong in my house and my voluntary role which I have now given up. I don’t know how to manage stress that doesn’t involve treat eating/drinking wine

Going back to your running would be a great way to deal with stress.

I think there is an element of sheer bloody mindedness required at least at the start of trying to lose weight, until some of those new habits become ingrained.

Peter Attia (US doctor with a particular focus on autophagy/fasting, worth a follow) posted on Instagram recently about how terrible humans are at looking ahead to an ultimate reward. So while logically we know eating better and exercising is going to bring us benefits into our old age, we are just not made to focus on something so distant. So instead I’ve been trying to pick on things that are coming up soon as motivation when I want to eat four slices of buttered toast for breakfast and again for lunch. Literally saying in my head or even out loud “No. Work meal in two weeks” as a motivator for keeping on track. And once the work meal has happened, then I’ll pick something else in the next couple of weeks/month and use that as my motivator. I’ve only been trying that for a week or so but it seems to help me walk away from the fridge. Also it’s better for me psychologically than always looking back and essentially punishing myself for what I ate previously - No, you mustn’t eat that because you ate chocolate yesterday - which I have done a lot of in the past (eating chocolate, and punishing myself!).

A couple of binge/disordered eating books I’ve read talk about how you literally need to rewire your brain in response to food. The more you practice saying “No” or, preferably, “Later” the easier it should become. But there is a stubbornness required.

Finally, it’s been touched on here but sleep is so important. I hadn’t realised how much but Peter Attia and Matthew Walker (author of Why We Sleep) talked about it on a podcast recently and so my next goal is to try to get to bed earlier and see if that also helps. Tiredness is dreadful for pushing me towards overeating.

Yes but ...

... it's incredibly irritating to hear people telling you that you need to sleep better, when you can't!

All those of us who suffer from insomnia will have tried all means of different things to sleep better, I'm sure.

@BIWI

Yes but ...

... it's incredibly irritating to hear people telling you that you need to sleep better, when you can't!

All those of us who suffer from insomnia will have tried all means of different things to sleep better, I'm sure.

Fully paid up member of the 3am wide awake club here, so I don’t disagree and I don’t have solutions, I just know I need to try to find a way for me personally to get more sleep at night.