AIBU to know diets don’t work but also need to lose 3-4 stone

[MoirasWigStand]

I’m the fattest I’ve ever been. 5’6” and weigh 14st 11. There is a reason, I had health issues last year which meant no exercise (even walking) for almost a year, as well as a period of time on steroids (which made me pile on weight).

I really, really, need to lose it now. I can exercise (although my efforts are pretty pathetic so far!). I started calorie counting and lost 6lbs in January, but it’s gone back on after a few stress do l weeks.

And I found it so hard. 1500 calories is so little food 😂. I clearly have issues with stress eating and bingeing. Also when ‘bored’ at home when wfh.

I need a massive kick up the arse. I know diets don’t work, I’ve read those books. But I really need to lose some weight, I’m disgusted in myself.

I was the heaviest I had ever been 12 months ago. I am now the lightest I have been for the last 30 years.
How, I just ate a lot less, I had gall bladder problems so went on a fat free regime I ate very small meals, but had five of them a day which effectively shrank my stomach but I was never hungry.
Going fat free has altered my "tastes" now a huge plate of steamed veg is absolutely delicious to me I cannot face roast potatos.
It is a "thing" your food tastes can change, ask anyone who has become a vegan recently!
I also "borrowed" a dog to give me a reason togo for walks.
How I lost weight might not work for you but it really is a mindset, you need focus and determination, all these diets do work but its how you stick to them, Plenty of people have sucess with 5:2 or Slimming World, but you need to be in the right place mentally. Whether you are motivated by health fears or a future event that you want to look good for its something no-one else can do for you.
Good Luck

Diets do work. Not cabbage soup diet or atkins or anything ridiculous but just tracking calories on an app like my fitness pal, making sure you mostly eat healthy and cut the junk out and obviously exercising will make you lose weight. I’m an inch taller than you and I was the same weight as you at the start of the year, lost 18 lbs so far just doing the above.

Oh and get a Fitbit!

Being 'disgusted' with yourself is almost certainly part of the problem. One of the reasons that diets don't work is that they often start from a place of self loathing, which evaporates when you've lost some weight.

You know the basics. Moves more, eat better. Don't snack, make sure a decent amount of your place is vegetables. Avoid alcohol where possible, drink spirits with slimline tonic or diet coke when it's not. Try to make smaller sustainable changes.

I would also say that three stone is a lot. Try to focus on getting rid of 10lb, then see how you feel and set a new goal. Chip away at the rock rather than trying to move a mountain.

Mentally if you go into it thinking you will fail, diets don’t work you will fail.
Depending on age of kids can you get them on board? They will be worried about you and impact on your health.
Focus on health was main thing for me. I chose healthy food and by eating that way I felt better. I started as an 18/20. My was to be healthier and less fat. As you get going it gets easier honestly.
Podcasts are great for a burst of motivation I enjoy the Slimming world one but pick what you like.

I am sorry you're feeling this way, but I think you should shift your focus. You've gone through something difficult and now you're better! yes, a few pounds heavier but your health overall is better and that's important!

Personally, I've found the 16 8 fasting helped me start off my weight loss journey, in combination of a low carb diet.

Kids are 12 and 9, but i absolutely do not want them to notice that I am dieting. They already have issues with germs because of covid and ex husband. Especially dd, I don’t want to her to even consider dieting.

I have literally tried everything in relation to sleep.

Today so far I’ve had porridge and tsp honey and an omelette and salad for lunch. Either a banana and pear as a snack. Which leaves 400-500 calories for tea. It’s totally psychological, but the thought of not being able to eat anything until tea is hard. And I haven’t even counted the milk in my cup of tea and 3 coffees.

And this week I’m delivering training at work and food is being provided. Of course it’s all sandwiches and crisps. So I have to work out what I can take and also miss out on my free lunch!

Me too, bit of mutual support perhaps?

I'm currently sitting at my desk feeling like I'm starving because I need to only eat 1000 calories a day

Have you read Why We Eat (Too Much) by Dr Andrew Jenkinson?

I think it might be quite helpful to your way of thinking, you won't lose weight fast but it should be sustainable and safe for the kids to eat the same with you while not being an obvious diet.

Much of it backed by good science (though some of it is just theory), and much of it is consistent with other reputable sources. There is also a threat in weight loss chat.

And this week I’m delivering training at work and food is being provided. Of course it’s all sandwiches and crisps. So I have to work out what I can take and also miss out on my free lunch!

I think it’s this kind of approach that means people give up because it sucks all the joy out of life. Have the provided lunch but allow for it in your day (as best you can). Personally I would fast until the lunch but appreciate intermittent fasting isn’t for everybody. I would maybe plan a lighter tea if I knew I would probably be hoovering up any leftover crisps at lunch (and I really would because, free food, am I right?!). Or have chewing gum on standby so as soon as I’ve eaten my free sandwich and a few crisps I have some gum which would probably put me off eating for a short while until hopefully they’ve cleared the leftovers away.

I am going to sound horrible but I think you need to get used to eating less. What you have eaten would keep me going just fine. It gets easier with practice.

I also would not consider what you have eaten a diet. It's normal healthy food. We have just lost sight of what is normal or how much of it we should be eating.

@MoirasWigStand well done, sounds like you have eaten really well today. Lots of filling and nutritious food. I completely agree with not wanting to get your children involved - thought that was a terrible suggestion and the perfect way to create food issues in your children!

Personally if the training was an occasional thing, I would eat the sandwiches and crisps and not feel guilty. I agree with @ChuckBerrysBoots that often people give up on eating healthily because they feel deprived and as though they cannot live a ‘normal’ life. It is ok to have the odd meal or even week off plan, as long as you get straight back to it at your next opportunity. Maybe take a piece of fruit with you and have just one less sandwich/ handful of crisps and have a lighter dinner when you get home. Life is all about balance and you shouldn’t feel like you have to miss out on those things that are important to you. As long as you mostly eat well the weight will still fall off

I think it’s because it’s 3 days in a row this week. But yes, maybe I work around it.

I might have eaten well but I am hungry though. I’m not going to give in though.

It’s not dieting though it’s healthy eating. I was open with my DD who was 13 at time and she could see I was eating not starving or doing weird shakes, and eating healthy tasty food. They will be worrying about you being overweight with health issues (may not articulate it to you) Emphasis on what you can have not can’t. It’s good for everyone to eat more fruit & veg, up their steps, drink more water etc.
Are you aiming for too low cals? You need it to be sustainable. Do a few TDEE calculators.
I have a kvarg or skyr most afternoons 80ish cals and high protein so it’s filling. Easily worked into calories.
I’ve had porridge for breakfast with berries (adds bulk and nutrients) Adding low calorie veg & fruit like berries or mushrooms or Tenderstem broccoli to meals is easy way to feel fuller.
Work lunch I’d take wholemeal pitta with filling or homemade crustless quiche. I have no qualms about doing that lots of people don’t eat a communal lunch (allergies, gluten free, germs etc) I was on an activity day yesterday with provided sandwiches (thick cheap white bread with marg and cheese or ham) I ate some homemade crustless quiche instead no one said a thing.
I agree with poster above. I have porridge & berries for breakfast, don’t snack mid morning, omelette & salad for lunch, protein yog and/or fruit at 4pm ish then healthy homemade dinner later inc 1/3 plate veg plus small chocolate if I fancy eg freddo. I think that’s normal healthy eating not a diet and I’m happy for my teen daughter to see me eating this way.
The slimming foodie book is very family friendly. I made the 5 ingredient salsa chicken in slow cooker at weekend recipe online - tasty and no effort. Leftovers for easy lunch.

It will get easier as you get going. Honestly. Good luck. Lots of water. Go for a walk if you can. Protein yoghurt like skyr or kvarg (flavoured quark) has honestly been a game changer for me and I didn’t like yoghurt. The pro kvarg are 90 cals/18g protein very filling.

I’ve set MFP for 1600 calories .Normal family friendly food doesn’t work for us, as autistic dc won’t eat, for example spag Bol, lasagne, roast dinner, any meat other than chicken in a curry etc.

My point about taking food is one the time it takes to plan and prepare (work full time and only adult in the house), plus being annoyed at missing out on a free lunch! Three free lunches!

Just a thought, maybe try having some protein for breakfast. A lot of people find porridge fills them up all morning but not everyone does. If I have porridge I find I am hungry again mid morning. I make sure I have a high protein breakfast and then a tofu salad later, soya yoghurt with plenty of protein mid afternoon. Then for my main meal I always have at least half a plate of veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs.

1600 cals should be plenty based on what you have already eaten. Enough for a bit of chocolate in the evening or a more indulgent dinner. I suggested a few ways, upthread how you could easily adapt your main meals to cut down on work. You definitely need to meal plan.

Try the Noom app it's working for me.

@EssexLioness

Just a thought, maybe try having some protein for breakfast. A lot of people find porridge fills them up all morning but not everyone does. If I have porridge I find I am hungry again mid morning. I make sure I have a high protein breakfast and then a tofu salad later, soya yoghurt with plenty of protein mid afternoon. Then for my main meal I always have at least half a plate of veg, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carbs.

Hi, can I ask you about your soya yoghurt with plenty of protein? Where does the protein come from? I don’t eat dairy and don’t bother with yoghurt because it so low in protein?

@KalaniM it is the Alpro Greek style one. Soy beans provide the protein. 1/3 tub is only 85 cals with 7.2g protein. Not sure how that compares to dairy but for vegan yoghurts it’s pretty good. I am menopausal so I aim for 100g protein a day.

There have been a few posts telling OP how many calories she needs to lose weight.

Except that There isn't a magic number that can be pulled out from a keyboard, everyone's calorie requirements are different. Some people can lose weight on 1700 calories a day, others (short, old people like me) would actually put on weight.

It really is worth doing the maths. Find out your total energy expenditure using a valid calculator.

Work out how many pounds you want to lose and multiply by 3500 (the number of calories per pound). That will tell you how many calories you need to burn in total. Divide this by the number of days. Say 365 if you want to lose the weight over a year. This tells you how many fewer calories you need to reach your goal.

So to lose 2 stones (28 pounds), you would need 98,000 fewer calories. Over a year that's 268.4 calories fewer each day than you burn.

If you burn 1800 you will lose weight at 1500. If you burn 1500 you need to drop to 1200. A six foot male could eat a lot more and still lose weight.

Some of this can be offset with exercise. Just be careful not to overestimate how many calories you are really burning.

Have you triple checked tdee on a few - 1600 is low for me but I’m tall.
I’d do a weekly menu and repeat for a few weeks until you get going.
Macaroni you all eat - great - make 4 portions - you have portion with green veg.
Pizza - they have theirs, you have an under 500 cal one with lots of salad.
Stirfry - you two have it, none stirfry eater has leftover macaroni.
Curry x 2 - make chicken one 4 portions and Quorn one 2 portions. You have yours with rice and Tenderstem broccoli or cauliflower rice.
That’s Mon to Fri done with not much thought or effort.
Breakfast scrambled eggs & veg, porridge & berries, omelette.
Lunch wholemeal pitta, homemade soup, baked spud, omelette, crustless quiche.
Soupmaker I use a lot. Add tinned beans, lentils so it’s filling.
Airfryer is used daily it’s not just for chips - you can cook most things plus 12 year old can use it.

You say they will do chicken would they do Heck chicken products - sausages, nuggets, burgers. My DD is very particular but eats those, they are low calorie and cook in mins in airfryer (your veggie could have veggie equivalent)
Does your veggie one eat Bolognese, chilli etc so you could batch cook that to share and cook autistic one a meal separately.
Packs of plain chicken slices is another easy one we both eat - hers with raw veg, me with steamed veg and gravy.

I absolutely do not want them to notice that I am dieting

You're not dieting though. You're just eating a normal healthy diet. That's a good example to your kids, surely.

And fwiw I'd have eaten a free sandwich at lunch, but not the crisps. It's rigid attitudes to what should and shouldn't be eaten that lead to most healthy eating plans failing, ime.