Dh pissing bed drunk

[Exutant]

He is 52 and went into work yesterday in London (normally wfh). Spare bedroom. I went in to see him at 6am - bed soaking with and freezing.
It's not the first time - it happens about every 6 months.
I'm so pissed off. Carrying the sheets down and the lovely matress topper that all thr guests say has made the bed so comfortable. Probably ruined.
Washing machine is thru the kitchen so the kids saw - ashamed to.say I told them "daddy has pissed the bed".
Aibu to think it's not normal?
He's trying to ignore me asking about it and even tried to get into our bed but I made him have a shower.
Now he's being all jolly with the kids and I feel seething.

@RedKite96

Your husband urinated in a bed, you played the martyr and now you're getting chippy with people who replied. Why are you here?

Oh stop it! What a horrible remark. Imagine writing that to a woman who's dealing with this situation this morning.

She's not playing the martyr. She doesn't know what to do.

As understandably angry and all as you are, I can't believe you think it's ok to tell your children daddy pissed the bed, it's an adult issue which you need to resolve to together rather passing the stress and worry into your children. Regardless of his behaviour, he is still their dad and not out to humiliate him in that way, even if he caused it.

Pissing the basis often indicative of an alcoholic. Your whole dynamic is horrible. Your hugh flying husband seems to think it's ok to have his SAH wife clean up after him because he contributes financially.

Glad you are getting counselling. I think you need it separately as well as couples. This is no way to go through life. I would start working and try to get some financial independence as you will probably need it down the line.

Clearly, some posters lack empathy for the shitty situation the OP finds herself in.

I think it's more that the majoirty of posters wouldn't find themselves in this situation because they'd leave. She hasn't 'found herself in this situation' she's choosing to be in it.

I don't get the anger. He's probably feeling bad enough, why so nasty? And telling your kids daddy pissed the bed is the disgusting bit in my opinion.

What you need to discuss I counselling is why he'd let the house smell pissy for weeks.

The issue of you washing the sheets isn't a derail. Because you did it because you know he won't. That's the issue.

Why are you here @RedKite96?
Your shitty remark isn't going to make things better for the OP.

What is the crime of pissing the bed compared to the crime of being a city lawyer.

Adapted from Brecht.

@OhJesusEffingChrist

You're saying that's he's 52 And then you say that you're children are 52 and 49? Have I read that correctly?

Op means her h and her. The 3 kids are at school. School fees x 3 mentioned upthread.

for you OP. At least he slept in the spare bed. Ugh, can you imagine if he’d wet the bed when you were in it?

Here’s my take:

Replace the bedding out of the housekeeping pot then don’t buy wine/beer/nice stuff until the cost has been replaced.

Buy cheap non-iron bedding for the spare bed and save the nice bedding for guests. Buy a plastic sheet for everyday use so that the mattress doesn’t get ruined again. As I said, keep the nice stuff separate for guests.

My DH is a similar age and frequently gets up in the night for a wee. It’s an age thing but also check out your DH’s prostrate (threaten to do it yourself if he won’t go to the doctor. After all, you only have his best interests at heart).

How do his boss and colleagues feel about him getting rat-arsed in front of clients? Has he ever had a disciplinary that you know about? Or is this drinking culture still condoned?

Does he have any other external outlet to deal with stress other than drinking?

I totally get why you would want to bleach everything to an inch of its life after an “incident” but your DH needs consequences. If he does it again then bin the sheets and mattress, don’t replace them and when MIL complains about the bed tell her that DH will expla

@Mummyoflittledragon
Roger that
(Sleep deprived here, apologies)

Is he a child? Are you his mother? No. Raise your standards. If mother in law comes to stay say 'the bed might stink of piss - your son can't get to the toilet when drunk'.

There are only two options here - she either washes the bedding or it stays on the bed and stinks the house out.

There are more than these 2 options, but I think when you're in a bad situation you can get a bit of tunnel vision and can't see the others.

*check out your DH's prostrate, threaten to do it yourself'

Oh Dear Lord No! 🤣

Disgusting. I really doubt he would have cleaned up after himself, op and her kids would have had to live in a piss-stinking house for a while until op cleaned up. Blaming op for not having disgusting standards is wrong. Also how can you “teach him a lesson” when he has so little respect for her that he’s happy to soil her fucking bed regularly.

I don’t think you should have told the kids but it sounds like a heat of the moment thing. I would have told someone whose opinion he cares about like his mother. Shame works.

Just tell him mother when she next stays why the bed is no longer as comfortable!

It's rank. I have friends who've had experience of bed pissers, the relationships have never lasted.

No advice OP but you have my sympathies.

You’re worth more than this.

Why on earth are people picking on the OP?! Mumsnet is so weird sometimes.

I would be massively pissed off too. Not so much at the wetting the bed (although that is gross) but about his attitude afterwards. It's something he should be apologetic and repentant about. Unfortunately there's a certain breed of alpha male who feel that showing any hint of regret is a sign of weakness so they just bluff it out.

I don't blame you for cleaning it up OP, I wouldn't want that just sitting there either.

The best thing to do is probably to stay extremely calm but tell him that he needs to pay to replace the bedding and that you're not cleaning up like that after him again so he'll either have to replace it again or clean it himself. If he has to do one of those things every time he might think twice. I'd also buy a waterproof mattress protector if it's likely to happen again.

Sympathy ... he sounds hugely disrespectful and if you're already seeing a counsellor I'm guessing there are wider issues at play. Hope you find a way forward.

This is all about power. What leverage do you have to make him not behave like a pig, if he won't do it out of common decency?

Get a new mattress out of housekeeping then he eats nothing but lentils until it's paid for.

You're a grown woman, you should have access to more than 'housekeeping'. It sounds like a comfortable but disempowering life.

@Coffeetree

Having the smell of a grown man's piss in the air is absolutely disgusting. It's an entirely normal response to grab the piss soaked sheets and wash them.

Giving the Op a hard time for that is ridiculous.

2 extra hours of him lying in the bed isn't going to make the air any more disgusting, you are being ridiculous.

@Lime37

How old are the children?? At 52 I think they are probably a bit old to be calling him daddy

What a weird comment. I know adults who refer to their parents as mummy & daddy. What’s wrong with that? My 17 and 14yr old still call us Mama & Dada. My partner refers to his parents as mummy & daddy. There’s many terms for parents names, papa for example. Ignorant comment

The children are 52 and 49? So he's what 70 odd and getting pissed up with work?

Who are the 3x school fees for?

I would have left him there and told him to clean it up. Get yourself a job and get some independence from him

OP I think the reason that posters are so focused on you cleaning the sheets is because it really is outrageous that your husband didn't do it. If my DH pissed the bed he'd be so embarrassed and apologetic and would wash them immediately, even though he's generally not great with pulling his weight with housework. People are shocked because it's shocking that he would treat you like this.

Why on earth are people picking on the OP?!

Because she could take complete control of this situation and leave him. But the savings, investments and 3x school fees are more important to her.

I know she hasn't said it but women only stay in shit marriages because of fear of being alone, a fear of losing the lifestyle or just not being able to afford to go. Lack of money clearly isn't an issue, and she hasn't mentioned that she loves him so...

In allowing this situation to continue, she is choosing it for herself.