To ask my husband to make his own lunch?

[Nevertimeforcake]

In this new post covid (ish) era I assume I'm not the only woman now sharing her house 7 days a week with her other half? He works full time and does this from home now most days. I also work from home but do around 10 hours so very much part time hence why I do 90% of household chores and parenting. Up until now I've always made lunch for us both but I'm beginning to get a bit fed up with having to come up with something to make and making it each day. Most days this is fine but on busy days I'd rather just have a piece of toast and crack on. How do I get him to stop expecting to be served lunch every day or better still make lunch for me occasionally?! If I left him to his own devices he'd have beans on toast 5 days a week - he appears to have no idea what else to eat!

hear you OP! I have this too, exceot that if I keave him to it, he doesn’t eat. And he’s already underweight. If I don’t feed him he’ll literally just start working at 7am and then get totally absorbed in it and starve himself until dinner.

I couldn't live like that.
He has responsibility for his own health.
It's up to him if he starves himself.

*dessert dessert dessert dessert

I'm at home 3 days a week and DP tends to wander down around 12.30 (just as I'm sitting down with a sarnie to watch Loose Women!) and says 'what is there for me to eat?' and I usually just say 'not sure, what do you want?' He would like it if I make him what I'm having but I usually have to make DDs lunch too so don't want to be making lunch for 3 people especially as 1 of them is a grown man

@Nevertimeforcake

Thanks all - a helpful reality check on lunch all in all, I think maybe part of the problem is that its got to fancy in this house. I've only recently gone back to work after a post kids career break and I like cooking so I may have turned lunch into more than it needs to be. Problem is my husband is very sensitive to criticism but totally oblivious to hints. Sounds like having the same lunch each day it totally normal so I'll get in loads of baked beans and then sit it out each day so that he has to crack first and make himself lunch.

Then I'll move on to dinner as suggested. Evidently since having kids and staying at home we've seriously reverted to 50's style equality and I've been with him long enough that I cannot still blame his mum for bringing him up wrong.

You should be able to actually have a conversation with the man that you’re married to. What’s this hinting nonsense? And where is the criticism?

“I don’t have time to sort lunch anymore, so you’ll have to sort it yourself.” The end.

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

Is he a gaseous man, OP?

😂😂😂

It's annoying cooking and prepping two meals a day. I say let him crack on with beans on toast.

My husband would live off toasted ham sandwiches, sometimes he will go all out and add coleslaw. I used to make him lunch but the things I want to eat he doesn't like therefore, I was finding myself eating all the things he wanted and that I didn't really like! Now I tell him to sort himself out.

The seond week of lockdown I realised that I was facing the same scenario. I was lucky to see it then and nip it in the bud. I was very clear - when you're working in your office you sort your own breakfast and your own lunch. Same rules apply.

I would be eating soup, or a tasty omelette, or left-overs from the day before. dh would look on longingly as day after day he ate a cheese sandwich

And we eat at different times, when it suits us and our work commitments. I usually only make lunch for him if there's something specific that needs eaten up.

Dropping hints, tiptoeing around how to word things, what a weird way to live. Who gives a fuck what a grown man eats. Clue: no one. You shouldn’t either.

What's wrong with beans on toast every day? Especially if you'd just have toast anyway. If you're having something nice for lunch then fine, offer to make some for him, but if you're busy then tell him and he can fend for himself (or join you in a slice of toast) If that bothers him he can make a sandwich (he can do it the night before if he likes) or go out to a caff same as if he was at work.

DH and I both WFH and make lunch for each other more or less in turn and if one preps the other clears away. Usually just bread cheese/ham and salad, sometimes soup / hardboiled egg / quiche. Some days we have a passive-aggressive competition to hold out longest so the other one prepares it. Other days we even have a grown-up conversation(!) "I've got back to back meetings so I'll grab something for myself in between, sorry you'll have to do your own / please can you do lunch today and leave mine out for me"

I couldn't live like that.
He has responsibility for his own health.
It's up to him if he starves himself.

Agreed. Seems a strange way to live.

@Thewindwhispers

I hear you OP! I have this too, exceot that if I keave him to it, he doesn’t eat. And he’s already underweight. If I don’t feed him he’ll literally just start working at 7am and then get totally absorbed in it and starve himself until dinner.

🤷‍♀️ So I usually feed him cos am sahm and I love him and don’t want him to keep losing weight.

But I blimmin hate it - feel like his mum.

You feel like his Mum because you are mothering him. It's fine if you want to make him lunch and it works with whatever else is going on, but you say you hate it.

So don't do it.

I'm afraid that I disagree with those going on about 50s wives etc.

The op works very pwrttime and I don't think her making lunch on that basis is unreasonable.

She obviously also eats, so how hard is it to make lunch for two?

I think that given she has been a kept woman all of these years, financially speaking, this really is splitting hairs unreasonably and unnecessarily.

Now obviously if the op is manically busy with her 10 hours work one day then no don't make an elaborate feast. But if you're eating and this isn't the case make it.

Honest to God, half of these male partners on here might as well still be latched on to their mother's tit.

Honest to God, half of these male partners on here might as well still be latched on to their mother's tit.

How misogynistic.

Unbelievable that you actually have to ask for advice on how to get a grown up person (who happens to be your H) to make his own lunch!!!
''He has no idea what to eat'' !!
Honestly, this has to be a wind up!

@speakout

Honest to God, half of these male partners on here might as well still be latched on to their mother's tit.

How misogynistic.

Please explain how you came to this conclusion ? Pretty sure it's Misandry rather than Misogyny but you do you hun 😂😂

@SoyMarina

Unbelievable that you actually have to ask for advice on how to get a grown up person (who happens to be your H) to make his own lunch!!! ''He has no idea what to eat'' !! Honestly, this has to be a wind up!

That's very unfair, it's easy for this roles to develop, especially when you're PT / SAHM.

The main thing is OP addressing it now.

Has he actually said he’s expecting lunch everyday? Is he commenting on it? If he’s full time like you say and is the main household provider I wouldn’t really mind 5 minutes of my time to make him a quick sandwich but clearly I’m in the minority here

she has been a kept woman all of these years, financially speaking

She bloody has not, she's been taking care of BOTH of their children.

My DH is also WFH. We discuss the night before what we’re doing the next day. What time he’s breaking for lunch. If I’m out, I tell him and advise what is in the fridge for lunch

When I sit down to plan weekly food shop, I ask him what he would like in the week for lunch and I tell him what I’ve planned for dinners, ask if he any special requests. I don’t make lunch for our DD if she’s working from home, but I do ask her what she’d like me to get in for her lunches (she takes food to work if she’s going in to the office).

Works very well. I’m under no obligation to make anyone lunch and they can have what they’ve asked for. I’ll also often make extra dinner so it is in the fridge next day for lunch if someone wants it.

Communication is key. Just talk to him.

My DH is also WFH. We discuss the night before what we’re doing the next day. What time he’s breaking for lunch. If I’m out, I tell him and advise what is in the fridge for lunch

Can he not just look in the fridge? Why do you need to advise him?

Apart from anything else, your DH should be getting up from his desk and doing something other than shifting seats to eat what you've made. It'll do him good to be moving about in the kitchen preparing food.

As PPs have said, in general breakfast and lunch as self catering meals taken at a time that suits the eater. DH works out the house and his penis doesn't fall off when he makes his own packed lunch every day.

I'd suggest having some errands to run and popping out one day over his normal lunchtime. It may be easier to break the habit if you're not there IYSWIM.

What has lunch been consisting of in your house op?