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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my husband to make his own lunch?

167 replies

Nevertimeforcake · 24/02/2022 12:12

In this new post covid (ish) era I assume I'm not the only woman now sharing her house 7 days a week with her other half? He works full time and does this from home now most days. I also work from home but do around 10 hours so very much part time hence why I do 90% of household chores and parenting. Up until now I've always made lunch for us both but I'm beginning to get a bit fed up with having to come up with something to make and making it each day. Most days this is fine but on busy days I'd rather just have a piece of toast and crack on. How do I get him to stop expecting to be served lunch every day or better still make lunch for me occasionally?! If I left him to his own devices he'd have beans on toast 5 days a week - he appears to have no idea what else to eat!

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 24/02/2022 13:57

If you want to change it just tell him. Agree are you going to do your own, make for each other etc. I do make DH’s breakfast & lunch most of time. I like cooking, follow a set diet and find it easier. He eats what he’s given. Sometimes he will do it if I’m busy. I quite like having lunch together I have a pretty solitary wfh job. He assists me with IT stuff. If I’m not here he does his own I wouldn’t leave him a packed lunch.

lechatnoir · 24/02/2022 13:57

Surely the easiest option is just tell him - I don't want a big lunch today so you'll need to make your own. Or I can't be arsed making your lunches everyday. Or where's my lunch you lazy fucker.

Just talk to him and stop being a martyr/ treating him like one of the children / enabling his entitled attitude / helping him think we're still in the 1950's Hmm

Darbs76 · 24/02/2022 13:59

Just tell him it’s his turn 3 days per week

Mybestyear · 24/02/2022 14:00

[quote courgettigreensadwater]@JofraArchersFastestBall now I want a cheese toastie 😋 [/quote]
Love a cheese toastie! I've just had one with finely sliced onion and garlic pepper - delicious.

Original poster
Nevertimeforcake · 24/02/2022 14:00

Thanks all - a helpful reality check on lunch all in all, I think maybe part of the problem is that its got to fancy in this house. I've only recently gone back to work after a post kids career break and I like cooking so I may have turned lunch into more than it needs to be. Problem is my husband is very sensitive to criticism but totally oblivious to hints. Sounds like having the same lunch each day it totally normal so I'll get in loads of baked beans and then sit it out each day so that he has to crack first and make himself lunch.

Then I'll move on to dinner as suggested. Evidently since having kids and staying at home we've seriously reverted to 50's style equality and I've been with him long enough that I cannot still blame his mum for bringing him up wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nevertimeforcake · 24/02/2022 14:01

Maybe I'll invest in a toasty machine too!

OP posts:
blubberyboo · 24/02/2022 14:03

He can make beans on toast all week if he likes… you don’t have to be concerned about his bowels.

And while he’s at it he could make you some beans on toast for your lunch

Thatsplentyjack · 24/02/2022 14:05

Problem is my husband is very sensitive to criticism but totally oblivious to hints. Sounds like having the same lunch each day it totally normal so I'll get in loads of baked beans and then sit it out each day so that he has to crack first and make himself lunch.

Confused or just tell him "I can't be bothered making fancy lunches anymore". Why are you dropping hints. Why can't you just say it to him?

CatJumperTwat · 24/02/2022 14:05

Evidently since having kids and staying at home we've seriously reverted to 50's style equality and I've been with him long enough that I cannot still blame his mum for bringing him up wrong.

You moan about 1950s (in)equality while blaming a woman for his behaviour?

BinBandit · 24/02/2022 14:07

My adult student son and I are both at home virtually every day but we generally sort ourselves out. Occasionally i'll let him know if there are any particular leftovers or things that need used up (or to avoid) and very very occasionally if I'm really busy, i'll ask him to make me something when doing his but in general it's good to get up and away from your laptop for a bit.

Back in the days when teen DC were at home and I was in the office i'd leave a list of things that were fair game for lunches on the fridge door. and maybe a few suggestions e.g. there are lots of eggs so maybe have toast and egg one day or lots of cheese so maybe make toasties or whatever. Maybe you could ask your DH to meal plan his lunches and add the stuff to the shopping list for whoever does the shopping.

Surprisingly even teen boys can manage to make themselves a different lunch everyday without needing a woman to sort them out.

tkwal · 24/02/2022 14:07

Something on toast, soup and a sandwich, microwaved baked spud ,boiled egg, crusty bread and cheese ? Plenty of options and not too taxing for either of you to prepare or for him to make for himself if you don't have the time or inclination

BeeDavis · 24/02/2022 14:14

You’re not his mother 🙈

thenewduchessoflapland · 24/02/2022 14:15

Have you replaced the canteen workers from his workplace?;is his employers paying you to provide catering services for him?;the answer is no.

Your DH is lazy and your enabling him.Tell him to crack on and make his own lunch.

These seems to be now be a thing amongst many men who have gone WFH since 2020;their wives/partners/girlfriends appear to now be expecting to provide lunch and be on tea making duty.

Anyone remember the horrible thread where a posters husband was walking off to his home office one morning and told like yo have his lunch ready at X o'clock like she was his PA?

SpinningTheSeedsOfLove · 24/02/2022 14:17

Is he a gaseous man, OP?

HelloDulling · 24/02/2022 14:24

Who does the shopping? I’m guessing it’s you. Tell him you won’t have time to make lunches next week, ask him what he would like to add to the list for himself. Then you can add it to your order/get him to buy it at the supermarket.

I do sympathise, OP. I ended up like this in March 2020 when we were suddenly all at home. Packed it in as soon as I went back to work in June. DH hasn’t starved to death yet.

TopTabby · 24/02/2022 14:28

I usually finish work at lunchtime & DH works shifts. I noticed he'd started waiting for me to get home from work in the hope I'd do both our lunches.
I told him lunch was self catering!
He has egg on toast at least 80% of the time but who cares? (Stinks the house out though because he's not the best cook...)

CornflakeMum · 24/02/2022 14:31

You have my sympathies! I nipped this one in the bud quite soon after DH started working from home. In theory we 'shared' the lunch-making, but in reality I was always hungry at 12.30 and started making something then felt obliged to make his "just a sandwich, thanks". Thing is I like making nice veg soups or sandwiches with bacon & avocado etc, but whenever he did manage to make me lunch it would be two badly hacked doorsteps of dry bread with thick slices of cheddar between them. So I just stopped doing it. Said the timing wasn't working for me.
Now he looks at me all forlorn when I have a nice sandwich (all made from things which are equally available to him in the fridge if he could be bothered!)

CrimbleCrumble1 · 24/02/2022 14:31

There was four adults at home in my household. We all do our own lunch. I normally book an online delivery slot and everyone adds the food they need for their own lunches,

Bromse · 24/02/2022 14:31

I don't see why your husband can't do something simple for himself at lunch time, my husband would have. He would also have done something for me if I wanted it.

BoredZelda · 24/02/2022 14:34

Sounds like having the same lunch each day it totally normal so I'll get in loads of baked beans and then sit it out each day so that he has to crack first and make himself lunch.

Or, just talk to him and tell him you don't have time to make lunch any more. Don't people talk to each other any more?

starfishmummy · 24/02/2022 14:36

Whereas my wfh husband has taken kver the cooking almost completely. I make soup and do some baking but he does the meals. How to make someone feel useless....

speakout · 24/02/2022 14:37

Don't ask OP- just tell him.

Thewindwhispers · 24/02/2022 14:37

I hear you OP! I have this too, exceot that if I keave him to it, he doesn’t eat. And he’s already underweight. If I don’t feed him he’ll literally just start working at 7am and then get totally absorbed in it and starve himself until dinner.

🤷‍♀️ So I usually feed him cos am sahm and I love him and don’t want him to keep losing weight.

But I blimmin hate it - feel like his mum.

TheOrigRights · 24/02/2022 14:38

its got too fancy in this house.

Go on, tell us what you've been serving?
Does it have courses? A menu? Desert trolley?
Artisan products?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/02/2022 14:39

Just do your own lunch. God knows why you make his every day. If I'm off on leave and DH is doing something like decorating which he is today, I'll offer to make him something. But otherwise no, he's a grown adult and tends to like unhealthy shit anyway. I try and ask him if he wants some home made veggie soup etc and he just turns his nose up.