To ask my husband to make his own lunch?

[Nevertimeforcake]

In this new post covid (ish) era I assume I'm not the only woman now sharing her house 7 days a week with her other half? He works full time and does this from home now most days. I also work from home but do around 10 hours so very much part time hence why I do 90% of household chores and parenting. Up until now I've always made lunch for us both but I'm beginning to get a bit fed up with having to come up with something to make and making it each day. Most days this is fine but on busy days I'd rather just have a piece of toast and crack on. How do I get him to stop expecting to be served lunch every day or better still make lunch for me occasionally?! If I left him to his own devices he'd have beans on toast 5 days a week - he appears to have no idea what else to eat!

[qreeves]

Relationships need communication and cooperation to work. You need to have a good conversation with your partner. The funny thing about actually feeling comfortable to open up and say what you want goes beyond just household chores, and it is key to having a better time "after dark".

Different people have different skills, and yes, some genders are better at certain tasks than others. My wife will attest to this and she gladly accepts the maternal role so I can take care of everything else for her. That being said, I only really ask her to make dinner, not serve on me hand and foot, and even then if she doesn't feel like doing it she just tells me and we figure out what to do together.

I will admit, we men are creatures of habit, and we will often take the simpler option if it accomplishes the task at hand. If he has beans on toast all the time, it's because he likes it and it is easy. If he gets sick of it that'll probably change.

Just, please, talk to him, instead of strangers on the internet who don't have any vested interest in your relationship.

[irregularegular]

No you don't have to make his lunch.

What's wrong with beans on toast every day if that's what he is happy with?

My husband works at home every day and I do about half the time. Lunch here is basically help yourself - same for the kids if they are around. Basically bread/cheese/cold meats/salad/soup/leftovers. Things on toast is fancy! Nobody makes lunch for anyone else. Though if I am eg scrambling some eggs I will give him a ring and see if he wants some.

It's possible that you have higher expectations for lunch than he does. In which case, you can't really expect him to prepare a proper lunch for you. But you could just leave him to it most days.

[VladmirsPoutine]

Some women absolutely love for this sort of thing. A lot of women take immense pride in that their husbands would be lost without them. I can't see the attraction myself but you aren't alone OP.

[buddylicious]

@underneaththeash

I make DH lunch if I’m in and don’t if I’m not.

Why doesn't he make you lunch if you're in?

[Graphista]

You haven't even spoken to him about this? So it's not like you've mentioned it and he's complained although he is assuming you'll sort it

TALK TO HIM!

And if he has beans on toast every day so what? It won't kill him

Chances are he won't he'll get bored and do himself something else

Sounds like having the same lunch each day it totally normal so I'll get in loads of baked beans and then sit it out each day so that he has to crack first and make himself lunch

Good grief what passive aggressive immature nonsense.

JUST TALK TO HIM!

Quite honestly this is how my mum is with people -and then she claims THEY are the unreasonable ones for getting annoyed that she expects them to be mind readers!

I told him lunch was self catering!



Well exactly!

but whenever he did manage to make me lunch it would be two badly hacked doorsteps of dry bread with thick slices of cheddar between them.

This is strategic incompetence - do a job so badly in hopes you won't be asked again! Barely understandable in a pre teen completely unacceptable in a grown ass adult! Male or female (men tend to do this with chores, women with diy/car stuff - always pathetic!)

This thread is making me hungry reading about all your lovely lunches!

That includes a lovely beans on toast at times nothing wrong with that at all.

What IS is with what I am finding more and more is men under 40 being immature and lazy and expecting women to meet their every need?! And why are the women doing it???

Honest to God, half of these male partners on here might as well still be latched on to their mother's tit.

Omg yes I'm starting to think the same! It's sooooo pathetic I could never be attracted to ANYONE who wasn't a competent, capable ADULT

she has been a kept woman

Wtf!! Misogynist outdated claptrap!!

You can get baked beans in cans with pull tops these days so he could use his teeth and wouldn’t have to struggle with a tin opener. Sliced bread and a blunt knife will solve the toast and butter part.

[underneaththeash]

I make DH lunch if I’m in and don’t if I’m not.

[viques]

@PrincessNutella

how the fuck is he supposed to make his own lunch with man hands?

You can get baked beans in cans with pull tops these days so he could use his teeth and wouldn’t have to struggle with a tin opener. Sliced bread and a blunt knife will solve the toast and butter part.

[ThinWomansBrain]

yeah! just had baked beans on toast for breakfast.
I'm really not sure about "low salt" baked beans, I ended up adding table salt

[pinkyredrose]

@02:31Sunriseboy. Thanks for the laugh!

[OdeToSadDisco]

I wfh 22 hours a week, DH wfh 50+ hours a week. I almost always make our lunch because I've got more time to do it. A couple of times a week I'll make a nice salad or something, the rest of the time it's leftovers; a sandwich or beans on toast. So no biggie. He does the morning routine and school run every day and a couple of evening chores too so I feel our loads are very fairly split.

I'm assuming all the household chores are left to you and you feel like his servant in which case I can understand why you might feel resentful about always making lunch.

[BitOutOfPractice]

If he doesn’t respond to hints, just tell him you’ve no longer got time or inclination to make a fancy lunch so he’ll have to sort himself out. Just talk to him ffs!

[Havehope21]

Go with how you feel on the day and offer to make whatever you are already making for yourself. If you are making a more substantial / fancy meal, it is kind to do one for him too. If you are having beans on toast, just say 'I fancy x, do you want me to do some for you'. I don't think it is something to make a big stance about and most people would understand that if one is having a simple lunch, so would the other (at least that is how it works in our house). The other solution, if he prefers to have bigger lunches, is to always make a little more of whatever you have for supper so that he can have reheated leftovers the next day whilst you have something less faffy.

[Luredbyapomegranate]

@MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers

Let him have beans on toast every day then

This

You aren’t his mum. He isn’t 3. He can eat what he wants, and can make it himself

[whowhatwhen]

We both work from home full time and manage to get our own lunch. My DH is a big boy and just sorts himself, if there isn't anything in that he fancies he goes to the shops.

[MissHemsworth]

Can you just talk to him OP? Just explain what you put in your OP. There's no reason why he can't have beans on toast everyday if that's what he wants. Just out of curiosity what lunches have you been generally preparing?

Like PPs have said he's not a child and you're not his mum. I feel your pain though as my DH also works everyday from home and we've been through this (mainly during lockdown). Now I'm back at work and out of the house 5 days a week DH is responsible for his own lunch, and guess what, he eats nothing because he lives an a world where if a woman hasn't prepared a meal for him, he doesn't eat (he comes from a very traditional family). However it's him that suffers the consequences of that, not me. I'd also urge you to not get involved in a stocktake of the bread/beans, let DH sort that out. It's an interesting learning curve for them that cupboards don't just magically replenish themselves.

[SugarAndCoffee]

If you go down this route, it is then expected and difficult to change without causing a bit of upset.
But you have to be firm and brace for a bit of a backlash. Do it, make the change, then move on.

It's just lunch! He should be able to handle being told to make his own.

[nicesausages]

If you go down this route, it is then expected and difficult to change without causing a bit of upset.
But you have to be firm and brace for a bit of a backlash. Do it, make the change, then move on.
In my house, everyone eats together in the evening (me, DH and teens) but they have to get their own breakfast and lunch, I don't do that. And we share duties of cooking the evening meal

[PurBal]

DH is an adult so makes his own lunch. It’s the same everyday (tuna mayo sandwich). That’s his choice.

[BarbaraofSeville]

@PrincessNutella

how the fuck is he supposed to make his own lunch with man hands?

I know. Plus a man brain incapable of thinking about all the food available and deciding which of it he may like for lunch and man eyes so he can't look at food in fridge and cupboards and distinguish between ingredients that could be turned into a meal for the entire household and something that may be more suited to lunch for one person.

So what if he mainly has beans on toast? It's quick, cheap, reasonably healthy, can be stored long term without refrigeration. He could do a lot worse, eg pot noodles or be spending a tenner a day that they don't have in Pret etc.

[ThinWomansBrain]

haven't had baked beans in ages - I want them for breakfast now

[buddylicious]

@PainterMummy

My DH is also WFH. We discuss the night before what we’re doing the next day. What time he’s breaking for lunch. If I’m out, I tell him and advise what is in the fridge for lunch

When I sit down to plan weekly food shop, I ask him what he would like in the week for lunch and I tell him what I’ve planned for dinners, ask if he any special requests. I don’t make lunch for our DD if she’s working from home, but I do ask her what she’d like me to get in for her lunches (she takes food to work if she’s going in to the office).

Works very well. I’m under no obligation to make anyone lunch and they can have what they’ve asked for. I’ll also often make extra dinner so it is in the fridge next day for lunch if someone wants it.

Communication is key. Just talk to him.

Does he plan meals too?

[buddylicious]

@Nevertimeforcake

Maybe I'll invest in a toasty machine too!

No!!!!

Let him sort it out if he wants one. Stop doing things for him!

[buddylicious]

@negomi90

Give him what you're having. If that's a piece of toast then so be it. If he complains, smile sweetly and direct him to the kitchen.

No don't!!!!

Let him do his own.

Both my husband and I work from home. I do my lunch and he does his!

[PrincessNutella]

how the fuck is he supposed to make his own lunch with man hands?

[Bogeyes]

You are setting up a pattern here. It will be seen as normal for you to make daily lunch. Do you make lunch at the same time each day? Does your husband need instructions on how to make a sandwich? Leave him to do his beans!