Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

[Lochnessgiraffe]

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

I think if he’s getting the shits because YOU don’t prioritize the housework, and he’s on YouTube while you’re working and doing laundry, you’ve got a bigger problem….
Give Moaning Myrtle a list of things you expect to him to get done while you’re gone.
Enjoy your trip.

Jesus, just go, he needs to grow the fuck up, you're not his nanny, mummy or nursemaid - the only time my DH ever came home from work early was when I threw my back out, I literally could only lay on the floor, DD made sausage beans (tin 🤢) for her and her 2 year old brother whilst I was giving her (5) instructions. DH just came home and took care of everything

So your options are to go to the work event which you are looking forward to or stay at home listening to your DH moan about having a minor cold. It would be a no brainer for me.

This does sound controlling.

So when you’ve been sick in the past, he’s cancelled work and stayed at home with you?

I bet he never has!

Unless they are literally immobilised, no adult should require company when ill. It's pathetic that he should even expect that. And why are you even entertaining the idea OP?

@picklemewalnuts

Has he ever stayed home when you were under the weather?

I think we can all guess the answer to this one.

Very bizarre behaviour, what does he expect you to do if you stay home? Take his temperature every hour and dab his forehead? Is he 5? Make him a drink, tell the kids to make dinner out the freezer for them and him and go to your meeting.

I don’t understand why your not furious at him for trying to pull this shit. He aches? Give me a break. He sounds pathetic.

With the best will in the qorld this should be an absolute hard line from you. Honestly it's genuinely a bit worrying that you are going to "see how he is".

Personally I would choose to address it directly. Something along the lines of "you are a grown adult and you can handle looking after yourself unwell. Your pattern of behaviour around my work stops and it stops now. I am not debating it or discussing it. I don't need it twisted and turned about. I am going I will see you when I get back"

I do realise this doesn't work for everyone (and I probably could have avoided more conflict ) but if there is a single inkling you might cancel, truthfully you have a far bigger problem than you realise.

Seems odd that he would expect you to cancel a work trip, just go, he will be fine and the kids, it’s only a couple of days.

It would be very unprofessional of you to cancel because another adult is ill when there are no small children to look after.

Please don't do this OP _ you won't be in the job long if you can't behave like a normal working adult. This is really important - getting out there and meeting people. The sooner you get back to an office the better then your 'D' H can't constantly undermine you when you are meant to be working. Why would you do housework during your work time?

So over the years how often has he prioritised you over his work? When DC were small what was his contribution to parenting and household chores?

Yes, it will look so bad from your employers perspective. Mine would expect me to be in unless DH literally at death's door (probably hospitalised) or we had tiny children

It’s not about how sick he is, it’s the way he is operating.
It sounds like he wants you to do 2 jobs and is critical of your paid job. He sounds like an asshole to me.

Go!!

If I were ill and my dh was going on a work trip, I would insist he go even if my children were toddlers.

Unless I was critically ill, couldn’t get out of bed or off the toilet, there’s no reason why I couldn’t manage it for one night

Is he 3!!!!!
What a baby, how unattractive! Go, go early and come back late tomorrow, enjoy meeting your colleagues and don’t let him moan if you call.

God, I hate other people being in the house when I am unwell..

I would go

This is such an out of line request. Unless he was really ill requiring lots of care or too ill to mind tiny children you should go. What the heck would you tell boss?
He seems to think work optional for you. It’s a new job you especially need to be there. If you are in meetings 9-5 it’s not his business you are at work.
Your teens will be fine like you say.
Don’t think twice just go.

Teens can take care of themselves so what is it he actually wants you home FOR? Can he answer that?

He's "a bit achey". So what? And how will you being home change that?

Go to work! I can't believe you're even pondering this. You'll need your job if you ever get rid of that sad sack or he gets too "ill" to work at all.

Surely this is not a serious question?

No-one in their right mind would consider not going in the circumstances you describe. You're leaving behind three people who will barely notice you've gone and are perfectly capable of looking after themselves.

But why are you doing the dishwasher/washing etc? That should be shared amongst all of you, especially as it sounds like you have the least time.

Likewise cooking, I hope you don't do all that. The teenagers should both do at least one family meal a week each, and DH should do a couple, so they can just feed themselves when you're away anyway.

Ugh, how unattractive.

So what did you decide, OP?

As an employer I would not expect any home things to be done during work hours.

Is it any wonder employers are suspicious of WFH?

He is definitely trying to sabotage you. I have experience of a relationship with a man like this, and interestingly they also happened to work in the same industry as me.

Absolutely go