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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

478 replies

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:10

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:30

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does.
I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 24/02/2022 08:31

@picklemewalnuts

To be fair to slightly ill DH, he may not realise what he's doing. My DH dislikes change. When change is afoot he feels under the weather. He had never made the connection.

Now when the 'I don't feel too good' grumbling starts, I ask if he's worried about x,y,z. He soon perks up.

What have I just read?
helloisitmeyourelookingfor · 24/02/2022 08:32

He thinks you should do home things during work hours?

He's a controlling twat

I'd pack for my work trip and maybe stay away a bit longer too!

billyt · 24/02/2022 08:32

if I was your DH I'd be keen for you to go.

It would then be a 'me' evening (beer, pizza, films) Grin

You go OP. Tell him to back off, messing your enjoyment.

JassyRadlett · 24/02/2022 08:32

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down
He sounds awful about your work.

How many home things does he do during work hours?

He is complaining about you working during work hours. Tosser.

AlexaShutUp · 24/02/2022 08:34

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down
Please don't cancel.

Out of interest, does he do "home things" during work hours, or is that just what he expects you to do because you're female? Does he limit the number of meetings that he has in order to prioritise home? Thought not.

SarahBellam · 24/02/2022 08:34

Would he go to work if you were claiming to be as ill as him?

AFingerofFudge · 24/02/2022 08:34

No don't wait to see how he is at lunchtime, make your mind up now that you are going.
And did you really mean that he thinks you don't do enough at home while you're actually supposed to be working from home?!
Tell him that if he wants to live in the 1950's then he can fuck off because you won't be joining him.

Sally872 · 24/02/2022 08:34

You can't cancel a work trip unless dh is seriously ill, especially in a new job. If he had a very bad cold or sickness bug with young children (under 5 I would say) then maybe but not for teens.

Lampan · 24/02/2022 08:34

In some jobs I have had, management would be annoyed if someone is off work because their CHILD is ill. I can’t imagine how badly it would go down to cancel because your husband is ill!! I think in a lot of workplaces unless he was seriously ill in hospital it wouldn’t be a valid reason for you to be off.
Why do you think he doesn’t want you to go? Seems very manipulative to me

AlexaShutUp · 24/02/2022 08:35

He is complaining about youworking during work hours. Tosser.

Sounds like he resents you having a job at all. Probably thinks that a woman's place is in the home...

MrsClatterbuck · 24/02/2022 08:35

3 years ago I was very sick during the night plus having the trots. Took myself to the spare bed. In the morning DH brought me tea and toast. Then he went to work. Admittedly his work was nearby so he was able to pop home at lunchtime. I was fine . He has a teenager to bring him tea and food. Has he any physical symptoms apart from "not feeling well"
Just go op

Loopytiles · 24/02/2022 08:36

See how he is at lunchtime?

FFS

Loopytiles · 24/02/2022 08:37

YABU for the many years of pandering to this sexist bullshit from your H that you must have done to even countenance the idea not to go to work because he ‘feels unwell’.

AlexaShutUp · 24/02/2022 08:38

Yeah, don't "see how he is" at lunchtime. He is trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. He is an adult and he is well enough to manage by himself.

Jellycatspyjamas · 24/02/2022 08:38

Just go, it’s a work thing and I’m guessing he doesn’t cancel work when you’re unwell.

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2022 08:38

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down
Most people prioritise work over home during their fucking working hours.

What you earn compared to him is irrelevant.

What a knob stick.

Go. To. Your. Work. Event.

Original poster
Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:39

Tbh he seems to have loads of non meetings/ working time in his job . Where as I'm often in back to back meetings all day.
I do stuff like the washing/dishwasher when I have time during the day.
He just gets frustrated that in always in meetings 9-5.
He's currently lying on the sofa moaning

OP posts:
Brefugee · 24/02/2022 08:40

Also I earn half of what he does.

it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You have a job and he is nowhere near death's door. The teenagers can look after him.

Seriously, OP, don't give in to this controlling behaviour. You owe it to yourself. And the rest of us and the people you work for/with. But mostly to yourself.

JenniferBarkley · 24/02/2022 08:41

He gets frustrated that you work during working hours? Does he not see the insanity of that?

AlexaShutUp · 24/02/2022 08:41

@Lochnessgiraffe

Tbh he seems to have loads of non meetings/ working time in his job . Where as I'm often in back to back meetings all day. I do stuff like the washing/dishwasher when I have time during the day. He just gets frustrated that in always in meetings 9-5. He's currently lying on the sofa moaning
So he is frustrated because your job is different from his? Did he think that all jobs were identical before? Confused

What does he do in his work time when he doesn't have meetings? Work or household stuff?

Why is he moaning?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/02/2022 08:42

Your husband is being a twat

Wtf has it got to do with him that when you're at work...you're working rather than available for him?

What does he actually think you could do for him if you were home that he can't do himself or get the kids to do? Surely if he doesn't feel up to cooking or whatever he can get a takeaway.

His whole attitude to your work, stinks

BluebellsGreenbells · 24/02/2022 08:43

Let him moan!!

It doesn’t matter that you get paid half of his salary, your work is important to you, if it’s something you enjoy, like the people you work with, it’s more than the money.

Just go - he can do the grunt work at home, which apart from feeding the masses and offering lifts isn’t that difficult!

diddl · 24/02/2022 08:43

How many times has he stayed at home to nurse you?

Go on your work trip &don't pander to hm.

Don't make the kids either!

Womencanlift · 24/02/2022 08:43

He is absolutely manipulating you. He will be feeling fine about 5 minutes after you cancel or it’s a time in the day where it’s too late go

Go, meet your colleagues and have a great time. Regardless of your salary, your job is just important as his….to you!

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