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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

478 replies

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:10

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/02/2022 08:44

And please don't cancel. Your work will take a really dim view of cancelling something because your husband is slightly unwell and doesnt want to look after teenagers by himself

WindyKnickers · 24/02/2022 08:44

100% voting agreement that YANBU. I think its very clear what you should do OP!

phoenixrosehere · 24/02/2022 08:44

Yea. I’d go. He’s not seriously ill and the teenagers can manage themselves.

You’re not even gone for 24 hours and if he ended up fine after you cancelled, well, there would be a much bigger argument.

Original poster

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:44

He mainly watches YouTube when not in meetings which frustrates me as I'm busy but flat out. We both work in the same industry.
He's moaning as he feels that he aches

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2022 08:45

He just gets frustrated that in always in meetings 9-5.

Good job it’s not HIS job, then, eh?

My DH has loads of meetings - Id say it’s easily 60-70% of his working time most weeks. It’s the nature of his role. I have very few meetings - it’s the nature of my role in the company I work for.

What either of us do during our working day has fuck all to do with the other person. I’m not whining my husband pays me attention or does the hoovering when he’s SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING.

I’m not sure why you’re not angrier about this, OP. He sounds awful.

Hoppinggreen · 24/02/2022 08:45

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down

Unless he’s minutes from death then don’t you dare cancel He’s being controlling and trying to stop you going out (even if it’s work not to see the Magic Mike show or whatever) He doesn’t like the fact that you work - have you recently gone back to work?

phoenixrosehere · 24/02/2022 08:45

Not gone long.. he’d be asleep most of it likely

picklemewalnuts · 24/02/2022 08:45

@Lochnessgiraffe

That changes everything. He wants a little wife to keep him company. Stick to your job.

SugarAndCoffee · 24/02/2022 08:46

What is his problem?! Your job is meetings. Whats it got to do with him. Why does he want you to stay at home? To look after him? The teens can help with that.

SugarAndCoffee · 24/02/2022 08:47

Of course you can't do home things during work hours..you're working.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/02/2022 08:48

I can tell you now that if you cancel because your husband is a "bit poorly", your new colleagues, your boss, everyone will think you are a complete drip and /or in an abusive relationship (are you?). Is that really the first impression you want to make?

Just go.

Bagelsandbrie · 24/02/2022 08:48

What on earth???? Of course you go!! He’s being so weird.

I’ve got lupus, Addisons, pituitary issues and asthma and I’m looking after my son who has autism aged 9 every day on my own at the moment as he’s been signed off from specialist school with anxiety (we’re waiting to hear about another placement) and dh is at work full time. Sometimes I read these threads and wonder how people like your dh function..!!

Calcifur · 24/02/2022 08:48

Do you work from home OP? And is there an option to go back to the office now? Because I’d be back at the office and work in peace rather than have to deal with his ridiculous views. He’s undermining you and his behaviour is ridiculous.

AlexaShutUp · 24/02/2022 08:49

@Lochnessgiraffe

He mainly watches YouTube when not in meetings which frustrates me as I'm busy but flat out. We both work in the same industry. He's moaning as he feels that he aches

So he arses around watching YouTube all day when he is supposed to be working? Essentially stealing from his employer and expecting you to do the same? Except your stolen time should be spent doing woman work around the house while he puts his feet up and watches pointless crap on the Internet?

Where did you find this prince among men?

picklemewalnuts · 24/02/2022 08:49

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints you've read about a man who is not in touch with his own emotions, or physical feelings. He doesn't know how to interpret what he feels. Literally. It's very childish, but he's getting better. He now knows that he always feels sick before the dentist, so knows to ignore it. He used to cancel because he thought he was unwell.

Clearly very different to OP's husband, but I posted before her updates.

Dazedandconfused10 · 24/02/2022 08:49

Does he take time off work when you're not feeling well? Just go.

Ponoka7 · 24/02/2022 08:51

This is about control. He thinks that he should get a say in your working day and use of time. I've not heard "work above housework" since the 90's, I thought that time/attitude had died out. You being in work is as valid as his and isn't linked to earnings. Stand your ground. Speaking pre 90's, men had to go to work and leave their partners with the children while I'll to just get on with it, as many do now.

R0tational · 24/02/2022 08:52

What an absolute douche.

AuntieMarys · 24/02/2022 08:53

Ignore him. You can't not go.

NoSquirrels · 24/02/2022 08:53

[quote picklemewalnuts]@MrsRobinsonsHandprints you've read about a man who is not in touch with his own emotions, or physical feelings. He doesn't know how to interpret what he feels. Literally. It's very childish, but he's getting better. He now knows that he always feels sick before the dentist, so knows to ignore it. He used to cancel because he thought he was unwell.

Clearly very different to OP's husband, but I posted before her updates.[/quote]
This is a very gracious answer, pickle.

Associatepeggy · 24/02/2022 08:53

Op you need to go. He is vunt about your work.

If he has time in his work day, he needs to do more round the house, if that's his pov.

He doesn't want you having any other focus than him. He is trying to sabotage your job. And honestly, this road is likey to lead to a split if he doesn't change.

If he wins and you quit, you will resent him and eventually be more miserable or leave him. If you don't quit and he doesn't cjabge his attitude, you will eventually have enough and leave.

And when that happens, you will be in a fat position having built a career.

Liveandkicking · 24/02/2022 08:54

My husband is great and would cancel work things to care for the very young kids if needed (and vice versa) but I wouldn’t expect a spouse to cancel a work trip to look after an adult partner when the kids are pretty self sufficient and they aren’t seriously ill. What difference would you being home make? Can’t he just order a take away if he’s too ill to cook?

Original poster

Lochnessgiraffe · 24/02/2022 08:55

To be fair neither of us does much in the way of housework as we have a cleaner.

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 24/02/2022 08:56

Go.
And enjoy yourself.
He’ll still be alive when you get back.

Clymene · 24/02/2022 08:57

Absolutely go. He's being a controlling arse

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