Work trip vrs slightly ill dh

[Lochnessgiraffe]

I've got a work trip today. Staying overnight and coming back late tomorrow night. Dh is now moaning that he doesn't feel well and hinting that I should cancel.
I wfh, have only been their at work a few months and this is my first time to meet people from the office. I'm quite excited tbh.
Now dh is complaining about feeling unwell not covid just unwell and would prefer me to cancel.
We have teenagers who will be fine. They'll stay asleep until lunch then probably game all day. Might notice I'm not there.
So aibu to still go or should I stay home?

My DH is going on a trip today. First time I. 2 years.
I’ve felt poorly for a few days. Chesty cough and sinus pain.
At no point would I ever consider asking him not to go!
Your DH sounds a bit drippy.

Who cooks, who does the laundry?

Also "even if" (unlikely) this is the first time that he has been controlling, then if you don't go he will know that he can pull this sort of stunt anytime he wants to keep you in the house doing housework.

If you decide to stay I'll bet my house his 'aches' will have disappeared by the days out.
He's manipulating you because he doesn't want you to go. He thinks you're lesser than him because you earn less so you should be more available at home. Doesn't this give you the ick ? A man child moaning he's ill saying you shouldn't go when there's teenagers at home. Seriously Op, pack your bag and go and have a nice time. Your work would be perplexed if you told them you couldn't go because your DH had the 'aches' .

[quote picklemewalnuts]@MrsRobinsonsHandprints you've read about a man who is not in touch with his own emotions, or physical feelings. He doesn't know how to interpret what he feels. Literally. It's very childish, but he's getting better. He now knows that he always feels sick before the dentist, so knows to ignore it. He used to cancel because he thought he was unwell.

Clearly very different to OP's husband, but I posted before her updates.[/quote]
Fair enough if he isn't NT. But that wasn't clear in your post-reading it made it sound like you were parenting him, he is an adult that 'doesn't realise' doesn't 'make the connection' and relies on you to 'perk him up' now Squirrels that doesn't sound like the basis of an equal partnership. But you are right pickle it is not remotely like what the op is telling us. Her DH knows exactly what he is doing and what he hopes to achieve , it's chilling.

"He's moaning as he feels that he aches"

Is he not sure??

Does he realise that moaning never cured being ill?

he is an adult that 'doesn't realise' doesn't 'make the connection' and relies on you to 'perk him up' now Squirrels that doesn't sound like the basis of an equal partnership

If he’s otherwise a good man it can just be a quirk of personality. Humans are complicated.

But OP’s husband is being manipulative.

Has his mother got room on her sofa for him?

He’s clearly regressed to being a child pack him off there. Perhaps with his favourite snuggy blanket and some cutted up grapes and Pom bears.

@Calcifur

Do you work from home OP? And is there an option to go back to the office now? Because I’d be back at the office and work in peace rather than have to deal with his ridiculous views. He’s undermining you and his behaviour is ridiculous.

I agree. If you can @Lochnessgiraffe try to see if there is an option to go into the office. Even just a few days a week. Your Dh is not your manager and should not be policing your work. You would be better, for many reasons, having some time out of the house and apart to be able to work without his criticism of what you should be doing Please dont cancel the trip. He is absolutely fine

@Lochnessgiraffe

To be fair neither of us does much in the way of housework as we have a cleaner.

So what on earth do you need to do more then?

@Singlebutmarried

Has his mother got room on her sofa for him?

He’s clearly regressed to being a child pack him off there. Perhaps with his favourite snuggy blanket and some cutted up grapes and Pom bears.

Parents, have his parents got room.

I'm fucked off that every time a man is useless/selfish/etc it is either the mother's fault or the mother's problem

Maybe get him to take a LFT before you go and likewise yourself.Sounds like he is a gigantic man baby, but you don't want to start off your new role by infecting everyone with covid.

HE sounds like he is deliberately trying to stop you going. He will be fine the teenagers will be fine you need to decide what to prioritise - personally I would go

To clarify "he is absolutely fine" I meant physically and can be left on his own. There is nothing "fine" about the manipulation and control

Award him the dressing gown of doom and crack on.

What is actually wrong with him? You are not a doctor. Can he not get a telephone doctor consultation? If not really sick he can do some vacuuming sitting down if required!

Go on the trip

You will never earn as much as him if he continues to manipulate you like this and you miss important parts of your work. You know that if you don’t go you will be really badly thought of???
Do not let him sabotage your job. Go to the pharmacy and buy a bunch of pain killers etc and some soup. Then leave him to it.

You sound as though you are scared of your DP? Just tell him that your work is important and you want to go. And please, if you have a girls don’t expect them to pander and run the household. Your DP is controlling but frankly OP you are enabling this behaviour.

I would actually head out as soon as you can. The kids are in school I assume so they won't notice - or if it's half term just say cheerio on the way out! I wouldn't sit there listening to his moaning any longer than you have to. And don't answer the phone until you get there either (just incase he takes a "turn for the worse" 5 minutes after you leave and demands you return.

As others say he will make you look useless if he prevents you from going to this. It is important FOR YOU!

@Lochnessgiraffe

He mainly watches YouTube when not in meetings which frustrates me as I'm busy but flat out. We both work in the same industry. He's moaning as he feels that he aches

Tell him to take a paracetamol then.

You should go.

Go.

You can have the division of labour, burden of child bearing and child rearing, mental load and the disparate expectations on women versus men discussion when he is feeling better and willing to support your career so tat you can overcome the structural societal hurdles that prevent you from earning twice the salary for half the work in the same industry.

No moaning on sofa - tell him to go back to bed and moan there (where you can't hear him)
Maybe check that you have paracetamol in the house
(when my husband is unwell, I make sure he has Lemsip which is his weapon of choice, and leave him to it)

Tell him you'll order a new dressing gown to be delivered while you're away.

Of course you should go. Perhaps remind him of many occasions when you’ve been unwell but had to carry on, as that’s what mums do. He needs to suck it up

You cannot possibly be seriously thinking of essentially phoning in sick to work because your husband is defining under the weather???
Especially given the fact your children are old enough to be largely self sufficient.

He is not a small child and you are not his mother!!

@Lochnessgiraffe

He thinks I prioritise work over home. Believes I have too many meetings so I can't do home things during work hours. Also I earn half of what he does. I'll see how he is at lunch time but I really don't want to cancel and let people down

Ah so he is trying to sabotage you. Ignore this silly behaviour.