Men should have the right to not want a baby

[user57639206]

NC as I've been shot down a few times in real life for having this opinion.

I find it bizarre that women can decide that they don't want a baby and opt for a termination (just to clarify, I completely agree with this. It's her right to choice) but when a man decides now isn't the right time, right partner or whatever the reason - he's labelled a arsehole, good for nothing or irresponsible.

Surely if a woman has the right to say "no, not right now/not for me" a man should have the same right? Without being labelled or judged!

I've seen it a few times in real life, be it from a one night stand or a not so serious relationship. The woman wants to keep the baby, the man says he doesn't (but doesn't suggest an abortion), and he's thrown under the bus.

I know there is a big difference in some sense because obviously, the woman goes through all the physical changes/trauma of having a baby - but when are men then taken to court for CA or have knives shoved in their backs for not wanting a baby?

AIBU?

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception?

Yeah obviously, but they have more options than men do...

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

And why can't a women walk away (after birth) without stigma?

In a theoretical world where the decision has no further consequences I agree but in the real world a man waking away from a child can disadvantage the child. It's not the same as an abortion where there would be no child.

I feel like the mentality he had sex means he has to live with a child mentality wrong as we don't say that to women who have abortions or put a child up for adoption but we shouldn't have abortions forced on women and there doesn't seem a solution.

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

Because of the rights of CHILDREN You know, actual people...?

Men can choose to not have a baby by wearing a condom

"Either way, the best way to prevent a situation like this is to prevent pregnancy- so condoms for a man. I do not accept “she said she was on the pill as a reason a man finds himself in a situation like this btw. If he feels that strongly he needs to use condoms."

Agree. I am childfree and have always used double contraception. If a man feels that strongly, he should do the same.

Of course he should have no say in what a woman does with her body. But if he didn't take full responsibility for contraception, then he still has to pay towards the child he helped make.

Are you missing the point that women can choose to abort because it's their body and their life on the line. Men are never in that position.

This is such a Fucking gormless, tedious, dickpandering debate.

So much this. Its almost like just some kind of... troll.

Also once a baby is born a woman cannot walk away without stigma either.

They already do walk away with zero consequences AND zero stigmas.

Give your head a wobble ffs.

I seriously want to clarify I am not saying a woman should be forced into anything. The complete opposite, there are a million and one reasons to abort or continue any pregnancy and each is so unique, so relative and completely down to the woman.

I'm just saying I think men should be able to walk away from an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy but everyone jumps down their throat.

@user57639206

I think you're missing the point.

A woman gets pregnant : she doesn't want the pregnancy, she aborts. No one's calling her a arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

A woman gets pregnant : she wants to continue the pregnancy, the man doesn't and wants to walk away. He's called an arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

I AGREE it's a woman's right to do whatever the hell she wants to do with her body, I've done it twice! Once for medical reasons and the other because I just wasn't ready. But why can a man not have the same rights?

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception? Pretty sure that's a no.

Yes women do get grief regarding unplanned pregnancies so not quite sure where you got that from.

If someone is being careless enough to not use a condom or whatever they are planning to use and don't want a child, they have to face up to the responsibility that comes with that. I understand accidents happen and contraception isn't always affective (ie the pill) but that's explained initially and no where does it state it's 100%.

I never fail to be surprised at how strongly some women will argue for men to be able to fuck with total impunity and leave 100% of the consequences to women. The internalised misogyny!!

Men DO have a right to not have a child. They can enforce this by abstaining from sex or by getting a vasectomy.

@user57639206

I think you're missing the point.

A woman gets pregnant : she doesn't want the pregnancy, she aborts. No one's calling her a arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

A woman gets pregnant : she wants to continue the pregnancy, the man doesn't and wants to walk away. He's called an arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

I AGREE it's a woman's right to do whatever the hell she wants to do with her body, I've done it twice! Once for medical reasons and the other because I just wasn't ready. But why can a man not have the same rights?

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception? Pretty sure that's a no.

Because of the fundamental difference, which is that contraception is the only thing within the man's power, whereas the woman can resort to a termination if she sees fit.

If he doesn't take the one route available to him to ensure he doesn't have a baby then that's on him.

@user57639206

I think you're missing the point.

A woman gets pregnant : she doesn't want the pregnancy, she aborts. No one's calling her a arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

A woman gets pregnant : she wants to continue the pregnancy, the man doesn't and wants to walk away. He's called an arsehole, irresponsible or awful.

I AGREE it's a woman's right to do whatever the hell she wants to do with her body, I've done it twice! Once for medical reasons and the other because I just wasn't ready. But why can a man not have the same rights?

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception? Pretty sure that's a no.

Terrific news -- men DO have a choice.

And as for saying he should wrap it up, or not have sex. Do you say the same about women who have unplanned pregnancies? That's it's their fault for having sex in the first place and they should have used all the contraception? Pretty sure that's a no.

Which are we discussing -- unplanned pregnancies, or the right to not want a baby? Because those are two different topics. Presumably the woman in the scenario ALSO knows that sex results in unplanned pregnancies at time and yes, she should be using contraception if she doesn't want to be pregnant.

Contraception is a personal responsibility, not a gendered one. Both parties need to consider it from their own standpoint and if they choose not to do that, then yes, an unplanned pregnancy is their own fault.

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

Look, you KNOW this. Women are seen as less than men in our society 🤷🏻‍♀️ they are seen as the maids and the sex slaves and whatnot. They are less valued for their work and paid less.

Also pregnancy and giving birth is really hard!!!!! It can leave the woman with serious health complications (not to mention PPD)

Yes, laws need to protect women! Of course! Men need to be responsible! Because it's REALLY hard for women to just walk away like sooooooooo many men have done!!!

@user57639206

At what point did I say she should be forced to abort? Maybe re-read and engage your brain?

My point is if he doesn't want to have a child either at all, or right now, surely he should be allowed to walk away without a stigma? Just as a woman rightly can abort without stigma

If he walks away completely, that leaves a child. A child who exists. If a woman had an abortion, and then went on to have a child that she left with the father and refused have anything to do with or pay maintenance for, most people would judge her more for the second than the first. Rightly imo, I don’t judge people for abortion but would for abandoning a child.

OP men's bodies and lives aren't on the line. Women having the right to an abortion is actually unrelated to the baby, it's about having control over their own bodies. Once the baby exists it has rights.

YABU, men and women have different reproductive roles and nothing to do with reproduction is 'fair'. You can't make it fair.

Men have to accept the limitations of their role and control over the process. Just like women have to accept that we're the ones who have to risk our health and lives if we want to bear a child.

Of course you aren't promoting forced abortions, OP. And yes, on the one hand it is pretty harsh that, for example, after a one night stand, a man might be left paying for it forever. I once worked with a man in that situation.

But they do have choices... condoms are a very reliable form of barrier protection when used correctly. All humans can make poor choices. (Like swallowing the line that she's on the pill, or getting so drunk that the condom doesn't make it into play.) Those choices have consequences.

I personally would never hold a man financially and parentally accountable for a one-night-baby that I decided to keep but millions of women do and I don't judge them either.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

Because he chose to have sex. Any resulting pregnancy is his responsibility.

Or do you mean should he be allowed to walk away from a relationship where he doesn't want a baby but his partner does?

@user57639206

I seriously want to clarify I am not saying a woman should be forced into anything. The complete opposite, there are a million and one reasons to abort or continue any pregnancy and each is so unique, so relative and completely down to the woman.

I'm just saying I think men should be able to walk away from an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy but everyone jumps down their throat.

So by that logic, no one has to face the consequences of their actions.?

@user57639206

Again to clarify, I do not endorse forced abortions or pregnancy on any woman.

I'm say why can a man not just walk away without stigma???

What about a woman who wants to walk away without the stigma? IME, the few women I know who have walked out of their children’s lives are much, much, much more harshly judged than the multiple men I know who have fucked off.

Men know that having sex=chance of pro creating. The only way to not do that is to not have sex. Having sex is accepting the risk that you might create a child who you have to pay for one day. Actions have consequences. If these men want to walk away then fine, but pay for what you made.