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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DD has her own cubicle (or one with a friend?)

134 replies

DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:10

My DD(8, nearly 9) has started swimming lessons in her school this term.

DD doesn't feel comfortable getting changed in front of all the other girls. I asked her do the boys get changed all together and she said no - they share cubicles with one other boy.

On the first week she asked and they complained at her for asking but eventually let her 15 minutes later as she was quite upset.

Second lesson her and one of her best friends asked together if they could share a cubicle with each other but the teachers said no and made them do it in the group.

There's about 9 girls in all and although DD has no specific body esteem issues she just doesn't feel comfortable and I think that should be respected 100%.

Would I be unreasonable to insist either DD gets a cubicle to herself or with a friend or I come and take her into one myself to help her? This will be a pain as it's the town over and I have a baby but I don't want my DD to already be told at this age that she has no right to boundaries.

AIBU?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 23/02/2022 17:12

Do you know why the boys get to use cubicles but the girls don't?

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 23/02/2022 17:15

Maybe they like to keep an eye on the girls (as they should the boys) incase a member of the public shuts themselves in with a girl unnoticed..

RedskyThisNight · 23/02/2022 17:16

I imagine they arrangements are because of the facilities made available to the school by the pool. So it might not be as easy is "can DD have a cubicle?" as there may not be one available and/or it will make supervision difficult.

Can't she just go in her swim stuff (maybe in a tankini for ease of changing/toilet going) and then get changed back under a towel or even a swimming robe?
Surely she has to change in front of everyone else at PE?

Crimesean · 23/02/2022 17:18

What, so the boys can have privacy but the girls can't? That's grossly unfair!

Clymene · 23/02/2022 17:20

I don't think you can insist she gets a cubicle when presumably there aren't enough to go round. It's impossible to supervise a group of children when they're in cubicles.

Are you absolutely sure the boys get a cubicle or is that something she's told you? It seems very unlikely.

Can you get her a changing towel?

Comedycook · 23/02/2022 17:20

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Maybe they like to keep an eye on the girls (as they should the boys) incase a member of the public shuts themselves in with a girl unnoticed..
Or perhaps the boys are more likely to muck around if changing in a big group?

I think it's a tricky situation as they won't necessarily have the facilities to give all children a cubicle.

Can you buy your dd one of those big poncho towels and she could change under that?

NewcastleOrBust · 23/02/2022 17:22

I imagine they arrangements are because of the facilities made available to the school by the pool. So it might not be as easy is "can DD have a cubicle?" as there may not be one available and/or it will make supervision difficult.

I agree. There is probably one 'school changing room' and the girls have got it. It is probably a practicality issue rather than the school being awkward.

I would however contact the school to see what the actual situation is and if there is anything that can be done.

You can get surf towels that you can wear which might help her as a short term solution.

The school should not allow you to come an change your daughter in a cubicle.

GiantSpider · 23/02/2022 17:24

I guess it's tricky because if they say yes all the other girls will want one too and there may not be enough cubicles? Not sure why the boys get one though - I'd like to understand the reasons for that.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:24

@VickyEadieofThigh

Do you know why the boys get to use cubicles but the girls don't?
No - the boys misbehave a lot more than the girls in their class.

My only guess is there are more boys (15 I think)

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 23/02/2022 17:25

You certainly would not be unreasonable to ask and to attempt to understand why they have chosen to segregate in this way.
The whole changing thing really gets on my nerves with pe/swimming at school. Why should you HAVE to get changed in front of others just because you are 7/8/9.
My DS is 8 and they get a cubicle each at swimming - which probably means they get changed quicker as noone to mess about with!!

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:26

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Maybe they like to keep an eye on the girls (as they should the boys) incase a member of the public shuts themselves in with a girl unnoticed..
They are lockable from the inside as they are behind doors - a bit like the family ones you get in Butlins/Centre Parcs but a bit smaller.

So as long as they didn't open up I'd imagine it would be safe.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 23/02/2022 17:28

Speak to the teacher to find out why they are expected to share. Meanwhile, can she go to school in her swimming costume under her uniform, and instead of an ordinary towel, get one of those poncho types that she can pop over her head so she’s not trying to get dressed and keep a towel around her at the same time.

Chickychoccyegg · 23/02/2022 17:28

I'd phone the school and ask them what the changing situation is, dd may not actually know what the boys changing area is like, there may be no/limited provision of cubicles, and if dd gets one, everyone wants one.
It would be inappropriate for you to go along and get dd changed, do not suggest this as an option.

MichaelAndEagle · 23/02/2022 17:29

I understand. What about one of those big changing robes you can change underneath for the beach etc.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:29

@RedskyThisNight

I imagine they arrangements are because of the facilities made available to the school by the pool. So it might not be as easy is "can DD have a cubicle?" as there may not be one available and/or it will make supervision difficult.

Can't she just go in her swim stuff (maybe in a tankini for ease of changing/toilet going) and then get changed back under a towel or even a swimming robe?
Surely she has to change in front of everyone else at PE?

Perhaps that is the case I'm not sure - will ask when I talk to the teacher.

Re: PE due to Covid the last 18 months they've gone into school with their PE kit on for PE days so she doesn't get changed in front of the others.

She won't do it in front of anyone but me and her younger siblings and my Mum.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 23/02/2022 17:30

You really do need to speak to school and clarify what the situation is.
You can ask and if there is no good reason why not then I’d expect them to agree to it.
I’m not sure you would allowed to go and get her changed as you would not be allowed in with the other children as they’re changing.

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:31

@Crimesean

What, so the boys can have privacy but the girls can't? That's grossly unfair!
Well that's my thoughts exactly!

Why Are the girls single Wd out?

The boys have caused more trouble in the class by far (name calling, making a mess etc) so surely they should be watched more if any?

OP posts:
Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:33

@Clymene

I don't think you can insist she gets a cubicle when presumably there aren't enough to go round. It's impossible to supervise a group of children when they're in cubicles.

Are you absolutely sure the boys get a cubicle or is that something she's told you? It seems very unlikely.

Can you get her a changing towel?

That's why I thought if I could take her into a cubicle if I helped her they wouldn't have to worry about supervision?

She says she struggles to hold the towel up whilst changing at the same time.

DD and her best friend both said the boys went in in twos but a parent help who went in confirmed for me.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 23/02/2022 17:33

But you have absolutely no idea what the boys changing arrangements are like. So ring the school first and find out.

PotteringAlong · 23/02/2022 17:34

Right, cross post. Which assumes that it’s a different changing room set up. Still ask

Iamtheweedonkey · 23/02/2022 17:34

When I have escorted pupils swimming, we literally have to take whatever is available, whether members of the public are there or not. If, the boys are in cubicles, it could be due to a few reasons, lack of communal changing space, behaviour, Sen issues. My kids have to use the a communal area as items tend to get left behind in cubicles, and staff can keep the public out of that area.
I totally understand body changes and embarrassment, however it may be better to teach your dd how to change under a towel.
As for wear the swimsuit to school, the amount of kids who don't have underwear to change into after...Blush

Original poster
DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:35

@Comedycook Oh I do sympathise as it must be awful to organise and get it right. Just obviously my DDs discomfort is my priority.

Will look into poncho towel though - thank you.

OP posts:
AmbushedByTheCake · 23/02/2022 17:37

For now I would work on the large poncho swimming towels and perhaps practise using it with you at home. This will help her in future scenarios anyway like perhaps when at the beach or similar if she prefers to be like this, and a cubicle is not always available.

NotQuiteNormalMe · 23/02/2022 17:38

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Maybe they like to keep an eye on the girls (as they should the boys) incase a member of the public shuts themselves in with a girl unnoticed..
So OK for the member of the public to shut themselves in with a young boy?

Op, boundaries are important, she shouldn't be expected to move them because she is young/a girl.

jmh740 · 23/02/2022 17:38

When I took the children from my class swimming the only changing rooms avaliable were group changing rooms, it could be that that is all the pool provide for the girls at at almost double the number of boys they might not fit in a group cubicle. Staffing wise you need more people to supervise individual changing rooms too.

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