To insist DD has her own cubicle (or one with a friend?)

[DiscordandRhyme]

My DD(8, nearly 9) has started swimming lessons in her school this term.

DD doesn't feel comfortable getting changed in front of all the other girls. I asked her do the boys get changed all together and she said no - they share cubicles with one other boy.

On the first week she asked and they complained at her for asking but eventually let her 15 minutes later as she was quite upset.

Second lesson her and one of her best friends asked together if they could share a cubicle with each other but the teachers said no and made them do it in the group.

There's about 9 girls in all and although DD has no specific body esteem issues she just doesn't feel comfortable and I think that should be respected 100%.

Would I be unreasonable to insist either DD gets a cubicle to herself or with a friend or I come and take her into one myself to help her? This will be a pain as it's the town over and I have a baby but I don't want my DD to already be told at this age that she has no right to boundaries.

AIBU?

@Crimesean

What, so the boys can have privacy but the girls can't? That's grossly unfair!

I would bet that the teaching staff are female so they're opting to have the girls out changing whilst boys are in the cubicles. That isn't unreasonable imo.

Your daughter will have to, sadly, get used to this as once she goes to the secondary there won't be the option for cubicles for PE and the showers afterwards which again will most likely be communal.

Is the reason the boys use cubicles because there's no male teacher? If there are only female teachers, they can't let the boys go into a male open changing room by themselves, so giving them cubicles with them standing outside will be the only way they can technically supervise them. And if availability of cubicles is limited, this could be why the boys have them.

Generally boys are given less privacy/modesty etc. with stuff like this, so I doubt they decided to just give the boys cubicles and the girls no without a valid reason.

@amnm

Is the reason the boys use cubicles because there's no male teacher? If there are only female teachers, they can't let the boys go into a male open changing room by themselves, so giving them cubicles with them standing outside will be the only way they can technically supervise them. And if availability of cubicles is limited, this could be why the boys have them.

Generally boys are given less privacy/modesty etc. with stuff like this, so I doubt they decided to just give the boys cubicles and the girls no without a valid reason.

That sounds so obvious when you say it and it never dawned on me. I bet you are right.

The White Company used to do good changing robes. Not sure if they still do them but they were great. I got my DCs one each of these now they are bigger, really useful for the beach

finisterre.com/collections/changing-robes/products/vean-robe-organic-cotton-chilli

I remember this kind of thing from school, as an early developer it was murder. I nurtured my verrucca, and refused to have it treated so it got me out of the weekly torment. I still do not like getting changed in front of other people but am a dab hand with a towel now. Definitely suggest you show your daughter how to do this, it will stand her in good stead for future situations. Unfortunately people often do not understand or respect the wish for privacy when changing.

It will likely be because of the absence of a male teacher to supervise the boys.

Body autonomy and good body confidence should BOTH be important. She’s acting like this because she’s been over taught about autonomy and now she’s ashamed

That’s pretty harsh. How on earth do you know she’s been ‘over taught about autonomy’?

I said to my husband I am not comfortable with my 8 year old sharing a cubicle with another boy due to a lack of facilities when he said why don’t they stagger when the children leave the pool so in our Schools case 30 kids followed by another 30. 10 mins for the first lot to get ready and then 10 minutes for the second lot?!? Swim England states children should have their privacy from age 8 upwards we tach them about boundaries and then expect them to get ready in a cubicle with another boy or girl regardless of if they are comfortable or not. They should have separate cubicles and if a lack of facilities usage should be staggered. Thinking of not letting my kid go.