Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DD has her own cubicle (or one with a friend?)

134 replies

DiscordandRhyme · 23/02/2022 17:10

My DD(8, nearly 9) has started swimming lessons in her school this term.

DD doesn't feel comfortable getting changed in front of all the other girls. I asked her do the boys get changed all together and she said no - they share cubicles with one other boy.

On the first week she asked and they complained at her for asking but eventually let her 15 minutes later as she was quite upset.

Second lesson her and one of her best friends asked together if they could share a cubicle with each other but the teachers said no and made them do it in the group.

There's about 9 girls in all and although DD has no specific body esteem issues she just doesn't feel comfortable and I think that should be respected 100%.

Would I be unreasonable to insist either DD gets a cubicle to herself or with a friend or I come and take her into one myself to help her? This will be a pain as it's the town over and I have a baby but I don't want my DD to already be told at this age that she has no right to boundaries.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 23/02/2022 17:39

DD is 7 nearly 8 and is also uncomfortable getting changed around the other kids, they still get changed for PE all together boys and girls in the classroom.

I send her into school in her PE kit on PE days, so far school haven't raised it as an issue, if they do then I'll explain. On swimming days we have a Towelling Poncho from Next that she can get changed under. I bought it deliberately in a size way too big so she'd have room to manoeuvre.

The other change that made a big difference was buying pants for her in a shorts style so she has more coverage. Once she's in those she says it's fine and she doesn't need the towel anymore.

www3.next.co.uk/style/st786150/785021#785021

Pants like these

www3.next.co.uk/style/st766523/841505#841505

Unfortunately even so young there have been occasions where some of the boys in the class have asked girls to show them their boobs when getting changed for PE. None of them have boobs yet but that's besides the point.

RandomDent · 23/02/2022 17:45

I used to take school swimming. I hate group changing rooms. However we only ever had behaviour issues in them with boys. I’d wager that’s the issue, unfortunately for your daughter. If it were up to me everyone would have individual or paired changing rooms (there is room for that at our local pool).
Great idea for the poncho towel.

Wattleanddaub · 23/02/2022 17:48

Are the swimming teachers female/male or a mix? I've found some teachers have concerns about seeing pupils of the opposite gender undressed and might be using the cubicles to prevent that.

I was a bit surprised by it but then I'm not a swim teacher

Spud1130 · 23/02/2022 17:51

Rather than a poncho towel which she'd probably struggle to get a top on with, without having to take it off, what about a strip of velcro across the top of her normal towel? She can wrap it round and secure with velcro, pop her bottom half on, pop her top over the top, pull it down and unfasten the towel. No exposure needed.

Realitydawning98 · 23/02/2022 17:53

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SockFluffInTheBath · 23/02/2022 17:54

When I took a primary class swimming we would use the group girls’ and group boys’ changing rooms but there needs to be a member of staff in there with them (another school in there as well) or standing guard in the door (got it solely for our group). It’s harder if there’s no male staff member to stay with the boys- maybe that’s why they’re in cubicles together if there are others as well in the group room.

endofagain · 23/02/2022 17:57

At my DD's swimming club they all used poncho towels, not least because it was cold in the changing rooms. Easy to buy or make. I bought a big bath sheet, cut a slit in the middle and blanket stitched it. Amazon sell easy turbans for hair so that it is out of the way and drying while they get dressed. They will all probably want a poncho!

SummerInSun · 23/02/2022 18:00

But how many changing cubicles do these change rooms have? Surely not enough for each child to have one, or even pair up if there are any left for other pool users? Just go with the practical solution - send her into school with her swimming costume on under her clothes in the morning, and get her a changing towel to use to get changed back into her clothes afterwards. Practice a couple of times at home so she gets the hang of it.

CrystalAlice · 23/02/2022 18:02

I doubt if you'd be allowed to go in the changing rooms without being CRB checked (or whatever it's called this week). And if you take your baby in with you, that might create insurance issues.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/02/2022 18:03

Can she do the trick where you take your knickers off after you’ve put your swim suit on? If she can’t I would show her. That might make her feel a bit better. Or one of those poncho towels.

You could ask the school what the reasons are behind it. It could be as simple as the teachers being female and so can’t be around the boys changing so they have to have the cubicles and theres not enough for everyone.

The difficulty is, why should your dd get to use one, but not any of the other girls? It could just create a lot of issues, which I expect the teachers are keen to avoid.

mum11970 · 23/02/2022 18:03

As pp said the boys will probably be using cubicles as there isn’t a male member of staff there to supervise.

Simonjt · 23/02/2022 18:03

At my sons school (well the leisure centre), the boys change in cubicles and the girls in a communal room. There aren’t any male teachers to supervise, so the boys cannot be shut in a communal room, whereas the cubicles have an open top so the teacher can talk to the boys, hear any issues etc while they change.

mum11970 · 23/02/2022 18:06

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Maybe they like to keep an eye on the girls (as they should the boys) incase a member of the public shuts themselves in with a girl unnoticed..
Any particular reason why you think girls are more at risk from the general public than boys?
Etolie · 23/02/2022 18:08

Could you sew up the edges of a large towel and put some elastic or a cord in the top?She could put it over her head,her hands would then be free to change under it.
Sorry not explained it very well.

Midlifemusings · 23/02/2022 18:08

The teachers / volunteer parents may be female and so they have the boys in the cubicles so they can still communicate with them and move them along without standing in a room of naked boys. Likely if it is was a male teacher - then the girls would be in cubicles

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/02/2022 18:11

I think you should help your daughter work out what her issues are about changing in front of other girls... are you ever naked in front of each other at home? Or do you more formal?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 23/02/2022 18:14

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I think you should help your daughter work out what her issues are about changing in front of other girls... are you ever naked in front of each other at home? Or do you more formal?
I'm naked in front of my DD when getting dressed or when she comes in when I have a shower/bath. She's still uncomfortable with nudity in front of her friends/ teachers/ strangers.

I think that's reasonable, we and nursery and then school have all told her that her private parts are private, follow the PANTS rule etc, it's not wrong for her to want her privacy.

SuperSocks · 23/02/2022 18:20

How about she goes to school in her swimming costume that day, with her uniform over the top, and for afterwards you could get her a long sleeved towelling robe? That's what I do when I take my young charges swimming as it wouldn't be appropriate for me to strip off in front of them. You can completely get changed inside the robe (much easier if no bra yet!) and no-one will see a thing.

strawberryapricotpie · 23/02/2022 18:21

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

I think you should help your daughter work out what her issues are about changing in front of other girls... are you ever naked in front of each other at home? Or do you more formal?
That's beside the point imho. I'd say it was fairly common by the age of 8/9 not to want to be naked in front of other people, and her feelings should be respected. Calling them 'issues' is a bit pathologising if you ask me. And not all families are comfortable naked around each other. That shouldn't be considered an 'issue' either.
skgnome · 23/02/2022 18:23

By all means talk to school, but my guess would be logistical rather than anything else
Two piece swimsuit under the uniform and a towelling poncho for after could solve the issue

ldontWanna · 23/02/2022 18:24

Ring the school/talk to the teacher and find out exactly what the set up is. I've been going swimming with schools to various pools and they all have different set ups.

One had specific school changing rooms which were big rooms, with no cubicles and two showers at the back. The kids that wanted or needed privacy got changed behind the walls.

One was a small pool , so despite kids using the public changing facilities, there were only 4/5 cubicles available.

One had a mix of both and depending on how many schools they had coming it was pot luck which changing room you'd get regardless of sex and age.

The current one is a massive one not separated by sex ,all cubicles including lots of family ones. Most schools split the kids(boys/girls) between the big family cubicles which are all in the same area.

Once you figure out what the set up is, you can decide if it's an issue of available facilities/supervising staff , unwillingness or boys get cubicles as a behaviour managing tool and girls have to suck it up because they're well behaved.

ldontWanna · 23/02/2022 18:25

@SuperSocks

How about she goes to school in her swimming costume that day, with her uniform over the top, and for afterwards you could get her a long sleeved towelling robe? That's what I do when I take my young charges swimming as it wouldn't be appropriate for me to strip off in front of them. You can completely get changed inside the robe (much easier if no bra yet!) and no-one will see a thing.
How is she supposed to go to the toilet as swimming is normally in the afternoon?
ldontWanna · 23/02/2022 18:26

@skgnome

By all means talk to school, but my guess would be logistical rather than anything else Two piece swimsuit under the uniform and a towelling poncho for after could solve the issue
Most swim teachers /pools will only allow one pieces for the girls.
ThirdElephant · 23/02/2022 18:29

Get her a towelling poncho to change under.