To wonder is it worth it??

[Namechangeroo1234]

DH and I just had a bust up over what's best.

We have 2 DC. We've explored them going into private education. We can't afford it alone. I applied for bursary. Got a small one, very grateful but we'd still struggle. Parents have offered to release funds from their house. Which does make it doable. However we'd be tight for cash for next 12 years. We wouldn't be able to save/holiday etc.

We only have 1 secondary school nearby, and it's really got a bad rep, bullying is rife and the teachers struggle. somehow they've dodged Ofsted for last 8 years, apparently because the became an academy?!?

Our choice - sacrifice a financially comfortable life for a while- and give children a good educational experience.

Or live comfortably, afford the children experiences outside of school, but they attend an awful school.

DH thinks private. Aibu to wonder if it's really worth it?

How would home education compare financially?
Are there any networks in your area that would be reachable to attend meet-ups if you are so rural?

The cost of private school is not just the feew, its the uniform & lots of stuff is extra. If you'll struggle with just the fees you can't afford it - your kids will be the poor ones who don't (insert long list of stuff here).

Is there an option 3 - move to nearer good schools?

@BestZebbie

How would home education compare financially? Are there any networks in your area that would be reachable to attend meet-ups if you are so rural?

I haven't looked into home ed really, I just don't think I'm cut out for it, if covid home school was anything to go by.....they'd probably better in crap state school......

Go to the state school first. Try it and see. It will likely be much less upsetting for your children to swap from a state school that isn’t meeting their needs, than from a private school because it becomes unaffordable.

Also , you can’t really afford it, not really, not if it means using an advance on inheritance, a bursary and still cutting your lifestyle right back. You sound a like a lovely, caring parent. And you are prepared to make sacrifices. But it won’t just be you doing so. Your children’s lifestyle will also be compromised. It’s not just the fees of the private school to consider; it’s the expensive trips and extra curricular activities too that your children will want to join in on.

If your oldest is going in September, presumably they have seen the state school, talked about it, have friends going there? Are they looking forward to it? Unless they are absolutely dreading it and all their friends are going private, then I’d stick to the advice above and give the state school a go.

Also, and I might be getting this wrong, but it reads as though you had always assumed that the state school would be where your DC would go and then at the 11th hour almost (or 10th!) your PIL suggest helping out with fees for private. If that’s right then I’d say that you can’t have been that unhappy with the prospect of the state secondary given that it’s been in prospect for years and you have never considered changing your circumstances. I’m guessing you farm. I can see that it would be difficult to change location if that’s the case. But even in those circumstances it’s possible to make adjustments to accommodate a future that is more demanding financially. What I am saying is that I suspect the state secondary was always going to suffice. And now that there is something better tantalisingly on offer it’s thrown you into a flurry of indecision. I’d keep to the original plan for now. Most decisions (not all) can be revisited. This one certainly can be if the state school proves to be as bad as you fear.