Okay to stay out when married?

[LalaOIOI]

So there's a situation with DH which I'm not sure whether he's unreasonable or not or whether it sounds a bit controlling/ what other people are comfortable with.

Basically he isn't really a go outer, he's much more introverted than me. I go out a lot more than he does with friends out into town or local for drinks things like that.

Some of my friends live a decent 20-30 min taxi ride away and so sometimes if it gets quite late (or early in the morning!) I'll think I'll just stay at my friends on their sofa or something. However whenever I suggest this to DH he is never happy about it and thinks I should come home regardless of the time. He really doesn't like the idea of me staying out. Whilst he'd never tell me I couldn't do it, I know he'd be in a bit of a huff the next day if I do.

Now I know it's a little bit of a sore subject as this is exactly what his ex wife did, told him she was staying with a friend and was actually having an affair so I can understand why it makes him a bit nervous. But I'm not her and I feel like he should trust me now. We've been married for 3 years together for 6.

Should I just do what I want in this respect or should I make sure I'm home every time I go out?

Then tell him next time instead of getting taxi on your own you'll bring your friends with you, he'll soon tell you to stay at your friends instead
Oh and I love when my partner goes out for the night, love the house to myself too.

Genuinely don’t know how lots of the women on here have any friendships at all if what they are posting on this thread is true…

@yellowtwo

Then tell him next time instead of getting taxi on your own you'll bring your friends with you, he'll soon tell you to stay at your friends instead Oh and I love when my partner goes out for the night, love the house to myself too.

That's a good idea!! 🤣

OP could definitely take steps to empathise, minimise or make this easier for OP's h, not randomly sleeping away twice a month.

Or her husband could get some counselling so thst HIS issues aren't still impacting on him and other people 6 years later
And it's not random people and not twice a month. Every few months at a mate's.

Wow some of these replies are hysterical!

It seems that once you are married and had children us women should never leave the house after dark or enjoy a night out with our friends.

Staying home 24/7 isn’t a healthy relationship.

I love nothing better than my girlie nights out, we drink alcohol, probably too much, chat, dance and bizarrely never look in the direction of a man, we are both perfectly happy with the ones we have, who are thankfully very happy for us to go on girlie nights out.

@purplehairlady

Yes, I would personally always go home even if late (& I would not like DH staying out like that either).

Are you young? Unless quite young, this feels like behaviour more suited to uni age or early 20s.

It's not the type of behaviour that works if you have kids, so if you two are talking about having a family, this type of behaviour would be a red flag for me roles reversed.

What’s age got to do with convenience or safety? I’m mid fifties and stay out at friends if that’s what works best.

I love nothing better than my girlie nights out, we drink alcohol, probably too much, chat, dance and bizarrely never look in the direction of a man, we are both perfectly happy with the ones we have, who are thankfully very happy for us to go on girlie nights out.

Erm if you're not shrieking at attractive men you're not doing it right don't you know?

Why does this remind me of screaming at the MichaelAngelo?

Just picture a group of women shrieking like sea gulls at men in the club.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@mummykel16 what are your priories and tastes then?[/quote]
Irrelevant

I'd hate it if my husband did that, and I don't think he'd like it if I did, either, but we've never been the type to stay out all night, even before we met. If he knew you like to stay out late and stay over with friends, maybe he shouldn't be surprised that you still want to do that, though I do think that for most people, things change once you marry and age a bit.

@mummykel16 It was not intended as an overly personal question more just a bit of confusion on my part. My DP and family are my priority but equally I love spending time with my friends, going on nights out etc. So I was just curious at to what you mean when tastes and priorities change…as mine havent

Do most people really stay home 24/7 when they get married/have kids? Genuinely curious and wondering if I am some kind of unbridled slattern 😂

You have children so definitely BU.

@Herewegoagain84

You have children so definitely BU.

And those children have another parent who is at home.

@Herewegoagain84

You have children so definitely BU.

Who are staying elsewhere for the evening. Don't worry I don't take them on a bender with me.

@LuckySantangelo35 - I love the idea of being a slattern, I envy you! I love in an area that makes me think of the Truman Show.

Death by a thousand carefully clips lawns.

Should've known from your pseudonym

@Herewegoagain84 quite right! She has children therefore should accept with gratitude her fate of being chained to the kitchen sink until the end of her days! Because that’s what mothers do.

Will somebody think of the children!!

I completely agree with him. 20-30 mins of a taxi ride is nothing. You should be going home irrespective of the time.

@LalaOIOI

And yes I always tell him if I'm going to stay somewhere. Id never just not turn up home.

It sounds regular but it's probably about once a month maybe twice I go out and I won't always be staying out every time.

So you have overnight child care once or twice a month and you use it to see your friends rather than doing something together? Do you ever get any kid grew nights for you two?

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@mummykel16 It was not intended as an overly personal question more just a bit of confusion on my part. My DP and family are my priority but equally I love spending time with my friends, going on nights out etc. So I was just curious at to what you mean when tastes and priorities change…as mine havent[/quote]
Good for you

@Nelliephant1

I completely agree with him. 20-30 mins of a taxi ride is nothing. You should be going home irrespective of the time.

Why? Serious qn. Why should she have to come home in a taxi which she might feel unsafe in and then has to go out and get the car the next day rather than crashing on the sofa?

I would not like it if my husband did it, so therefore would not do it myself. X

@LuckySantangelo35

Do most people really stay home 24/7 when they get married/have kids? Genuinely curious and wondering if I am some kind of unbridled slattern 😂

Quite sad that you think those are the only options available

@Nelliephant1

I completely agree with him. 20-30 mins of a taxi ride is nothing. You should be going home irrespective of the time.

A 20-30 minute taxi is such as waste of money when they won’t spend any time together late at night. Why not save the money, stay with a friend and go back in the morning. Surely it’s fine to be apart for the night/a couple of hours in the morning in a healthy trusting relationship, does it really make a difference getting in bed next to him for a few hours

@lborgia 😂😘
I feel we would get on great on a night out when I could corrupt you with my slatterny ways!