Thank you for responses. I didn't disappear, I read the first few replies but was too upset to read on, some of the replies are horrific, although I guess they're just the usual trolls.
A real gem was this
'Imprisoned'? Really? Take him out to live with you then.
For those who clearly have no knowledge, my mother like many is in a home under Deprivation of Liberty order, so it isn't up to the family, if we up and removed her we'd have been acting unlawfully. I recall a news story about a woman removing her mother from her care home during lockdown who ended up in police custody. In any case, her needs are too profound to be safely cared for at home. It broke my father's heart to finally admit to this. He would have given everything to care for her but it could not be done.
And yes of course I "choose" to see my mother. She is severely demented, anxious, lost. Before lockdown I generally took her out once a week, sometimes more, especially if my father was away or unwell. Before lockdown, she knew me unfailingly. Now she needs many prompts before she remembers. She has forgotten her siblings, and her grandchildren.
FWIW though, I am also required to commit to regular visits as I am my mother's DOLS representative. If I didn't do that, the local authority would presumably have to pay someone to do it.
Zoom calls were meaningless to her through lockdown, and people here don't seem to grasp that for a phone call to take place, a care worker has to be there to operate and hold the device, and keep her focused. Organising that at a prearranged time is impossible, care home staff are simply not available in that way predictably, they are to and fro at a moments notice.
Care homes operate on wafer thin margins, this is well documented. If they are obliged to fund testing, the burden will fall disproportionately on self funders, how is that fair?
Many have likened paying for tests to paying for petrol or fares, but that is a false equivalence. This is an arbitrary expense on top of those costs, purely because my mother is ill.
Finally, to those who say the tax payer can't fund everything, so why should they fund this, I'd say the tax payer pays for many things, and I don't see anyone on here complaining about their free contraception, or their free schools, or health care, or their children's free eye care and dentistry. These are the hallmarks of a civilised society that looks after its population, how is this different.
Oh, and care homes insist on testing because the government tells them to. The guidance is available online.
Clearly the answer is that tests should be provided free to homes for visitors to use. It doesn't seem much to ask, for families that have paid such a heavy price already.
Thanks to those who have been kind in your replies, btw. I am so fucking angry about this utterly callous and despicable action. Your responses helped, and much love to all in this horrific situation.