do I gently challenge?

[stressedheiress]

Obv name changed. My parents have both recently died. In short succession. I'm heartbroken, particularly by the second death, which I think is common.
The wills are standard - to each other, then to children. In the last months months of Mum's life she expressed a lot of concern that she'd given my sister too much already (think millions). To be fair some of this money was offered to me but I am (as my son tells me) stupidly independent and earn a comfortable living. Anyway, I told mum that sister didn't put a gun to her head and it had been her choice. And left it at that. But she picked at the scab - saying she'd had too much, wasn't responsible, and that sister was probably giving a lot of the money to second husband's family and that upset her.
Anyway, we've recently seen the wills and there isn't mention of anything other than 50/50.
BUT. I have found a very clearly written note in her desk saying £x extra must go to the me to equalise the situation.
What do I do? i don't need the extra money. But I am very clear in my mind that Mum's wishes had changed and that it was only her ailing health (not dementia) that prevented a change being made.
Do I show sister this note and tell her what mum was saying?
I don't like confrontation. But I also don't like unfairness! Equally I don't want to break sister's heart any more.
FWIW (and I know there'll be doubters) I would be donating a big chunk of the inheritance since I don't believe money way beyond your needs makes you happier. I'm fortunate - good education, me and DH had good jobs etc (in fact sister used to justify her taking the money on the basis i was 'lucky')
Please advise how to tread through this situation.... It's literally keeping me awake at night

I dont think you should "let the sister find the letter". If she found it she might make it disappear without telling you. Maybe plant a photocopy somewhere and keep the original in your hands. Do not touch it too much in case it is contested and your finger prints might be the only ones found

@User57327259

I dont think you should "let the sister find the letter". If she found it she might make it disappear without telling you. Maybe plant a photocopy somewhere and keep the original in your hands. Do not touch it too much in case it is contested and your finger prints might be the only ones found

Fingerprints... really? This isn't a TV drama.

@Cookiecrumble22

If your sister had hand outs from your mum over the years . Does that mean she has struggled more than you ? Did she Need the help, where you did not?

You have admitted in this thread you don't like your sister and you feel bitter. And you want to take more than 50% make your sister end up with less just for you to give it away . I'm sorry for what your going through. But what your doing is just spiteful. Don't you think there is enough heartache for you both. Without adding to it. Sounds like she Needs the money more than you do to be honest.

I've never used the word 'bitter' nor said she's struggled. She absolutely hasn't. She lives in a £2.3m house bought by my parents. And the business her ex husband now owns (which they previously jointly ran) was likewise bought by them. I definitely feel she's been grabby though, and Mum felt the same in her final year (which was spent partly in great health, then sadly in V poor health). Shortly before sister and ex split they asked mum and dad if they could help them buy a neighbouring hose. Which my parents duly did. Then sister and husband split up and split the proceeds. New husband has been able to retire thanks to the lovely lifestyle they have. They've also had cars bought for them. So no, no struggle! I've always felt equally loved by mum and dad so that's not it. It's just I truly believe sister has taken the p&ss, even admitting she worked for the family company because it was 'easy money'. I think though as some have (indelicately) put it im going to have to put up and shut up. But gosh shes taken grabby to a stellar level I had a chat with DH this afternoon and we did manage to have a laugh about it. So that's good. It's so awful it's kind of funny.....

If it was me, I'd show my sister the letter and tell her of the conversations you had with your mum regarding the handouts she'd been given over the years. A business and 2 houses - seriously? And she still expects a 50/50 share? No way.

Were your parents multi millionaires? To have had the ready cash to buy 2 houses at at least £4.6 million, plus a business, plus hand out other millions to your sister, plus have their own house?

@User57327259

I dont think you should "let the sister find the letter". If she found it she might make it disappear without telling you. Maybe plant a photocopy somewhere and keep the original in your hands. Do not touch it too much in case it is contested and your finger prints might be the only ones found

Oh come on!

OP I think you're best leaving it lie, it's not going to stand up in court and it will only cause anguish.

Take the 50% and grieve your parents in peace.

Since you don't actually want the money the only reason to let your sister know this, is to cause her pain.

If your mum really felt this way, rather than just having a moan or just contemplating, she would have changed it. She thought about it for a year. If it was that important to her she would have. Rather than leaving you in this position and leaving your sister without being able to talk to her and resolve this

My mum considered leaving everything direct to mine and dbros kids. She died a few months after mentioning it. Dad disagreed with her and won't be doing it, nor will I feel obliged to give any inhertience I do get, straight to my kids.

Imagine you tell your sister and she reveals your mum said something about you. Something she resented you for, that she spent time thinking about and discussing with your sister? Changing completely how you saw your mum and your relationship with her, making you realise your relationship (from your mums point if view) was actually tainted?

It would surprise most people just how far some people will go when it comes to inheritance! I have seen it professionally and personally.

@User57327259

It would surprise most people just how far some people will go when it comes to inheritance! I have seen it professionally and personally.

I think its quite sad really. From what's been said it seems both sisters have a mire than comfortable life. I could understand if one wad sitting in fantastic mortgage free house. And the other was sitting in a council flat or something. But it seems they have has a very comfortable life.

When it comes down to it though legally the note means nothing. Since op does need the money. The whole thing is pointless.

So @stressedheiress

Legally the note means nothing sadly.

My friend who is a solicitor who specialises in probate etc says

Not if that note isn't signed legally like a will. Any testamentry wishes have to be formalised by two witnesses having seen you sign and then you see them sign.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. I think you need to let things go as regards the note and changing the inheritance. Your mother had time to change her will and chose not to for whatever reason. Give it to the solicitor if you want.

Please don’t show your sister the note - it would only hurt. Your latest post indicates that your sister had plenty of money but that isn’t the only way to be needy. You may not know her struggles. It comes across as judgemental.

Its really good that you were independent but I don’t see it as morally superior to have stood on your own two feet and not taken money. You don’t indicate that there was any abuse or that your parents suffered any hardship so if your mother (and father when he was capable) offered/agreed to give her money that is between them.

I wouldn't say anything, especially as you claim to be so unmaterialistic.

Saying anything woud be the sort of thing that leads to so many fallings-out when there are inheritances, deaths etc.