Repulsive trendy food

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Inspired by the dried fruit hate thread...

Is it only me that thinks most trendy/"healthy" food is overrated at best, downright nasty at worst?

Cauliflower rice does not have the taste or texture of rice. It's just soggy Cauliflower. Reheated it smells and tastes of fart.

Courgetti is wet and dilutes the sauce with its green sadwater.

Pomegranate, mangos and satsumas do not belong on salad, especially with a garlic dressing.

Advocados are only ok.

Siracha is just expensive hot sauce. There are loads that are better.

Overnight oats have the texture of wallpaper paste and are absolutely repugnant.

And nothing, NOTHING, should be served on a shovel or any other nonsense receptacle.

Salted caramel is one of the best things invented. When it is actually salty, preferably with big salt crystals in it and not just jumped up butterscotch.

Foraged food never filled anyone up, surely.

Good for you @JudgeJ. I also find I need to eat only two meals if I have brunch so I eat less overall.

@TheUnexpectedPickle

Don't think I could get on with courgettie crisps lol. Kale I'm not a massive fan of, but I'll eat it. Also LOVE pomegranate seeds!

One thing that's trendy which I think is vile are Poke bowls. Raw fish. Bleh. But then again I don't like sushi.

@Rosehugger

I've been on a foraging course, absolutely brilliant. Why would it make someone a wanker to use food that is freely growing around you?

My experience of foraging is "This tastes just like spinach" (except bitter and chewy). Or "This tastes just like asparagus" (if you're willing to spend three weeks peeling it). And it's still bitter and chewy.

Except for sloes and blackberries and plums and walnuts, and other people's unloved apples. And maybe Jack by the Hedge, at a pinch, but that possibly puts me into the wanker category.

Chewy weeds growing in car parks? Yeah, no.

@Calcifur

Bircher muesli is delicious, overnight oats are not Bircher muesli. They are muller lights and despair.

The new cupcakes are all the mixed up sweet options. Cronuts, cruffins, etc. The worst are Brookies, which are a mix of a cookie and a brownie. Which means taking two food items which should be cooked differently, smashing them together and cooking them in a way that makes both of them shit. You either end up with undercooked cookie or overcooked brownie.

Yes yes yes to muller lights and despair!

I suspect the Bircher Muesli that I loved was heavy on the full fat yoghurt and double cream.

Why would it make someone a wanker to use food that is freely growing around you?

In cities, because there’s precious little for wildlife to eat as it is. And it doesn’t help when urban foragers (give me strength) go stamping all over the place for a few blackberries. We have farms for those, you ponces.

@Motorina

And what is it with alternative hot cross buns, *@JudgeJ*?

Hot cross buns should be fruit, mixed peel, a bit of spice, and repentence. Delicious, right?

Hot cross buns should not be salted caramel, chocolate, or sodding cheese and marmite.

Also the crosses should not be iced on.

Heresy.

Ugh someone brought got cross buns into work last year, I toasted one, spread it with butter, bit in and it was fucking chocolate orange!!!

I like salted caramel if its properly salted and not just oversweetened goo. It needs actual salt crystals in it so you get little salty hits. And yes not in/on bloody everything. Sourdough should not be hard. the crust should be crisp but friable. Chewy inner is acceptable but only like a bagel. Toasted sourdough again should be crisp if thin but never hard.

We made quite delicious food with the food we foraged. Obviously there were other ingredients and not just a load of nettles and weeds! But the flavour of jack-by-the-hedge, ground ivy (part of mint family) and young nettle shoots is absolutely lush.

Chocolate orange? They deserve to die.

Especially as they got your hopes up like that.

I quite like trying out different foods, they don’t always work but at least they have ago at variety.

Dark rye sourdough is my favourite. A lot of bread doesn't agree with me but sourdough I can always digest comfortably.

What makes me laugh on Masterchef is the way it's always 'across' the top - so never noodles with 'spring onions on top', it has to be 'spring onions across the top' (imagine John Torode's accent). Are they scattered from a distance or something?

Aldi did a chocolate hot cross bun to die for last year. I can't buy them as could put five pounds on looking at them.

@Rosehugger

Salted caramel is one of the best things invented. When it is actually salty, preferably with big salt crystals in it and not just jumped up butterscotch.

Completely agree!!! It's amazing.

In cities, because there’s precious little for wildlife to eat as it is. And it doesn’t help when urban foragers (give me strength) go stamping all over the place for a few blackberries. We have farms for those, you ponces

I'm not in a city, and it doesn't affect wildlife if I eat weeds that grow abundantly - some of them in my garden. It affects wildlife a lot less than buying a load of herbs shipped in from another country.

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

I HATE cupcakes. What was wrong with the fairy cakes or butterfly cakes of my childhood, without the pounds of horrible buttercream? Some dribbly white icing and some hundreds and thousands and you've got a cake from heaven.

I would also put the Cadbury Creations bars into this Room 101 of trendy food. Why - WHY - would I adulterate chocolate with jelly beans? Or fucking Oreos? Or popcorn?

I'm not made for modern food life.

The Cadbury's creation popping candy with jelly is the best!!

@Dustlandcinderella

Fake meat. All this vegan fake food. Fgs it’s taken over the veggie space in all the menus. And it’s bloody awful! I’d rather Jack Munroes really cheap kidney bean burgers made from real food than that nonsense

Me too.

I've been vegetarian for decades and have never wanted to eat meat.

Nowadays fake meat is the only option in a restaurant.

What is wrong with using lentils, chickpeas and other pulses?

@BotterMon

Fake wanky non-milk - coconut, oak, soya, almond, cashew etc.

It's not milk! It's pretentious wankery unless allergic to dairy products.

Actually most of my family now prefer oat milk to dairy. Dairy seems slimy in comparison.

I've had kombucha which is ok but nothing to write home about. I refuse to believe it's any better for you than other diet sodas.

Actually most of my family now prefer oat milk to dairy. Dairy seems slimy in comparison

DD1 has oat milk on her cereal, she doesn't like regular milk at all.

Foraging food at a restaurant near us:

onion · forest ashes

bracken fiddleheads · pine · burnt butter

crispy foot · nettle

brown choux · dandelion · hazelnut

rabbit eats carrot

snail fricassée · parsley · garlic

windfall acorn

🙄🙄🙄

@ChickenStripper yup, classic pretentious foraging wank.

Going and cutting the nettles from your back garden and making soup? Not wank.

Context is all.

And whilst we're at it, what is with burnt butter?

@SpaghettiNotCourgetti

I've never had bubble tea but I bet that's disgusting, too. Like frogspawn coming up through your straw

Those tapioca pearls aren't easy to digest, either. I remember reading about a bubble tea addict who had to have a blockage surgically removed.