Repulsive trendy food

[TheUnexpectedPickle]

Inspired by the dried fruit hate thread...

Is it only me that thinks most trendy/"healthy" food is overrated at best, downright nasty at worst?

Cauliflower rice does not have the taste or texture of rice. It's just soggy Cauliflower. Reheated it smells and tastes of fart.

Courgetti is wet and dilutes the sauce with its green sadwater.

Pomegranate, mangos and satsumas do not belong on salad, especially with a garlic dressing.

Advocados are only ok.

Siracha is just expensive hot sauce. There are loads that are better.

Overnight oats have the texture of wallpaper paste and are absolutely repugnant.

And nothing, NOTHING, should be served on a shovel or any other nonsense receptacle.

@wannapuke

Berwick Edge, Dry Aged Carrot & Lovage

Another one from Restaurant Pine.
What the absolute fuck is dry aged carrot??

You know when a rogue vegetable gets forgotten in the cupboard and dries out to a husk that looks like a voodoo doll?

Voilà! That'll be £87 please.

But @NeverDropYourMooncup it really is like a mouthful of bollock!!

It was about four or five years ago now, but I’m still not over milky jasmine bubble tea. Absolute filth.

We bought mochi at the weekend, my first encounter. They have the texture of silicone breast implants - a former colleague showed me a sample implant many, many years ago. It’s not a texture you encounter often.

More importantly, what’s Berwick Edge? It’s the main ingredient, the menu’s in English and I still need to google it.

Its a cheese. Lovage is a herb. It has a slightly bitter, medicinal taste, which I rather like, so I grow it in my garden.

Dry aged carrot? No clue.

I dont like avocado....

I also often have brunch at home instead of breakfast and lunch, as I'm not hungry until 11 and I want something fairly substantial. If eating out I'd rather have brunch than lunch as I prefer that sort of menu.

You know when a rogue vegetable gets forgotten in the cupboard and dries out to a husk that looks like a voodoo doll?

Ah that must be it...
but why call it "dry aged carrot" and not "rogue cupboard carrot"

Voilà! That'll be £87 please
Good guess, Pine's tasting menu was 90 quid but going up to 120 quid from the 1st April.

I had a macaron once and, though a pretty lilac colour was just over-sweet and not much to write home about. Maybe others exist which are delicious and worth the price.

@Motorina

I do actually know what pineapple weed is. I know this, because I went on a foraging course.

It grew in the car park.

Where the cars park. And people walk. And dogs piss.

We were encouraged to pick and eat it.

The course culminated in a meal, with a mushroom risotto topped with our foraged herbs.

Once you picked the gritty, chewy green bits off, then the risotto itself wasn't too bad.

There's a reason you don't often see pineapple weed on menus.

A foraging course!?

We've been getting on so well!!! Don't tell me you're a stealth wanker? 😒

YANBU. There are plennty of classic, normal foods that are healthy. Beans on toast, kippers etc.

@godmum56 christ yes I am with you with the vegetarian/vegan foods with meat names. I have been highly pissed off by meat free chicken pie (the fuck is it then?!) and vegetarian meatballs... They're not meatballs without meat gawd dayum it

@TheUnexpectedPickle I don't think so. My idea of foraging is mostly fruit I can stick in booze or pies, if that helps.

This wasn't that. I think the poor chap leading it was quite upset I carefully ate around all the pointless weeds he'd had us gather.

Bircher muesli is delicious, overnight oats are not Bircher muesli. They are muller lights and despair.

The new cupcakes are all the mixed up sweet options. Cronuts, cruffins, etc. The worst are Brookies, which are a mix of a cookie and a brownie. Which means taking two food items which should be cooked differently, smashing them together and cooking them in a way that makes both of them shit. You either end up with undercooked cookie or overcooked brownie.

I thought that bubble tea was an oriental drug concoction, but the shop near me selling this stuff looks like it's aimed at 5 year olds.

Kimchi is ok but I can't see how eating that or something like sauerkraut is good for your gut health. Only in really small doses like pickles, surely, otherwise my gut would not be happy at all and chemical warfare farts would ensue.

Kombucha looks like regurgitated stomach acid (I have never tried drinking it).

A pink latte should be illegal as it doesn't contain coffee (and looks like Pepto Bismol).

@WineGetsMeThroughIt

This thread has made me laugh. I grew up in another country where cupcakes and bubble were everywhere. I've been enjoying both for 25 years before I moved here. But I don't drink the milky bubble tea (because I think milk in any tea is vile) Instead get a fruity flavoured black tea with the bubbles and jellies. When I first moved here and heard people talking about fairy cakes and eventually saw them - my thoughts were 'what a pathetic excuse for a cupcake'. They were flat dry little cakes with a tiny bit of icing sugar and water poured on them. Where were the decorations? The creativity? A fairy cake is bland and boring, and best used with a hockey stick. So as for cupcakes and bubble tea - I love both, but find neither are suited to the British palate of anyone over the age of 40.

Re all the other stuff mentioned - I would consider myself a picky eater, but actually LOVE cauliflower rice, courgettie, chia pudding, rocket, and almost everything else mentioned on here. I was never a fan of avocados because they taste like grass, but I'm actually really starting to enjoy them. I also love(d) triple cooked chips (I hate a soggy chip shop chip!), sweet potato fries, and a brioche bun! But I no longer eat sugar or carbs (I lost 50lbs in 11 months doing Keto, going from a size 12 to an 8 with no exercise simply by making simple swaps like cauliflower mash and rice). I now enjoy most of the things people have mentioned in the first few posts in a regular basis.

The things mentioned on this threat I don't like are the kombucha and anything with foam. And also any vegan or fake meat product because they're so highly processed and filled with artificial ingredients and highly inflammatory vegetable oils. Bleugh!!! Can't believe people think that's a healthy option.

Well done on the weight loss!! 💪

When I did keto, everyone was raving about courgette crisps and kale chips, so I tried them out. The courgette crisps have to be done low and slow, 3 massive courgettes gave me half a cereal bowl worth. Nice enough but not worth the 5 hours it took to cook.

The kale crisps tasted of fart and stank my house out for 2 days.

Utterly disappointing.

@Sciurus83

Chia anything....texture of frogspawn. Salted caramel....no, stop ruining lovely caramel with horrible salt Grazing platters...vom. Salmonella's wet dream Matcha- come on that is GROSS, it looks horrible, it tastes horrible and has no place in cakes of all places. Jog on, cake is meant to be delicious Sourdough- too hard, hurts your mouth, no need.

I actually love salt caramel in a chocolate or an ice-cream, in its place and that is not in bloody hot cross buns, Christmas pudding, scones etc lots of things according to the season!

Pepto Bismol. Now you're talking, I know what that is.

I've been on a foraging course, absolutely brilliant. Why would it make someone a wanker to use food that is freely growing around you?

I think salted caramel is awful, but it seems to be so popular.

[quote Motorina]@TheUnexpectedPickle I don't think so. My idea of foraging is mostly fruit I can stick in booze or pies, if that helps.

This wasn't that. I think the poor chap leading it was quite upset I carefully ate around all the pointless weeds he'd had us gather.[/quote]
Yeah, you're ok, fruit and mushrooms both acceptable, especially fruit for booze.

Carpark weed not so much!

And what is it with alternative hot cross buns, @JudgeJ?

Hot cross buns should be fruit, mixed peel, a bit of spice, and repentence. Delicious, right?

Hot cross buns should not be salted caramel, chocolate, or sodding cheese and marmite.

Also the crosses should not be iced on.

Heresy.

@Rosehugger

I also often have brunch at home instead of breakfast and lunch, as I'm not hungry until 11 and I want something fairly substantial. If eating out I'd rather have brunch than lunch as I prefer that sort of menu.

I have brunch almost every day as retired old age allows me to stay in bed until 11 or so!