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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off with my neighbour ‘stealing’ my cat!

249 replies

HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 14:51

Yes I know that cats are independent, will go where they want to go, have no loyalties etc

But a family local to me let my cat into their home every day. I can see him through their windows.

I understand how in warmer months this is difficult to avoid. But they are obviously letting him in.

I’ve spoken to them - at least 3 times - on the last occasion I specifically asked them (politely) to not open the door to him. My DC are upset as cat has basically buggered off and has to be lured into ours with food! The neighbours have said they’re not feeding him.

AIBU to feel pissed off about this and should I go round (again) to ask them to ignore my cat? Or am I being precious (and at least they’re kind to him)

OP posts:
sjj257 · 21/02/2022 18:11

We’ve lost our cat completely to a neighbour doing this. She was unhinged when I tried to talk to her about it.

RobbieWeirdicht · 21/02/2022 18:13

It's easy, cheerily tell the cat snatchers that your kitty is being treated for ringworm so just a heads up in case they have been handling him or letting him sit on/rub against their soft furnishings Grin

www.pdsa.org.uk/pet-help-and-advice/pet-health-hub/conditions/ringworm-in-cats

Treating the house - ringworm can live in the environment for up to two years, so during your cat’s treatment it’s important to regularly decontaminate your household by vacuuming, cleaning and washing bedding/soft furnishings.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 18:13

@sjj257

We’ve lost our cat completely to a neighbour doing this. She was unhinged when I tried to talk to her about it.
I'd not stop until I got them back! It really annoys me. I don't mind my cat visiting but when they start keeping them overnight and feeding them at every meow. There is a line
parrotonthesofa · 21/02/2022 18:20

Initially I was gonna say yanbu. But once you said your cat doesn't like your other cat that you got after him, I think it is entirely reasonable that the cat has found himself another cat free warm place that he can make his territory. The younger cat is probably dominant and has claimed your house as his. Also you say you don't think they're feeding him. It's nice for the cat

fishonabicycle · 21/02/2022 18:24

My little cat used to visit our neighbours on occasion (mostly when I was at work) - they loved her but never fed her. I was fine with it - they always made sure she left by bedtime!

IntermittentParps · 21/02/2022 18:30

@BOOTS52

They must be giving the cats treats. Tell them your cat has a specific diet and it can make the cat very ill if eating other things. They need to stop letting the cat in. If this was a dog people would be calling the police to get it back. Fine if the cat is sitting in their garden as cats like to wander but letting it in daily is a different story as it is your cat and they are crossing the line.
Not necessarily. As I've said, I never fed our visiting cat. I think its owners probably went out to work in the mornings and kicked it out, and it cottoned on that I was at home all day and used to come round just for a nice quiet day indoors. It did once stalk out of a bedroom and strop off with a filthy look when my cleaner came round and started hoovering while it was trying to sleep. Grin
WouldIwasShookspeared · 21/02/2022 18:37

You can get special f ncing that stops your cat being able to get out of your garden. Or if you don't want to do that you can have a cat run installed.

There are ways to ensure your cat doesn't leave your property.

godmum56 · 21/02/2022 18:37

[quote AllThingsServeTheBeam]@godmum56 you and others are finding things a bit hard to understand things.

The op has even said she can't stop it happening in summer. But in winter they are actively locking her cat in their house. That is where the problem lies. That ok? Do I need to go a bit more in depth?[/quote]
I am presuming if the cat wanted to leave they wouldn't stop it?

catsanctuary · 21/02/2022 18:40

Theres another thread where someone is actively trying to encourage a cat to stay with her when the owner moves house and it's batshit.

All the cats choose their owners nonsense. No they don't. The owner is the person who bought them, feeds them, houses them and takes them to the vets. Cats choose a soft touch on the side for extra treats.

It makes me so mad that people can't see why someone would merrily wave their pet off to another house.

jakesmommy · 21/02/2022 18:48

Yanbu, this happened with a cat I had, he was enticed into a house where I lived for 7 years, when he got a serious eye injury she decided she didnt want that responsibility and I ended up with huge vet bill.

RedWingBoots · 21/02/2022 18:49

@BOOTS52 nope.

One of my friends' neighbours cats would sneak into their house as they had no children so their house was quieter. They then had children but the damn cat still sneaks in. We all know to chuck the cat out.

Fr0thandBubble · 21/02/2022 18:49

Does it really matter OP. Nobody owns their cat. They do as they please.

I agree with this. You are responsible for the cat's care but ultimately I don't think you "own" him (or that anyone "owns" any animal). If he wants to go elsewhere (very likely because he doesn't like living with your other cat/children) then you should let him.

I used to live next to a lovely woman with two cats. One of her cats was always popping by - I think she didn't like living with the other cat. The owner didn't mind at all and was very friendly about it - we sort of shared care of the cat. I was distraught when she (and the cats) moved away!

Consider what makes the cat happier, OP - not you or your children.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 18:55

@godmum56 they remove the cat from their house if they are totally incapable of keeping it out. Ffs it's not rocket science.

Wolfiefan · 21/02/2022 19:01

I do own my cats. I feed and administer medication. I’ve paid for neutering and microchipping and vaccination.
We had a lovely visiting ginger cat. But he didn’t come in the house. Just used to pop round for cuddles. I wouldn’t dream of letting him in and shutting him in my house. His family would have missed him terribly.
Hope none of the people saying you don’t own a cat and anyone can take it in and feed it aren’t my neighbours. Angry

Nsky · 21/02/2022 19:06

I had a cat he chose to leave, a dog and another cat, luckily my neighbour explained, went to live with her ,suited us all better

Moonface123 · 21/02/2022 19:18

My neighbours were like this with my cats , until l told them they were infested with fleas, they are now not so keen to let them in. It is annoying, l used to see my neighbour bringing catfood out of her car, yet insisting she wasnt feeding them, they didnt have any pets and when l went inside their house one day they had cat bowls with food in , and one of my cats was strolling around.
Luckily they now have their own cat, so mine aren't so keen to go around anymore.

Mangofandangoo · 21/02/2022 19:26

My cat stares lovingly into my neighbours patio doors. She doesn't let him in though ... because he isn't her cat!

I would talk to the neighbours again and explain it's upsetting your children

rainbowdancegirl · 21/02/2022 19:32

My aunt has 2 cats. She also has 3 other cats that visit and spend time at her house, even sleeping on her bed! They come though the cat flap. She could stop them but loves them visiting.
Cats will be cats 🐈

You know where he is and he's safe, as long as they are nice people I wouldn't worry x

MintyFreshBreath · 21/02/2022 19:34

You can speak to them all you want but if your cat has taken a liking to them then your neighbours probably can’t get rid of him/her. I’ve had it both ways. Once a female cat moved in with me and we couldn’t shift the bugger. She took a fancy to our male cat and that was that. Once, our (different) male cat went out for a stroll and didn’t come home for 6 months! Turned out he’d moved in with one of the neighbours. The day he strolled back in through the patio doors, bold as brass, I nearly jumped out of my skin!

GoodVibesHere · 21/02/2022 19:54

Your best bet is to chip away, keep repeating the message calmy and clearly, ie. 'if my cat tries to get in to your house or sits on your doorstep please could you not let her in as we want her to know where her actual home is and we miss having her'.

It seems to me your neighbours want the company of a cat (when it suits them) without the responsibilty of feeding, insuring and the general day-to-day care. They should get a cat of their own. Perhaps they don't realise they are being quite cheeky by doing this, so do keep telling them.

I wouldn't lie and say that your cat has got fleas, firstly they might take it upon themselves to put flea treatment on your cat, secondly why should you have to tell people your cat is riddled with fleas! It might fuel them to thinking 'oh the poor thing is neglected' and they might start taking it in even more!

Do you have a cat flap? So that your cat can come back in whenever she wants. Also is your garden 'interesting' enough for your cat, with trees, shrubs, enough for the cat to do? (though obviously your cat may still want to wander). Are you providing 'safe' areas indoors for your cat to escape from dcat2? Perhaps one of those indoor cat trees with hiding area or bed etc.

These are my thoughts anyway. Good luck getting your cat back.

Goldenbear · 21/02/2022 19:59

YABU, the cat is obviously preferring his/her treatment there.

SecretKeeper1 · 21/02/2022 20:02

@user1471538283

I once saw one of our DBoycats leg it up the stairs in a neighbors house! Our DBoycat now used to go to a neighbors to be with his cats for days and he used to sit with our lovely old neighbor.

If they are not feeding him I dont know what you can do

Is “DBoycat” an abbreviation for cat? Grin
Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 20:02

@GoodVibesHere

Your best bet is to chip away, keep repeating the message calmy and clearly, ie. 'if my cat tries to get in to your house or sits on your doorstep please could you not let her in as we want her to know where her actual home is and we miss having her'.

It seems to me your neighbours want the company of a cat (when it suits them) without the responsibilty of feeding, insuring and the general day-to-day care. They should get a cat of their own. Perhaps they don't realise they are being quite cheeky by doing this, so do keep telling them.

I wouldn't lie and say that your cat has got fleas, firstly they might take it upon themselves to put flea treatment on your cat, secondly why should you have to tell people your cat is riddled with fleas! It might fuel them to thinking 'oh the poor thing is neglected' and they might start taking it in even more!

Do you have a cat flap? So that your cat can come back in whenever she wants. Also is your garden 'interesting' enough for your cat, with trees, shrubs, enough for the cat to do? (though obviously your cat may still want to wander). Are you providing 'safe' areas indoors for your cat to escape from dcat2? Perhaps one of those indoor cat trees with hiding area or bed etc.

These are my thoughts anyway. Good luck getting your cat back.

Yes, chipping away is what I shall do.

They are nice people (couple with adult children) who like cats. I agree they should get their own though!

Both cats have their own spaces within the home… cat 2s domain is my room and the lounge, errant cat has always slept and hung out in DC bedrooms. TBH cat 1 has always had upper hand and cat 2 tries to interact but he’s just not interested and gets eggy with her. I might try upping the treat quota to entice him in more.

It’s been interesting to read the varied opinions ( good old MN 😉) and has given me food for thought. Am feeling slightly less irritated now.

OP posts:
ponkydonkey · 21/02/2022 20:02

My neighbour did this so I sent her his chip no and insurance in her name and said I'm not paying anymore

He lives with her now and we got a dog 🤣

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 20:02

@Goldenbear

YABU, the cat is obviously preferring his/her treatment there.
The op is not remotely being unreasonable. In any way shape or form. God I hope I don't live anywhere near people like you