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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off with my neighbour ‘stealing’ my cat!

249 replies

HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 14:51

Yes I know that cats are independent, will go where they want to go, have no loyalties etc

But a family local to me let my cat into their home every day. I can see him through their windows.

I understand how in warmer months this is difficult to avoid. But they are obviously letting him in.

I’ve spoken to them - at least 3 times - on the last occasion I specifically asked them (politely) to not open the door to him. My DC are upset as cat has basically buggered off and has to be lured into ours with food! The neighbours have said they’re not feeding him.

AIBU to feel pissed off about this and should I go round (again) to ask them to ignore my cat? Or am I being precious (and at least they’re kind to him)

OP posts:
godmum56 · 21/02/2022 17:16

@AllThingsServeTheBeam

"You can't stop them. But you can stop them getting into your house when someone has asked you not to let them in.

I am fine with it now he has a tracker on so I know who has him."

yes but why should you? Cats are allowed to roam anywhere.......

JustLyra · 21/02/2022 17:17

@Cocomelonearworm

My parents do this with their neighbours' cat and it absolutely infuriates me. They usher him in if they see him, leave their cat flap open for him (their last cat died a few years ago) and of course feed him. My DM even gives him flea treatments. They seem to see him as some sort of "neglected" cat even though they know exactly which house he lives in and he is in good condition with a collar. I really have to bite my tongue when DM sends me yet another photo of him cosily curled up in bed with her. When I've voiced my opinions I get bossily dismissed (on this and all things, really).

I know cats vote with their feet/paws but to me it is theft and very unfair to try and steal someone else's pet by degrees.

So no advice but I hope you can get through to them OP.

Maybe tell your DM my cats story. “Kindly” people flew treating her nearly killed her.

She’s a well fed, well groomed (funnily enough none of the feeders go to the effort of brushing) and has a collar with a tag with our address and number on it. She’s clearly a well looked after cat.

Yet at least four people took it upon themselves, whilst feeding her, to flea treat her. All with a very common bought one. One that she’s allergic to.

Even if she wasn’t allergic to it five doses wouldn’t have been healthy!

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 21/02/2022 17:20

Tell them he has an awful case of flea/mange/ something unpleasant and please don't let him in.

Bootothegoose · 21/02/2022 17:20

They’re stealing your pet. Get him home and keep him inside for two weeks/a month, like you would if you’d have moved. He’s probably confused whether he’s coming or going bless him.

Keep him at home, lots of cuddles and treats. Up his food if you can then let him out in little stints and call him back with lots of treats. Associate home with being the best place ever. If the neighbours persist afterwards bang on the door every single time. You can see him through the window? You ring and knock until they bloody give him back.

somanylies · 21/02/2022 17:23

@Nelliephant1

Cats choose where they want to live. If the cat really wanted to be with you it'd come home without having to be bribed by food. It obviously prefers the other people/household, not letting it in won't help, it's not as happy with you as it would be elsewhere so let it live with who it wants and give it a happy life by putting its needs and wants over your own.
This.

Sorry, but that cat is just not that into you.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 17:24

[quote godmum56]@AllThingsServeTheBeam

"You can't stop them. But you can stop them getting into your house when someone has asked you not to let them in.

I am fine with it now he has a tracker on so I know who has him."

yes but why should you? Cats are allowed to roam anywhere.......[/quote]
Because they aren't yours? Do I really need to explain that to you?

Would you let a fox or a squirrel into your house because it wanted to and it was cold outside? I doubt it.

Bootothegoose · 21/02/2022 17:27

@Hopikins

I am not a cat person, I have a beloved dog, however I think you should be grateful you have kind neighbours who are happy for your cat to visit. I have had to turn away local cats especially the younger ones when they visit my garden and stare through my patio windows imploring me to let them in when the weather is inclement etc. If I didn't have my dog, I would be very tempted to allow it. As it is I feel cruel denying them shelter etc. Perhaps your neighbours feel the same.
Would you be happy if your ‘beloved dog’ was taken in by the neighbours despite the fact you’d asked them not to?

People view cats as secondary pets. Any animal would paw at the door somewhere they get cuddles and attention and lovely treats. It’s an adventure with better smells from home.

Don’t let other people’s pets into your home! Certainly don’t feed them or DE FLEA them!

BOOTS52 · 21/02/2022 17:30

Are your neighbours elderly, if so maybe they just enjoy the company of the cat and he/she is a big distraction to their day and gives them joy. I totally understand how you are feeling as it is your cat. In past 2 houses I lived in cats always came and sat in my garden all day, on the patio, for years. Then one day this cat that had been sitting under a tree in our garden for years just stopped coming and learned that a neighbour around the corner had moved, did not know her, so am guessing it was her cat, really missed seeing it there but did not bring it into the house. Cats are fiercely independent and as others have said they wander around to so many homes. The neighbours should not be bringing it into their home though think that is wrong. They could have petted it at the door and shooed it off home. Now they have got the cat used to it's daily visits. Cats always seem drawn to me for some reason...But I adopted a dog.

BOOTS52 · 21/02/2022 17:31

Another time in same place had patio window open and a cat jumped in the window scared the hell out of my son and I, we put it out straight away.

Cherrysoup · 21/02/2022 17:31

You can get specialist fencing to prevent the cat leaving your garden or have serious words with the neighbour. I’d be really cross at this. There is no need to let in someone else’s cat.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/02/2022 17:33

I dont get mumsnet.

Apparently on here, cats roam and have every right to go into neighbours gardens and shit everywhere ans the neighbours have to put up with it.

But cats are pets that belong to one family and if they go into a neighbours house that's terrible of the neighbour and everyone should keep their windows and doors shut to prevent that from happening.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 17:33

@Cherrysoup

You can get specialist fencing to prevent the cat leaving your garden or have serious words with the neighbour. I’d be really cross at this. There is no need to let in someone else’s cat.
Some people (me included) don't want to keep their cats in their garden. Just because someone can't help but steal someone elses cat?
user1471538283 · 21/02/2022 17:35

I once saw one of our DBoycats leg it up the stairs in a neighbors house! Our DBoycat now used to go to a neighbors to be with his cats for days and he used to sit with our lovely old neighbor.

If they are not feeding him I dont know what you can do

whitewashing · 21/02/2022 17:37

@lemmein

I would panic if a cat let itself into my house, they massively freak me out! 😖
Me too! They terrify me.
OfstedOffred · 21/02/2022 17:40

I will bet you a million quid they are feeding him.

SpiderVersed · 21/02/2022 17:40

You got another cat and your first cat is voting with his feet.

I get it, I really do. Our old neighbours did steal our cat by feeding him and giving him loads of treats, and I was really pissed off about it.

However, when we got a new cat and one of the older cats started spending the afternoon elsewhere for a bit of quiet, I took it on the chin. As long as they've agreed no feeding or treats and aren't imprisoning the cat in their house, they aren't crossing a line. Your cat wants time away from your younger cat.

Cats roam free, make new friends and are a law unto themselves.

BOOTS52 · 21/02/2022 17:48

They must be giving the cats treats. Tell them your cat has a specific diet and it can make the cat very ill if eating other things. They need to stop letting the cat in. If this was a dog people would be calling the police to get it back. Fine if the cat is sitting in their garden as cats like to wander but letting it in daily is a different story as it is your cat and they are crossing the line.

Suzi888 · 21/02/2022 17:49

@SpiderVersed

You got another cat and your first cat is voting with his feet.

I get it, I really do. Our old neighbours did steal our cat by feeding him and giving him loads of treats, and I was really pissed off about it.

However, when we got a new cat and one of the older cats started spending the afternoon elsewhere for a bit of quiet, I took it on the chin. As long as they've agreed no feeding or treats and aren't imprisoning the cat in their house, they aren't crossing a line. Your cat wants time away from your younger cat.

Cats roam free, make new friends and are a law unto themselves.

^ this
godmum56 · 21/02/2022 17:50

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I dont get mumsnet.

Apparently on here, cats roam and have every right to go into neighbours gardens and shit everywhere ans the neighbours have to put up with it.

But cats are pets that belong to one family and if they go into a neighbours house that's terrible of the neighbour and everyone should keep their windows and doors shut to prevent that from happening.

this absolutely...seems to be cats are only allowed to roam where they like if the owner agrees with where they want to roam.
godmum56 · 21/02/2022 17:52

@BOOTS52

They must be giving the cats treats. Tell them your cat has a specific diet and it can make the cat very ill if eating other things. They need to stop letting the cat in. If this was a dog people would be calling the police to get it back. Fine if the cat is sitting in their garden as cats like to wander but letting it in daily is a different story as it is your cat and they are crossing the line.
dogs are not allowed in law to free roam like cats are and wherever the dog is the owner remains responasible for their behaviour. When cat owners are responsible for the behaviour of their cats and can be prosecuted for that behaviouir then I will agree that there is equity.
Wulfenite · 21/02/2022 17:57

Your neighbours are being deliberately dense here because the etiquette of this is obvious. At our last place a couple of cats kept trying to get into the house. My son loved them. I let him pet the cats outside and if they came in through a window or the door I (carefully!) chased them out. They weren't my cats. If they kept coming back I brought my son inside for a few minutes until they went away to pester someone else.

I don't even agree with keeping cats as domestic pets but I still think it's pretty obvious that you don't encourage someone else's pet to disappear inside your house.

anothername007 · 21/02/2022 18:01

Do not understand this at all. If it were a dog people would think of it as theft. It's theft. They are wrong. Makes me so mad.

FanFckingTastic · 21/02/2022 18:01

Anyone who is letting your animal into their home and feeding it are massively unreasonable. We are not talking about a stray here, and if you've already spoken to them then they know that it's something that they shouldn't be doing. I would pop a tracker on the cat's collar and then you know where it is - if it's in the next door neighbours go round and retrieve your cat. Everytime.

We had a similar situation with one of my cats. My neighbour would let her in and feed her. Unfortunately the cat had various health issues and would then come home and vomit and be poorly. We spoke to the neighbour several times and were told that we were 'mean' because the neighbour just loved cats etc. IMO loving cats is about being concerned for their welfare etc, not just enjoying the nice bits and the strokes. My neighbour just wanted the fun parts of cat ownership without the responsibility, vets bills, insurance etc. We ended up putting a tracker on the cat and every time she took the cat in we went round and politely asked for our cat back. She did stop in the end.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 21/02/2022 18:02

@godmum56 you and others are finding things a bit hard to understand things.

The op has even said she can't stop it happening in summer. But in winter they are actively locking her cat in their house. That is where the problem lies. That ok? Do I need to go a bit more in depth?

Porcupineintherough · 21/02/2022 18:06

@anothername007 if it were a dog then letting it roam would be considered neglect. If cats are free to roam as the law counts them as wild animals then it's not so clear cut if they chose to move in somewhere else, albeit for a few hours per day. It's not like someone is breaking into the OPs garden and grabbing the cat.