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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off with my neighbour ‘stealing’ my cat!

249 replies

HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 14:51

Yes I know that cats are independent, will go where they want to go, have no loyalties etc

But a family local to me let my cat into their home every day. I can see him through their windows.

I understand how in warmer months this is difficult to avoid. But they are obviously letting him in.

I’ve spoken to them - at least 3 times - on the last occasion I specifically asked them (politely) to not open the door to him. My DC are upset as cat has basically buggered off and has to be lured into ours with food! The neighbours have said they’re not feeding him.

AIBU to feel pissed off about this and should I go round (again) to ask them to ignore my cat? Or am I being precious (and at least they’re kind to him)

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/02/2022 15:27

No I expect them to remain indoors AT ALL TIMES at the mercy of my cat
My cat and I did used to stay inside if we could hear neighbours cat yowling at the door - he was huge, about twice the size of my one. According to the neighbours, he could open a child-proofed fridge - they didn't have children, the child catch was supposed to cat proof it.

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:27

He’s always been outdoorsy. Hasn’t used a litter tray since being a kitten, doubt he’d do so now - so keeping in would be super tricky.

I think I may just have to suck it up Sad

I just can’t imagine finding a cat in my house that wasn’t mine and not putting it straight out!

I will keep telling the neighbour each time I see them. Chip away.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 21/02/2022 15:31

Our neighbours cat used to do this sit outside our door in cold, wet or sunshine and run inside when we opened the door. We'd text our neighbour and of course he'd leave. My friend said cats just seem to go where they can to get what they want, so either quiet or chaos. We didn't feed him but ended up having to as he turned up weak and skinny at our house and again when the neighbours came disappeared. Behind them is a house full of greyhounds so they think he was scared to go home. Now we've stopped him going in so much he's wild and both ourselves and the neighbours only see him every few weeks.

Mercurial123 · 21/02/2022 15:33

Are your children always wanting to play/ annoy the cat? Maybe it needs time away? I would love for my cat to have a second home.

MandUs · 21/02/2022 15:35

We've had this. Send your DC around to their house to pick up their cat. Every day. Did the trick for us. For a while anyway.

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:35

@Mercurial123

Are your children always wanting to play/ annoy the cat? Maybe it needs time away? I would love for my cat to have a second home.
No I have older DC.
OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 21/02/2022 15:37

Not a great deal you can do if you’ve asked them not to do it already. My parents had a cat that used to hang round theirs all the time years ago. Like, ALL the time. He had a home a few doors down, but spent all day every day sitting in my parents’ garden and sneaking inside every time a window or door was open. They didn’t feed him or encourage him (apart from strokes - he was a big soft thing) and sometimes dm would carry him home because she was worried he’d miss his mealtimes. He’d just decided he preferred to be at my parents’, and there wasn’t much anyone could do stop it. After a few years, his owners moved away and left him with my parents.

Cats just do this sometimes. They decide where they want to live, and sometimes that’s multiple homes. Sometimes they do it when a dog/other cats or children arrive in the family, sometimes for no apparent reason; they just decide they prefer it elsewhere.

There was a thread on here a while ago in which a poster was looking at the Rightmove details for a neighbour’s house, and saw her cat asleep on one of the beds in the photos!

Mia184 · 21/02/2022 15:37

The cat is fine with the DC but isn’t a fan of our other cat.

So you would prefer your cat to stay on your property with your other cat and be unhappy?

My cat lived together with another cat she didn’t really get on at her previous owner (I bought her Wink ) and started to overgroom herself eventually. Once she was here, the overgrooming stopped.

Nsky · 21/02/2022 15:37

The cat has decided

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:38

@purplemunkey

I think you are being a bit weird TBH. Cats go where they like. If they're not feeding him, they're not trying to steal him. It sounds like he prefers it there as he doesn't get on with your other cat rather than anything they are doing. They're just cat people letting in a neighbourhood cat.

When I was younger our neighbours cats used to come to our house all the time. Now I'm an adult and have a cat of my own, she wanders in to my neighbour's house too. The neighbours like to tell me about it and it seems to make them happy. What's the problem?

I agree with you - he probs prefers it there as it’s quiet without cats

I don’t agree with you that I’m being weird though

In what other situation would it be acceptable to ignore a polite request to not take a pet that doesn’t belong to you

At least bloody try anyway!

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 21/02/2022 15:39

Wouldn’t bother me. What my cat does in his own time is his business. 😼

Pixiedust1234 · 21/02/2022 15:39

As long as they don't feed him and he comes home for food I would not worry too much. Some cats have a daytime home to peacefully sleep in. My MIL seems to be a cat whisperer and regularly has the various neighbours cats in on her bed snoring away. By five o'clock she is catless. Happens everyday. Once she had six cats at the same time. Her grandkids loved vising her lol

There was a scientific documentary recently about the secret lives of pets. Some cats have several "homes" they visit but all return to the main one.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/02/2022 15:40

We have our windows open even in the winter, we like the fresh air and my Partner is constantly roasting even with the heating off so they're mostly always open.
If the cat is going in a window you can't really expect them not to have their windows open if they don't mind the cat - if they're not feeding him then they're not encouraging him.

My BIL once woke up in bed with the neighbours cat Grin It turned out he'd been waiting until all the lights were off, clambering onto their garage and shimmying into the open window. They're buggers when they want to be.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/02/2022 15:42

@HugAHoodie if they're windows open people they probably think there isn't much they can do. They're not going to close the windows and the cat keeps wondering in. They're not feeding it so doesn't sound like they have any interest in keeping it. They're not shutting it in either?

I'm not sure what I would do... I wouldn't be closing windows if I want them open, nor would I pay to "cat-proof" them. I wouldn't be getting up and down 100 times to chuck it out either, it would only come back in once I sat back down.

vivainsomnia · 21/02/2022 15:43

One of my 2 cats decided he liked my neighbour better. I don't know why, he just did. They were good initially not letting him in. She was allergic anyway so didn't want to but he kept crying at her door until she opened it and then of course went in when the weather got nice and windows were left opened. Amazingly, with histamines, she was ok.

We both have up. The cat made his choice. He still loved my cuddles but liked her house better!

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:44

Thanks for all the messages.

I can accept that my cat is his own boss and I have no control. You’re right, he will always please himself and it’s nice that he can identify other spaces he is comfortable.

However, I still wish the neighbours would be a bit more discouraging. I know they’re letting him in - I’ve seen them do it AND they’ve told me they do it!

OP posts:
Sadbabysitter · 21/02/2022 15:47

Cats are naturally solitary. It seems unfair to try to restrict him from getting some space away from your other cat if that’s what he needs.

Viviennemary · 21/02/2022 15:47

Your cat prefers your neighbours house. I would just let it go there. It should be allowed freedom of choice ImHO.

purplemunkey · 21/02/2022 15:47

"I don’t agree with you that I’m being weird though

In what other situation would it be acceptable to ignore a polite request to not take a pet that doesn’t belong to you"

Sorry if it sounds mean, but I just think it's a bit weird that you asked in the first place. They're not 'taking' anything. They are letting your cat in to their home, that's all.

VenusClapTrap · 21/02/2022 15:48

My MIL seems to be a cat whisperer and regularly has the various neighbours cats in on her bed snoring away

My grandparents were like this actually. There was always somebody else’s cat or cats in their house when we visited. Can’t blame the cats really - they had the fire on permanently so it was always baking in their house and they were happy to sit there all day with a cat on their knee. They sent them home at teatime.

DevonTF · 21/02/2022 15:51

We had the same issues with some neighbours. Our cat loved seeing people (could be a bit mean - once had a letter from the local primary school asking if we could keep her in at school leaving time, as she sat on the wall taking a swipe at the children as they walked past).

The neighbours would often stop to stroke her and pay her loads of attention. She didn't come home one night, next day out calling - they opened their door and said not to worry - she was having a sleep over with them!

It went on for months - us asking them not to let her in / not feed her. They kept saying they would stop - but didn't. They even started giving us advise - letting us know she loved fresh poached chicken and had fish directly from the fishmongers for her etc. As a treat they gave her smoked ham - even though they knew it wasn't great for cats. Then after about 8 months of this - they bought her home, and announced they were moving to a rented house that didn't allow pets - so could we take her back.

I honestly think they had issues.

Bloody cat acted as if nothing had happened, lived happily for another 10 years, and dies in her sleep in our garden at the age of 23.

MsFannySqueers · 21/02/2022 15:52

My late MIL used to let the neighbours cat into her house. She never fed it but it used to sit in her conservatory with her. Her neighbours knew and didn’t mind at all. When MIL died we were sorting out her house and the cat turned up. We ignored him but everyday he turned up at the front door. Eventually one day we let him in. He took himself off on a tour of the house looking for MIL I believe. He saw she wasn’t there and went to the door waiting to be let out. We were clearing that house for months not once did he come back. I still think that cat realised somehow MIL had died but had to make sure!

Hmbleybee · 21/02/2022 15:57

It makes me so angry the double standards of people thinking they can just steal someone else's car because 'it prefers my house'. But if a dog gets stolen it's a different story. It's bullshit! Cats are nosey and not very loyal. It doesn't mean you can just steal one!

I'd go round and tell them again and then keep your cat inside for a while OP.

Hmbleybee · 21/02/2022 15:57

Cat not car. But that same sentiment there too!

Whitney168 · 21/02/2022 15:59

@GreenPepperRed

If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in?

Erm you do what any normal person does and take the cat back outside if it wonders in...

And what if they want their doors or windows open for some fresh air, are they never allowed to do that? (Mind you, the air a bit TOO fresh today LOL.)

If you want to control what cats do, you need to keep them contained, unfortunately.

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