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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hacked off with my neighbour ‘stealing’ my cat!

249 replies

HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 14:51

Yes I know that cats are independent, will go where they want to go, have no loyalties etc

But a family local to me let my cat into their home every day. I can see him through their windows.

I understand how in warmer months this is difficult to avoid. But they are obviously letting him in.

I’ve spoken to them - at least 3 times - on the last occasion I specifically asked them (politely) to not open the door to him. My DC are upset as cat has basically buggered off and has to be lured into ours with food! The neighbours have said they’re not feeding him.

AIBU to feel pissed off about this and should I go round (again) to ask them to ignore my cat? Or am I being precious (and at least they’re kind to him)

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/02/2022 14:54

You can't control where you cat goes. If they are not feeding him/her, maybe the cat just prefers being at theirs?

I wouldn't turn an animal away in the cold and wind and rain.

GreenPepperRed · 21/02/2022 14:56

YANBU. So sick of hearing about people just coaxing local cats into their houses and not letting them out/feeding them like it's theirs. Absolutely go back and tell them to not let them into their house again.

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 14:57

But they aren’t ‘turning away’ an animal in the cold and rain, he has a nice warm house opposite

I’ve asked them ‘please could you try to not open the door to him’ and they’ve ignored me, basically

They are friendly when I talk to them about it, I don’t think they see it as an issue at all. More that my cat is a quirky little thing that likes to visit

OP posts:
Sundancerintherain · 21/02/2022 15:01

Dog owner here so not sure of the legal position. Is the cat microchipped and registered to you ?

JustLyra · 21/02/2022 15:03

This absolutely enrages me. Especially as they are very likely feeding the cat - that is the main reason cats move into other houses.

I took out monthly vet bills for our cats ongoing treatment round to a neighbour's house a while back. She was constantly feeding her something that she's been told makes her sick. I gave her two choices - take the cat on, bills and all, or stop bloody feeding her. Thankfully since she seen the amount she's stopped enticing the cat in with food and I don't have to clear up the aftermath anymore.

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:04

Yes cat is microchipped to us.

I do totally get that cats roam and you can’t control them. But you don’t have to let them in to your house!

Especially when you’ve been asked not to. Not sure how much plainer I can be about it tbh

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/02/2022 15:04

Maybe he doesn't like children?

I used to have neighbours whose cat that would yowl loudly, and take any opportunity of an open window or door to visit - my cat was scared of him; his owners had four cats altogether, he obviously preferred less competition.

Wolfiefan · 21/02/2022 15:06

Honestly I would be looking to cat proof the garden to keep the cat on your property. They are being massively U but clearly don’t see that.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/02/2022 15:07

I'm torn... Mostly because I have catnapped a cat. But (it's a big but) he was being mistreated and not fed. The owners were telling me not to feed him but then he was trying to eat a bloody fat ball! He died last year and the old owners are yet to notice.

Your situation is totally different though. I'd never take a well cared for cat. They should stop feeding him. Can you keep him in for a bit? He'll probably be gobby about it but would break the habit!

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 21/02/2022 15:07

Tell them he is on specialist food and do they want the link... Send one that costs ££££- add if he becomes ill from their non specific feeding the bill will be going to them.

Bunty55 · 21/02/2022 15:08

I have three Siamese cats. Only one of them is loyal. The other two bastards go to a neighbour's house and wait for it... sit on their knees.
I had no idea. They sleep on my bed (one of them on my pillow) and demand food and attention and all the time they are going elsewhere for strokes.
The neighbour grassed them up. She had no idea who they belonged to. She said they are lovely.
She doesn't have to put up with the atrocious behaviour at home.. no.. she only sees them socially. I could go on...........

Does it really matter OP. Nobody owns their cat. They do as they please.

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:09

The cat is fine with the DC but isn’t a fan of our other cat. So I think that’s why he buggers off. That said, he’s always been a free-spirit type even before cat 2 came along.

I don’t think they’re feeding - he hasn’t gained weight and still eats at ours. The other day they “dropped him back” (!) as he had been in for so long and thought he might be hungry !

How do I cat proof my garden?

OP posts:
Garfieldismyspiritanimal · 21/02/2022 15:11

Yabu
If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in?
If you don’t want your cat to do what cats do, which is basically totally please themselves, then keep him inside your house and garden! No doubt this same cat craps in all the neighbours gardens since it is free to roam but that is ok?

CrystalCoco · 21/02/2022 15:15

I would be a bit sad if I saw my cat sitting in the window of my neighbour's house but I wouldn't be surprised, 'some' cats have little loyalty and will take the comfort and kind words wherever they find them.

I also know how difficult it is to stop a cat going where it wants to, hence the phrase 'herding cats' - so maybe the neighbours aren't deliberately encouraging your cat, but cat thinks he's now very welcome there and doesn't understand why he'd be prevented from coming in anytime he pleases.

If he's still coming home to you at least some of the time then he still loves you, he's just enjoying a dual-home lifestyle Grin

Jajajaj · 21/02/2022 15:15

I told my neighbour that my cat had been diagnosed with diabetes and was on a special
diet so could they not feed him as it might make him ill.

GreenPepperRed · 21/02/2022 15:16

If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in?

Erm you do what any normal person does and take the cat back outside if it wonders in...

Original poster
HugAHoodie · 21/02/2022 15:20

@Garfieldismyspiritanimal

Yabu If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in? If you don’t want your cat to do what cats do, which is basically totally please themselves, then keep him inside your house and garden! No doubt this same cat craps in all the neighbours gardens since it is free to roam but that is ok?
No I expect them to remain indoors AT ALL TIMES at the mercy of my cat Hmm
OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 21/02/2022 15:23

If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in?

There's a thread running right now about MNers being deliberately obtuse. This is a prime example Grin

DillonPanthersTexas · 21/02/2022 15:23

If the cat is waiting outside the door, how can you reasonably expect them not to use their door so he can’t come in?

Seriously, it's cat, you can use the door while making sure it does not enter. Even if it does wriggle past you pick it up and feck it back out into the street.

AskingforaBaskin · 21/02/2022 15:23

I would grab him now and keep him in for a few months. Try and reset him. If not at least he is home with you then.

EveryAvenue · 21/02/2022 15:24

This is why I have house cats. Could you get a cattio?

purplemunkey · 21/02/2022 15:24

I think you are being a bit weird TBH. Cats go where they like. If they're not feeding him, they're not trying to steal him. It sounds like he prefers it there as he doesn't get on with your other cat rather than anything they are doing. They're just cat people letting in a neighbourhood cat.

When I was younger our neighbours cats used to come to our house all the time. Now I'm an adult and have a cat of my own, she wanders in to my neighbour's house too. The neighbours like to tell me about it and it seems to make them happy. What's the problem?

Nelliephant1 · 21/02/2022 15:24

Cats choose where they want to live. If the cat really wanted to be with you it'd come home without having to be bribed by food.
It obviously prefers the other people/household, not letting it in won't help, it's not as happy with you as it would be elsewhere so let it live with who it wants and give it a happy life by putting its needs and wants over your own.

Ohmnomnom · 21/02/2022 15:25

My cousin has an intruder car that will not take no for an answer. He lies in wait until a door or window opens then dashes in and runs upstairs! They chuck him out 10 times a day but he still comes back. It's a house full of teenagers and smokers so the door is opened hundreds of times a day.

Cats are stubborn bastards that just won't be told.

Lou98 · 21/02/2022 15:26

Are you sure they're opening the door and letting him in or is he going through a window?

We have our windows open even in the winter, we like the fresh air and my Partner is constantly roasting even with the heating off so they're mostly always open.
If the cat is going in a window you can't really expect them not to have their windows open if they don't mind the cat - if they're not feeding him then they're not encouraging him.

If you actually know 100% that they're opening the door to let him in then YANBU. Every time you see him in their house just go knock the door and get him back. I'm not really sure there is much else you can do though