Is there a medical diagnosis for hating people coming into your house?

[shelleyshell]

Hello people,
it is my first post on here and am not sure if I am in the correct place but.....
I hate having people in my house! I like my mil but she comes in way to often, my 14 year old Daughter has a boyfriend that I see too often, nothing against him I just don't want him in my house - he is currently restricted to 2 days per week.....and the main one...

my husband has a friend I dislike and he comes over every month for the whole weekend, I always go away but I still hate himmin my house!!

What about when your kids get older though OP? When they want their friends round for sleepovers etc? Or just to have friends over for tea etc or for the evening etc? What about when they get older and want to stay over at yours with friends or a partner?

@LuckySantangelo35

People who cannot bear having people in their houses….how do you function with things like friendships etc? Having family stay over if you don’t live close by to them? Does it not make you very insular? And the sofa and outdoor clothes stuff is just weird

I prefer not having people at my house, always have!

My best friend loves hosting more than anything and would rather have people to hers than go elsewhere, so that works nicely.

Other friends I either visit theirs (most of my friends live in one place, that I moved away from, so the onus is largely on me to visit them anyway), or we go out for food /go for drinks/go to gigs etc.

While I am on the introverted side of things, I still want to see my friends and I'm more than happy to go and see them wherever they're happiest to - I just don't like people in my space and having no 'escape route' from a situation (even if I never actually use it - but it's much easier to say "Oh I must get home" from drinks than it is to say "Can you get out my house now thanks?").

We have had people stay here occasionally (although never my family - they don't live far enough away to need to) as DH's friends all live a long way away, so they do come and stay sometimes. And it's obviously lovely to see them, but it's not my ideal circumstances.

People who cannot bear having people in their houses….how do you function with things like friendships etc? Having family stay over if you don’t live close by to them? Does it not make you very insular?

No. Meeting me no one would know I don’t like visitors. The majority of my jobs have been people-facing, customer service jobs where I talk to people all the time. The only place I’m not talking to anyone for an extended period of time is when I’m walking , going about my errands or on public transport. My in-laws live about 5 hours away and my parents in another country. I grin and bear it when either come because I have to and I know they are here to see their grandchildren and that they are only here for a short period of time. In-laws come and visit us twice a year and my parents once every few years.

I enjoy the odd planned visit but I rather go out since it’s way less work and planning for me. I’m not bothered about being invited to someone’s house and would never invite myself either.

My home is my haven and sanctuary where I recharge my batteries after dealing with people all day so I am more protective of it and that means few visitors.

@Ibizan
I completely agree. OP stop trying to pathologise something which is essentially just your own preference. There is no such ‘medical condition’ or diagnosis…just own it, you don’t want people in your house, fine but you have to be prepared that others may take some umbrage with this at times.

A friend of your DHs comes once a month and stays for the WHOLE weekend?
Blimey I wouldn't be having that.

It’s not a medical condition, it’s personality.

I thought that I was the only person that never opens the door unless expecting a delivery. Nobody is invited into my home and no idea where my landline phone is so nobody can get hold of me on that
I was so pleased when I joined mumsnet and realised I was part of a club

I don’t mind (planned) short visits but I hate hate hate double hate overnight guests.

My home is the one place I don’t have to wear a bra and can feel comfortable.

Plus I like to go to bed early and don’t want to stay up entertaining guests.

We got rid of our guest bed and filled the room with junk.

I have visitors relatively frequently and often invite people over. I love having my friends over, problem is, I’d that everyone come with their children. I have the most children so I don’t feel I can impose us all on others, but I like order, and when my friend’s children are over it is CHAOS, and the house is a tip when they leave.

Plus I never actually get to talk to anyone as we are constantly interrupted.

But I persevere as the friendships are worth more to me ultimately!

@RampantIvy It was a few years ago and he was only there for the summer and autumn. I wouldn't make anyone sleep out in a storm!

My parents are dead, as are DH's and we have no family nearby, so friends are important to me.

DH is very introverted and doesn't understand why I don't want to move away from where we live because, unlike him, I have made several friends. He doesn't need friends and thinks I shouldn't need them either.

Just putting this point of view from an extrovert married to an introvert. It can be very isolating when you are with someone who never wants to go anywhere or see anyone.

@RampantIvy completely agree. If you lived alone OP it would be fine but I think when you have a partner and kids who are not as unsociable and introverted as you that’s really difficult and you have to make some compromises on that. Trying to pass it off as a medical condition won’t wash as there is no such medical condition for you to try and placate your husband with

@TroysMammy

My fear of people coming to my house has been armchair diagnosed as dirtyflooritis. In other words I know I need to Hoover and mop my floors but as I can't be arsed I hate people coming to my house as they'll see what a slattern I am.

There's alternative diagnosis of cleanflooritis - those obsessively clean their houses and don't like people coming in and messing it up.

@TatianaBis I'm still looking at my floor and tutting and huffing. The hoover and steam mop are but 4 foot away but still I can't be arsed. When I do eventually clean, no-one wants to call around anyway

My dm hated visitors except, like the OP, close family. She thought having friends was silly, and some sort of personal failing. So I can tell the OP that it is hard for a child when visitors or even a friend dropping by is seen as an “invasion”. It is indeed a personality problem but medical condition? Nope. As pp said, it’s a way of saying “don’t you dare challenge me”.

@Ibizan your folks do sound pretty awful, but they were not like that because they were introvert. Introverts just need more time alone to recharge, extroverts are energised by company. It's perfectly possible to be a socially confident, successful introvert. Thanks for calling me a loon though. You've made me sound a bit more interesting 🤣

Worse than this is when you have to have workmen in and talk to them and make them tea coffee and biscuits , l hate it . l don't think l would mind a woman doing jobs half as much though tbh .

Following on from my post , l wish there were more women doing gas ,
electricity, carpentry and plumbing . In fact every trade in the book . l don't dislike men , l just hate having to listen to their boring crap about the job they are doing .

The working class thing about people popping round all the time without notice - in those days people had a 'parlour' which was kept (or kept itself) clean and tidy because it was only used for guests. Good idea if you can spare the space.

If you lived alone OP it would be fine but I think when you have a partner and kids who are not as unsociable and introverted as you that’s really difficult and you have to make some compromises on that.

Sounds like she already has though. She has limited her daughter to having her boyfriend over twice a week which probably means that if it was up to her daughter, he would be over more than that. She’s not exactly stopping anyone and everyone from coming over. If I’ve read her previous posts correctly she is going as far as going into her bedroom and even leaving her own home to facilitate the rest of the households needs for visitors and guests even though she doesn’t like or enjoy it. It sounds like her DH and daughter want to have people over even more than they already do and can’t understand why she doesn’t. I wonder when these people are over who is doing the cleaning and the hosting?

I’m lucky my DH is similar to me but I’d struggle too if I had people coming over several times a week into our home.

We’ve had threads here about people visiting every weekend with many saying that is unreasonable yet OP is getting a hard time for not wanting visitors several times a week.

Just leaving this here...

I also dislike having people in the house just because I'm not sociable at all, and have a small house, but my DCs like to have friends over so I just let them get on with it.

@phoenixrosehere True. I suppose I just don’t get the whole “medical condition” bit

@LuckySantangelo35

I think it may be because her husband and daughter being more extroverted don’t get or understand her dislike and likely making her feel as if it isn’t normal leading to OP to think that there maybe something actually wrong with her when really it isn’t normal for them and they can’t relate.