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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is there a medical diagnosis for hating people coming into your house?

154 replies

shelleyshell · 20/02/2022 21:01

Hello people,
it is my first post on here and am not sure if I am in the correct place but.....
I hate having people in my house! I like my mil but she comes in way to often, my 14 year old Daughter has a boyfriend that I see too often, nothing against him I just don't want him in my house - he is currently restricted to 2 days per week.....and the main one...

my husband has a friend I dislike and he comes over every month for the whole weekend, I always go away but I still hate himmin my house!!

OP posts:
MintyGreenDream · 20/02/2022 22:03

I'm the same.I can handle it fine but inside I'm twitching til they fuck off.
I'm a social butterfly at other people's though.Im weird.

phoenixrosehere · 20/02/2022 22:25

*I've become like this.

Never was but I think mine occurred due to ds having autism.

If I go elsewhere I can leave if needs be.

If people come here I can't!!!*

Same. My oldest has autism and loves to rub around in just his pants. He’s also prone to get upset if he hears the neighbor’s washing machine through the wall and other noises that hurt him.

Saying that, I didn’t grow up with people just dropping by or coming over and enjoyed that considering what my paternal grandparents homes were like where there was a revolving door of people. My DH is the same as me who only likes visitors once in awhile and it’s been planned in advance. He grew up with people constantly coming around and struggled with it and the noise it brought and prefers the quietness of our house.

I’m happy to simply meet up with people at a cafe, park, and other places and pay for both of us if it means they don’t come around to mine.

Malariahilaria · 20/02/2022 22:32

I think this a very interesting thread. I don't mind certain people I like and trust coming over. I can handle certain people who are good friends staying for a weekend. I love my elder DS friends coming for playdates but I am violently opposed to my fil and his various partners or MIL coming over. I also have an asd DS who doesn't like noise (even though he's the noisiest bugger in the world) so can struggle with people in the house. I think we were struggling through having people over but covid put a stop to it all and now I realise it's far easier to only have people over who get my asd DS and I like. My social life is very reduced now but we're all calmer.

bexxboo · 20/02/2022 22:39

I don't like people in my house because I feel like I have to entertain them and they never seem to leave. Much rather meet outside or go to theres so I can leave whenever i want.

SoItWas · 20/02/2022 22:39

I'm like this. I'm very introverted, and no diagnosis, but I have a lot of autistic and adhd traits, and think I mask a lot in public. Home is my place to relax and be myself.

Blinky21 · 20/02/2022 22:42

Yes, we have lots of visitors but if it was up to me I'd never invite anyone over, too stressful, cleaning before they arrive and then after they leave, I'd much rather socialise somewhere else

RampantIvy · 20/02/2022 22:53

it upsets my children but it's how I feel,

I'm sorry, but you will have to suck it up for your children's sake. DD's ex BF used to spend a lot of time at our house because his parents didn't like people coming to the house.

When he went to university he loved the freedom of having friends around him, and now he very rarely comes home to visit his family, and doesn't ever intend to come back to live in his home town.

BobLep0nge · 20/02/2022 22:54

After I gave birth to twins who looked quite unhygienic I asked them to live in the coalshed. They're perfectly happy there, and my younger children live in a nearby wheelie bin (not my own, I like to keep that clean and fresh)

Hmm Providing a tent for a sibling or guest to sleep or live in is not the same as abandoning a baby to a coal shed.

Eoheleh · 20/02/2022 22:56

My house is too small for visitors and its not the best layed out house for social gatherings. I like family to come round but thats about it, I am an introvert though.

RampantIvy · 20/02/2022 23:01

As an introvert you must have realised that if you have children they might want to have friends round from time to time?

Ibizan · 20/02/2022 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EveryAvenue · 20/02/2022 23:12

I have OCD and I hate people in my house. I only tolerate it when I invite them over and that’s really very rare. I prefer to meet in a neutral public place like a cafe etc. I don’t like being in other people’s homes either as I feel like in invading their privacy. Probably because that’s how I feel when people are in my home.

BlackeyedSusan · 20/02/2022 23:13

We don't have visitors.

LondonQueen · 20/02/2022 23:15

ffs you don't need a medical diagnosis.

mumda · 20/02/2022 23:21

I can write you a doctor's note. It won't be from a doctor but it'll do the trick.

camperqueen54 · 21/02/2022 02:59

It's called being a bit mean. Our house is currently inhabited by a friend of my daughters who is homeless, daughters, and about 3 nights a week their boyfriends. We love that it's a home and a haven. To put your brother in a tent in the garden is one of the most awful things I've ever read on here.

lemmein · 21/02/2022 03:06

@GCAcademic

I’m so glad to have found my people.

Just don’t come round to my house

GrinGrin
PupInAPram · 21/02/2022 03:39

@ibizan calling introverts 'oddball' and 'miserable fucks' for a personality trait they have no control over? Were you the school bully by any chance?

Flatandhappy · 21/02/2022 03:59

You feel how you feel so I wouldn’t call you unreasonable for that, but it isn’t just your home, it’s your husband and daughter’s as well. Unless your daughter’s boyfriend takes the piss and expects his dinner every night limiting him to twice a week is just weird and obviously your husband is entitled to have his friends round. Your daughter will just start going to her boyfriend’s place whenever she can so you will probably be unhappy at not seeing much of her as she gets older. I have always tried to make sure that my kids felt comfortable having friends/partners over so I knew what was happening in their lives.

mumofEandE · 21/02/2022 04:10

@Knobhead101

I don't mind people in my home providing I know they're coming. I loathe when people just arrive without any warning. If I answer the door when I'm home, I pop my coat on. That way, if I don't want that person entering my home and can say 'oh you've just caught me leaving, sorry!' and they'll leave, and in the unlikely event that it's someone you do want in your home, you can take your cost off and tell them you've just gotten home but they're welcome to come inGrin
Genius! Grin
Momijin · 21/02/2022 04:18

My dad is like that. Happy for his family but doesn't want other people in his house. I was allowed my close friends over no problem but that was it. I then became the opposite when I left home, always hosting parties, get togethers, sleepovers.

However, it can get annoying when your teenagers friends stay until late on school nights.

Alrightqueenie · 21/02/2022 04:58

I find that people who don't like people in their house don't mind traipsing their filth & germs to my house instead! Confused I'm looking at my sil, she'll be over at mine in a flash but I'll never get a return invitation. Now I just meet her outside in the park or cafe because I've had enough of her eating all my custard creams! Grin

LoveFall · 21/02/2022 05:21

A family member with OCD focused on health/germs will not let any of us visit, even in the garden.

Alrightqueenie · 21/02/2022 06:00

@LoveFall I'd let you inside my house for a cuppa as long as I get a return invitation! I'll even open a pack of M&S custard creams for you! Grin

Giraffesandbottoms · 21/02/2022 06:03

Ah, just what MN needs, ANOTHER ailment to list on people’s posts for why they aren’t accountable for their behaviour. This could be 2022’s answer to “anxiety”, which has been so overused on here it could really use a holiday.