Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be envious that annual leave is never a holiday any more?

157 replies

Llamasinpajamas · 20/02/2022 19:09

Just that really. Had a weekend with family (retired parents and siblings who work) all talking about holiday plans. Parents quite rightly enjoying retirement and travelling a lot (they are quite wealthy). Siblings both talking about their booking holidays abroad and how desperate they are for a break and sun and time off.

I have two small children (2 and 6) and never get a break. Family are great and lovely and keep them occupied when we visit or babysit occasionally which is great but any annual leave DH and I use for school holidays/inset day/sickness etc. we haven’t been abroad in years due to money being tight but even if we did we’d have the kids so it would be the same sh*t different location! I need a week off. I need sun. I need a BREAK! I can’t every take a day leave for myself as we need it for childcare. A sick day (which I only take when genuinely ill) is as close to me time as I get.

Am I allowed to be incredibly jealous? I remember all the lovely holidays and leave days I had pre kids and I feel like I’ll never have that again. Im knackered, life is relentless and I wish I could have a week off!

I do love my kids to bits and don’t really begrudge anyone else having holiday/enjoying leave at all. I just wish it was me Smile

OP posts:
DappledThings · 20/02/2022 22:49

I’ve never understood SSDL, unless it’s self catering and you have ALL your meals in your accommodation and there are no activities nearby? We’ve taken DC on all kinds of holidays/weekend trips from age 16 weeks up, and I can count on one hand the weeks I didn’t enjoy!

Same. Yes the children still have to be fed and got to sleep and sometimes that's a bit tougher in a new environment but there are still places to visit, sites and sights to see, warmth to feel, new foods and not being at work and the excitement of the actual travelling there bit.

Cameleongirl · 20/02/2022 23:00

@Jessicabrassica

I'm with you. We've had 2 child-free nights in 12.5 years and we're currently averaging 3hrs child free time a year. It is relentless but in 2023 they will both be at scouts and we will have a whole week to ourselves! Counting the days!
Couldn’t you get a babysitter occasionally, @Jessicabrassica? We didn’t have any family help when our now-teenagers were young, so we had to pay if we wanted the odd night out… money well spent, IMO.😂
BoredZelda · 20/02/2022 23:02

I remember the first holiday we took with our daughter on. She was 2 and I was washing her plates and cutlery in the sink after a particularly challenging dinner time and I thought “all I’ve done is swapped for a sink with a nicer view than my own”

She was probably about 6 or 7 before I properly started enjoying holidays with her. We tramped round museums and places we’d probably not have been to if she wasn’t with her. I discovered I really enjoyed that.

I do really enjoy going away with her now (she’s 12) but I do long for the day when we can just jump on the internet and book a weekend away without hours of research about how accessible it is.

OfstedOffred · 20/02/2022 23:23

I'm obviously mad - we had a weeks SC in Cornwall last year with 2& 4 yr old and had a cracking time.

We mixed in plenty of pasties and fish & chips so weren't always cooking, I bloody loved watching the kids happy as Larry digging holes on the beach! Total break from desk job!

canary1 · 20/02/2022 23:36

Once your youngest hits school age it will feel very different. You’re not having a child free cocktail drinking holiday but you can have great family times that are not hard work. Then make the most of it before you head into teen years.
Make sure they have swimming lessons, it’s an investment now for future relaxation on holiday!

pumpkinpie01 · 20/02/2022 23:40

Going abroad with kids that age is still a break - you go to an all inc hotel so no cooking , you play with the kids in the pool in the day , tire them out at the entertainment in the evening then when they are asleep at night you sit outside with a glass of wine .

bultaoreune · 20/02/2022 23:54

Whilst I get that being a parent is never ending, tiring and thankless hard work but the fact is that we decided to have these children. It was our choice to bring them in this world. How sad that once people have these lovely little humans, they then want to get a break from them. I get for some it might be challenging because of medical or special needs but for people with neuro typical healthy children, why not involve them in everything. Parenting is not a chore. And the tiring life is for a couple of years, then they will grow up and it will be other problems. But we signed up for it.

TicksallBoxes · 21/02/2022 00:44

My in-laws complain about this and I don't get it.

We had children when we were both working really hard. We absolutely loved them and compromised accordingly.

Putting yourself last is its own reward.

TicksallBoxes · 21/02/2022 00:46

And what @bultaoreune said!!

InvincibleInvisibility · 21/02/2022 07:28

I have 2 boys with ADHD. We've been on 2 holidays a year plus weekend breaks/trips to see family since they were born. Ive enjoyed them all and they were well worth the effort of booking, packing, traveling.

95% of the time we re in self catering. When they were younger I did spend an afternoon batch cooking the food they accepted eating and freezing portions. After that they were decent holidays. The boys love the beach, the sea and accept the odd trip to a castle. DH and I would take it in turns to read and relax whilst the other played with the DC.

Now they're 7 and 10 and are very happy off doing their thing. Last year we even split half week working from "home" half a week holiday each for 2 weeks and had an amazing time. The boys are now old enough for fun activities like canyoning, cycling, canoeing. Then they can have tv video games in the early evening whilst DH and I relax together with wine.

Holidays with a 2 year old aren't as easy but I found they were still holidays. And that's with 2 chronic non sleepers.

obstacalling · 21/02/2022 07:38

I think that's life when you have small kids

Its such a short period of time. They will be grown up in ten years.

It's hard but that's what happens when you have kids

gingerhills · 21/02/2022 07:57

@InvincibleInvisibility

I have 2 boys with ADHD. We've been on 2 holidays a year plus weekend breaks/trips to see family since they were born. Ive enjoyed them all and they were well worth the effort of booking, packing, traveling.

95% of the time we re in self catering. When they were younger I did spend an afternoon batch cooking the food they accepted eating and freezing portions. After that they were decent holidays. The boys love the beach, the sea and accept the odd trip to a castle. DH and I would take it in turns to read and relax whilst the other played with the DC.

Now they're 7 and 10 and are very happy off doing their thing. Last year we even split half week working from "home" half a week holiday each for 2 weeks and had an amazing time. The boys are now old enough for fun activities like canyoning, cycling, canoeing. Then they can have tv video games in the early evening whilst DH and I relax together with wine.

Holidays with a 2 year old aren't as easy but I found they were still holidays. And that's with 2 chronic non sleepers.

Very similar experience here. SEN son and very high energy son. Extremely fussy eater when young. We always went self catering in UK because they would have been stressed by anything more different. Yes the slog of cooking/washing up is the same, but we always loved having days on the beach, muddy hikes, steam train rides, animal petting, new playgrounds, new sweet shops etc. I didn't enjoy some of the rain-soaked holidays in Wales and Devon but once they were used to the idea of being away from home for a week, we moved on to European holidays and by the time they were in their teens we were off out into the world and they loved it.
MaryShelley1818 · 21/02/2022 07:57

Our children are 4 and 1. Holidays are amazing with them and we love going away together, from caravans and CenterParcs in this country to Spain and France abroad, anywhere really. We absolutely love being off work and spending time together.

I never really understand why Mumsnet is so negative towards holidays with young children and babies.

cptartapp · 21/02/2022 08:02

YANBU. We had two child free nights in 16 years, and had to get up for work the next day. No one ever had them overnight 'just because', just ad hoc hours in half term (when we were working anyway). A week away alone would've been unthinkable.
We took separate annual leave for years in addition to paid childcare to cover school holidays. Lots of holidays with DC though, which were fab in their own way. Although still not a break from them!
Next year we will not be tied, DC can be left and I cannot wait!!

elbea · 21/02/2022 08:32

We quite often both just take the odd day off in the week when children are at nursery just for a little peace and quiet, we go out for breakfast and do something in the day like see a movie we wanted to watch or go for a walk. I’d highly recommend!

lifeuphigh · 21/02/2022 09:59

@OfstedOffred @MaryShelley1818

Glad I'm not the only one! Holidays with DC are lovely. And I'm including camping holidays a few hours drive from home - so not ££ - in that. I'm already dreading when they've grown up and don't want to go with us any more Blush

Jessicabrassica · 21/02/2022 14:10

@Cameleongirl - we keep getting babysitters - and then they grow up and leave home! babysitter mk3 has just left for uni. Friends would babysit but they rely on grandparents for their childcare so we cannot repay the favour. Ever. (Mil refuses to help - even when dh was ill in hospital coming to stay and help wasn't convenient so she didn't).
We rely on paid childcare - and always have done - we just need to find the next generation of 6th former. We though we had it nailed - until she had a baby of her own.
We may have found one who is at uni locally but she doesn't live in our village so ensuring she gets home safely is an issue.

Cameleongirl · 21/02/2022 14:20

@MaryShelley1818. It can depend n the children though. DD has always been an enthusiastic traveler, she loved going to new places even as a toddler. DS on the other hand….his typical reaction as a toddler was howling and refusing to eat! We had one week away where he only ate dry Cheerios and grapes for five days!

So we had to wait. Once he was 4.5/5 and we could explain what was happening, he was fine.

Cameleongirl · 21/02/2022 14:21

@Jessicabrassica. I feel your pain! Good luck finding a new sitter.🤞

InvincibleInvisibility · 21/02/2022 15:07

DS1, aged 20 months, survived 7 days just on bread, bananas and fruit puree on one memorable holiday. Fortunately I was still BF once a day. Now he tries lots of different food.

Cameleongirl · 21/02/2022 15:25

Yes, DS was completely fine too, but he just wasn't enjoying himself in a different environment. He improved after five days, but then we went home two days later. Grin

He's always been someone who likes to know what's happening, whereas DD loves surprises. Completely different personalities.

AbcdeforgetU · 22/02/2022 14:10

I’ve loved having our DD on our holidays, makes me sad to read so many don’t feel the same. We had a trip to the states without her for a wedding and it was great but I wished she was with us.

We are due no2 in the summer so I might change my mind 😂

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/02/2022 14:20

Having small is kids relentless, but it what you signed up for.

I never really understood people being so desperate for a break away from their kids. Surely family holidays are a break from the norm and give you a rest. I always loved spending my annual leave with my kids.

Don’t worry, they won’t be small for long, soon they’ll be teenagers and you will get plenty of time to yourself.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 22/02/2022 14:21

@AbcdeforgetU

I’ve loved having our DD on our holidays, makes me sad to read so many don’t feel the same. We had a trip to the states without her for a wedding and it was great but I wished she was with us.

We are due no2 in the summer so I might change my mind 😂

I guess the difference is that you’ve had trips without her, meaning you have childcare… I love going on holiday with my children. But it’s not a ‘break’ in the true sense of the word, especially with my ASD toddler. We don’t have any childcare so we don’t have any time without them. Which is fine, our choice to have kids, but I do miss being able to relax properly sometimes! Doesn’t mean I love my children any less than you love yours Smile
Gowithme · 22/02/2022 14:30

@Cameleongirl

I found 5 was the turning point for us. Once my youngest (DS) turned 5, we could start having better holidays, because we no longer had to factor in naps/toddler tantrums/hauling buggies around, etc. We had a fabulous trip to Paris when DD was 8 and DS 5, stayed in Airbnb’s so we had our own space, and as long as we alternated sight-seeing with playgrounds, they were perfectly happy.🤣

Now they’re teenagers and doing things as a family is tougher. They’re fine individually with a parent, but bicker constantly when together. This phase will also pass!

Agree with 5 being a turning point and my first trip abroad with my DS was Paris around that age. Before that it just wouldn't have been enjoyable. I only have a couple more years of him coming on holiday with us left now though and I'm sad about that (although it will be great to be able to go away outside the school hols!)