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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be envious that annual leave is never a holiday any more?

157 replies

Llamasinpajamas · 20/02/2022 19:09

Just that really. Had a weekend with family (retired parents and siblings who work) all talking about holiday plans. Parents quite rightly enjoying retirement and travelling a lot (they are quite wealthy). Siblings both talking about their booking holidays abroad and how desperate they are for a break and sun and time off.

I have two small children (2 and 6) and never get a break. Family are great and lovely and keep them occupied when we visit or babysit occasionally which is great but any annual leave DH and I use for school holidays/inset day/sickness etc. we haven’t been abroad in years due to money being tight but even if we did we’d have the kids so it would be the same sh*t different location! I need a week off. I need sun. I need a BREAK! I can’t every take a day leave for myself as we need it for childcare. A sick day (which I only take when genuinely ill) is as close to me time as I get.

Am I allowed to be incredibly jealous? I remember all the lovely holidays and leave days I had pre kids and I feel like I’ll never have that again. Im knackered, life is relentless and I wish I could have a week off!

I do love my kids to bits and don’t really begrudge anyone else having holiday/enjoying leave at all. I just wish it was me Smile

OP posts:
Satingreenshutters · 20/02/2022 19:42

You and millions of others are in exactly the same boat including your own parents once upon a time. As you said you had lots of lovely holidays before the kids were born, lots of people have not even had that!
You are in in for the long haul because as @queenofcauliflower mentioned, the teenage years are hard. You are lucky to have parents that will mind the kids when you go out for the night and you regularly have nights out with pals which is, again, a lot more than others have.
Welcome to parenthood.

Treaclepie19 · 20/02/2022 19:42

Yeah I get where you're coming from.
Ours at 6 and 1 and family aren't involved at all. I'd love to just go for a meal with DH but it'll have to wait until they're teens.

Rumplestrumpet · 20/02/2022 19:44

It is tough, and we have kids the same age but there are things you can do that don't have to cost th earth.

I decided to take it in turns with my husband to have a weekend day off and I arranged some nice (cheap) days out in town with a friend or two where we see a museum or gallery (free) and enjoy coffee and cake somewhere nice. I return home feeling rested and much happier to see the kids.

I also put my daughter in holiday club for half term so i could save the annual leave and hubby and I have a day of together in a few weeks when the weather hopefully picks up.

It's not much but hopefully will keep us going. Solidarity!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 20/02/2022 19:45

I used to pay a member of staff from my DC’s nursery to babysit at my house a couple of times a year but never ever had anyone to have the DC overnight. Now they are grown up and my DH go on so many holidays together. That’s just how it is.

KewMummy87 · 20/02/2022 19:45

Op we have taken a teenage friend of the family away with us before. She’s really great with my children and would look after them for 3-4 hours a day in return for the holiday. Not an expensive holiday - U.K. cottage. But so great to have some time to myself while we were away. She just played with them, took them on walks etc.

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 20/02/2022 19:48

I get where you’re coming from. Except we’ve never had (and are never likely to have) an overnight break. very occasional babysitters. And I don’t want to put my children in holiday clubs any more than I have to… they cost money, are not always available, and I want my kids to have the wind down time in the holidays, including time to get bored, that is good for them.

So every day of annual leave is precious. I do however try and take one day a year just to me.

KitKattaktik · 20/02/2022 19:51

You use all your 5 weeks (minimum) annual leave each for childcare emergencies?

Hmm

8 letters starting with B.

SuPerDoPer · 20/02/2022 19:54

Mine both went to nursery 3 days per week for 50 weeks of the year until they started school (except family holidays when they were taken out obviously). I paid for it so may as well use it. Then we used holiday clubs - there are some great ones that do all sorts of activities. DC loved them. Saved up a bit of annual leave for my own stuff. Have managed a couple of long weekends away with friends most years. It's do-able if you want to.

OverByYer · 20/02/2022 19:55

It doesn't sound any different to anyone else with young children. I know its hard work, but now my children are grown up I would go back to those days like a shot.

MintyFreshBreath · 20/02/2022 19:56

Your time will come @Llamasinpajamas I used to feel like that and now DS is 19 I can finally use my annual leave whenever I like (sorry) and go on holiday at the drop of a hat as he goes with his girlfriend and has no wish to come with us. I thought like you and that my time would never come, but it has. There is a very faint light at the end of the tunnel, I promise! Just don’t have another kid as the light will get further away 😆

Mary46 · 20/02/2022 19:57

Op not easy. We never had much help. Mine much older now. Bit easier when both at school we could do lunch or breakfast in peace. We got a babysitter as wouldnt get out otherwise

Xmasbaby11 · 20/02/2022 20:00

Yanbu! I feel the same. Dd are 8 and 10. Family can't babysit and dh and i have never had a night away. Dd10 has ASD and holidays are limited and not a proper break. I am so jealous when I see friends having proper holidays.

SockFluffInTheBath · 20/02/2022 20:01

I completely understand OP, but if you stick to school holidays and need to watch the cost then it’s how it is. When our DC were young we did self catering cottages because they were cheap. It’s not a holiday trying to find/make/do stuff in someone else’s house that isn’t as nice or as kitted out as your own. When DS was about 9 I had a rage at DH and said it’s not a holiday, it’s not a rest, it’s more work than being at home. Since then we’ve gone away less often but to hotels or nice cottages and eaten out.

HardbackWriter · 20/02/2022 20:02

Obviously it's for to wistfully long for a week in the sun, but you kind of make it sound like the children are a random misfortune that befell you rather than an active choice!

As an aside, I always find it weird that any thread on MN when anyone expresses any desire for grandparents to do some childcare is always jumped on by a million people saying how unreasonable and awful the OP is for thinking a grandparent might provide some babysitting, but threads like this are always full of people saying 'can't you leave them with your parents for a weekend?'.

AperolWhore · 20/02/2022 20:03

I love if there! My work used to put me up there regularly and I enjoyed it so much I went back with the family x

KewMummy87 · 20/02/2022 20:06

This also reminds me that when I am a Granny I will offer to have my grandchildren for weekends etc if I am able to. That support can mean so much.

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/02/2022 20:06

It gets better when your children have both been in school a few years. Much easier when they get to secondary school. Bloody ages I know.

OfstedOffred · 20/02/2022 20:07

Wouldn't your parents take the kids for a weekend stay to give you a break?

Always amazed that everyone on mumsnet assumes this.

My parents would not do this except for a major thing like a 10 year anniversary or something.

They are busy, they have their own work and commitments, plus several sets of grandchildren so aren't often free to babysit at all, let alone for a whole weekend. We find with both my parents and DHs that while they do have an odd free saturday night the chance that it happens to be the one we need a sitter for seems to be rare.

Gilly12345 · 20/02/2022 20:09

Save and book a family holiday, you sound very negative saying same shit different location, your children are young and we have all been there with the inset days, school holidays etc.

Original poster
Llamasinpajamas · 20/02/2022 20:09

@KitKattaktik it’s more covering all the school holidays and inset days and then any additional days for sickness. Even if we paid for holiday clubs for the eldest in the holidays we would still have to collect her at 4ish so wouldn’t be able to go away or anything and the youngest only does 3 days in nursery anyway.
Thanks all I know it’s normal and it’s worth it for the kids!

OP posts:
Roeslein · 20/02/2022 20:10

Very confused about this, we've travelled a lot since DS was a baby and surely you still get to see new stuff, speak a different language, try different foods, visit exciting places, enjoy a walk etc. - all the things that make travel fun and exciting even if there's a child with you?

I mean sure, you need to be a bit faster going through museums and there's a time between 1.5 and 2.5 years old maybe when they're no longer as portable but also not yet really interested in stuff that's interesting for you, and that phase is a bit boring, but it doesn't last. The other thing would be if you're a theatre-goer or so (we used to be) then obviously you're a bit limited. We've never had babysitters either, my parents live abroad and they are not keen on childcare, no living family on my husband's side. Maybe it's because I work a lot in my actual job but I've never seen the time I spend with DS as "work"...

OfstedOffred · 20/02/2022 20:10

you use all your 5 weeks (minimum) annual leave each for childcare emergencies?hmm. 8 letters starting with B.

I assume OP means that they need their annual leave to cover childcare - eg my childminder takes 4-5 weeks holiday per year, I have to use my annual leave to cover that. Its not an emergency it just means I have no child-free annual leave.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2022 20:12

I don't want to say YABU as that sounds harsh. I absolutely get your points.

But this is how it is with DC. You are getting holidays - just with your children 😀

I find it surprising that you feel shortchanged by not getting a break with DP alone. I think that's pretty usual.

I'm not saying you're not entitled to find it all hard going, I'm really not, but I'm a single parent of 3. One of the hardest parts of it is not having family holidays with a DH. I don't really have holidays (can't afford them) but will visit my mum & spend holiday time with her plus kids. Lucky to be able to, but I find it hard, I've often looked v enviously at 'typical' families on the beach.

OfstedOffred · 20/02/2022 20:13

But also OP (notwithstanding the cost) it doesnt have to be same shit different location, truly.
We've had some lovely sunny beach hols with ours (similar ages) and it's amazing how nice it is when weather is good, kids are happy faffing on the beach for hours while you soak up some sun. As you long as you plan a bit to ensure easy meals etc it can be fab.

BigFatLiar · 20/02/2022 20:15

Could you do a break on your own or with a friend? I did some weekend breaks on my own. I did do a proper holiday on my own when they were toddlers but I got back to find OH had taken them to the seaside for a few days and I'd missed thatShock so stuck to weekends.