To be envious that annual leave is never a holiday any more?

[Llamasinpajamas]

Just that really. Had a weekend with family (retired parents and siblings who work) all talking about holiday plans. Parents quite rightly enjoying retirement and travelling a lot (they are quite wealthy). Siblings both talking about their booking holidays abroad and how desperate they are for a break and sun and time off.

I have two small children (2 and 6) and never get a break. Family are great and lovely and keep them occupied when we visit or babysit occasionally which is great but any annual leave DH and I use for school holidays/inset day/sickness etc. we haven’t been abroad in years due to money being tight but even if we did we’d have the kids so it would be the same sh*t different location! I need a week off. I need sun. I need a BREAK! I can’t every take a day leave for myself as we need it for childcare. A sick day (which I only take when genuinely ill) is as close to me time as I get.

Am I allowed to be incredibly jealous? I remember all the lovely holidays and leave days I had pre kids and I feel like I’ll never have that again. Im knackered, life is relentless and I wish I could have a week off!

I do love my kids to bits and don’t really begrudge anyone else having holiday/enjoying leave at all. I just wish it was me

I agree that it doesn't have to be 'same shit different location' - and I'm always a bit confused about people who say that if it's self-catering it's no holiday at all. Unless perhaps they don't work? Being on holiday feels very different to being at home and working to me!

I feel for ya.

It will get better
But could you each have 2 weekends away with Friends (or on your own in a bnb, reading and having baths, if you prefer).

You will get your life back one day

But don’t wish it away. We are now footloose and fancy free since the kids flew the nest. And enjoying it very much (despite covid wrecking the last 2 years of it But we are approaching 60 at alarming speed.

Enjoy your youth with young kids. When you look back, it flies away so fast.

Also - for the family have you looked at camping in a fixed camp site in the south of France. They are great - brilliant weather and the beach. Not at all the same old shit)

Family are great and lovely and keep them occupied when we visit or babysit occasionally which is great

I think you should count your blessings! I am in exactly the same boat except NEVER ever babysit and definitely do not keep them occupied when we go and visit.

We are actually visiting parents this week for half term. DH is working so it's just me taking the kids. I will be expected to do everything for the kids whilst we are there so zero break.

DH and I have had 2 nights out in 12 years. Two. In fact one of those child free nights was our wedding night.

It is great that you can get nights out with friends from time to time. We didn't even get that. Parents would only babysit if we were going to a wedding. Unfirtunately we didn't go to many weddings. My dh would not pretend to go to a wedding so we could get a night in a hotel.

Maybe use a half day leave and meet dh for lunch while dcs at school/minders? That is what we did.

They are 10 and 12 now. Even though we spend all our hols with them it is more relaxing and I feel that I get a break. Every so often, pre covid, I would go to another toen for an overnight in a hotel, dinner shopping. It would be a 'work training event'. Dh would mind dcs for that time.

I think this is perfectly normal! I think as much as the ‘issue’ if you like is the kids tiring you out, it’s also the way life is set up nowadays where you’ve to run yourself into the ground working every hour under the sun just to be able to afford to live then die at the end of it all 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I’m on mat leave just now and my baby is a particularly easy baby I’d say but we’re renovating a house so my husband is permanently there if he’s not at work. I can’t say anything as he’s doing it so that we can move in quicker but life is just so full on right now. I’m training for a postponed run that was supposed to take place in 2020 (pre-baby) so I now have no choice but to take the baby in the running pram if I want to train for it. I was listening to a running podcast the other day and the person on it said the reason she loved running was because of how selfish it was, you got some time to yourself and no one could bother you. Meanwhile I can hear from outside my earphones my baby screaming as I struggle along pushing him thinking why am I bothering? 😂😭 My sanctuary and one saving moment of the day is my bath!

I’m also a teacher and fear what you’re describing but at work and then again at home when my child is your kids’ ages. Really need to find another job before my brain explodes 🙈

Ours are 7 and 9 now and honestly I now quite enjoy the holidays with them. It does get easier as they get older, because they can at least entertain themselves for a while, or do activities a little bit more independently. I totally sympathise about never getting any break just for you though. Can you afford to have them do an extra day or 2 in nursery/holiday club so you can have a couple of days leave to yourself? Or as another poster suggested, ask your parents to have them for 1-2 nights one weekend?

Lol.
My eldest started school in 1999. My youngest finishes in 2026.
Don't have a third baby when the eldest is 13!

It’s because your youngest is 2. Once they are a bit older, they can go to kids club on holiday and you can have a few hours’ respite. DS is 4 and is just old enough for ski school, so we have just had a great skiing trip during which I had plenty of time to myself. He’s also old enough now to want to do things that I want to do on holiday - swimming, sightseeing, etc. Yes the trade off is we watch a lot of Dinosaur Train, but I can cope with that.

When I was a kid we went to EuroCamp villages in the south of France, which all had kids clubs. The minimum age is usually 4, so you’ll get there soon enough.

It can be relentless. We have absolutely no family around and apart from the odd sleepover (just one DD) we hardly had time without DD. I love our holidays but even with a kids club it's hardly the same as before.

I think I had one weekend away on my own. But I travelled for work for 3 years, goodness, the peace and quite was amazing but without DH it wasn't the same.

We got a break when DD was a Scout in a very active pack, ayt least 4-5 camps per year, heaven.

Holiday camps are good but expensive so it was restricted to cover the weeks we couldn't get time off. So annual leave was never really just for us.

Could you not use holiday clubs for some of the school holidays to give yourself back some annual leave time to use for things you want to do (without the kids)?

It gets easier as they get older.
We have no childcare. DS (11) has ASD so doesn't get on with outsourcing childcare and we have no local family of appropriate life-stage. DH and I last had a night out as a couple thanks to Cub camp in summer 2019. Getting a babysitter always felt like a non-magical Cinderella, rushing around tidying, squeeze in getting ready then clock watching to be back in time. It's not worth the bother and hassle.

There's still an element of same shit different location, but it's progressively much easier since they turned 4/6- 5/7 that they didn't need watching hawklike in the same way to survive. Now at 11, DS1 doesn't have to accompany me on every little local errand which is a huge relief to us both!

@Llamasinpajamas I feel the same! So many people tell us to go on a holiday but it's not a holiday if I'm chasing a toddler around a hot beach, getting sweaty and sticky, with them ending up in a tantrum because they're too hot/can't eat the food/don't like sand...it just isn't my idea of a holiday. I've said to DH we can resume holidays when we've had a 2nd child and the youngest is over 5. It's gonna be a long next 10 years or so 🤦🏾‍♀️

Ditto for everyone else with kids. Your choice.

I get what you mean op. I had two days off when I was ill and I felt like I got over it quicker because I actually had some me time. Im hoping it gets easier.

@Benjispruce5

Ditto for everyone else with kids. Your choice.

Not helpful for the op. Suggest something to help the op. Are you capable of empathy? If not, best not to post in the future.

@Benjispruce5 of course it is, surely you can still have the odd moan though

Even if you don’t have kids some of us still can’t afford a holiday!

@KewMummy87 OP did say money is tight, actually.

Op your LO must only have been a baby when covid kicked off. That's probably made the last two years twice as hard than most of us remember the toddler years being.

However I'd try to get a caravan holiday somewhere - or if brave enough get abroad while you can still do low season at a fraction of the price as school holidays.
If your struggling with a childminder and their holidays it might be worth switching to a nursery to give you more flexibility reholidays and some also run out of school care.

Stop whining. Your choice to have children. You will have plenty time for holidays when they are 16 and able to look after 5hemselves. Until then, get over yourself and get your DH to do his share.

You get the years where it’s hard work being off on annual leave with little kids, holidays away included. Then you hit the sweet spot where they’re really quite fun to be with. If you choose your days out and holidays well and don’t expect to be able to sit on a sun lounger sipping cocktails for hours then spending annual leave on holidays away really can be quite enjoyable. We’ve had some really fun times as a family.

Then they hit the grunty teen stage where when they have free time they find you a bit boring and they just want to watch YouTube or WhatsApp their mates. That’s when you finally have some time off when they’re around that you’re free to do your own thing because they don’t want you near them too often really. Gets a bit sad and lonely. . Holidays away become an issue unless they like outdoorsy activities and walking etc cos they’re not quite into cultural stuff and they can’t sit in cocktail bars getting a bit squiffy.

Mine are heading into late teen stage. We’re off on a California road trip this summer before the eldest goes off to uni. I may have a little tear as we experience those future memories together as I know it will be one of the last holidays we all have together before they are off on their adult life.

I know, OP, I’m with you. I KNOW. It’s so damned tiring being responsible for little ones and yearning for a week of cocktails on a lounger reading a book, and eating lovely seafood not having to search for the nearest pizza place or burger place cos that’s all your fussy 7 year old eats. But suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, you’re like me, and wondering where the hell their childhood went.

Bloody hell @Mirw you are brutal 😂 I’ll try to get over myself but I can still miss having a seconds peace!

I’m struggling with this so much right now too op, in general my only child free time atm is driving to work and driving to get dd from school. 5 mins each journey.
My pil have my dd overnight tonight for the first time since before lockdown!! I’m mithered to death she won’t sleep but it’s half term so doesn’t have to get up early. I’ve been in bed since 4pm though .
All my 25 days annual leave are for school holidays and I’d now actually go back to paying nursery fees so I could have a day off alone.