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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be envious that annual leave is never a holiday any more?

157 replies

Llamasinpajamas · 20/02/2022 19:09

Just that really. Had a weekend with family (retired parents and siblings who work) all talking about holiday plans. Parents quite rightly enjoying retirement and travelling a lot (they are quite wealthy). Siblings both talking about their booking holidays abroad and how desperate they are for a break and sun and time off.

I have two small children (2 and 6) and never get a break. Family are great and lovely and keep them occupied when we visit or babysit occasionally which is great but any annual leave DH and I use for school holidays/inset day/sickness etc. we haven’t been abroad in years due to money being tight but even if we did we’d have the kids so it would be the same sh*t different location! I need a week off. I need sun. I need a BREAK! I can’t every take a day leave for myself as we need it for childcare. A sick day (which I only take when genuinely ill) is as close to me time as I get.

Am I allowed to be incredibly jealous? I remember all the lovely holidays and leave days I had pre kids and I feel like I’ll never have that again. Im knackered, life is relentless and I wish I could have a week off!

I do love my kids to bits and don’t really begrudge anyone else having holiday/enjoying leave at all. I just wish it was me Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Llamasinpajamas · 20/02/2022 20:50

Thanks @CurlyhairedAssassin 💕 I know time does fly, as a PP has said the 2 year old was a real lockdown baby and I had really bad PND so the last couple of years has been hard (I only just started getting better then was back in work). I will try and organise more weekend days free for myself or DH so we get a bit of time off.

OP posts:
NoHunsHereHun · 20/02/2022 20:50

I’ve never understood SSDL, unless it’s self catering and you have ALL your meals in your accommodation and there are no activities nearby? We’ve taken DC on all kinds of holidays/weekend trips from age 16 weeks up, and I can count on one hand the weeks I didn’t enjoy! Even more so now after 2 years wfh, lumping school run & cooking between meetings- time away with the kids is definitely still a holiday. Now that they are 16 & 11 and not interested in kids clubs on beach hols, we have to think of things to do that are enjoyable for all of us, but honestly still do not feel SSDL. It’s different to no DC hols for sure, and there are long haul destinations we ruled out until they are both teens, but every break has still been a holiday.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2022 20:50

Oh and I’ve never had much child free time unlike my sister who works FT and had my Mum looking after the kids for a lot of the school holidays. I’ve been so jealous of her taking annual leave when the kids have been in school and just having a day to herself or out for lunch with a friend.

I’ve always worked in schools, term time only, which to some seems like the holy grail, but I think people forget that when YOU’RE off, your kids are off with you. And that is a looooong 6 weeks to be on your own with them when they’re little and you’re on a term time only wage.

JingsMahBucket · 20/02/2022 20:51

@Jessicabrassica

I'm with you. We've had 2 child-free nights in 12.5 years and we're currently averaging 3hrs child free time a year. It is relentless but in 2023 they will both be at scouts and we will have a whole week to ourselves! Counting the days!
There’s a whole lot of martyrdom on this thread.
NewMum0305 · 20/02/2022 20:52

Oh jog on @Mirw.

Totally get you OP, parenthood is lovely but relentless and losing those long stretches of ‘break’ you used to get is tough!

NoHunsHereHun · 20/02/2022 20:57

@JingsMahBucket yup

TheSoapyFrog · 20/02/2022 20:57

YANBU. This year marks the 10th year since I last went on holiday. Me, my boyfriend and my kids are going for a week in Wales this year and it will be their first holiday. I've had 3 overnights away in 8 years, and one of those was when I was in hospital.
I often dream about a late breakfast in the sun, going back to my room to put on my bikini, get my book, towel and suncream and then bake on the beach for hours, stopping only for freshly grilled chicken and seafood. And a lot of cocktails.

Echobelly · 20/02/2022 20:58

Holidays with young kids are a whirlwind, but it's not forever. Once it gets to the point they can stay up at a normal dinner time it all gets much more like a holiday and relaxed. And then before you know it, you realise you only have a few more holidays as a complete family before your teenager starts doing their own thing!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2022 21:01

Op, could you go away with your mum or siblings for a short break while your other half has the kids. I went away with my mum and sister for my mum’s 60th. Just a few days, to Barcelona. But god, it was BRILLIANT! 😂. Going sightseeing to the Gaudi houses, having long tapas lunches with a glass of wine, sitting enjoying the sun in the park without having to supervise a littley on the swings. A real tonic. Bonus that DH got to realise how full on it is looking after 2 little ones by yourself . COVID’s been a bitch for stopping that kind of life-enhancing activity. I hope things improve for everyone.

TheMoth · 20/02/2022 21:04

Been there.
I used to long for the holidays to be away from work, but dread my hyperactive ds and volatile dd. People thought I was lucky, as a teacher, to get the same holidays. Often I'd have to put kids in cm so that I could get work done for a couple of days.

But oh, the joy if just occasionally, they didn't match and I could be like dh and have time by myself.

It passes. They have devices and friends now and I'm free again.

Rosebel · 20/02/2022 21:15

I totally understand.
I have two older children (teens). They are fairly self sufficient and pre Covid we had some lovely holidays. They also usually have a sleepover 1 or 2 nights at my parents in the holidays
However we also have a 20 month old and no one will help with childcare. He goes to nursery while I work and that's it. PIL and my parents are too old to deal with such a young child and my siblings and husbands siblings have their own children.
I'd love a proper holiday or just a break but think I'll be waiting for 10 years or so.
Obviously I wouldn't be without them but I can't even go Facebook now as I'm jealous reading about friends etc going on holiday.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/02/2022 21:15

My Sister travels the world going to exotic places and having wonderful holidays .
I have 2 wonderful (now adult) DC

I know what I would rather have .

And they make great HouseSitters and CatSitters now theyre grown up Grin

FrugralMcDougal · 20/02/2022 21:19

I think it feels especially hard when you have a toddler as they need you for everything. As they get older they don't need you to wipe their bums and they can sit and watch a film for a couple of hours without moving which means you too can sit and relax.

Self catering holidays are just business trips to steal the line from Modern Family. We have been fortunate that my children will help do laundry on holidays etc. My kids are now mid-late teens. We have never had the grunting stage or grumpy for more than a couple of hours. We generally have fun together. Toddler years were just full on hard work but there is light at the end of the tunnel which you can see with your 6 year old.

Lovemydoggie · 20/02/2022 21:20

OP …any chance you can grab a long weekend away with friends and leave children with your partner. My husband always had a week skiing every year with his friends and I would grab a few days in the sun with girlfriends/sister/ Mum ..it really did recharge my batteries!

Doodar · 20/02/2022 21:22

Save up this year then take your eldest out of school beginning of July for a week and go somewhere hot with a kids club.Holidays are much cheaper out of school holidays.

Fuckitsstillraining · 20/02/2022 21:25

I was really fortunate that as a lone parent I stayed living with my parents for quite a few years (house big enough and wonderful family), I worked full-time and holidays were the only time ds and I got alone so lots of camping as it was cheap but I did see my friends have the same struggle as you, soremembering that last Christmas I gave my brother and (saintly) sil a hotel voucher and babysitting promise, they get a short break without the kids, I get quality time with the kids (my ds is an adult now, I miss being around children, I even miss the constant questions), maybe be cheeky enough to ask your family if they'd babysit for a weekend for you, it won't be sunshine and margaritas but a budget hotel, a nice meal and just some adult time can be refreshing, when I married we could afford very little for years but saved enough for a cheap night away occasionally and it made a difference for us.

JuergenSchwarzwald · 20/02/2022 21:28

There’s a whole lot of martyrdom on this thread

There is. Both DH and I worked FT/4 days a week when ds was small so he went to nursery. We used to have the odd day off work so that we could have a child-free day together. I know nursery staff get judgey about that - how dare parents ever have any time to themselves - but they can bog off.

Once they go to school you can take the odd day off too. I don't believe that you need to use every day of AL for childcare - use holiday clubs and take a day off together.

No, you can't go away without them very easily but you can definitely have quality adult time while they are at school/childcare provision.

Chewbecca · 20/02/2022 21:28

Can you plan a family holiday this summer? I second the camping (mobile home) in France option, definitely feels like a holiday.

Bunnycat101 · 20/02/2022 21:29

I’ve made a resolution this year to not use all our annual leave on childcare. I’ve got similar aged children and it feels like we just haven’t had a chance to recharge. Our 2yo doesn’t sleep well so constantly knackered. So I fully intent to take some child free days where my husband and I can just chill, maybe go for lunch.

I’d also say things will get easier once the younger one hits 3 and then 4.

Onlythelaundryfairy · 20/02/2022 21:35

I abso-bloody-lutely hear you.
I'm dreaming of a luxury holiday.
It's not happening.

Silverswirl · 20/02/2022 21:37

Unfortunately this is how it is for most parents OP?
It’s called having kids. Some are lucky and have family to look after their kids but many do not.
I don’t have anyone who would look after mine for more than a few hours really.
My DH and I haven’t been out in the evening for over 3 years.
If I needed to go to an all day wedding without my kids and my DH wanted to come too, it would honestly be a struggle.
The last time we managed it, it was my 40th and 2 family members had them for 1 night (and half a day either side)
We got back and it was clear that the family members hadn’t coped all that well and the kids got told how awfully they behaved (the behaviours described were normal things like spilling ice cream down their t-shirt or making loud playing noises)
My kids are pretty good most of the time so I said never again.
And that was that. No childcare what so ever for us.
We had to wait until the kids all were at school and then my DH would get a days annual leave and we would go for lunch together.
It won’t be changing so that’s it until they are old enough to be left on their own.
TBH I wouldn’t really want to go away for a week without them. I would be thinking too much about how much fun they could be having spending that holiday money on something for them. I get huge joy and pleasure out of seeing them really excited or having lots of fun.

Bunnycat101 · 20/02/2022 21:38

Also may not be quite the same but I’m debating taking my 5yo on a mini break. Obviously wouldn’t be as relaxing as no kids but she is relatively good company now and sleeps unlike my 2 year old so reckon we could see a show, stay over somewhere and have a lie-in/leisurely breakfast in a way that would be impossible with the younger one.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 20/02/2022 21:40

OP, I know where you are coming from. I remember thinking DP and I should split up so then at least we each got every other weekend free and we could enjoy it how we wanted either by ourselves, with friends or a new partner.

The only thing I can say is hang in there, it does get easier.

dipdye · 20/02/2022 21:41

Y are so NNBU

Cherrysherbet · 20/02/2022 21:43

I’ve had small kids for the last 24 yrs (our choice). No break for me and dh at all for us in all that time. Holidays have always been centred around the children.
Now our youngest is 11, and we have just started caring full time for my elderly mum, who lives with us!
Any sort of holiday is now in the future, hopefully at some point.
I’d take anything at the moment!
Enjoy what you have op…. You never know what’s round the corner…..