Have you ever been to a friend's wedding knowing it was doomed?

[sparebikewheel]

Close friend is getting married to a twat. Maybe not a full grade-A twat, but at least a B-minus. Rocky relationship, more downs than ups, breaking up, getting back together, etc. I'm always there to pick up the pieces. He's an unaffectionate emotional vampire and she deserves better. I have no idea what she sees in him.

She's now throwing herself into wedding planning. I want to stage an intervention because I believe she's making a mistake but ultimately it's her decision, and in the past my worries have fallen on deaf ears.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? She's so looking forward to the wedding but I'm worried about the aftermath, and I don't know how I can help her without coming across as a total killjoy.

I’ve never sat and thought it was doomed, no, I always sit and hope for the best, but I do know two people who stupidly got married six weeks after meeting on a blind date. It didn’t last the year and was a very acrimonious split.

They were so happy at the time of the wedding you could do nothing but hope for the best, but deep down every one felt uncomfortable with it. They were so incompatible it was unbelievable, but neither sides friends and family knew the other well enough to even guess that to be the case.

Many folks tried to talk them into waiting but they wouldn’t have a bar of it. He proposed after two weeks of knowing her. And she bloody accepted and they then booked up the wedding the next day.

Remembered another I was wrong about this time. Both on the rebound, engaged within 3 months and married within a year. They both just seemed desperate to get married after both coming from broken engagements when they got together and barely knew eachother but it seems to work for them and they’re still together 15 years down the track. What do I know 🤷‍♀️

I had one person actually refuse to come to my wedding as it was, 'a waste of time'. My MIL-to-be phoned up my fiancee a week before the wedding saying he was making a huge mistake. We've been married 21 years and no plans to divorce yet!

two.
in both cases there were visa/residency issues for one party that forced the pace of the relationship. I strongly suspect that without this complication neither marriage would have taken place, and the relationships would have run their natural course and ended sooner.

Yes. My friend married a man who was perfectly nice but wrong for her.

I never said anything because I knew if it went wrong it would be her decision and he'd never be cruel to her or hurt her.

They made it 10 years but I wasn't surprised when she told me they were splitting.

Thank You ❤️

Oh my, yes.

The saddest one was the one where the newlywed bride realised that it had been a big mistake due to something the morning after the ceremony, which she admitted much later - don't know quite what delivered that message, but there was barely a year before the 2 went separate ways.

Worth observing, though, that a) the wedding days will quite often be happy and (for the couple) enjoyable, and b) I think sometimes that the big investment from the family - literally, but especially in the actions and details that sweep people up in the quest for a fairytale day - can also be a major deterrent to the bride doing much musing or accepting doubts or alarm bells in the run-up.

I've remembered one that was the opposite.
Many years ago, my mum volunteered at an organisation and got friendly with another volunteer. This other woman mentioned that it was going to be her Ruby Wedding.
'Oo, ate you having a family do?' asked my mum.
No, because all the relatives on both sides had boycotted the original wedding because the couple were too young and not at all suited.
Apparently they had quite a friendly relationship with family members day to day, but never celebrated anniversaries with any of them.

Yes this is currently happening with one of my friends. She is getting married in 2024 to a dickhead that is so manipulative emotionally. You can't say anything to her though, he buys for her and takes her places but then berates her for spending any money and constantly jibes at her again and again about anything that she does that he thinks is "stupid" and his family are horrible to her. it really is awful but she won't be told