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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband kicked dog

326 replies

Chickencuddle · 20/02/2022 09:26

My dog had some food my husband didn't want him to have so he kicked it away from the dog and the dog bit his toe. It all happened so fast I don't know if the dog meant to bite him or was trying to get the food. But my husband got very angry kept saying angrily " he f*cking bit me" and kicked the dog around 3 times so it wasn't just a reactive kick if that makes sense. He kicked him the first time.. The dog backed away then he had to walk towards the dog and kicked him twice more.
He is normally such an animal lover so I was shocked and I told him not to kick him.
He just kept saying "well he bit my fucking toe" I asked to see his toe and his toe wasn't even red. I don't know what to say.
In my head I feel appalled I know I would never do that ever. But I know I can overthink and react. The dog isn't hurt didn't whimper or anything but was obviously not liking it and backing away.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 20/02/2022 20:03

You’re not safe around him OP. Haven’t been for a long time. You need to get safe. Get your kids safe. And the dog too.

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 20/02/2022 21:50

So I'm just sat here now knowing what to say. Alot of people have asked why I post. I guess it's because if I don't post I will speak to him and he will convince me that I'm overreacting and such a nag etc and I don't trust my own judgement because sometimes I think I am overly critical or protective because of my own experiences and I also know that I have in the past underreacted
.. Alot..
To situations.
8 guess posting on here keeps my head right and in feeling horrible atm
Growing up my dad and brother were both horrible to animals and my second cat ended up with an amputated tail. Among other things so I get it. I'm thinking of that and I'm thinking of lots of other things I've let slide.
However it was not a hard kick. Would probably be the same as a smack. I don't condone that in any way shape or form and I was shocked and really upset but I'm just clearing that up as people saying their could be damage.
I spoke to him and I think he is defensive and laughing at me because he wants to minimise it. He actually often gets like this when I think he knows he crossed a line and he is trying to brush it off.
He is normally so gentle and lovely with animals actually more so than humans. Very out of character. The dog got food out of the bin sonehow
.. Dont know how but he knows not to.
Again not defending Jyst cleaning up a few points which have been guessed at.
This will be filed in my brain with the other things and see if anything else happens.
The dog was sat on his lap and content this evening. I don't think he would do it again but if he did then that would be it.
I'm so sorry I'm so so exhausted I'm dealing with alot and I can't even think to wrote out my thoughts.

OP posts:
anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 20/02/2022 21:55

So next time you will say something. Maybe when he has done some internal damage to the dog? Or killed it? Ducks sake I despair. You were abused as a child and I imagine you went back to your abusive parents over and over to try to appease them and get them to show you affection. Your husband abuses you and yet you still go back to him and show affection. When is enough enough?

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 20/02/2022 21:56

*fucks. It is well known that abused animals and people go back to their abusers to try to get affection. Because the dog is sitting with him now means nothing

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 20/02/2022 22:11

Also the children were not present whe. This happened this morning.
I know people have mentioned how he was with me before I went in the refuge etc but he has been great and knows if is sexual around the kids or anything I will leave I've told him that.
Also about how I thought he was unfair etc and he has been great so far although I admit even a year later I'm still waiting and worry. But so far so good.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickencuddle · 20/02/2022 22:13

We have had the dog 10 years and he has never done it before. I think it was a one off. Still very unhappy about it and couldn't believe it and unhappy that he hasn't accepted he was wrong but that's just him. Even if he knows he is wrong he very very rarely admits it. I think he knows from how he's trying to brush it off and I don't think it will happen again.

OP posts:
QueenSue · 20/02/2022 22:22

You went into a refuge because of him and now you're back and he is kicking your pet. What makes you think he wouldn't do that or worse again?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 20/02/2022 22:23

Your husband is not a good person. You have made too many excuses for him. But he will get worse. Not better. He will continue to abuse all those around him.

afizzysweet · 20/02/2022 22:24

There are so many bits here that have boiled my piss.

  1. Your DH isn't in to animal rights, he might not eat meat but to lay a hand on an animal or knowingly cause worry or fear does not line up with animal rights at all. 'Vegan' my arse.
  2. You do not physically or emotionally hurt a dog. To claim he is big on animal rights and then use these sorts of approaches is ridiculous. Your dh doesn't want the dog to eat his food? He teaches the dog to leave things (positively) and shouldn't leave shit where the dog can get it.
  3. He missed the dog the first time so went back and kicked him twice? Nah. Sorry but this is a joke. Poor dog. Deserves better.
afizzysweet · 20/02/2022 22:25

Oh and I forgot.

  1. You've had the dog 10 years. So he is old. Not only is he kicking a dog but he's kicked an old dog that's probably a bit stiff and achey. Don't make excuses for him.
RockpoolGirl · 20/02/2022 22:26

Ah so you’ve let him off again, OP. You’ve left it all open to be done again.
If I knew you I’d be on the phone to the authorities in a shot.
You’re excusing an abusive arsehole of a man.
Why? What good comes out of it?
You’re still with a man that made you go into a refuge?! Your KIDS are still around this man? Your abused dog is still around this man?!
One day you will look back on your life, all the years with him and think what an awful waste. I could have been with someone who loved me and was nice to me.
You’ve got to put your kids and the dog first in the situation if you’re not willing to think of yourself.
What kind of life are they living? How is it affecting them for the future?
Every time you excuse it and carry on you’re affecting their daily lives.

goingtotown · 20/02/2022 22:37

Stop making excuses for him he's a wicked bastard.

lisaandalan · 20/02/2022 22:51

Have you wrote on here before about him kicking the dog ?

Why did you not kick your husband three times and ask him, do you fucking like it ?

Get rid of him he's a cunt stand up for yourself, your dog and children.
You don't need a bully in your life.

lisaandalan · 20/02/2022 22:56

You don't slap or kick a dog if they do something wrong, he's talking bollocks to justify his behaviour, ask him to leave. Next time he loses it, you will get kicked and he will make excuses for that too.
He is 100% a cunt get rid of him doing listen to his shit it's all lies.

FlowerArranger · 20/02/2022 22:56

@Chickencuddle

We have had the dog 10 years and he has never done it before. I think it was a one off. Still very unhappy about it and couldn't believe it and unhappy that he hasn't accepted he was wrong but that's just him. Even if he knows he is wrong he very very rarely admits it. I think he knows from how he's trying to brush it off and I don't think it will happen again.
... he has been great and knows if is sexual around the kids or anything I will leave I've told him that. Also about how I thought he was unfair etc and he has been great so far although I admit even a year later I'm still waiting and worry. But so far so good

You are very unhappy about his behaviour, but you think it won't happen again.

You told him you'll leave if he does something sexual around the kids.

He's been 'great' (whatever that means...) for the past year, but you are 'waiting' (for his old/true self to resurface?) and you worry.

And you think your children are oblivious? You really think that they cannot sense your stress and hypervigilance?

Is this really how you want to live your life? Super stressed, always worrying, forever living with the menace just below the surface, and in fear of when it'll all blow up? Because it will, and you know it.

Please don't think I'm attacking you. It's just beyond frustrating to see that you are still stuck in this cycle of abuse after all these years.

lisaandalan · 20/02/2022 22:59

If you want to stay with him, take the dog to an animal shelter for his own protection, he doesn't deserve this life.
Personally I think getting rid of your husband is best but if you stay please take the dog to a shelter it's not fair.

DropYourSword · 20/02/2022 23:02

This will be filed in my brain with the other things and see if anything else happens.
The dog was sat on his lap and content this evening. I don't think he would do it again but if he did then that would be it.

I don't think it would be it though, would it. He's been horrendous in his behaviour for years. You seem to just constantly be waiting for "something else" to happen, and when it inevitably does you just ignore it, forgive it or explain it away.
How many "something else's" are you prepared to accept?

Naughty1205 · 20/02/2022 23:06

Haven't read all replies but get some courage, and leave this utter arsehole. Do you deserve better? Why are you excusing this piece of shit?

Naughty1205 · 20/02/2022 23:08

@Chickencuddle

Also the children were not present whe. This happened this morning. I know people have mentioned how he was with me before I went in the refuge etc but he has been great and knows if is sexual around the kids or anything I will leave I've told him that. Also about how I thought he was unfair etc and he has been great so far although I admit even a year later I'm still waiting and worry. But so far so good.
You won't leave him though, will you?
GrazingSheep · 20/02/2022 23:13

Your children are being damaged by the life they are living.

RockstarDotCom · 20/02/2022 23:32

Having grown up with a mother that excused my fathers abuse of herself, me and my sibling and our animals, you actually really make me angry. If you want to sit and minimise what he does to you, that’s one thing, but you shouldn’t have the right to expose children and animals to this. My childhood was ruined, it’s affected me so much as an adult. And I now have no contact with my mum or dad, he was the most abusive one, but she enabled him to behave like this and didn’t do her job as a parent, or animal owner to get us away from him. It’s complicated, but ultimately, I couldn’t forgive her for putting us through it. Even now, she’s had multiple opportunities to leave him and she stays with him. So I no longer have a mum.

You deserve better, but it’s your choice. Your children and animals do not have a choice, they rely on you to make good choices for them.

He’s is abusive scum and you need to leave him.

PiperPosey · 20/02/2022 23:34

OK... I'm done...
There is nothing any of us can say to you that hasn't already been said
We all have choices in our lives. You are making yours.
That said you are also making the choice for your children and dog. The consequences for these choices that you make will have severe penalties for them.
I am sorry that you don't grasp that. I'm sorry for the dog and children because of your decision NOT to protect them.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 21/02/2022 01:10

OP your abusive childhood has left you with low self esteem and unable to set boundaries. That's why you've ended up with this arsehole. Please go to your GP and ask to see a therapist who will help you boost your self esteem and then leave him.
It's much better to be alone than with someone like this.

What will you do if he starts kicking the kids?

RockpoolGirl · 21/02/2022 06:47

@RockstarDotCom exactly the same. What the OP describes is my childhood and I have cut all contact with my parents and spent 25 years in therapy and at some points nearly didn’t make it because I was so suicidal.

OP if you don’t leave him you’re guilty of enabling an abuser. He has ‘been sexual’ around the kids? I don’t know if you mean he has sexually abused them but whatever it means it makes me want to cry. Your children’s lives are being ruined. Your dog has been abused. And yet you just keep making excuses for this man.

Why? Because it’s easier in your mind to stay? Why aren’t you putting your kids first or your pet? Do they not matter? Do you not care?

DrSbaitso · 21/02/2022 07:00

Growing up my dad and brother were both horrible to animals and my second cat ended up with an amputated tail. Among other things so I get it. I'm thinking of that and I'm thinking of lots of other things I've let slide.
However it was not a hard kick.

Look at the cognitive dissonance there. Read it to yourself, several times. How do you think it looks to someone who has no motivation to justify staying with this utter prick?

What else have you let slide?

he has been great and knows if is sexual around the kids or anything I will leave

But you won't You'll find some other justification, some other minimisation, some other thing he'll need to do before you leave. You'll subject yourself, your kids and your animal to this shit, like your brother and father. And he's been great. It wasn't a hard kick. At least he wasn't sexual around the children. What more could one ask for?

Don't you hear yourself?

I agree with a PP. Rehome the dog. Even your kids will eventually reach a point where they can make their own decisions, after God knows what that you're letting slide, but the animal can't.

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