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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh is jealous of my parents treating me

581 replies

vbnm89 · 20/02/2022 08:38

My parents are in their late 70's and have had a tough couple of years
My dad isn't well but is doing OK. They enjoy good food and theatre. So a couple of times a year they treat my brother and me to a theatre show and a meal out. My husband doesn't like this - I think it is jealousy- he says it is selfish of my parents to exclude him and my SIL and the grandchildren.

My dh hates eating out and theatre so he wouldn't enjoy it. Obviously this is quite expensive and he says that the money would be better spent on taking us all out for a lunch in harvester and to a theme park/ cinema as they are purposely excluding grandchildren and son and daughter in law.

My parents see us and my brothers family regularly but also enjoy going out and as just the four of us and doing something the four of us enjoy . Dh says he thinks it is very odd that PIL want to spend (in his opinion waste) money on being pretentious and purposely excluding the extended family. I think he is over reacting but he says they are selfish and next time they invite me out I say it is all of us or none of us. My SIL loves these days as she gets my brother out of her way for a day!! Opinions please.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 21/02/2022 17:40

Oh, I think it's so lovely to see your parents without the kids. My parents are in their 80s and while not ill, various minor health problems and who knows how many good years they have left. I try to see them on my own every so often, even if just for the odd day. The dynamic is so different and we can just enjoy each other's company without having to consider the dc. my dc are 8 and 10, and the 10yo has ASD, so is demanding. I also help them around the house which would be difficult with the dc around, but I know they value my company more than the help. It means a lot to us.

I can't do as much with my dp now due to their health and would take any chance to go out together! Enjoy, op! My DH is not close to his DP and would never do this kind of thing with them (nothing in common) but he would encourage me to see mine. Do not feel guilty - accept you feel differently to each other but keep seeing your dp. They sound wonderful.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 21/02/2022 17:40

Why did you marry a pathetic selfish man-child?

starryeyed19 · 21/02/2022 17:40

He is BVU. Ignore it and enjoy your time with your parents and your sibling.

FM2013 · 21/02/2022 17:41

It's my lovely MIL that takes me for the odd day out to get a break from my kids and DH. Usually shopping and a nice lunch somewhere. My DH encourages it and would never be such a child and suggest its not fair. He's the unreasonable one not you. Keep going and tell him to STFU.

cherish123 · 21/02/2022 17:43

Your DH is BU.
Your parents are perfectly entitled to do this.

Mumontour85 · 21/02/2022 17:46

What an utterly bizarre thing for your husband to be jealous of!

Tell him to get over himself - a relationship with your bro and parents is something you cherish, plenty of time is spent with the extended family and to just pipe down.

TooManyPJs · 21/02/2022 17:48

I think it's really important for parents to sometimes see their "child" alone without their partner/children. It's a different dynamic and different conversations can be/are had. I encourage my DH to spend time with his parents alone and I do the same. I have also spoken to my son about ensuring that we get time for just us on occasion which (thankfully) he agreed with. Your DH is being a twat and also quite entitled, your parents should spend their money as they see fit, not as your DH deems is appropriate!

Benjispruce5 · 21/02/2022 17:49

I think it’s lovely but quite unusual. I saw my DM on our own a lot but can’t think of a time we were together as a family unit without partners. I think my DM and DF would have always planned a get together with everyone but then again they wouldn’t be paying for everyone as they weren’t well off.

Faith77 · 21/02/2022 17:49

Red flags are waving. Is your husband always a controlling dickhead? Do your parents know he is behaving like a petulant child? Run. Run for the hills!

Benjispruce5 · 21/02/2022 17:49

I encourage my DH to go and see his mum without me. Blush

Wulfenite · 21/02/2022 17:52

Possibly a bit of both. He just seems to think anything nice ie not Brewers fayre, mcdonalds or Primark is posh and pretentious!!! as well as childrens activities being a total rip off!!

Wow. Is there actually any joy at all in being married to this man?

Insanelysilver · 21/02/2022 17:52

He’s being a spoilt brat. Your parents won’t be around for ever. Why shouldn’t you spend a rare afternoon alone with them ffs. He’s being controlling telling you that you should tell them it’s all of you or not at all. It’s unreasonable to expect them to be able to pay for something many more people and to chose the activity that he wants!
Ask him if he can’t imagine ever wanting to spend a few hours just with you and your kids when they grown up?

Middersweekly · 21/02/2022 17:53

It’s none of his business what your parents spend their money on. If they want to treat you and your brother then that’s up to them. Your H can lump it!

sonineties · 21/02/2022 17:55

has anyone else said LTB yet?

Ricksteinsfishwife · 21/02/2022 17:58

@sonineties

has anyone else said LTB yet?
Goes without saying really..,
Repecka · 21/02/2022 18:00

There is absolutely nothing wrong with parents wanting to spend time with just their children…especially when they spend time with the whole family at other times of the year.

Your husband is jealous and needs to grow up!

Dullardmullard · 21/02/2022 18:02

He sounds like Scrooge. Seriously he does and he’ll suck the joy out of everything as he ages as he’s now getting worse.

Does he listen or huff?
You need to have that Frank talk now not later
Oh and don’t ever give up on your day out with your parents and tell him that. Just because of his family dynamics that isn’t your fault.

csigeek · 21/02/2022 18:02

The difference between your SIL and your DH is she is a mother and he is a father.
She will just get on with the daily routine, whereas your DH is likely resentful he has to “babysit” his own children while you do something nice!

MeakesieK · 21/02/2022 18:04

If my husband had the nerve to suggest this I would lose the f@$king plot!

Are his parents still around? If not I can understand the jealousy BUT that still belongs somewhere else entirely.

I go out with my mum and sister for lunch, dinner, whatever we want to do every month or two and my husband will give me a big kiss, tell me to enjoy myself and not worry about what time I’m home.

He’s being unreasonable and, if I’m completely honest, really unkind asking you to stipulate how you and your parents spend time together.

My advise, have a calm and frank conversation where you put out the stipulations. You WILL continue to see your parents on your own l. It is NOT up for discussion and you WONT enter into another conversation about it.

You may not have them around for much longer so enjoy every second of them that you can, with or without him there!

Oh and massive high 10 for your awesome parents who sound pretty cultured and awesome!

Xxx

TravellingFrom · 21/02/2022 18:07

@LabiaMinoraPissusFlapus

To me it is about not being invited. He could decline to go. I feel that the OP's parents are being controlling by paying for the activity and deciding who goes. It really does say that the in laws aren't considered as family. I think the comments about the Harvester etc are a red herring and not about the issue at heart, which is the exclusion of the in laws when it suits. I bet it suits them to have him around at other times. I would never allow my husband to be treated like this, bit that my parents would.
The parents being controlling? Because they are spending an evening with their own dcs doing something they all enjoy and want to participate in?

Like many other people, I see my parents on their own. And so does DH.
Some times, the activities we have just don’t suit the spouse.
There is no need to do a whole song and dance about being inclusive whilst hoping that said spouse will decline.
Nor is there a need to ALWAYS include everyone in the family, only have children appropriate outings etc…
Doing so isn’t controlling. It’s life.

TravellingFrom · 21/02/2022 18:08

@csigeek

The difference between your SIL and your DH is she is a mother and he is a father. She will just get on with the daily routine, whereas your DH is likely resentful he has to “babysit” his own children while you do something nice!
Good point!
CeCeDrake · 21/02/2022 18:09

I see no difference in this and you going out for a trip with your friends, tell him to wise up, you have a good relationship with your parents and that is so special, so do not let him dictate the type of contact you have with them separately, that is GOLDEN time! Maybe he’d like to pay for your parents and you all to go out for a day out to theme park? 🙄

ScribblingPixie · 21/02/2022 18:09

Please don't upset your parents by telling them about this, OP. Enjoy your time with them.
Your DH needs to be put straight about inflicting is miserable attitudes on your and your DC. Think about what you want from life and tell him he needs to get with the programme.

Solely · 21/02/2022 18:10

Our parents gave so much raising us - he's being incredibly selfish, and unreasonable.

I'd love that with my parents

Wheresmycustard · 21/02/2022 18:10

Aww op this such lovely thing your parents do. Cherish it.

Its up to your parents who they invite and up the invitees if the attend. Please never stop going

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