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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

532 replies

toddlertantrumishell · 19/02/2022 12:54

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 19/02/2022 15:24

Yea I think you and DH could really benefit from some parent courses and anger management, for you both tbh.

What an insane comment.

Parents are frustrated by tantrumming toddler. Age old story. No need for parenting courses or anger management. Ridiculous.

Hertsgirl10 · 19/02/2022 15:26

@AskingforaBaskin

WtF toddlers are annoying life drainers sometimes.

That doesn't require anger management.

@AskingforaBaskin

More the the fuckin noise I will lose it myself with him … she wanted to give it back to shut him up not because of the punishment, or she would have told DH straight away that’s ridiculous for a child of his age.

Some of the things are a bit telling why the little one is picking up on being aggressive, and that needs addressing. Yes kids can bite but no one’s showing him why it’s not right.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/02/2022 15:28

@Hertsgirl10

Read OP's posts. She has discussed it with her 2yo, as much as you can with a 2 yo.

It's exhausting. She's venting on MN, not to her child.

Cop on.

babyjellyfish · 19/02/2022 15:29

What the hell has it hit to do with anything?

Because the OP posted this on Saturday lunchtime and said her DH wouldn't be back until Sunday evening.

If you just leave your wife to look after your child alone for an entire weekend, you don't do anything to make their life more difficult.

And if he isn't working away from home all weekend but, say, on a stag do or off cycling, I'd say it is very relevant indeed.

Valhalla17 · 19/02/2022 15:30

The punishment is not age appropriate and your ds won't understand it. Give them back. For this age it needs to be instant i.e. Time out for a few mins...not taking away toys for hours or days

Hawkins001 · 19/02/2022 15:30

Surely part of the punishment is understand why, ? At that age, would your dc understand ?

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:31

@babyjellyfish

What the hell has it hit to do with anything?

Because the OP posted this on Saturday lunchtime and said her DH wouldn't be back until Sunday evening.

If you just leave your wife to look after your child alone for an entire weekend, you don't do anything to make their life more difficult.

And if he isn't working away from home all weekend but, say, on a stag do or off cycling, I'd say it is very relevant indeed.

Nope irrelevant, he's entitled to time away whatever it's for! We all are!

Just a let's paint the DF in a worse light.

babyjellyfish · 19/02/2022 15:33

Nope irrelevant, he's entitled to time away whatever it's for! We all are!

In which case, as the OP says, her DH should be punishing their DS at a time when he is the one taking care of him. Whenever that is. Next weekend when OP is away having a lovely child free time, perhaps?

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:36

@babyjellyfish

Nope irrelevant, he's entitled to time away whatever it's for! We all are!

In which case, as the OP says, her DH should be punishing their DS at a time when he is the one taking care of him. Whenever that is. Next weekend when OP is away having a lovely child free time, perhaps?

Yes that's correct, but "he should be home and not out having fun" attitude is fucking ridiculous!

We're all allowed time off.

Hertsgirl10 · 19/02/2022 15:38

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@Hertsgirl10

Read OP's posts. She has discussed it with her 2yo, as much as you can with a 2 yo.

It's exhausting. She's venting on MN, not to her child.

Cop on. [/quote]
@EarringsandLipstick

Yea spoke to him 24 yours after DH set the stupid punishment and after the kids been non stop screaming and tearing the house apart trying to find the toy.

She said for DH to punish him in his own time, so it didn’t affect her, basically.

She and her DH seem like they have no clue on how to deal with a child of that age, at all. Yes it’s hard but who can’t calm their own kid down to the point of this? Then said she’s gonna lose it herself … then blames being pregnant.

Sorry if it does seem a bit harsh but sometimes as parents we have to learn how to control our temper and learn how to deal with children.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/02/2022 15:38

"he should be home and not out having fun" attitude

Where did you see that? 🤔

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:38

@babyjellyfish

Nope irrelevant, he's entitled to time away whatever it's for! We all are!

In which case, as the OP says, her DH should be punishing their DS at a time when he is the one taking care of him. Whenever that is. Next weekend when OP is away having a lovely child free time, perhaps?

You must be incredibly hard to live with! If your DH goes away one weekend, you go away the next? Why? Why not just go when you've got something to do?

Again you're inferring without a bit of knowledge that the IP is being treated unfairly?

Done relationships are equal, you do realise that?

babyjellyfish · 19/02/2022 15:39

And if he is lucky enough to get the whole entire weekend off childcare duties, it is none of his business how OP chooses to parent their son during that time. He should just be grateful for the time off.

EarringsandLipstick · 19/02/2022 15:40

@Hertsgirl10

Your last post is incredibly nasty and unfair.

OP sounds like she is doing her best as most of us are.

She and her DH seem like they have no clue on how to deal with a child of that age, at all.

They are learning, with their first child. As we all did.

Try exercising some compassion.

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:41

@babyjellyfish

And if he is lucky enough to get the whole entire weekend off childcare duties, it is none of his business how OP chooses to parent their son during that time. He should just be grateful for the time off.
Lucky enough? No he should t be dictating when he's not there. But that's nothing to do with him being away on a potential jolly.

Do you never get a weekend away?

babyjellyfish · 19/02/2022 15:42

My baby is less than a year old, so no, I don't.

SW1amp · 19/02/2022 15:45

@babyjellyfish

My baby is less than a year old, so no, I don't.
With all due respect, if you’ve got one child under a year, you’re perhaps not the expert in toddler discipline that you think you are…
hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:46

@babyjellyfish

My baby is less than a year old, so no, I don't.
Well maybe in time you'll be "lucky enough" too.
Hertsgirl10 · 19/02/2022 15:46

[quote EarringsandLipstick]@Hertsgirl10

Your last post is incredibly nasty and unfair.

OP sounds like she is doing her best as most of us are.

She and her DH seem like they have no clue on how to deal with a child of that age, at all.

They are learning, with their first child. As we all did.

Try exercising some compassion. [/quote]
@EarringsandLipstick

No it’s really not, it was advice which she sounds like she needs. She needs help clearly to have a 2 year old she can’t calm down since yesterday, that she only just spoke to about biting I mean yes it’s hard we know having kids is hard, but saying fucking this fucking that gonna lose it, about 2 year old I would say is nasty and not a good way to think about your young child. Even if you’re not gonna lose it, I think that needs addressing

SparklingStars10 · 19/02/2022 15:48

It’s an over-the-top reaction, your DS will have no concept of this. I agree he shouldn’t be biting but a firm no and re-direction should help, if it continues, a time-out will be more effective.

babyjellyfish · 19/02/2022 15:50

With all due respect, if you’ve got one child under a year, you’re perhaps not the expert in toddler discipline that you think you are…

And the OP's absent husband is?

EarringsandLipstick · 19/02/2022 15:52

@Hertsgirl10

It's nearly impossible to make sense of your posts.

However, OP came on MN to express her frustration. I'm sure she was trying to manage her DS as best she could, while sticking to the consequence (ill-advised) that her DH gave.

You have no basis to say she & her DH have anger management issues, or that they need parenting classes. Especially the poorly expressed way she does it.

I agree the consequence was inappropriate. But it's part of a learning curve with small DC.

hellithurt · 19/02/2022 15:53

@babyjellyfish

With all due respect, if you’ve got one child under a year, you’re perhaps not the expert in toddler discipline that you think you are…

And the OP's absent husband is?

Gosh is the husband absent, I wonder where he's gone?? Maybe he's lucky enough to have a child fee weekend and therefore should have no opinion on anything ever again!
Pumperthepumper · 19/02/2022 15:55

@hellithurt you’re taking that comment quite seriously, I think it’s fair to ask where the other parent is.

Onemorebaby · 19/02/2022 15:58

Why did he bite him??
It's very normal at that age, usually when they are frustrated and can't communicate so they lose control and bite. A different thing than if say an adult bit someone where it is planned and intended to hurt with the adult knowing the consequences.
You hear about it more with them biting other kids, e.g. they both want the toy and can't negotiate and can't control their emotions. Really, what else was going on here that your dh got himself bit then reacted so harshly?