Page 15 | To think punish him on your own bloody time and give DS his toy back?

Mollymoostoo · 20/02/2022 20:00

He won't understand the punishment or that you are undermining your DH. 3 days is excessive. Ask your DH how he would feeling you banned him from using his phone for 3 days if he shouted at you. Acts of aggression are normal for toddlers because they don't have the vocabulary to express themselves but how many adults act aggressively and feel they have the right to.
Perhaps get some YouTube vids up from experts on hoe to deal with biting, but things a big deal of overreacting and I dread to think how he will respond to issues in the future.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2022 20:02

@SylvieB74

Yes of course you should give it back to him, you should also leave something secretly recording this idiot when he’s alone with your son. Is he his real dad I wonder? He’s being SPITEFUL to a 2 year old baby; be aware.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

What an insane post

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2022 20:03

I dread to think how he will respond to issues in the future.

Oh calm down. And read the OP's posts. She's spoken to her DH. All well. He's in agreement with her. Toy was restored long ago.

Honestly the hyperbole here.

Mirw · 20/02/2022 20:34

Your DH is torturing your child. Your DH is being ridiculous. Get hold of your DH abd find out where the toys us snd give it back. This is not an appropriate punishment for a 3 year old. To show your DH he is wrong, taje away his phone for a couple of dats or his xbox or whatever, his golf clubs snd see how he likes it. He is a complete a*.

hellithurt · 20/02/2022 20:34

@SylvieB74

Yes of course you should give it back to him, you should also leave something secretly recording this idiot when he’s alone with your son. Is he his real dad I wonder? He’s being SPITEFUL to a 2 year old baby; be aware.

Bloody hell! Batshit crazy post!

hellithurt · 20/02/2022 20:35

@Mirw

Your DH is torturing your child. Your DH is being ridiculous. Get hold of your DH abd find out where the toys us snd give it back. This is not an appropriate punishment for a 3 year old. To show your DH he is wrong, taje away his phone for a couple of dats or his xbox or whatever, his golf clubs snd see how he likes it. He is a complete a*.

Maybe read the OPs post before you post such utter nonsense?

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2022 20:36

@Mirw

Your DH is torturing your child. Your DH is being ridiculous. Get hold of your DH abd find out where the toys us snd give it back. This is not an appropriate punishment for a 3 year old. To show your DH he is wrong, taje away his phone for a couple of dats or his xbox or whatever, his golf clubs snd see how he likes it. He is a complete a*.

Try reading OP's updates. Honestly, why do people come onto a lengthy thread & fail to read all the OP's posts and assume nothing has changed since the first post?

hellithurt · 20/02/2022 20:36

@Mirw

Your DH is torturing your child. Your DH is being ridiculous. Get hold of your DH abd find out where the toys us snd give it back. This is not an appropriate punishment for a 3 year old. To show your DH he is wrong, taje away his phone for a couple of dats or his xbox or whatever, his golf clubs snd see how he likes it. He is a complete a*.

Sorry posted too soon! Read the 10 posts by the OP! Your comment is ridiculous!

nannykatherine · 20/02/2022 21:09

@toddlertantrumishell

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

I agree with you Give him back the tower !!! You don’t say how old he is but I guess 3 ish This age long drawn out punishments don’t work … Often biting is a communication issue when they get frustrated .. How is his speech ..? When he kicks of try validating his emotions and talking Theo what’s happening .. In my experience (vast) Stand offs never work .. Neither does taking tous They forget why so it’s pointless ..

EarringsandLipstick · 20/02/2022 21:34

@nannykatherine

You don’t say how old he is

She does. In her posts. Where she also says the situation is sorted.

Ztava · 21/02/2022 00:30

I strongly advise both you and your husband to attend some positive parenting sessions. Or listen to some videos or read on this subject. Specially that you are planning to have another child.
Poor poor that small child being tested this way. It so so sad to hear these stories in such advanced country .

Your main concern must be the well being of your child and god knows how damaging it must be mentally going through this hell situation at such young age !!
Punishing a small child like this!!! In another country the social services would be on your doorsteps. !
Please read up please learn please , for the sake your previous son and the one who is in the way!
I only can pray . With lots of love .

Ztava · 21/02/2022 00:32

Treated not tested !

CelestiaNoctis · 21/02/2022 01:51

With tactics like that I hope your partner is away on a parenting course. Taking a toy from a 2 year old, so funny. He's still a toddler.

BlondeWidow · 21/02/2022 02:05

Fucking hell that's beyond abusive

Poor kid 😢 This actually brought tears to my eyes 😢

EdgeOfACoin · 21/02/2022 06:45

For the people who say 'punishment doesn't work', what would you do in the following scenario:

Child normally bites when bored and hungry. Parent has learnt to anticipate this and steps in before child can get either bored or hungry by providing food and entertainment. Child has never been punished for biting. Child sees no reason to bite as all needs are being met.

Parent and child are in a situation where hunger and boredom are unavoidable. For instance, situations I have been in personally include being at an airport where flights have been delayed at a time when the cafés are either closed or full; a bus on a country lane that is stuck behind a car that has broken down and there is no way around the car; a severely delayed train.

What do you do when the young child is bored and hungry because the spare banana has already been eaten and the toy is no longer sufficiently entertaining? What do you do when the biting begins out of boredom and hunger, as the child has never been expected to handle small amounts of boredom or hunger?

I don't yet have a toddler. I'm curious.

threatmatrix · 21/02/2022 08:14

So, is this how you are going to be for the rest of his young life? Just let him have what he wants for peace and quiet ? No wonder he’s like he is.

Quartz2208 · 21/02/2022 08:17

You are missing a bit though - its not like the toddler goes I am bored and I am hungry so I will bite. That is putting a logic and rationale behind it that simply doesn't exist. And that is why punishment doesn't work - because it isn't a deliberate logical choice. Boredom and hunger mean that it is more difficult to regulate their emotions and therefore they lose control and that is when the behaviour happens.

Those situations you describe though as stressors for everyone - having just been through one everyone was getting frayed and snappy and it is the same just they dont know when to stop

Those are stressful situations Edgeofcoin where adults have a reaction to it -

EdgeOfACoin · 21/02/2022 08:32

Boredom and hunger mean that it is more difficult to regulate their emotions and therefore they lose control and that is when the behaviour happens.

But the upshot is still the same, surely - what do you do in this situation if a child is biting you on a delayed train because they haven't learnt to regulate their emotions? I presume telling them off would be a form of punishment?

How do you stop them from losing control in the first place?

Newmumatlast · 21/02/2022 08:47

@toddlertantrumishell

DS very favourite toy is his paw patrol tower and all of the characters and cars that park in it. It is all he plays with. Yesterday I was out for the day and DS had lots of tantrums with DH and DS bit him. As punishment DH took his tower and all the cars and characters away from him and has said he can have them back Sunday night when DH gets home if he's been a good boy all weekend.

Of course DS shouldn't be biting, and his tantrums are savage and go on for fucking ages, I get it. But it's midday Saturday and I'm alone with him all weekend and he's doing my absolutely head in. He's done nothing but cry and whine and moan. He won't play it with anything else he's tearing around the house looking for his tower. I cannot deal with the crying anymore and I'm in for an entire weekend of a relentlessly tantrumming toddler, because he's being punished for annoying DH with tantrums?

Aibu to think punish him in your own bloody time and don't make me deal with the reality of it?! I want to give it back just to stop the fucking noise before I really lose it with him myself. I'm pregnant and knackered and honestly he is on my final nerve

I get the frustration but I think if one parent makes a decision on a consequence the other one follows it through because otherwise it shows the child you don't mean what you say. But privately communicate to DH that you'd prefer for consequences to be dealt with at the time. I do think a whole weekend is alot for a toddler who is say 2 but maybe appropriate if say 5. DH dealt with it yesterday, you Saturday so you are only dealing with an extra day of it (Sunday) so perhaps one less day of consequence would've been better which is what I'd perhaps tell DH

PrincessNutella · 21/02/2022 08:54

0h no absolutely don't punish him like that. It is very cruel.

Bertiebiscuit · 21/02/2022 09:04

You don't have to follow DH s bad judgement call - I would have given the toy back personally, DH is being too controlling of both of you, you and DS

Quartz2208 · 21/02/2022 09:11

@EdgeOfACoin

Boredom and hunger mean that it is more difficult to regulate their emotions and therefore they lose control and that is when the behaviour happens.

But the upshot is still the same, surely - what do you do in this situation if a child is biting you on a delayed train because they haven't learnt to regulate their emotions? I presume telling them off would be a form of punishment?

How do you stop them from losing control in the first place?

raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/crying-tantrums/tantrums

Sometimes you simply cant stop them from losing control - a delayed train pushes everyone to the limit as adults we are just more aware of what that limit should be in terms of behaviour

Remaining calm and consistent and reassuring where you can and letting it roll is what you can do.

In delayed trains for example adapt around it - the worse thing you can do is say no and then back down. In ours DS (who is older I will say) asked for some M&Ms and I said yes - I knew he was finding it difficult and some sugar at that point helped. But if I said no I would stick with it.

Tantrums are not pleasant to witness but at a toddler age they are a part of development and sometimes unavoidable. Understanding that what they are saying is that I dont like this situation I would rather be somewhere else is what we are all saying (in the delayed train) its just their way of saying it

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 21/02/2022 09:28

But if I said no I would stick with it.
The child is too young to understand timeframe, so it isn't quite the same as with an older child, he can just be told he earned it back now.

Quartz2208 · 21/02/2022 10:02

@JustUseTheDoorSanta

But if I said no I would stick with it. The child is too young to understand timeframe, so it isn't quite the same as with an older child, he can just be told he earned it back now.

THroughout the course of the tantrum - if I said no to something whatever the age and whatever the response yes I would stick with it. Backing down teaches that the tantrum gives the required response.

I would never take something away for having a tantrum as per the OP (mine was in response to a question by Edgeofacoin) as I dont think having a tantrum is a punishable offence

velvet24 · 21/02/2022 16:34

[quote CallmeBadJanet]@toddlertantrumishell While unpleasant, annoying and stressful, your DS's behaviour (tantrums) is normal. Toddlers bite when they can't express themselves, i.e. they don't have the language to describe their feelings or understand them. So there's no way he will understand or learn from having a toy removed from him. He will understand that his dad is angry though, which is why he's whining so much; he doesn't feel safe. Your DH's thinking of how to correct your DS's behaviour is flawed, you can't "punish" a toddler. Your DS probably learned this style of parenting from his family; it needs to change. Check out Good Inside, online or podcast and Family Lives website. You need to work together as parents to raise your children. ❤[/quote]
Punishments DO work