Toxic SIL family event

[Wlifebalance]

Bit of background

Sil has always been off with my daughter whether its intentional or off the cuff she always comments on her size. The first thing she said about her when born was she doesn't look like a newborn baby. Fast forward 11 years.. everytime she sees my DD she comments about her feet size and her body size. which has developed a low self esteem and she thinks she's ugly. But if I say anything the whole family (DH side) witch hunts me. She isn't fat she's very very skinny but tall and she's 11 with size 4 feet. But sil makes a huge deal of it everytime " god your massive you" "you got massive feet like your mum you" "you got massive hands like shovels"

Anyway so I already don't like her due to this..she also sees her other niece and nephew (DD cousins) every week they get impromptu gifts etc never says anything about their size. And i know its not a big deal but when its their birthday she does a post on social media with their picture "a big happy birthday blah blah" but doesn't for my DD.

Anyway She now has own kid (3) and when its anything for her kid she's on the phone ill be popping round for kids birthday present/ Easter egg etc..
I had another baby sep last year she hasn't been to see her. But she's message saying its her kids christening.

I just dont want to go, she's not interested in meeting my baby so why should I celebrate for her? and she's toxic towards my daughter. DH wouldn't allow me not to go because its "family"

I think @Wlifebalance gets the idea now. She’s probably feeling battered by us all as well as her in laws. I think we all need to offer support and advise.

@Wlifebalance you know your sil and dh were wrong but I can see how when you have people telling you their just messing around how you can start doubting yourself but hopefully you can see from the many comments that you were right, it is wrong and it’s harmful.

You can’t change the past but you can change the future. Start building your dd back up, tell her that her aunt is wrong, apologise for not being more assertive and reassure that from now on you will not tolerate this shit. Have a serious conversation with your dh, let him know it is that serious it’s not silly banter and you will not put up with it any more.

I’m sure it won’t be easy and there’ll be many arguments but remember you are in the right here and your dh needs to think about who he’s more worried about upsetting, his sister and wider family or you and his dd. Good luck

And unfollow her on social media. Honestly it will be like a weight off your shoulders not having to be presented with things that upset you when she’s excluding your children.

@EnjoyingTheSilence

I think *@Wlifebalance* gets the idea now. She’s probably feeling battered by us all as well as her in laws. I think we all need to offer support and advise.

@Wlifebalance you know your sil and dh were wrong but I can see how when you have people telling you their just messing around how you can start doubting yourself but hopefully you can see from the many comments that you were right, it is wrong and it’s harmful.

You can’t change the past but you can change the future. Start building your dd back up, tell her that her aunt is wrong, apologise for not being more assertive and reassure that from now on you will not tolerate this shit. Have a serious conversation with your dh, let him know it is that serious it’s not silly banter and you will not put up with it any more.

I’m sure it won’t be easy and there’ll be many arguments but remember you are in the right here and your dh needs to think about who he’s more worried about upsetting, his sister and wider family or you and his dd. Good luck

@EnjoyingTheSilence

Does she?

She’s been allowing her child to be bullied for 11 years from literally the day she was born, so her her DH so I don’t think OP really gets it, if she does and still allows it, then she’s actually worse than all of them that have been doing it all these years.

I would say to DH that you will go but if she says 1 word to DD about her appearance then YOU will say something back to her at the time and that you require his backup. Therefore you suggest he speaks to her before hand and ensures that nothing is said.

In terms of the presents I woukd simply say the next time she says she's coming to collect "oh I didn't think we were doing presents anymore as you didn't get anything for DD"?

@Hertsgirl10 from the outside it’s very easy to see how awful this is but when you’re in it and being told you’re over sensitive you start to doubt yourself. I’ve read so many other posts where it’s obvious to everyone else but the person posting didn’t realise for whatever reason.

Hopefully OP has read all these responses and can see she was right all along and do something about it, but I fear that everyone piling on and telling her she’s to blame isn’t going to help her or her daughter.

Her sil is a dick, even if it is just joking (which I don’t think it is) it’s not nice and she needs to stop it. @Wlifebalance needs help and support. She probably feels shitty enough as it is without us all making it worse.

It is NOT normal to have ANYONE criticise your child.

Anyone. Family, friend, acquaintance.

I can't think of a single incident where someone would off their own bat criticise another persons child in front of them.

Critique their appearance?.

It IS bizarre.
Who would low this?

If I DID hear someone say something off about the appearance of another persons child, I would think it perfectly reasonable to respond with a WTF?
Who on earth do you think you are?

I think it is REALLY abnormal to allow your child to be criticised for 11 years by family to such a stage that the child has self confidence issues.

I think THAT is REALLY fxxked up.

Never heard of it.