to feel mystified by martyrdom on mumsnet?

[Vacua]

am not unsympathetic to demands of parenthood, running a house and bringing up children - lone parent, unsupported by ex husband and with only a little extra domestic help by way of various unreliable cleaners, so I know whereof I speak - but have seen LOADS of threads recently by mums running themselves ragged while their husbands/partners appear to do nothing and there are several things I just don't get:

1. why do people allow this to happen to them?

1. don't they realise we alone are responsible for the way others treat us, particularly in this sort of situation?

1. doesn't sympathy for something that is arguably wholly (or at very least to a pretty large extent) self-inflicted only exacerbate the problem long term?

1. isn't it a bit embarrassing to sound so martyred?

is possible as long term confirmed singleton I am missing some vital point here, am happy to be enlightened

(post and run as about 87 hours late for appointment)

I had to LOL then wrt vacuas post, but tbh if that is actually true and my daughter hit one of her siblings with a plate of pancakes I woudl be terribly ashamed of her.

I'm not ashamed of her, what an awful thing to say - I was less than pleased of course.

Ashasmed is an awful thing to say? In that situation? She could have severely injured her sister for the rest of her life.
It's appalling behaviour.

VS is right.

of course it's appalling behaviour - doesn't that go without saying? am not ashamed of her though, especially as she has a severe psychiatric disorder

Well, if she has a psychiatric disorder it isn't 'normal and healthy' then is it?

This thread is v funny

Lol, sorry, it was funny, but shocking too.

yes funny and shocking, that's my family - most of us have gone on to develop less physical methods of resolving tensions though so perhaps it is an important experiential learning thing?

I'd like to think so!
I'm trying to imagine DP's face if I threw a plate of toast at him, brings back memories of the fish debacle..........

the sister who use to crush me between the bed and the wall is now a social worker working in 'crisis intervention' and takes children away from such situations all the time - and she cut all the hair from my tiny tears doll. am going to tell her employers.

NOT THE HAIR!
I still remember my biggest tantrum ever when I went to stay at a friends house and the three hairs my doll had got pulled out

I think it's more that the menfolk are not as pro-active and don't notice things that need to be done, things need to be pointed out in a way that is not interpreted as 'telling them what to do' if menfolk feel 'told what to do' compliance is unlikely and martydom then ensues in an passive aggressive way to say 'ok i'll bloody do it then' but then as a woman would pick up on it and say 'No I'll do it' men don't. That's when women log onto mumsnet and men go for a pint further exacberating the matter imho

I've broken pots washing up in silent fury before while dp retires to his shed scared, not knowing what to do wondering why i'm so cross about a few pots.

Reading this thread has made realise how lucky I am.

DH loathes untidiness and he is always tidying up. Everything has to have a place. Every weekend he thoroughly cleans the bathroom, all the bins and surfaces in the kitchen. Last Saturday he cleaned the doors, the outside doors, porch and garage door. I did not ask him - he just does it. He also did some wallpapering and painting.

We have DTS and he is showing them that domestic chores are a joint venture, not just the domain of one person.

Spokette - do you hire him out?